Miscellaneous Prats27 Oct 2008 12:59 pm
By Nelson

More complaints from a while back. Thanks again.

LAST CHOIR STANDING
“I feel that some of the choirs have been penalised because they sang about God.”

“I believe that this competition was rigged and that it was done so for racist reasons. I think that BBC staff wanted to control voting so that the choir with black members would not win.”

I believe that Jeremy Paxman has a tattoo of Nicholas Parsons on his left arse cheek and the lyrics from Samantha Fox’s “Touch me!” in Comic Sans on the right one.

130 Responses to “Believing Stuff”

  1. on 27 Oct 2008 at 1:09 pm Peedo stalker Sam

    I feel that in even showing a TV programme called “Last Choir Standing”, the BBC were DELIBERATELY and PURPOSEFULLY being prejudiced against disabled people, whose capabilities to stand up or sing or both may have been severely restricted by landmines or horrific car accidents.

  2. on 27 Oct 2008 at 1:19 pm DonkeyPox

    I feel that in calling themselves the British Broadcasting Corporation the BBC are discriminating against hard working English people, whose taxes pay for the luxurious lifestyles of millions of dolescum immigrants and porridge wogs.

    Engurland!

  3. on 27 Oct 2008 at 1:23 pm Expert Scientist

    I feel the program was biased against deaf people. There should be another program where deaf choirs sign in unison.

  4. on 27 Oct 2008 at 1:28 pm Far-Q

    I believe in a thing called love.

    But not in an underaged children peedo way.

  5. on 27 Oct 2008 at 1:29 pm Pedro

    But they’re all great singers, and got natural rhythm innit?

    Gotta be biased.

  6. on 27 Oct 2008 at 1:33 pm Gary Glitter

    I believe the children are our future.

  7. on 27 Oct 2008 at 1:35 pm Far-Q

    I believe I can fly
    I believe I can touch the sky
    I think about it every night and day
    Spread my wings and fly away
    I believe I can soar
    I see me running through that open door
    I believe I can fly

    I also believe that whoever wrote the complaint is probably dangerously delusional, and isn’t aware of the (B)BC’s NuliAreBore leFTy ten-dances and they’Re PC BRIGade gon mad THEY’D HAVE FIXED FOR THE IMMIGRUNTS TO WIN YOU COULDN@T MAKE IT UP!

    Except of course it’s all in the head of the complainant.

    *finger pointed at side of head making circular motion*

    And I believe R Kelly is a cock.

  8. on 27 Oct 2008 at 1:39 pm Blind Pew

    The general-public were offered a phone-in vote and it was organised by the BBC. The result show signs racial prejudice, apparently.

    Werl… gotta be the BBC then. Well known racists they are.

  9. on 27 Oct 2008 at 1:41 pm Oliver

    Alice laughed. ‘There’s no use trying,’ she said ‘one ca’n't believe impossible things.’

    ‘I daresay you haven’t had much practice,’ said the Queen. ‘When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast…’

    The Queen from Alice in Wonderland is posting on the BBC complaints board. Now that’s surreal.

  10. on 27 Oct 2008 at 1:41 pm Blind Pew

    apologies… ‘The results show signs of racial prejudice’

  11. on 27 Oct 2008 at 1:43 pm dirigible

    “I feel that some of the choirs have been penalised because they sang about God.”

    This seems perfectly reasonable.

    If someone on “Masterchef” added human faeces to their meal, you wouldn’t exactly expect them to get awarded extra points.

  12. on 27 Oct 2008 at 1:45 pm Oliver

    Apologies – Through the Looking glass, natch.

  13. on 27 Oct 2008 at 1:53 pm Brucie

    So, after all these months it is finally time to find out who is the winner of Last Choir Standing 2008. And it is….

    The Nick Griffin Singers. And here they are, one last time with their medley of Das Lied der Deutschen, Deutschland Erwache and Wir Nationalen Sozialisten.

  14. on 27 Oct 2008 at 1:57 pm Disgustipated

    “I believe that this competition was rigged and that it was done so for racist reasons. I think that BBC staff wanted to control voting so that the choir with black members would not win.”

    Caller also went on to state: “I also believe this made Princess Dianna cry”

  15. on 27 Oct 2008 at 2:00 pm Petpete

    I believe that if you even considered watching Last Choir Standing you should probably go and shower the diseased discharge out of your chuff/winkie respectively.
    There are so many better things to do on a saturday evening; such a grinding a pepper mill into the anus of your aging, but verile, grandmother.
    These people make me sick to the pit of my gulliver.

  16. on 27 Oct 2008 at 2:47 pm buscemian

    I fucking hate comic sans

  17. on 27 Oct 2008 at 2:48 pm Far-Q

    13:48/1:48 PM

    Can you all stop posting in the future, it’s really fucking with my sense of temporal reality.

  18. on 27 Oct 2008 at 2:53 pm Neil

    Hang on a second, it the complainant upset because the BBC is being racist, or NOT being racist?

  19. on 27 Oct 2008 at 2:55 pm Blind Pew

    i am immigrant

    can anyone explain me please WHY my Unemployed English neighbours keep telling me “oh i wouldnt do your job….oh i wouldnt work nights….oh how can you work more than 40 hours…etc. etc.”

    as long as i can support my family i dont mind working weekends, nights, days, 60 hours etc.

    but why my unemployed English neighbour seeing me as the root of all the problems in this country while him and his large family claiming all the benefits and choosing not to work !!!!!!!
    Bleda Z, Great Britain

    Or, just maybe… I not immigrant. Maybe I twat. Maybe I just try sounding like immigrant. I remember using my crazy gerunds and I dropping my auxiliary verbs and even to remember confusion with my articles like the Manuel from Towers Faulty. But, like Twat, I no realise that huge long sentences held together with tricky conjunctions and lots of idiomatic sub-clauses, such as the last sentence of my above post are massively incongruous and stand out like a syphilitic, neon sore-thumb when compared to the rest of mistakes I making, yes?

