Dross and Bland and Elf and Safety
By AlexThanks to James for sending this in, and well done to Linda for actually being less witty than the comedians soaking up her paranoid rage.
Oh…I suppose they will be using that ‘human rights’ clause to avoid sacking Dross and Bland!
‘No subject is exempt from comedy’………will they be telling us that bullying and humiliating an elderly man cannot be criticised because that would be infringing the ‘human rights’ of two ‘comedians’??
Anyway…I have cancelled my direct debit for the TV licence. It will not be reinstated until these two are sacked. If the BBC would like to take me to court I shall invoke my ‘human right’ not to have to pay money to obscene abusive bullies.
Linda, Birmingham
If you do end up in court Linda, remember that the best human rights lawyers tend to be Hobgoblins. You could also try paying your license fee in Leprechaun gold, as it will disappear before the BBC can spend it on gays.
190 Responses to “Dross and Bland and Elf and Safety”
Why does she want “those two” sacked rather than the people that approved it for broadcast?
And I am not sure that she has a “human right” to use a service without paying for it. Still, Hobgoblins may think otherwise…
I hope she catches gay from ITV.
Linda needs hanging
Hohoho Linda, you silly bitch, you do know that you don’t have to pay the TV Licence, don’t you? Just like you don’t have to visit the HYS site that we’re all (grudgingly) paying for, just to allow loafers like you to scrounge off us to post your worthless opinions. ARE YOU GOING TO GIVE US OUR MONEY BACK?? HMMM?? AND WHAT ABOUT OUR TIME? CAN YOU REPAY ME THOSE PRECIOUS FEW MINUTES SPENT READING AND RESPONDING TO YOUR BILIOUS GOBSHITE?!?% TELL ME!!112192145
Ooh, I didn’t know I had a human right to commit theft.
Right, I’m off to rob Andrew Sachs, and everyone called Linda in Birmingham. I may be some time.
Right on Linda!
I am right behind you.
I obtained my law degree from Kelloggs Rice Krispies University and will defend you for free.
Fucking gay BBC cunts.
Another one who thinks rants should begin with a Christmas Carol.
Didn’t the SS write that above the gas chambers at Birkeneau?
It’s a sad state of affairs to be true. What the BBC and the Leninist-Marxist NoobLab-RAW-Zanu-ZOD-KalelOBAMA liberal media communists are also covering up is the fact that BBC Brownshirts in their Black BBC Mariah van rounded Sachs and his granddaughter up, shackled them and drove them to the studio where Brand and Ross were performing.
There, they were subjected to an horrific and sustained attack, in which they forced Sachs to watch as they repeatedly violated his granddaughter with their willies and fingers. It’s true. You couldn’t make it up. Well, you could. Quite easily as it happens. But that’s not the point! The point is that people all across the country are getting profoundly upset at the thought that these two could strike at any moment!
What’s to stop a spate of copycat prank calls happening throughout the nation? Will we wake up to a world in which Jimmy Hill received calls from Ant and Dec saying they’d given his missus a right good seeing to?
Will there be images of a distraught Eric Sykes sobbing as he listens to Dick and Dom’s obscene rantings about how they bummed all of his female relatives? Will we? Will we!?!
On a serious note, it’s all a bit like that time Diana died and everybody was supposed to be in mourning. That was all a bit “WTF?” as well.
At first glance I thought it said Linda Bellingham and I was about to wack my cock out…disappointing.
From the PMQ HYS thread;
I m a disabled person, and I ve gone to great surgeries in the last 5 years. I ve not been able to work due my physical conditions and I have lived with a very short amount of money that comes from my disability. I m very cross to see BBC taking money from me when I could be using this money to pay for more treatment. Worse, I don t watch bbc. What makes me feel very angry is to realize that my money is going to these rude and ignorant people who don t have a clue what life is about.
anne hall, london
So disabled you can’t even post this in the right thread, Anne? Never mind. Besides, spastics like you shouldn’t be allowed too much money in case you spend it on magic beans or the Daily Mail or similar nonsense.
Everyone involved in this story is an appalling cunt and justice will only be restored if Sachs can paedonasty Ross’ kids and knifecrime both Ross and Brand.
I’ve had Linda Bellingham.
She was rubbish.
I recently cancelled my tv licence, because I realised that TV is poo.
I might start paying it again, for fear of being pidgeonholed with Noel Edmonds and Linda from Birmingham.
Wow. SYB gets more like HYS every minute.
@Buzz Killington
Did you think about Linda Bellingham’s grandfather before you said that? No you didn’t, did you? You should be SACKED!
She was only rubbish because I had her first and spoiled her for other men.
When I blasted Linda with my baby gravy she said, “Ahhhhhh” most satisfactorily.
Workman… tools?
That Annie Hall really went downhill after she broke up with Alvy.
I bet she hasn’t really cancelled her direct debit, the stupid bint. Trying to act cool infront of the other kids.
I hope she dies from contracting bad AIDS after a drunken one night stand with one of those dirty immigrants I have heard about, whilst Brand and Ross plays in the background. That’ll teach her.
