Plain Weird13 Oct 2008 09:51 am
By Nelson
It’s not all doom and gloom! The BBC wants to know “What makes you happy?”.
Many things make me truly happy in life. Spending time with my two dogs is both humbling and rewarding. They are fantastic listeners; they don’t judge me or frighten me. They offer me affection when I least expect it and I feel so proud (in a humbled way) when people admire them as we stroll around the city together.
I am a teacher of English to foreigners and my students also make me happy by displaying unfeigned determination and such level-headedness.
Little old ladies also make me happy.
Oliver, London
Leave the little old ladies alone.
60 Responses to “Humbled”
Bitches, foreigners and paedophiles in one post!
Classic.
Dogs are equal to women for pleasure! which means to men!!1!
What the fuck is being proud (in a humbled way)?
I actually think that’s quite a sweet post.
Nevertheless…WHAT A SHAME!!
Oliver sounds like a terribly lonely man to me.
By the way, does anyone know what the Mail’s stance on gerontophilia is?
‘E’s ever so ‘umble.
lalalalalalalalalalalalalaalalalalalala Fido, lalalalalalalalalalalalalala food lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalaalalalalalalala bad alalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala walk lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala lalalalalalalalal good lalalalalalalalalalalalallalalalalalalalalalalalalala.
I don’t like the sound of a dog creeping up on me and giving me “affection”.
Piss off you patronising saddo. I might make you happy, but you make me puke.
…does this make anyone else back away from the screen a little?
> my two dogs… don’t judge me
Don’t worry, we’re here to do that.
What kind of problems does a person have to have before creatures that eat Winalot and crap on street corners make him feel humble?
“What the fuck is being proud (in a humbled way)?”
You’re new on the BDSM circuit aren’t you?
I bet his dog beats him at chess. That would be pretty damn humbling.
I’d just like to make it absolutely clear, I did not write that post.
I have cats, work in publishing and prefer females of my own age.
That is all.
What’s wrong with me? Sizeist, I call it.
I think oliver sits at home and spreads winalot on his balls, and then gets love and affection from his two dogs…..
Ok, so first the Mail and now HYS have ‘happy’ discussions. Am I missing an elaborate joke somewhere.
Typical English-hating, loony-left teacher living off my taxes… LISTEN, what you call ‘unfeigned determination’ everybody in the real world calls blind, suicidal religous mania. And as for level headedness, try raping old ladies in Riyadh and see how long your head says level; it’ll be rolling down the street, disconnected from your shoulders in a jiffy, mate.
GROW UP!
Oliver? As in the hit musical “Oliver!” featuring songs such as “Consider Yourself”, “Where is Love”, “Boy For Sale”, “I’d Do Anything”, “Food Glorious Food” and “I Shall Scream”?
Marvellous stuff. Little old ladies love it.
Oliver doth protest too much, methinks. Offering a denial when none was asked for is a cast-iron sign of guilt. I bet he peedoes old ladies.
I have a pet earwig and am unemployable. I hate and fear women of all ages.
I used to know a guy called Oliver. Went to a night-school.
I also know a guy called Oliver. He’s got an incredibly funny surname but I can’t tell you it ‘cos then you’d know his full name and you could peedo-stalk him.
Oliver’s Diary:
7:30am: Woke up, put on slippers…felt humbled
9:00am: Went to work and said “good morning” to my pupils…felt humbled.
3:17pm: Tripped over a paving slab, all the kids laughed at me…felt humbled.
7:22pm: Little old lady laughed at the size of my tackle as I was menacing her in a sexually aggressive manner…felt humbled.
2:17am: I have been up all night wanking over extreme mature porn, but haven’t been able to achieve a single erection…so very fucking humbled.
Just found this and am confused… is Professor Tinytiegan saying Gordon McGabe is the worst PM since Harold Godwinson or the worst since Guillaume le Conquérant? Cos the arrow incident was kind of a pivotal moment and I don’t think he’s made the BNP’s postion on the Battle of Hastings clear.
As HYS’s leading mad racist, does he consider the invading Norman Plantagenets or the occupying Viking-Norsemen produced our worst leader ever?
@Samwel: don’t worry, I only peedo-stalk lads who are guaranteed a future lifelong membership of the Cuntspeaking Club, an organisation dedicated to honouring all the nefarious cockgobbling twatsticks in the world, of whom most HYS contributors are only a fraction.