  20. on 27 Oct 2008 at 2:59 pm Rich (MMath)(Oxon)

    Bollocks.

    If you want to see a black choir winning a singing contest with songs about God, go and watch “Sister Act 2: Back in the habit”.

  21. on 27 Oct 2008 at 3:00 pm Rob

    @ Petpete

    What does the virility of your Grandmother have to do with having a peppermill ground into her anus, surely it’s a rather passive gesture?

  22. on 27 Oct 2008 at 3:02 pm kukomanga

    I fucking hate comic sans

    http://achewood.com/index.php?date=07052007

  23. on 27 Oct 2008 at 3:05 pm Kelvin

    “I feel that some of the choirs have been penalised because they sang about God.”

    That’s not being penalised, it’s just not showing initiative. What sensible person’s going to vote against a choir that sings about Allah?

  24. on 27 Oct 2008 at 3:08 pm tlumacz

    Jesus F, Steve Wright’s just assured the nation he’ll be a ‘cheer-up merchant’ for this afternoon. I’m concerned as to what this will entail.

  25. on 27 Oct 2008 at 3:12 pm Peedo stalker Sam

    I believe:

    - that somewhere in the darkest night, a candle glows.
    - in a thing called love
    - , the pain killing gel for backache, muscular and rheumatic pain and common arthritic conditions.

  26. on 27 Oct 2008 at 3:14 pm Blind Pew

    “a ‘cheer-up merchant’”.

    Perhaps he’s going to go for the big exit live On Digital, On line and On Radio.

    Maybe they should have a phone in vote to decide how Steve should kick the bucket. I’d go for ritaul Japanese disembowelling.

  27. on 27 Oct 2008 at 3:21 pm buscemian

    kukomanga, I also hate you for revealing my previous thought to be unoriginal.

  28. on 27 Oct 2008 at 3:33 pm Dingleberry

    Does anyone here believe that children are the future and that we should teach them well and let them lead the way?

    It sounds dangerously lefty to me.

  29. on 27 Oct 2008 at 3:36 pm tlumacz

    Annoyingly, Wright (or at least his producers) have managed this by playing Santa Esmarelda’s version of ‘Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood’. He’s undoing the good work by singing Rhinestone Cowboy though.

    I like the idea of the Big Exit on the Big Show, personally I’d like to see him somehow smugged and smarmed to death. Don’t know how this’d work in practice, but I imagine there’d be some sort of self-consumption starting at his genitals.

  30. on 27 Oct 2008 at 3:42 pm blabla

    If someone on “Masterchef” added human faeces to their meal, you wouldn’t exactly expect them to get awarded extra points

    Certainly not. I’d expect them to be offered a job in an Australian hotel:

    http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/10/27/oz_ice_cream_rumpus/

  31. on 27 Oct 2008 at 3:43 pm Petpete

    @ Rob

    There is nothing passive about having a peppermill ground into my Grandmother’s anus. It’s a fairly intense process that requires concentration, steadfast work ethic and straight-faces from both participants.

    In other news, i have never heard a choir who weren’t singing about God, so the very thought that there may be some firebrand, “free-thinking” choirs has chilled me to the very bone. Seriously, if I knew that some choirs had been rearranging ‘pop’ songs for this show my very perception of life would be irrecovably altered. My chest has become flabby at the mere thought.

  32. on 27 Oct 2008 at 3:44 pm Liberal Left and Proud

    Admiral Topsy is at it again:

    “If these people won’t take steps to arrest the spread of terrorism themselves then I’m afraid it has to be done for them.

    If Syria don’t like the US stepping in (which hasn’t actually been confirmed yet, BBC!) then they should get a grip on the situation themselves, instead of just sitting back, sucking on a hookah and waggling their fingers in indignation!

    Topsy Turvy, England, United Kingdom”

    These camel jockeys don’t like it up em, do they Topsy?

  33. on 27 Oct 2008 at 3:47 pm Tonymac

    I believe that there is no choir on Earth that wouldn’t have solicited at least one complaint from the amorphous mass of blind moronic rage that are the HYS contributors.

    Deaf ginger choir from Iraq – blatant tokenism, possibly extremist Al Queda sympathisers.

    Blind wheelchair bound African American lesbians for Hitler – PC gone FACT mad! And I couldn’t make it up!

    A choir composed of androgenous beings with no prejudices, representing all that is good in mankind, with none of the petty belligerence or childish reactions so characteristic of a flawed race – bunch of fucking holier-than-thou wankers.

    Atoms of pure love, vibrating in musical harmony to create a soul-lifting symphony of enlightenment – unrepresentative of Britain, nuLiaBoreZioZanuPF Liberal Mushroom Muffs.

    Bank.

  34. on 27 Oct 2008 at 3:49 pm Liberal Left and Proud

    on 27 Oct 2008 at 3:08 pm tlumacz

    “Jesus F, Steve Wright’s just assured the nation he’ll be a ‘cheer-up merchant’ for this afternoon. I’m concerned as to what this will entail.”

    …………..