Linda isn’t worth it, she never puts her heart and soul into. Or maybe it was me…
The damn liberals at the bbc! They spend half their time pandering to the PC liberal media, meaning we can’t tell perfectly fine jokes about blacks and Polish without getting told not to, because they might offend somebody, and then they tell the offensive jokes which I find offensive, no wait, I don’t find offensive, because the PC liberal media are stopping us from telling jokes, but it’s offensive to Manuel, they shouldn’t be offensive to people unless they’re banning jokes in case they offend people which I think is wrong, no right, because Sachs was offended and that’s not right for PC liberal do – gooders to stop us from telling jokes but tell jokes that are offensive…
*head explodes*
Yeah, Linda, because of these offensive “comedians”, you’re going to pay your TV licence by credit card this year. If that doesn’t show those fatcats at the BBC, what will.
You really got them there.
What would be gleeful is if she got a £1000 fine.
I believe that the producer that day was a 25-year-old stand-in. Faced with Brand and Ross, do you honestly believe that anyone like that would’ve had the cojones to object?
/serious moment.
I like how Linda from Birmingham thinks human rights are all bollocks but expects the BBC to take her to court rather than just chucking her in the slammer.
Something tells me she learned everything she knows about human rights from the Bumper Book of Daily Mail Headlines.
Heh. Thanks to the much-maligned BBC mods, I’d say SYB just about edges it on misogyny.
Waaaaaaaaaaaah everything’s started spinning round and round… make it fukin stop!!!
We are the good guys… aren’t we???
I really hope that I don’t live near Linda…I laughed in the face of an elderly Big Issue seller the other day, and I fear that her human right to get angry about nothing will infringe on MY human right to laugh at a 60+ year-old wearing a sweater with clouds on it.
Relax, I paid him handsomely.
Take this shit to HYS.
Mooska for President.
Wow. SYB gets more like HYS every minute.
I fail to see the comparison. One is a website where people comment on threads on the BBC website, the other is – hang on…
Try again… sorry if this don’t work either
here
Can’t help but notice that Linda’s outburst closely resembles the sort of thing ‘Major Misunderstanding’ from Viz would say.
That Mary-Jo Foley got a bit lippy at the end of that article.
And does she mean BBC’s HYS, not SYB at the beginning?
No fucking creaking here!
And well done to several posters on this thread for being less witty than Linda from Brum. It was a tough job but you did it.
Quite right Sir Gerald. Bross & co have committed treason and deserve decapitation. At the very least.
This whole Brand and Ross and Sachs scandal has been as if HYS type people ruled the world. The self-righteousness, the cute little anecdotes about how upset all of this has made you.
Cunts.
Indeed, this story has been singular in its ability to make everyone involved and everyone with an opinion on it look like a cunt.
Except Brand himself, who looks like two cunts and an arsehole.
I, for one, welcome the sacking of this pair of jolly ne’er-do-wells.
Brush up your CVs, people – it’s all about the job vacanices.
And call me a fucking pedant if you like, but it’s TV licence.
That is all.
It’s funny you should mention that, seeing as that’s what Kangaroos have (Marsupial bits). So you’ve effectively just described Russell Brand as a Kangaroo’s front and rear bottoms, which, given the history of SYB, probably brings us full-circle, and the comments should be closed off now.
Linda From Birmingham just lost me my Radio 2 gig.
Bitch.
She’s got a vendetta against me, just because I fucked her Grandfather.
Still, looking on the bright side, there’s always my Channel 4 work to keep me in crack.
I followed Peedo’s link and it confirmed what he said about female kangaroos. But what about this?
FACT!
I love this website. Where else would you learn about kangaroo sex from a peedo stalker?
I bet Linda’s Grandad was a paedo-nonce.
It’s my bloody birthday today and I was hoping, News-wise, for some top quality HYS cuntery to laugh at, preferably some Winterval horseshit (’tis the season, etc.). Instead, I get this piss-weak BrandRossSachsGate bollocks. What is this country coming to???!1!!eleventy!!!
I blame the pretend Spanish waiters.
“There’s an office book running on when Baillie will become so offended by Brand’s insouciance that she’ll appear in Zoo/Nuts to tell us the full story of how deeply affected she’s been by the whole episode; all while exposing her shirt-potatoes for hard currency.”
I believe they are doing the photo-shoot right now
I’m so outraged that I might even buy that issue.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Bit Special!!!
Is that enough candles?
What in the name of arse is this one on about? The final paragraph literally makes no sense to me whatsoever. END OF.
I would like to be given the opportunity to vote on this matter. I pay my licence fee and a decision has been made based on a small percentage of views. There is nothing democratic about this.
Please give us the opportunity to vote before Jonathan Ross is reinstated or sacked.
I find much of what is printed in the Daily Mail offensive so I don’t read it. Maybe 25000 people who don’t read the Daily Mail should complain about the content!
Debby, Exeter
Thank you Millie! Sadly, not nearly enough candles to acknowledge my decrepitude. I shall have to make do* with my tartan knee blanket, ear trumpet and full-scale model of Clive Dunn made out of regurgitated Werthers Originals.
