Delusions of Grandeur and The Regular Twats16 Oct 2008 03:24 pm

What Rhymes with “Multitalented”?

By Alex

Will you be celebrating National Poetry Day?

What a stupid question! Of course I will!

I already baked cakes and decorated them with witty rhymes.
I have balloons with Walter de la Mare,William Shakespeare and Oscar Wilde’s faces on them.
I’m going to have a ball!!…Can’t wait.
Alex Gache, Netherlands

Let’s all take a minute to imagine Alex Gache’s poetry.

33 Responses to “What Rhymes with “Multitalented”?”

  1. on 17 Oct 2008 at 3:09 am   Dave

    His names Alex Gache
    He has a moustache
    He spends lots of cash
    He eats cakes laced with Hash
    Soon he will slash
    His wrists

  2. on 17 Oct 2008 at 3:49 am   Dai

    His name is Gache
    He’s, well, a big smelly gash
    Please god he’s taking the piss!!

  3. on 17 Oct 2008 at 5:50 am   Rod Wrongnob

    Well, he’s obviously being sarcastic. Everyone knows poetry is for swots and poofs. And Frenchmen.

    I like that the gache is “going to have a ball” though. One can only speculate about the “balloons” with poets’ faces on them.

  4. on 17 Oct 2008 at 7:58 am   DisgustedOfTunbridgeWells

    The crazy life of alex gache, one minute you’re wooing carla bruni, the next you’re drawing faces on baloons.

  5. on 17 Oct 2008 at 8:25 am   Kelvin

    Alex Gache

    is a cunt.

    I’m channeling Pinter today.

  6. on 17 Oct 2008 at 8:29 am   Spunk daddy

    There once was a man called Gache
    Who swallowed huge amounts of hash
    He can’t now think straight
    So he spreads all his hate
    On the Internet. What a cock.

  7. on 17 Oct 2008 at 8:30 am   Rotwatcher

    There was a young man by the name of Alex Gache,
    Whose face reminded me of that part of a festering horse’s carcase known as its gash.
    His brain appears to allow him to type,
    But like a million monkeys, it only allows him to output the purest tripe.

    I’m channelling William Topaz McGonagall.

  8. on 17 Oct 2008 at 8:32 am   fucko the clown

    hickory dickory dock
    Dis Bitch was suckin ma cock
    Da clock Struck two
    I dumped me goo
    And dropped her at the corner of the block

    Alistair G esq. Staines (West side)

  9. on 17 Oct 2008 at 8:37 am   AndyS

    oh great, all my tash/gash/whatever rhymes have been taken. all that’s left is:

    alex gache
    eats smash

  10. on 17 Oct 2008 at 8:48 am   fucko the clown

    Is this real though, come on someone who’s name is pronounced Gash? Even Mr Cunty McGash of snatchshire wouldn’t bake cakes with witty rhymes on would he?

    although the Oscar wilde ballon, perhaps this is really a blow up doll he has stuck wilde’s face on, and in a little britain -esq manner “oooh oscar no no thats my little man bits going in your mouth ooooo oscar, i know its poetry day but ….”

  11. on 17 Oct 2008 at 8:49 am   Tom

    Alex Gache (after R. Frost)

    We dance in a ring and suppose;
    The Gache sits in the middle and knows
    Nothing.

  12. on 17 Oct 2008 at 9:47 am   Blind Pew

    Alex Gache.

    Carlo Brunni’s dream-chef.

    The father of Gachestronomy.

    (Relax… I’m Sean Connery)

  13. on 17 Oct 2008 at 10:13 am   Peedo stalker Sam

    Gache! Ah-aaahh!
    Cunt-boy of the universe!

    Gache! Ah-aaahh!
    He’s lost both his testicles!

    Brian May

  14. on 17 Oct 2008 at 10:50 am   shoelace of smutland

    Gache! Ah-aaahh!
    Cunt-boy of the universe!

    Gache! Ah-aaahh!
    He’s lost both his testicles!