    What sort of marmot’s gusset listens to Steve Wright anyway? The only way he could cheer me up would be to invite Noel Edmonds on as a guest, behead him and then ritually disembowel himself in a fit of remorse. These arses were crap when they were at “the height of their game” now they are beyond parody.

  35. on 27 Oct 2008 at 3:59 pm Dingleberry

    A choir composed of androgenous beings with no prejudices, representing all that is good in mankind, with none of the petty belligerence or childish reactions so characteristic of a flawed race – bunch of fucking holier-than-thou wankers.

    sublime! It made me happy, which is typical of this twat-site with it’s oh-so-clever lefty mingesniffers and their un-un-PC insightful wit.

  36. on 27 Oct 2008 at 4:14 pm Dingleberry

    “I feel that some of the choirs have been penalised because they sang about God.”

    I feel that the choir in Week Two which sang Praise The Self-Replicating Genomes of Unguided Evolution were very unlucky not to make it into the quarter-finals. I believe there may have been vote tampering.

  37. on 27 Oct 2008 at 4:16 pm Comic Sans Fan

    What’s wrong with Comic Sans? It’s pure genius.

    The choice of that particular font spelling out Sam’s sexy song lyrics on Jez’s right buttock must surely have got all gay males and straight females reading Nelson’s cheeky description well stiff/moist.

    (rhetorical)

  38. on 27 Oct 2008 at 4:23 pm Kelvin

    What’s wrong with Comic Sans? It’s pure genius.

    You know that bloke in the pub who loves to tell everyone how mad he is, him, eh, mad as a hatter, the madness taking the form of wearing a mass-produced polyester Looney Tunes tie on casual Friday? Comic Sans was designed purely for him to spice up his Word documents. It and he orbit each other like some binary star system of naff.

    Or, given you’re such a fan, I should say it and you orbit each other.

  39. on 27 Oct 2008 at 4:36 pm Maaad Hatter

    What’s wrong with wearing a mass-produced polyester Looney Tunes tie on casual Friday? Or spicing up Word docs with that fabulously funny font?

    You should try it Kelvin, might cheer you up!!!

  40. on 27 Oct 2008 at 4:42 pm buscemian

    If you want to spice up word documents I recommend dropping in footnotes relating to witty knowing asides for the reader.*

    Don’t you think Fridays would be much better if, instead of casual dress, we all dressed up like it was a black tie ball? I yearn for glamour, earnestly.

    *Works, doesn’t it? Better than fonts, anyway.

  41. on 27 Oct 2008 at 4:50 pm Kelvin

    You should try it Kelvin, might cheer you up!!!

    Oh, you’re one of those self-appointed arbiters of other people’s moods, are you? “Cheer up Kelvin, might never happen!” you chirp as you flit around the office dispensing tenth-hand bon mots and jokes you read on the Daily Mail diary page. Well guess what, it did already happen, it started the moment you started talking to me, and it’s continuing to happen the whole bastard time you’re anywhere near me. If you’re so desperate to see me happy then stick a hosepipe through your window and suck down some exhaust fumes for the advancement of mankind.

  42. on 27 Oct 2008 at 4:52 pm Kelvin

    And take your plain wife and your fatass kids with you, and hang the fact that the Crunchie factory will have to fire the third shift.

  43. on 27 Oct 2008 at 5:04 pm M Hatter

    Oh, you’re one of those self-appointed arbiters of other people’s moods, are you?

    No actually, you just come across as quite a grumpy cunt, that’s all.

  44. on 27 Oct 2008 at 5:07 pm Blind Pew

    Ho Ho! Kelvin’s been double-popping the Seroxat again.

  45. on 27 Oct 2008 at 5:33 pm Wayne

    Actually, I would probably pay money for an atheist choir singing “Go, DNA!” to the tune of the Village People hit. With appropriate double-helix arm motions.

    Of course, by “pay money”, I mean “download a low quality rip from BitTorrent”.

  46. on 27 Oct 2008 at 5:37 pm Millie

    Don’t you think Fridays would be much better if, instead of casual dress, we all dressed up like it was a black tie ball?

    Why stop there? It could be ‘fancy dress of your choice’ then those who yearn for glamour can do this sort of thing, but there’d also be a wide range of other options.

  47. on 27 Oct 2008 at 5:38 pm Call of Davrodu

    Come on Kelvin, turn that frown around, try thinking of your happy place…

  48. on 27 Oct 2008 at 5:38 pm Kelvin

    No actually, you just come across as quite a grumpy cunt, that’s all.

    God, you even have to make your venomous stings cuddly and friendly, don’t you. I wouldn’t describe me as a grumpy cunt, I’d describe me as a spiteful and miserable misanthrope who would feel nothing even as I lowered your bound, struggling form into a vat full of your own piss and watched the very life explode from you in the last spasmodic throes of desperate optimism. But I do look nice in a hat.

  49. on 27 Oct 2008 at 5:51 pm M Hatter

    I’d describe me as a spiteful and miserable misanthrope who would feel nothing even as I lowered your bound, struggling form into a vat full of your own piss and watched the very life explode from you in the last spasmodic throes of desperate optimism.

    I wouldn’t be struggling, you’d be doing me a favour. Yes, it is desperate optimism. I try use humour to mask my desperation, but it’s getting harder and harder to keep up the act. None of my suicide attempts have been successful so far (can’t even do that right.)

    Sorry to have upset you. You won’t hear from me again.

  50. on 27 Oct 2008 at 5:51 pm Your Internet Friends

    We’re all praying for you Kelvin.