BTW, in response to Tonymac’s comment up at the top – I don’t think Eric Sykes has heard anything for a long time, so he’s safe. Unless Brand ‘n’ Ross know how to use one of them there deaf-phones to harass aged comedians…
*Plus tinfoil birthday crown, of course.
Actually,that sounds like a good idea to me. Surely it must be possible to get at least 25,000 people who find the very existence of Richard Littlejohn offensive on a deep personal level to complain to the Daily Heil.
Remember kids, Littlejohn is a cunt of blue whale proportions next to whom Russ is but a chihuahua’s fanny. He should be banned from from print or any other form of communication for the good of humanity – and if at the same time it could be arranged for him to be sodomised by a black Muslim health and safety officer then so much the better.
Don’t forget John Gaunt. He bangs on so much about paedos that I think he secretly is one.
But that’s the beauty of HYS. No matter how petty or irrelevant the story, it’s the same impotent, ill-informed rage at shit they’ve made up that gets smeared all over the internet. If anything, the less important the story, the angrier they get and the more bollocks they have to make up, start believing and then get really angry about.
Anyway, Happy Birthday.
What amuses me most is the fact she was more than happy to get doinked by Brand in the first place. She then plays up to the ‘I’m so shocked and offended’ part created for her, then tells all to the Sun about how he was yelling “Que!” in the sack.
Relax, I didn’t make it up
For plentiful examples of which, see the current thread on who should be the new Dr. Who:
I think Alex Gache should be the next Dr Who.
He understands the Universe and would not have too much to LEARN!!!!twotyone!”!
Yeah! When did you last see a six-year old pay the licence fee? Close the Children’s TV department completely, now!
And bring back that nice inoffensive John Cleese. Who can forget his immortal, harmless sketch of our Lord Jesus Christ singing, ‘always look on the bright side of life’ while suffering on the cross at Calvary? Or all the dozens of warm friendly sketches from Python that comforted and supported us and our values. I still can’t watch Mrs Nigger-Baiter without feeling warm and cuddly inside. So, well said John Fee, you hairy-eared dwarf lemur’s hole.
“John Cleese… managed this without being gratuitously offensive.”
John Fee
Didn’t John Cleese wallop, kick, smack, tweak, poke-in-the-eye, insult, shove, rant, batter, bully and slap Andrew Sachs until the British public saw him only as a ludicrous clown? Sachs lack of post-Fawlty career was because he was forever a cringing, idiotic Spanish Waiter. Cos of Cleese he never worked on screen again! All Brand did was share a bed with his grand-daughter.
…and then tell said Offensive-to-Spaniards-but-who-gives-a-fuck-about-the-fucking-Dagos Grandaddy about said bed-sharing. On live radio. Hilariously.
Can’t do links
http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/british-public-in-depressingly-incoherent-outburst-200810301364/
They did make it up.
I wonder how hilarious members of the Great British Public have shouted, “Oi! Manuel! Y’ dago twat!” at Andrew Sachs since they finished Fawlty Towers thirty years ago? Let’s say a VERY conservative estimate of once a day on average.
Which gives us 365 x 30 = 10,950 times.
And he’s never knife-crimed anyone (as far as we know). He must be a frigging saint (or a really careful serial killer).
Kill them with lions…wank me into a teapot…I coughed my hobnob* all over the screen…
*I could have invented a new euphemism
Leonard Sachs died in 1990. What the fuck has he got to do with this?
To syphon off the pressure on the main RossBrand Wank-a-thon, they’ve opened an overspill thread called ’should comedians push boundaries?’ Topsy has decided to leave his little turd-of-wisdom at the top of it…
Yeah, but… No, but… Yeah, but… No, but… I’m edgy and hip… but I’m a fierce moral guradian too… I’m hip to the counterculture baby… but sit up straight and call teacher ‘Sir’ and get a haircut, you disgusting yob too. Umm…
Agreed – its hard to find people ripping into HYS idiots at the moment because of all the testosterone flying around – as well as people trying to offer an actual “opinion” on something thats better off being poked with a stick.
For my tuppence worth I think Brand and Ross are innocent. Perhaps the BBC should be looking to who REALLY made those phone calls – take schitzophrenic Eddie for example:
You heard it first Eddie and Eddie did it – and Eddie wants the credit!
“Give Johathan the sack exactly what does he do? Does he make a difference?”
deedles ruff
He just initiated a vast psuedo-moral outpouring of nation-wide rage and sentiment not seen since Diana, Princess-of-Chealsea, had that terrible terrible cwash. He’s forced the Prime Minister to make a statement and broken all internet rant-posts records.
Yeah, I’d say he’s made a difference.
Brilliant. If I knew someone called deedles ruff then I’d rabbit on about nothing else.
at least zanuliarbore can rely on wossy and bland to take some heat while the economy goes down the shitter.
slightly mysteriously well timed story.
are we still losing in Iraq?
More like the Daily Mail timed it to deflect the shit from George Osborne.
never forget the BBC still haven’t been brought to account for unleashing that giant pink dildo Mr Blobby across our screens. Large burial pits ought to be dug in Wood Lane and the senior management purged.