So he’s probably ok.
Liars, all of you. It is all doom and gloom, no matter what Oliver and his proudly humble surprise dog affection and peedoing of old biddies might try and say.
I know this because I’ve just read the HYS eighteenth go at “Should we come round your house, pinch £20 out of your wallet/purse and give it to the richest banker we can find”. It’s wall to wall doom, gloom and rage-filled exploding heads in there. Bill Richardson from “Stockto on Tees” [sic] even manages to shoehorn an oblique He-Man reference in.
Something in my brain twanged in an odd fashion after reading Oliver’s last line. I’ve had to read the entire thing again in the voice of Chorlton off of Television’s Chorlton & the Wheelies.
Madness.
‘…with the sound they make as they bounce down the stairs’
Fair makes me pissflaps warble when a gentleman says that he likes the older woman. I am on page 58 of “Reader’s Waifs” (only one issue apparently), I was entered into the wrong publication.
As my son once said, whilst thrusting his groin obscenely, “The old ones are the best, that’s why I do voluntary work at old people’s homes – woof woof”.
I actually did help at an old folks’ home once – thanks Catenian Dad – and my word, the old ladies are a bit frisky. I was running the coconut shy and I heard innuendo that would make a sailor blush.
To say nothing of the pinching my poor b.t.m. suffered.
I shagged an Oliver once.
(actually, it was 4 x on one night but I hate to brag)
Bukit Timah Monkey Man?
Many things make me truly happy in life. The great job Gordon Brown has done making Britain one of the most successful economies in the world, raising salaries so that we’re all free of personal debt, and generating a huge trade surplus by offshoring all those excess jobs that were holding us back. Bringing peace, freedom, and democracy to Iraq and Afghanistan makes me happy. The value of my house makes me happy, as do my six gold credit cards, especially when I pay them off in full every month. Immigrants also make me happy in humbling way, as they broaden my horizons by exposing me to more human cultural ideas and history than I could ever hope to visit. Moderated websites that disallow mentioning pissflaps make me happy too.
What the fuck Oliver? I like dogs too, so let me tell you: their two principle qualities are
1) that they hero-worship anyone in the pack who outranks them and
2) that they’re completely fucking stupid to the point of being endearing and completely fucking hilarious.
Pet dogs have one function and one function only – to make you feel loved and important without actually meriting it. If the unconditional love of an animal genetically programmed for sycophancy makes you feel “humbled”, you’ve missed the point of the exercise and would be better off with two dominatrices.
I suspect your presence here is an indication of masochistic tendencies. [rhetorical statement]
As a hardened misanthrope, a woman, and a complete git, I find that the only thing that brings me real happiness is asking young lads in supermarkets or pharmacies in-depth and overly detailed questions about sanitary protection for no other reason than revelling in their abject humiliation and disgust whilst all the while they have to appear helpful, interested and calm. If I haven’t put them off women for life by the time I’m done, I consider the day a failure.
Should I proffer these musings to HYS?
Where does that leave me?
If no little old ladies are about? Fucked. but in a humble way.
Sorry to hear of the pinching, but – cool pet! Much funkier than a common or garden dog.
If you have any pictures of it would you share them with us?
Brogan – I take it that ‘humble’ in this context is PC-speak for ‘unsatisfactory’. Lucky me *wag wag*
I’m hoping against hope that by “dogs” he actually means canines and isn’t euphemistically referring to his gonads.
My mind is boggling at how he could possibly be humbled by his testes.
Indeed.
I’d also wager that his flat-headed pupils are forrin immigrunts and, therefore, are more determined to get hold of those magical welfare benefits I’ve heard so much about than actually lernin to speek proper, innit – see Daily Wails passim. Perhaps he levels their heads so he can rest his “dogs” on them and fantasise about Thora Hird?
If so, then I’m truly humbled by his life and works.
Fixed.
I want to know what the dogs do to show “affection when I least expect it”. I think I’ve seen some videos like that before.
is SYB closed?
He meant dogs in the hip hop vernacular.
Changes the tone of the post a touch.
that’s better
And sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I ain’t ever gonna know, ‘cos I ain’t ever gonna eat the muthafucka.
One thing makes me truly happy in life… and that’s spending an entire weekend painting my Airfix models. It’s very Humbroling.
Liberal Left &Proud – Ain’t I seen you being all serious over on CiF?