  51. on 27 Oct 2008 at 5:56 pm Mr Cat

    So what’s the score with this last choir standing then?

    Is it an endurance contest – like they all stand in a big choir and have to sing for as long as possible all at once til they collapse from exhaustion/hoarseness and are dragged away to have their feet beaten with heavy drillbits, with the last remaining singers being given the chance to do the songs of praise christmas special?

    Or is it another tedious vote-em-out driven piece of reality TV dirge where they try to batter out one final twist of the same tired format before the TV audience lapses into a banality induced coma and stops making enough phone calls to pay for it all?

    I also hate comic sans, but not as much as I hate wing dings and all the conspiracy theories that seek to pin their feeble minded premises on it.

    Relax – I’m a cheerful person

  52. on 27 Oct 2008 at 6:02 pm Agony Aunty

    M Hatter – you are not alone. There are many Christian groups who would enjoy your humour. Don’t give up, just go out and find people who appreciate you for who you are.

    But I do look nice in a hat.

    Wearing it at a jaunty angle can do wonders to lift your mood. Far more effective than fancy fonts.

  53. on 27 Oct 2008 at 6:03 pm sans comedy

    http://bancomicsans.com/home.html

  54. on 27 Oct 2008 at 6:16 pm Dingleberry

    *Plants feet squarely*
    *Places hands on hips*
    *Sticks out chest, sets jaw firmly*
    *Give SYB a steely honest stare*

    I use Comic Sans. I do not own any Polyester Ties with Cartoon Characters. I do not circulate round-robin email humour. I am not friendless nor lacking in maturity. I am not ‘needy’. I like the informality of Comic Sans, it has a non-work feel to it.

    IS THAT A CRIME!!!??/??

  55. on 27 Oct 2008 at 6:25 pm Kelvin

    I use Comic Sans.

    I am Jack’s sense of stunned astonishment.

  56. on 27 Oct 2008 at 6:30 pm Kelvin

    We’re all praying for you Kelvin.

    And I’m desecrating the eucharist for you.

  57. on 27 Oct 2008 at 6:45 pm buscemian

    It’s not a crime to use comic sans in the legal sense, but it certainly is in a social sense.

    I tried using it once, and I felt dirty afterwards. Like fisting your own bumhole.

    Kelvin, I salute you. You are the miserable stubborness refusing to accept grim risible meaningless platitudes personified. Nobody likes being told to cheer up; it just gets backs up.

  58. on 27 Oct 2008 at 6:46 pm Far-Q

    “So what’s the score with this last choir standing then?”

    Never seen it, but I know what it should be: A mani a mani no holds barred mass brawl where the opposing choirs face up to each other armed with their weapons of choice and attempt to beat the other side into submission while singing the choral work/rousing classical piece without missing a beat.

    I’m looking forward to Blessed Teresa of Calcutta’s Missionaries of Charity (O Bone Jesu and Baseball bats) taking on the Abertillery Orpheus Male Choir (Ride of the Valkyries & Pickaxes).

  59. on 27 Oct 2008 at 6:50 pm Peedo Stalker Sam

    Last Naked Female Mud-Wrestling Choir Panting…

    Now there’s a hit for ITV.

  60. on 27 Oct 2008 at 6:54 pm Millie

    I agree with Dingleberry, Comic Sans isn’t so terrible, it’s quite retro, reminds me of learning to read.

  61. on 27 Oct 2008 at 6:57 pm buscemian

    And there speaks one thoroughly modern Millie.

    Bah.

  62. on 27 Oct 2008 at 7:02 pm Millie

    I so wish we could use different fonts here!

  63. on 27 Oct 2008 at 7:05 pm Millie

    Comments for this post will be closed on 6 December 2008.

    Huh? New feature? Or has there always been a time limit?

  64. on 27 Oct 2008 at 7:09 pm Kelvin

    Sanity protection.

  65. on 27 Oct 2008 at 7:16 pm Dingleberry

    @Kelvin

    Monday can be a real bitch, can’t it?

    (at this point, I would normally include a winking smiley. Half because I’m the sort of person who normally would, and half because I know its vapid cheeriness would jar against your jagged sensibilities. Its yellowness would drip on to the metal, rusting floor of your silent, echoing heart setting off toxic fumes of disgust and revulsion; it’s banality would smile blanky across the frozen howling wastes of the soul, unseeing and uncaring at the shivering infertility of existence. Its stupid winking attempt to include would only remind of how hideously unlikeable and vile the human race is and how willingly it pretends that it is not. The inane grin, ultimately, is just in case there’s a chance of an ugly meaningless fuck before we are all forced to crawl into our graves to be forgotten.) ;-)

  66. on 27 Oct 2008 at 7:25 pm Millie

    Sanity protection.

    I quite understand. I get all the protection I need from my aluminium foil hat.

    Following an earlier suggestion I just spent half an hour in front of the mirror trying out different jaunty angles. Hope it doesn’t interfere with its protective qualities…

  67. on 27 Oct 2008 at 7:33 pm rotwatcher

    Sanity protection

    I thought he said “sanitary protection”. Imagine being on the blob from now until early December. No wonder he’s such a hag-ridden miseryguts.

  68. on 27 Oct 2008 at 7:51 pm Nimrod

    Balls to Comic Sans. Gill Sans is the way to go. HYSers would probably explode if they realised that their computers contained a font designed by a bloke who paedoed his kids, shagged his sister, and bummed his dog.