_________________________
I seem to recall something else that was in rather poor taste that the BBC broadcast in early 2005, or perhaps it was late 2004. I do remember being thoroughly disgusted at the time.
- Doreen, UK, 29/10/2008 9:06
____________________________________
Doreen is outraged about something. It’s a pity she can’t remember what or when…
Hang on, is this SYB or HYS? Some of the posts on here are suspiciously HYSey. You know who you are.
Regarding Eric Sykes, I didn’t know he was deaf.
I SAID, I DIDN’T KNOW HE WAS…oh forget it.
That’s rather harsh way to describe my boy.
It’s his glands you know.
*doing Stan Laurel’s ‘bemused-and-want-to-say-something-but-not-sure-where-to-start’ face*
Mr Toryp Artyactivist, step away from the keyboard, we all know it’s you.
Anyone who types Cttee instead of committee is a Compl. Cnt
Some other, er, gems from Mrs Frosty:
Should shops do more to reduce packaging?
Did you listen to David Cameron’s speech?
More important than BrandRossSachsGate is the superhuman banality of the “New Doctor Who” thread. The “debates” are painfully rewarding to read
I’m guessing that Kathy keeps a sign by her desk saying “you don’t have to be mad to work here… but it helps” and that taxedintotheground bybrown is the oldest active Lazer Quest player in his home town.
Well done both.
Now that, Pep, is a thing of rare beauty. I’d love a peek a Doreen’s diary – each day, just a couple of words to describe general mood and level of disgust incurred. No reasons, no detail, just “thursday 21st – perturbed”; “”Bank” Holiday Monday – impotent rage”, etc.
I think she should have her own website. I just need 9,999 other people to join in with me recommending it, and we’re away.
Weird spelling, innit? Bet it was thought up by a stoned Elizabethan.
Shame you mimsy isn’t as tight as your fist.
Brighton must be gutted not to have a harridan like you visit.
Fuzzywuzzies do that, so I’ll not be doing the same.
Speaking personally, I for one always try to reuse old bags.
I’ve been reusing quietMrsFrosty as a bad aids jiz receptor for some time, which is why she doesn’t have the strength to push her trolley from the shop two yards to the disabled bay she invariably parks in.
Can someone please explain what the fuck is going on here?
In our local Sainsburys, I often see this little old lady pushing a huge scruffy Swampy in the baby-seat of her trolley. Everytime she buys luxury cat-food he gives her a screaming f-word lecture about 3rd world debt and the ignorance of western consumers then sets off a fire-extinguisher in her face.
I see what Mooska means about the misogyny.
I’ve I’d been the surgeon I’d have made sure the scars were turned up at the end. Much more cheerful.
“More like the Daily Mail timed it to deflect the shit from George Osborne.”
And now the Beeb have deployed the thermonuclear response of announcing that David Tennant is leaving Dcotor Who.
Leaving far too many people puzzled by the timing.
I tell myself it’s ironic. It’s the only way I can cope without going into a big rant every few comments.
Erm, that was meant to follow Alex’s comment. Foolish me for not refreshing the page before posting!
Ladies and Gentlefolk.
I give you an example of fuckwittery so sublime it should be given a show on Radio 2…. now there’s a vacancy!!
—————————————-
I think its disgusting that they have not been sacked sooner. I dont listen to radio 2 but have seen what happened in the press and I think they are selfish for bringing digrace to the bbc. Ross should have his salary revoked, their botha joke.
Adrian, Stroud
—————————————-
So he’s complaining about something he read that had offended people ?
Twat.
I read that Adrian in Stroud bums labradors…
…or maybe I wrote it.
I confuse easily.
Misogyny? Nah! Misthanthropy. Yay!
I’m too busy to get involved in any further debate because I’m devoting a hell of a lot of time not giving a flying fuck at a rolling donut about who plays the part of a poorly scripted fictional character in a cheapo pathetic attempt at sci-fi.
We need fresh meat. This is going stale.
Funny, I’ve been getting quite annoyed at the misogyny on b3ta today and now here as well. Is it National Treat Women As Spunk Receptacles Day or something?
More accurately 30,000 people complained about a programme which only offended 2 people enough for them to complain when the show was aired.
Therefore there are 30,000 mail-reading morons out there, each and every one of whom is as much of a cock as Adrian, Stroud.
Meanwhile, some thoughtful contributions to the debate on whether the world is too slow to intervene in Africa:
And:
This from someone who added the following comment to the Do you believe in UFOs? thread:
They’re called clouds. They’re quite common.
Nope, it’s officially ‘Women don’t get paid any more this year’ day.
Here for details
Personally, I’m surprised they allow women away from the kitchen to work at all.
Right then, I’ll just nip off and get me shovel and we’ll give them a good talking to shall we?
A very important question:
I enjoyed Handel’s granddaughter but regretfully he has no answerphone on which to leave a message.
Bank.