    Brian May

    I can quite honestly say, without fear of contradiction, that post is the best thing in the world.

    I’m spending a moment imagining Alex Poetry’s Gache instead. Far more rewarding.

  15. on 17 Oct 2008 at 11:07 am   Call of Davrodu

    Twas brillig and the slithey toves
    did gyre and gimble in the wabe
    all mimsy were the borogroves
    and the mome raths outgrabe

    Beware the alex gache my son
    the cakes he bakes, the ballons he pops
    beware the piss poor sarcastic text
    and shun the obvious badgers snatch

    lewis carol

  16. on 17 Oct 2008 at 11:34 am   Mr Foo

    Worried all the “Gache / slash /gash / crash” rhymes are used up? No worries, that’s not how he pronounces it anyway.

    Alex Gache
    Donkey’s snatch

  17. on 17 Oct 2008 at 12:09 pm   Pedro

    Alex
    Gache is
    an over-
    sized meerkat’s
    quim.

    The cunt.

  18. on 17 Oct 2008 at 12:36 pm   DavesNotHere

    Alex Gache, the gash,
    Must be the gashiest gash
    I’ve ever known – FACT

  19. on 17 Oct 2008 at 3:21 pm   Ire

    Oh Alex Gache is such a wit, his biting repartee
    Provides a clever insight into our society

    His thoughts are so original, his sarcasm so bold,
    He really doesn’t bring to mind a backward eight-year-old

    Oh, would that I could be the Gache, the thought fills me with pride
    I’d make the world a better place by eating cyanide

  20. on 17 Oct 2008 at 3:58 pm   Loops

    Oh Alex Gache is such a wit, his biting repartee
    Provides a clever insight into our society

    His thoughts are so original, his sarcasm so bold,
    He really doesn’t bring to mind a backward eight-year-old

    Oh, would that I could be the Gache, the thought fills me with pride
    I’d make the world a better place by eating cyanide

    This is, well, sheer poetry

    Relax, I’m Philip Larkin

  21. on 17 Oct 2008 at 4:05 pm   Dingleberry Hughes

    Hey Gache!
    My Cash!
    I mean, like, my whole stash!
    Is just worthless trash!

    Compared to your sparkling Panache.

    And just one flash,
    Of your wit, Gache.
    would stir my wife, to acts so rash
    she might just bash
    my head in.

    For one kiss of your fabulous ‘tache.

    Damn you Gache!
    The tears, on my keyboard, splash.
    My ego, irretrievably trashed,
    Crawls away to grind and gnash
    the bitterness and cold grey ash
    of my wrecked self-possesion

    You dazzle like Neutron flash!
    Your witty cakes. So blithe, so brash.
    A super-man to my white trash.
    So effortlessly soundly thrashed
    I’ll take no more…

    I give in.

  22. on 17 Oct 2008 at 4:15 pm   Mike Skinner

    Nicking all this shit for my new album.

    Gonna knock the socks off ‘Original Pirate Material’

  23. on 17 Oct 2008 at 5:21 pm   Richard

    I like the way Alex feels “celebrating” involves some kind of dumbing down.

    Someone should have a Poetry Club Night,with people rapping Milton and Larkin-themed alcopopls, just to annoy him.

  24. on 17 Oct 2008 at 6:03 pm   Alex

    Dingleberry:

    You forgot to say “Bank”.

  25. on 18 Oct 2008 at 12:18 am   Gilbert Wham

    There’s a certain cachet,
    if it’s pronounced Ga-CHE,
    But as it’s just Gash,
    It’s value is slashed,

    Which leaves our poor Alex,
    With his statements so prolix,
    Pursing his lips as
    he misplaces ellipses,

    Whilst he sits in his rooms,
    with his poets balloons,
    Unaware that his name,
    is his sole claim to fame,
    Because its a minor
    synonym for vagina.

  26. on 20 Oct 2008 at 6:24 pm   Timothy Gash-Gannet

    Like my father Alex, I’m also multitalented. But unlike him, I’m not Dutch, I’m English!

    BAnk!

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