  69. on 27 Oct 2008 at 8:16 pm Millie

    a font designed by a bloke who paedoed his kids, shagged his sister, and bummed his dog.

    And a Roman Catholic.

  70. on 27 Oct 2008 at 8:55 pm Alex

    God, and I thought you people’s constant sense of pathetic irritation peaked at apostrophe’s. I now realise your actually hacked off at font’s. Fucking font’s. Isn’t there a better target for you’re rage, like, I don’t know, idiot’s?

    By the way I’m thinking this in Comic San’s, even though I can’t actually type it.

  71. on 27 Oct 2008 at 9:15 pm Kelvin

    Monday can be a real bitch, can’t it?

    Especially when you can’t get any lasagne or that pesky Nermal is around!!

    You meat sacks really don’t get it. I am not affecting a humorously curmudgeonly air for the sake of making your comments thread a little more acid. I am not Andy Hamilton’s rabid gnome act, chuckled along by Sandi Toksvig. I have been reading HYS for you bastards and I have discovered that Nietszche was tragically wrong. I have not just stared into the abyss, I have skullfucked it through both eyesockets and still I feel nothing but an ebbing sense of contempt for humanity. And still I didn’t see a valid reason for using comic fucking sans.

  72. on 27 Oct 2008 at 9:20 pm Bit Special

    As someone who prides themself on being a thoroughly objectionable and annoying cunt, I am deeply upset to discover how much ire Comic Sans inspires. Not because it winds people up; no, that part of it is great, but I have never used it and now I have to face up to the fact that not only have I been missing out on a valuable source of pissing folk off, but that I am clearly a rank amateur as a wind-up merchant.

    Thanks for fucking nothing, guys!

    PS Millie, I too wear a tinfoil hat – do you go for the classic bicorn style or something more edgy? I’m currently fashioning myself a stovepipe topper.

  73. on 27 Oct 2008 at 9:41 pm Alex

    now I have to face up to the fact that not only have I been missing out on a valuable source of pissing folk off, but that I am clearly a rank amateur as a wind-up merchant

    Its grate!

  74. on 27 Oct 2008 at 10:41 pm Meat Sack Mal

    Balls to Comic Sans. Gill Sans is the way to go. HYSers would probably explode if they realised that their computers contained a font designed by a bloke who paedoed his kids, shagged his sister, and bummed his dog.

    All rather trivial peccadilloes when compared with working for Microsoft.

  75. on 28 Oct 2008 at 9:27 am Mexican Millie

    I have been reading HYS for you bastards and I have discovered that Nietszche was tragically wrong.

    Kelvin, your sacrifice is much appreciated. I can only spend very limited amounts of time there myself. If it weren’t for you and your fellow Bravehearts I wouldn’t be able to enjoy these mediated morsels from the vipers’ pit from a safe distance.

    I’m currently fashioning myself a stovepipe topper.

    Bit Special, I now have a mentAL image of you to go with your words. The stovepipe topper does add an air of sophistication, I must say.

    Today I’ve opted for the Sombrero. Woke up feeling in need of some extra protection for some reason.

  76. on 28 Oct 2008 at 10:20 am Blind Pew

    I have been reading HYS for you bastards and I have discovered that Nietszche was tragically wrong.

    HYS is one of those Mwah-ha-ha things that Satan likes to create. He made it to lure naive, positive-minded people to the forum where they suddenly have to confront the true nature of the human race. Basically he is saying, “Look! Loooooook! Do you see? This is what your ‘good’ God has created. This is what you truly are! Look on his miserable creation and despair! m…Mw…Mwah-ha… etc etc

  77. on 28 Oct 2008 at 10:24 am DavesNotHere

    I think it’s nice that Kevin* has somewhere he can vent amongst freinds.

    Group Hug…

  78. on 28 Oct 2008 at 10:25 am DavesNotHere

    *I know but that could be the thing that really drives him over the edge

  79. on 28 Oct 2008 at 10:45 am Blind Pew

    but that could be the thing that really drives him over the edge.

    If Kelvin is wrestling with Nee-chee and concluding that he, Kelvin, can see where the loony sod went wrong, then I’m afraid he went over the edge a while back and is now plummeting at terminal velocity towards the jagged rocks, while saying things like, “hmmm, I appear to be experiencing a loosening of the bowels, how fascinating.”

  80. on 28 Oct 2008 at 11:12 am Friedrich W. Nietzsche

    “If you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”

    Ven I vas tinking zis, I vas reading ze H-Vye-S. Mein Gott, zey are a lot of vobbling vildebeest vulvas, eh? I may have unleashed ze spectre of ze Übermensch Fasicts, but I look at zees CCCrrretins and sink, “just kill zem all, it vould be a kindness”.

  81. on 28 Oct 2008 at 11:54 am Alex

    As a spEak You’re bRanes contributor I gaze into the abyss quite regularly, and can honestly say that it would never gaze at anything beyond its own nose.

  82. on 28 Oct 2008 at 12:16 pm Far-Q

    From the Extremism thread

    A little like closing the door after the horse has bolted. Extremism is rampant in this country. Stopping future extremists isn’t the problem. Getting rid of the current crop of foul-mouthed preachers of hatred is our immediate problem. The failure of this government to curb outrageously high levels of immigration has compounded the problem.

    Chris S, St Helens, United Kingdom

    Yes, we should deport all foul mouthed preachers of hate.

    But who’s going to post on HYS once we’ve done that?

  83. on 28 Oct 2008 at 12:29 pm Jim

    Come on Kelvin\Nelson\Alex, I need this site to get me through the day. Gone off the boil it has. FACT!