I noticed that when Elton John came to town, the police worked a lot of overtime
I seem to recall a number of steel workers, sailors and red indians putting extra hours in too.
well… a rousing performance of The Hallelujah Chorus means one thing to Handel fans but a very different thing to Eltonians.
EVERY day is Treat Women As Spunk Receptacles Day! Welcome to the internet, by the way.
“What’s that tell you about the difference between fans of Elton John and fans of Handel?”
Nothing, but it does tell you the coppers love a rousing chorus of ‘Rocketman’
It just seems particularly bad today, Alex. I obviously missed the memo about Patronise The Little Girly For Making An Observation Day though, so thanks for that.
I’ve just made a note in my outlook folder : only take the piss out of certain people, but not women, they’re special.
Let that be an end ot all this sexism. Boys cry too.
“And we are not looking for a new Doctor Who, we are looking for a new Doctor. Please get this right for the sake of my sanity.
“Thank you.
“Kathy, Caerphilly ”
I think that ship’s already sailed, Kathy, you taff mental.
Relax. I’m a twat.
“My lad was crying all last night…
“In the meantime we have elected out of protest not to watch your remaining stories,”
I confess, that was me.
That’s right – my little lad was so distraught of the thought of David Tennant quitting I thought I’d compound the misery by cutting him off from the final episodes.
I intend to lock the whiny bastard in a cupboad whilst I watch the specials at top volume until he toughens up and learns to be a man.
It also means I can pluck my banjo over David Tennant in peace for a change, instead of being pestered with questions like “Muuum, what’s that buzzing noise? Muuuuuum, why has your face gone all red? Muuuum, why is there a damp patch on the floor?”
I beat the little shit with coathangers. Serves him right.
Forget Doctor Who, apparently in the next series of Life on Mars, Jean Hunt will be this 85kg gym-pumping lezzer who bangs around the streets of Glasgow punching well-hard Gorbals boys on their arse then saying things like, ‘Now get your skinny arse in the back of the van before I really get pissed off with you, you useless cock.’
I think it sounds brilliant!
It can’t be any worse than the 15 minutes of last series I watched, anyway.
Calling yourself ‘Down-With-Men-Day’ flies very close to the way HYSers all write in trembly-lipped to hissy fit about crazed feministic wimmin hating all men, etc., when someone complains about a bit of sexism. Or pretend to be all trembly-lipped in a feeble HYS attempt at humour.
Grr.
That has potential but would be better if she tracked down HYS posters (and indeed some of the braindead fucktards posting here of late*) and used her truncheon on them in inventive and painful ways. I’d watch that.
*I’ll be awaiting the knock on the door.
WTF?
Are you pulling my scrotum?
While I agree Keaton, Cleese & Barker are comedic boundary-pushers of brobdingnagian proportions what fucking boundary did that fat alcoholic wanker Hancock ever push?
He was as mainstream as its possible to get without actually splitting yourself into two cunts and calling yourself Tommy and Bobby.
“Half an armful” – what’s so fucking boundary stretching comical about THAT?
Now, can someone hurry up and get Woss’s teenage daughter up the duff so’s I can shag his grandchild and take the piss out of him for it on the radio.
Relax – I’m a paedo with great tasting comedians.
In order to balance the abuse across the gender divide, I would like to hold up for inspection this TOTAL PRICK. A low example of the Male he most certainly is. He definitely has more wanks than brain cells and seems to be unable to realise the TV you liked as a kid isn’t quite the same when you’re 40! You totally fucking retarded Madagascan Pond-heron’s minge! I hope the BBC replace Jeremy Clarkson with Jancis Robinson just to personally piss YOU off. You STUPID BRAInLESS UBER-BLOKE !
You know, Doctor Who just isn’t as scary as when I was five years old, they’ve really ballsed it up.
Yeah! Whoever gets the part should be made to do it for ever and ever and ever until they die in their piss-scented old age!
With that kind of logic you’d be watching a show starring the badly decomposed corpse of Bill Hartnell in a white wig being walked about the set on wires like some kind of cripple-puppet! But hey, at least that wouldn’t upset your kids you sick mental freak…
Don’t forget black people and gays, Asbo Baz! The PC Brigade are trampling the white man’s divine right to be offensive down into the mud AGAIN.
Honestly, you say the N-word – ironically! – or make ONE unfunny comment about gang-rape – a JOKE, dammit! An IRONIC joke! – and those naughty wimminz call you a nasty racist/sexist!
GOD. It’s like gang-rape actually hurts women or something.
But the message about Whiny Humourlessness Day is coming through loud and clear, thanks!
If you want a good laugh go here: http://internet-glue.co.uk/
The ‘Mission@ part is pure irony.
Obviously I meant ‘Mission’ not ‘Mission@
Lesley Judd was a right-on femmynist what never wore a bra, what the fuck are you on about, working white heterosexual male? I bet you couldn’t give a fuck about who wins the election in the U.S., which might, ya know, impinge on the rest of the world, yet you’re on the verge of ‘going postal’ about David Tennant leaving Dr Who. They’ll just get in yet another piss-poor actor who’s not good enough to make it big outside of a twee BBC drama to take over from him in THE CHILDREN’S TV SHOW, Dr Who, you total and utter wassock. And don’t think anyone’s fooled by all this “fear is exactly what is lacking from the modern incarnation; it has been replaced with over-zealous political correctness” bullshit – we all know you mean ‘I hate nignogs and I resent being made to feel like the cunt I am for thinking it’.