I don’t think the above comments are very fair on poor Oliver. I think there are far more rancid postings to take the piss out of on HYS. Oliver’s a non-racist, community enriching chap with respect for the elderly and some of the bile posted above would be surely be more fitting for the likes of Topsy-Turvy.
outragedofbelmarsh, I disagree. You see, in trying to go on HYS and make a coherent point (something which, I’m sure, several of us have also done in the past (very distant (VERY distant) past)… go on, admit it), he has sadly fallen prey to the influence of the monumental fuckwittery which that site publishes, and therefore deserves to be abused.
Don’t fooled by his affected reasonableness. I bet Oliver has a framed, self-embroidered, quotation of little old Barbara Bush’s “what me worry?” statement about how she’d rather fill her beautiful mind with happy thoughts, rather than horrible things like body bags (millions of them, stacked up all around the world, containing the charred, multilated, remains, or her husband’s and number one son’s innocent victims).
May there be a curse of incurable boils on Oliver’s dogs is what I say.
*sniff* I’m not normally, y’know, weepy an’ that. But when I see people stand up for the little guy I get all… well… *sniff*, moved.
And I agree that placing a well-aimed kick at racists, haters, war-mongers and heartless bastards is much more satisfying than kicking sand in owl-eyed, desparate-to-be-liked, ‘humble’ Oliver’s face.
Thanks Belmarsh.
(y’big soft-hearted pansy girl, I’m gonna beat you up afterschool, y’wimp. I bet you’re gay)
I don’t give a rancid donkey bollock whether you agree or not.
THIS IS NOT A SITE FOR A BUNCH OF SAINSBURYS BE-GOOD-TO-YOURSELF LOW-FAT LIBRULS TO PUT THE FUCKING WORLD TO RIGHTS. IT’S A SITE FOR LAUGHING AT POMPOUS TWATS WHO THINK THAT POSTING ON THE INTERNET IS IMPORTANT. TWATS LIKE YOU. AND ME. NOW GIVE IT A FUCKING REST.
Thanks, Gluethusiast. This post is now my official office version of Howard Moon’s photo of Philip the kitten.
He likes suprise sex with dogs, peedoing old biddies, and patronising people who can’t speak fluent English. He doesn’t appear to have much of a grasp on the words “proud” and “humble”. He made an accidental funny thing (inbetween canine cupping and biddy-bothering), and that’s good enough for me.
The Plain Weirdoes are the best. And by best, I mean best for laughing at and belittling the intelligence and self-expression thereof.
“IT’S A SITE FOR LAUGHING AT POMPOUS TWATS WHO THINK THAT POSTING ON THE INTERNET IS IMPORTANT”
True, and more power to its elbow. But it has a certain tendency to devolve into
“A SITE FOR LAUGHING AT PEOPLE WHO ARE A LITTE BIT DIFFERENT”
or
“A SITE FOR LAUGHING AT THE ILLITERATE UNDERCLASS, EVEN WHEN THEY’RE ASKING ENTIRELY RESPONSIBLE QUESTIONS ABOUT THE WELFARE OF THEIR UNBORN CHILDREN”
It’s a fine line, Nelson.
Why does everyone seem to think this place is about combatting racism or correcting misplaced apostrophes?
I might have to turn comments off
Ooooh… That’s good ranting, that is. Probably should’ve ended it with a triple exclamation mark, but that’s just me being picky. There’s a website called ‘Have Your Say’ for folks who like a bit of a CAPSLOCK session. Maybe you should check it out. Still… message received (in a humble way) No more moralising.
Full Gags Ahead! No Prisoners! And the very next Coypu’s Cock-Pocket that puts his head above the fuckin’ trench, and i don’t even care if it’s the fucking chaplin waving a white flag and carrying his sick grandmother, he’s gonna get my cyber-bayonet right in his fuckin’ eye!!!
They’re there to be laughed at. Especially if they’re asking the question on the HYS section of the BBC website. As are the different people, as long as they’re different enough and in a sufficiently humorous, labrador-licking way.
If I had any work to do, or if there were more sites that this computer let me look at, I wouldn’t be bothered about the sudden outbreak of Taking the Internets Seriously. But I haven’t, and there aren’t, so I shall content myself with typing wholly pointless internet words about it.
It’s not just a fine line, it’s a mighty fine line. Something to do with pig-iron, I believe.