  84. on 28 Oct 2008 at 12:39 pm Rod Wrongnob

    HYS is one of those Mwah-ha-ha things that Satan likes to create. He made it to lure naive, positive-minded people to the forum where they suddenly have to confront the true nature of the human race. Basically he is saying, “Look! Loooooook! Do you see? This is what your ‘good’ God has created. This is what you truly are! Look on his miserable creation and despair! m…Mw…Mwah-ha… etc etc

    I’ve forwarded this to topically witty rabid gnome Andy Hamilton and suggested that he use it in the next series of Radio 4 hellcom Old Harry’s Game. I recommended that the demon Scumspawn should post under the ironic name “Joy”.

  85. on 28 Oct 2008 at 12:42 pm Peedo stalker Sam

    Come on Kelvin\Nelson\Alex, I need this site to get me through the day. Gone off the boil it has. FACT!

    LOL!11!!!!!!343! – what sort of idiot uses backspaces to indicate “or”? Ha!

  86. on 28 Oct 2008 at 12:43 pm Peedo stalker Sam

    Did I write backspaces? Did I actually write that? Bum.

    Of course, I meant backslashes. This does, obviously, mean that I too am an idiot. But then, when you get down to it, aren’t we all?

  87. on 28 Oct 2008 at 1:01 pm Far-Q

    How on Earth is John Prescott to recognise Class when he doesn’t possess any himself?

    His lack of class is nearly as appalling as Gordon brown’s refusal to wear a dinner suit to black-tie events because he views such sartorial practice as “too elitist”.

    Laughable.

    Topsy Turvy, England, United Kingdom

    ‘Sartorial Practice’. Trying a little too hard to be classy Topsy. The elite ignoring you again, despite your best efforts? Ah, what a pity.

    A word of advice, it’s not because you have no class, or aren’t good enough for them, it’s because even poshos think you’re a twat.

  88. on 28 Oct 2008 at 1:12 pm Far-Q

    In today’s society, under New Labour, if you are white, working class and Christian then you are commonly regarded as the new ‘Underclass’.
    Logicman, Stevenage

    Nope, it’s because you come from Stevenage.

    You’ve got the internet now, surely you’ve seen there’s more to life? So why are you still there? Waiting for that life affirming move to Harlow?

  89. on 28 Oct 2008 at 1:50 pm millie

    How on Earth is John Prescott to recognise Class when he doesn’t possess any himself?

    I saw that programme last night. Was amazed to see that Prescott was quite handsome in his youth. Who’da thawt?!

    I do wish he’d close his mouth when he chews though.

    (Yes i know this post is more suited to HYS than here but I can’t be bothered to set up an HYS account.)

  90. on 28 Oct 2008 at 2:13 pm Blind Pew

    Come on Kelvin\Nelson\Alex, I need this site to get me through the day. Gone off the boil it has. FACT!
    Jim

    So don’t just sit there like Topsy bloody Turvy, moaning about how your bot-bot needs wiping. You want funny? Whadaya waitin’ for? If what you’re getting ain’t good enough, lead the fukin way. Show us, Great Leader, where we are in error. Raise our game, give us stuff to bounce off.

  91. on 28 Oct 2008 at 2:44 pm Dingleberry Bush

    Once again the words “Gate”, “Horse” and “Bolted” spring to mind! Why does it always seem to take the government years to introduce policies from the University of the Blindingly Obvious?
    [terrybyatt]

    this should have been done many many years ago. a few words spring to mind. how about stable, door and bolted, for starters.
    [steve-LG], United Kingdom

    It can’t be now. Too many years of allowing people to gradually set up colonies within the UK, distinct from the majority in politics, behaviour and belief, has meant we are now effectively – well, screwed.
    We, and our kids, will have to ride out the storm until a new balance is found.
    This smacks of closing the stable door policy – and there have been so many of them…..
    Colly wobble, Edinburgh

    Great minds think in half formed cliches?
    But not the Man-God Alex Gache. Alex spurns the mere prosaic and lets rip with a barrage of imagery, what’s the worst thing in Alex’s garden of life? The space-bar apparently…

    How should extremism be tackled?

    I see the world as a garden with beautiful flowers,roses with thorns,coloured butterflies,happy bees with their honey,green grass,strong oak trees then we have snakes,leeches,ticks,worms,poop and worst of all,weed.

    so my answer is,STIFLE the weed!!
    Alex Gache, Netherlands

  92. on 28 Oct 2008 at 2:48 pm Dingleberry Bush

    Maybe should point out that all the above are from the Who’s the Fucking Extremist Anyway? thread, which, if I knew how to link, I would link to here but I don’t.

  93. on 28 Oct 2008 at 3:09 pm Peedo stalker Sam

    Dingleberry – you link by putting (angle bracket)a href=”link“(angle bracket) text (ab)/a(ab)

  94. on 28 Oct 2008 at 3:14 pm Steve Wright fan

    I once ran into Steve Wright when I was stoned after school in Regent’s Park. He was with his son, and he gave me and my friend Doug a kite branded with his name. He said he had loads. He was really nice.

    FACT!

  95. on 28 Oct 2008 at 3:16 pm Dingleberry Bush

    I can feel a big D’oh! coming on, but here goes…

    You mean like this? (ab)/a(ab)

  96. on 28 Oct 2008 at 3:25 pm Dingleberry Bush

    Oh now I feel thick… I get ya with the tail end stuff ab stuff

    so Here

  97. on 28 Oct 2008 at 3:38 pm skunkpussy

    Joy, completely missing the point. Again.