I personally want Howard off the Halifax adverts to be The New Who. He’d piss off the ‘political correctness gone mad’ brigade and would be a reassuring figure of fiscal authority in these financially-worrying times. Not to mention being deliciously incongruous.
Him or Wee Jimmy Krankie.
“Working White Heterosexual Male, feeling despised by NuLabour”
He keeps doing this. Really long, unsubtly contrived names. K.I.S.S. mate; something along the lines of ‘Misogynist Nazi’ or ‘BNP thug’ and we’d get the picture just as clearly.
Just found this : http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/talking_point/7664881.stm
Truly, we are staring into the abyss.
From the Mail:
If you look up Sachs’ granddaughter on the web, I think you’ll find that she’s in a ‘career’ which made this kind of thing pretty much inevitable. Basically if she goes around looking and acting like she does, it’s not surprising. No smoke without fire and all that.
- Jim, London, 31/10/2008 2:11
One has to suspect Jim has weighed into this debate rather late in the day because he spent the first two days wanking himself into a stupour and the next two resting up. Only now has he achieved the required level of post-orgasmic fury to comment. If it’s misogyny you’re looking for, I think Jim is at the prostitute-murdering end of the market.
Don’t bother writing in saying that’s libellous – it’s not.
A few comments on this, yer ‘onor: first, note the time at which Ken R had this posted: early in the morning – a sure fire indicator of baby-raping levels of rage. Also, notice the description of himself as “an older person”. Why would he use this clear appeal to authority unless he was planning to use it for nefarious purposes?
Then, consider the fact that he is clearly living in a dream-world. At the time of writing, Jonathan Ross already has been suspended for 12 weeks, yer ‘onor, while Russell Brand has resigned and the person ultimately responsible for the broadcast – the head of Radio 2 – has also resigned. He is clearly out of touch of reality, yer ‘onor, and with the additional considerations that (a) He couldn’t possibly have listened to this at the time of release,and has therefore deliberately made himself angry, and (b) he cannot see the fact that his dislike for the two stars before they were even condemned by The Mob™ may have discoloured his views, yer ‘onor.
No other conclusion can be reached, than to say he is clearly a danger to himself and all of the UK’s children, and must be locked up and classified, with all the other 50,000 people that care about this, as a scrawny badger-vaginal yeast infection, yer’ onor.
The case rests.
Come on Nelson! Surely you can fit in a few seconds between selling out to upgrade SYB with new video technology, so we may mock the stupid in glorious technicolour. Plus we then get to see what Millie and DMN look like.
We must not allow a moronity gap!
@ Mooska
yeah… and Brand and Ross torturing, literally, deliberately torturing, that harmless little old man. Disgraceful.
Blimey – people on SYB would HYS in a paper bag if they could.
Maybe someone should write to HYS and ask them to set up a topic “has the SYB thread put prodding HYS stupidity second to sexism and other internal debates?”
Thanks Far Q for trying to keep on subject:
If people use the acronym White Heterosexual And Male I sense they may be secretly saying something else.
Surely you can’t mean………he’s really a black lesbian in a wheelchair?!?
What a cunning stunt.
Two-Minute Hate Top-Ten for October
1) (new entry) Crap Radio Hosts
drugsscum
2) Investmnent Banks
3) Immigrants
4) Dolescum
5) Gays, Liberals, and anyone else who doesn’t support the troops.
6) Gordon Clown’s NuLabour
7) Knife crime
9) Immgrant drugdealing muslim Paedos scrounging benefits with knives
10) The Terrorists (al-Qaeda in Iraq extended version)
“If you look up Sachs’ granddaughter on the web.” – Jim, London
I was unaware she’d done anything quite so graphic.
I think he’s saying he’s Andrew Ridgely, steeped in bitterness at the divergence of his career with that of George Michael.
Nah, it weren’t me. I was too busy lezzing up Andrew Sach’s granddaughter.
BOOM! BOOM!
Here is a fast track in education…
middle-class, middle-aged, nervous people from Sussex = Wide Awake on Planet Earth
everything else, especially NOT FUNNY young people = some weird cryogenic-stasis-freezer on another planet.
Andy not only allows himself a quick bishop-bosh for taking a firm stand against hysterical Mob sentiment, he also signs off the post and the hand-party with a beautiful new take on “I’m wanking as I type this.”
Surely some of them must be, Natalie?
the public are quite evidently completely retarded.
The Daily Mail, sensing that it’s on a roll with its anti-BBC crusade, is now demanding Frankie Boyle’s head on a pike for insulting the Queen.
There’s considerable backlash amongst the commenters on the subject, with most not keen on returning to the moral climate of the 50’s. However, there are some voices in agreement:
Can anyone else spot the slight flaw in Mike’s argument?
Oh, for fuck’s sake, this is getting boring now:
Because, Basil Fawlty was always respectful to others wasn’t he?
I too made the mistake of looking at the Daily Mail website:
A response to Littlejohn on the future of the BBC.
I suspect (hope) some of these comments on Mock the Week are pisstakes:
Disgraceful. The Queen can’t answer back. This is another one to walk the plank…I’ll write a complaint to the BBC right away. Thanks daily mail for bringing this to my attention
- Jacky Macguire, Ipswich, Suffolk., 31/10/2008 7:45
Of course, they’re not complaining about this page on the Mail’s own site: “Sordid details emerge about Brand girl’s racy secret life”.
Hypocrisy in the Daily Mail? Surely not?
I have to say, ‘irrespresible’ Bernard is still, as far as I know, firmly wedged into his nailed-shut, long-buried, cold, cold coffin… aw, shame.
From the totally non-edgy ‘Who’s your Fav Bond?’ thread…
Well, well… Once again, Mr Turvey, it seems you have managed to evade my carefully placed logic systems. Tell me, is that the notorious 9mm Walther PPK in your pocket, or have you been looking at your signed photo of Richard Littlejohn again?
Ah yes. Those wonderful morals of the late 1980’s – screw everyone worse off than you so long as you make an obscene profit, fuck anyone and everyone you like and give them your trendy good AIDs, adopt a warmongering neo-con attitude in order to push those filthy commies into a nuclear holocaust that will leave anyone not immediately blasted into ash slowly dying of radiation sickness, dress up in poncy designer suits or big hair and shoulder pads and ra-ra skirts so you look a complete tosser.
You’ve got to admit they were the good old days.
I think Rob might have wanted to wait to hear this year’s Queen’s Speech before advocating the immediate expulsion and exile of the entire BBC. I understand it’s going to start off with:
“My husband and I would like to take this opportunity to tell you that Frankie Boyle is a tadpole’s cunt and Dara O’Brien is a fat wanker.”
Old Rob’s going to look a bit silly after that!
Oh Rrrreneeeeee! ‘Ow you ‘ave inflamed me with your saucy mental imagery! Now I will ‘ave to hide in my leetle tank while I toss one off thinking about touching ze Queen with my feelth…!
He’s also a massive fan of Browneye. IfyouknowwhatImean.
There has not been a decent British comedian now for many years. They died out after the likes of Morcambe and Wise, Arthur English, Tommy Cooper and the irrepressible Bernard Manning. All you have now are badly educated morons whose only contribution to the airwaves revolves round bad language and sexual inuendo.
- mike, usa expat, 31/10/2008 3:07
Can anyone else spot the slight flaw in Mike’s argument?
Yes, he missed out the True Brit comedy genius of Jim “Chalky” Davidson. Relax I’m a rightwing shithead.
Blind Pew
a decent British comedian… like… the irrepressible Bernard Manning.
I have to say, ‘irrespresible’ Bernard is still, as far as I know, firmly wedged into his nailed-shut, long-buried, cold, cold coffin… aw, shame.
…………..
They had a HYS when the fucker died. Many of the usual suspects who have been so outraged by Brand/Ross were bewailing the loss of the fat nazi ponce. You couldn’t make it up!
TT is a Cock:
You Only Live Twice reveals Bond is the son of a Scottish father, Andrew Bond, of Glencoe, and a Swiss mother, Monique Delacroix, of the Canton de Vaud.
Far-Q
If only for the fact that he was, for a long time, the only person to play Bond who was actually English.
TT is a Cock:
You Only Live Twice reveals Bond is the son of a Scottish father, Andrew Bond, of Glencoe, and a Swiss mother, Monique Delacroix, of the Canton de Vaud.
…………
What a tit, what about David Niven and Timothy Dalton. Relax I’m a trainspotter.
Completely off topic (to prevent even more off topic debates)
Not sure how many people here ever use facebook but I was wondering if this profile matched a typical HYSer or not?
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=622830916
Nelson – is this allowed? Can you remove the link if I’ve broken the law or something.
It’s all been downhill, telly-wise, since they banned the black and white minstrels.
I’m sick of these loony lefty ZaNuLiarBore ‘comedians’ thinking they can push me and millions of other right (wing)-minded people out of our comfort zone by making us realise it’s not 1979 any more.
Gaah. I’m off to watch my DVD box set of ‘Mind Your Language!’. Now THAT’S quality comedy, and nobody could possibly be offended. We need more shows like that on tv! And possibly only 3 channels. In black and white. I’ve come full circle.
Timothy Dalton is a Welsh and should be sent scuttling back to Colwyn Bay with his PPK between his legs.
Relax, I have Wikipedia.
On the topic of insulting the Queen, I’m surprised no-one’s used the ‘I pay my taxes for the Queen so why can’t I insult the stonefaced cunt’ card yet.
Relax, I’m on the Civil List.
I can’t wait for the next angry mob to erupt. Although there wasn’t this much of a furore when Victor Lewis-Smith used to ring people to tell them the Queen Mother had died.