    She should also include British extremists who also stir up hatred! We don’t need to import these individuals when we have more than enough of our own! It’s not foreign extremists who are knifing to death young people, it’s our own breed! Britain should be party to an international list of barred people; probably is.Many extremists are held in British jails. They and all future extremists should be deported immediately. Many languish in our luxury jails! Get Them Out. Start with home! Joy
    Joy Pattinson, ROLLE, Switzerland
    RECOMMENDED BY: 9 people

  98. on 28 Oct 2008 at 3:39 pm Dingleberry Bush

    When-ever I need a Peedo Stalker, I go to straight to Peedo Stalker Sam… he’s simply the best there is. Available in all good parks and playgrounds. (Age restrictions apply but tend not to be adhered to. Your hole is at risk if you do not keep up with your mates.)

  99. on 28 Oct 2008 at 3:49 pm Far-Q

    “It’s not foreign extremists who are knifing to death young people, it’s our own breed!…………..Many languish in our luxury jails! Get Them Out.”

    Is Joy suggesting exporting our homegrown crims and extremists?
    But where ever could we send them? We’d need a large country on the other side of the world where criminals and scum would be accepted with open arms……

    Australia’s sons let us rejoice,
    For we are young and free;
    We’ve golden soil and wealth for toil,
    Our home is girt by sea;
    Our land abounds in Nature’s gifts
    Of beauty rich and rare;
    In hist’ry’s page, let ev’ry stage
    Advance Australia fair.
    In joyful strains then let us sing,
    Advance Australia fair.

  100. on 28 Oct 2008 at 3:55 pm A dog's cock

    I can now deal with the trite postings of Joy from ROLLE. I just imagine a Rubenesque woman licking melted Tobelerone off an Alsatian’s penis whilst she types.

    Topsy Turvy is having a blow job from Tatchell and Tatchell with that well developed jaw bites the cock off of Topsy.

    Other than these images I consider myself quite normal and I am now allowed in the park. It was all a big misunderstanding.

  101. on 28 Oct 2008 at 3:56 pm skunkpussy

    Is Joy suggesting exporting our homegrown crims and extremists?
    But where ever could we send them?

    How about ROLLE, Switzerland?

    Just a suggestion.

  102. on 28 Oct 2008 at 4:00 pm Blind Pew

    future extremists should be deported immediately.
    Joy

    Better give Doctor Who a ring then.

  103. on 28 Oct 2008 at 4:24 pm David-San

    How should extremism be tackled?
    I see the world as a garden with beautiful flowers,roses with thorns,coloured butterflies,happy bees with their honey,green grass,strong oak trees then we have snakes,leeches,ticks,worms,poop and worst of all,weed.
    so my answer is,STIFLE the weed!!
    Alex Gache, Netherlands

    Alex Gache is probably the sort of cunt who meticulously mows his lawn and spends ages making sure no single leaf or bud is out of place, spraying weed killer on anything he didn’t plant himself, the dull turd.

  104. on 28 Oct 2008 at 4:58 pm Rotwatcher

    His lack of class is nearly as appalling as Gordon brown’s refusal to wear a dinner suit to black-tie events because he views such sartorial practice as “too elitist”.

    Laughable.

    Topsy Turvy, England, United Kingdom

    Turdy shows his class here by misnaming it a dinner suit Sorry, Turdy, it’s just a dinner jacket, or tuxedo, if you’re American. Only someone who eats off his knife would call it a dinner suit.

    Relax, I’m a valet.

  105. on 28 Oct 2008 at 5:11 pm Morag

    snakes,leeches,ticks,worms,poop and worst of all,weed,

    Wait, so weeds are worse than poop? Or is he saying marijuana is worse than poop? What kind of backward manchild would refer to it as “poop” in the middle of discussing political extremism anyway?

  106. on 28 Oct 2008 at 5:39 pm Pom De Terre

    Our home is girt by sea

    wtf? For a land of supposedly chick lovin’, straight-talkin’ Petrol-Heads thats a really puffy national anthem. Ya big buncha wussy Gurls!

  107. on 28 Oct 2008 at 6:26 pm Pom De Terre

    <blockquote.Australia’s sons let us rejoice,
    For we are young and free.

    Now look, I’m no historian, but just how many convicts that we deported from the decent Christian homeland were done for sodomy? It sound’s like a buggerer’s paradise! We can give ‘em Gary Glitter. They’d probably make him Prime Minister?

    Ya bloody Purves!

  108. on 28 Oct 2008 at 6:38 pm Crushing Formality Bore

    I like to attire myself in formal evening wear at events where this is requested. Usually indicated by “black-tie” on the invitation. I would certanly look pretty foolish only arriving in a dinner jacket.

    Relax, I am drinking Aldi Super Strength Lagers

  109. on 28 Oct 2008 at 7:07 pm Mal

    And speaking of complaints…
    You might not ring her grandfather and tell him about it but you would wouldn’t you, dirty minx.

  110. on 28 Oct 2008 at 7:14 pm Mal

    Bugger… just click on “All” and then go back to the gallery page to see the pics.

  111. on 28 Oct 2008 at 7:25 pm DavesNotHere

    They’ve shut down the gallery. Thank goodness for google cache.

    And I would…possibly more than once.

  112. on 28 Oct 2008 at 10:08 pm Sodslaw

    Me and pops could spit roast her. Spank her lilly ass while hi-fiving her grandad. Bet she fucking loves it, ‘im an all. Filthy old fucker.

  113. on 28 Oct 2008 at 10:37 pm Mal

    Sits back and waits for 10,000 complaints about this site from Daly Mail readers.

  114. on 28 Oct 2008 at 11:33 pm Sodslaw

    Since it is their moral duty to decide what the rest of us should find funny and what we should find offensive. Ne’er mind, I’ll be roffling all the way to the collapse of civilised society.

  115. on 28 Oct 2008 at 11:58 pm Daley Mayle

    Actually, I’m a big fan.

  116. on 29 Oct 2008 at 12:05 am Bit Special

    Millie – am liking the bold sombrero option. RE: my topper, I like to go the steampunk route – makes my paranoid delusions so stylish and hip, I like to think (and my voices agree).

    I see a book in the offing: Millie and Bit Special’s Guide to Tinfoil Millinery: 25 Hot, Hip Hats For Natty Nutjobs and Funky Freaks.

    Catchy!

  117. on 29 Oct 2008 at 12:15 am millie

    We like it! If we get moving quick we could corner the Christmas market…

  118. on 29 Oct 2008 at 1:49 am Sodslaw

    Chances are the christmas loonies’ll be nicely cornered in hospital for you already. Plenty of untapped market potential. Unless you happen to be the drugs industry.

  119. on 29 Oct 2008 at 9:27 am skunkpussy

    Sits back and waits for 10,000 complaints about this site from Daly Mail readers.

    Jesus-tittyfucking-Christ, 10,000 irate Daily Mail readers…

    I think we should all take time today to spare a thought Nelson’s mate in the BBC complaints department. The poor bastard.

  120. on 29 Oct 2008 at 10:07 am Peedo stalker Sam

    Not to mention the moralists on Guardian’s Comment is Free. I’m thinking of starting a site similar to this called Journalist Abuse where I take the most ridiculous articles written by journalists and insult them repeatedly. I think it’s a winner.

    Humanism is a fucking joke… why would anyone want to believe in the capability of humanity? Nihilism… now there’s something I can understand.

  121. on 29 Oct 2008 at 10:29 am Kelvin

    Me and pops could spit roast her. Spank her lilly ass while hi-fiving her grandad. Bet she fucking loves it, ‘im an all. Filthy old fucker.

    Christ, this is a new low for SYB comments. We’ve gone from pastiche Brookerisms, sub Now-show humour and desperate flirting to scraping Russel “Fucking” Brand’s “jokes” up and regurgitating them. And you synapse collections wonder why my only wish for you is to die quickly enough that you can’t leave any last words.

  122. on 29 Oct 2008 at 10:38 am Dingleberry Gallop

    When you ask HYS fuckheads for their opinion on Islam, their rage-curve is so sharp and reflexive they have usually typed “All Muslims Will Kill You Soon As Look At You” before their arse hits the Ikea Computer Chair

    So they must really really hate prank calls from DJs.

    How should extremism be tackled?
    Published: Tuesday, 28 October, 03:26
    Total comments:1325
    Published comments:499
    Rejected comments:52
    Moderation queue:774

    Should Ofcom launch Brand ‘prank’ inquiry?
    Published: Tuesday, 28 October 11:13
    Total comments:12403
    Published comments:5882
    Rejected comments:187
    Moderation queue:6334

  123. on 29 Oct 2008 at 10:43 am Alex

    I’m thinking of starting a site similar to this called Journalist Abuse where I take the most ridiculous articles written by journalists and insult them repeatedly. I think it’s a winner.

    Haha, brilliant. You could give it a snappy title like “Most of the Blogosphere”.

  124. on 29 Oct 2008 at 11:05 am Peedo stalker Sam

    Yeah, but this wouldn’t be an accurate dissection of their points or a meaningful rebuttal of what they wrote, it’d just be pure abuse because they’re journalists and the whole lot of them deserve to be crushed to death by the collective weight of their egos.

  125. on 29 Oct 2008 at 11:45 am militant millie

    Not only do I not see the Ross/Brand bollox as encouragement towards nihilism, but I think it’s a sign of progress.

    I reckon it was a miscalculation on their part. They thought they’d get away with it cos they see her as a bit of a slapper, and presumed the moral majority would think the same.

    (OK the moral majority might be influenced more by resentment at their huge paypackets than militant feminism, but still, the end result is still Daily Mail readers sticking up for Madam Whiplash.)

  126. on 29 Oct 2008 at 11:51 am Peedo stalker Sam

    The only reason they’re sticking up for her though is because of the prospect of tossing one off over the thought of her doing a “rude” photoshoot for page 3.

    I think most people are upset because (a) Andrew Sachs is a grandad and therefore cuddly and warm, and (b) Andrew Sachs was in Fawlty Towers and therefore, like the Beatles, is protected by the Legends of Our Time Act 1993.

  127. on 29 Oct 2008 at 12:02 pm dirigible

    Christ, this is a new low for SYB comments.

    But it’s ironic! You can tell because. Er.

    Oh.

  128. on 29 Oct 2008 at 12:03 pm militant millie

    I think most people are upset because (a) Andrew Sachs is a grandad and therefore cuddly and warm

    Yet more evidence of us having turned into a pc-gone-mad society – they don’t even mind that he’s a dego wop grandad. (Or even Jewish.)

  129. on 29 Oct 2008 at 2:45 pm Sodslaw

    *wears his Russel Brand haystack inside his head*

  130. on 12 Nov 2008 at 6:50 pm synabr xzbnqg

    blah blah blah blah blah blah blah