Actually, it’s all gone downhill since they got rid of black and white tellies. It so was much easier then to tell who was completely white and, therefore, who to trust on television.
That’s easy to say Sir Oswald, but what happens if the contrast goes on the B&W set and everyone looks dark?
That happened in our househould in the late 70’s and we had to turn off the TV for three years while we saved up for a colour telly.
We barricaded ourselves in the house and prepared for the roving hoards of darkies who we were convinced had been unleashed on to the streets of the UK. My poor mother nearly died when she saw that ‘One Man and His Dog’ was entirely populated by negro farmers and their black sheepdogs.
The title of Littlejohn’s piece in the Mail is “We’re mad as hell and we DON’T have to take it any more!” The first part of that is certainly true, judging from some of the comments:
Daley Mayle, you may joke but here’s an actual comment from that article:
As an expat living in the Netherlands I’m currently fighting the urge to get the train up to Amsterdam, find Roger, and impale the cunt on an Amsterdammertje… HARD!
Ha FarQ! Commander Topsy has an answer for you:
“Of course you know that in Flemmings original books bond is described as half french, half scottish.
[Laughingattheracists], livinginabritainofhopenotfear”
Of course… but we’re not talking about the books here!
I don’t associate either of those nationalities with the silver-screen Bond who did what he did “For England”.
But don’t let a trifling matter like that that put you off from pervading your ill-perceived literary snobbery.
Topsy Turvy, England, United Kingdom”
Bet you feel like a right jaguar’s vadge now, eh FarQ?
It’s also a little known fact that many of the actors who played James Bond weren’t actually James Bond, either. Christ on a bike what a fucking nobhead.
Bollocks!
True British comedy died out when we lost the likes of Max Miller, Tommy Trinder and Arthur Atkinson!
Manning, Morecambe and Wise weren’t even fit to lick the sweaty, smeg-encrusted foreskins of those comedy giants.
“Where’s me washboard!?”
Classic.
Sorry too much coffee this afternoon but as well as being a complete cunt Topsy may well be the Mrs Malaprop of the noughties.
PERVADING your ill-PERCEIVED literary snobbery… What the gibbering fuck does that mean?
@Hissy Fit.
I’m scared now.
There’s a train leaving for Belgium from St. Pancreas at 16.14 (which is 17.14 Nelson Time), if I sprint, I can be on it and escape. Why do I suspect if Mr Littlejohn is installed at No 10, he will reset the year to Zero A.L.
When you’ve finished wanking to Littlejohn (which should be the name of a TV show, where bilious rightwingers masturbate themselves into furious orgasm while Littlejohn reads out Enoch Powell and Mosley speeches), I’d like to thank you for your proposal to sanitise the BBC’s output.
I hope I have interpreted your requirements correctly, and now present the BBC’s revised schedule.
7am Good Morning Proper Britain
8am Sports Update – reportage from the worlds of tennis and cricket, and proper rugby
9am Children’s TV – a collection of children’s tales from middle class Britain, non-violent cartoons interspersed with 0.1 second clips of ‘Obey Your Queen’, ‘White is Right’ and ‘Vote UKIP’.
11am Bargain Hunt Bootie Changing Ground Force Property Ladder Great British Menu – a baffling mishmash of safe daytime TV, following mature beige presenters of blemishless character, as they try to make money for couples from the home counties who are moving to large country homes in order to redecorate their garden while cooking a meal for the Queen (bless ‘er…sniff).
3pm Queen’s Daily Speech
4pm Children’s TV
5pm White Blue Peter – now with 45% less ethnicity
6pm News – with that lovely Natasha Kaplinsky. Although I’d prefer it if she changed her name to Smith.
7pm The One Show – Adrian Chiles, the lone anchor after the deportation of the illegal Irish immigrant, takes us through slightly eccentric English happenings in the Home Counties
8pm The English Proms – exclusively English conductors conduct English orchestras in an English venue while English people wave English flags and cry patriotic tears to the strains of Land of Hope and Glory.
3am National Anthem
3.25am Close
I am a pretentious cunt and don’t watch tv. Where do I complain?
Bargain Hunt,BBC News at One, BBC London News, Doctors, Diagnosis Murder, BBC News, LazyTown, Dennis the Menace, Newsround, The Weakest Link, BBC News at Six
Bet you loved it, you filthy bitch. Arf arf.
Does this make me a misogynist too?
?
LL&P – Yep, me and my book reading (& wikipedia fact-checking) ways are no match for the branes of the mighty Topsy
“Queynte” – Chaucer
millie
?
………..
Its your kind of political correctness gone mad that is running this once great country into the ground.
Far-Q
literary snobbery and lady bits in one short burst. I salute you.
I know I shouldn’t ask this, but how can your favourite Bond be Roger Moore and yet your favourite bond film be Goldeneye, a non-Moore Bond film.
Isn’t that like saying “for me the sexist woman in the world is Halle Berry and if I had the chance to bed anyone, I shag Hattie Jacques.”
Look at me, wanting logic off Topsy, D’oh!
I though Brand was a talentless cuntsicle before it was cool…
Good old Topsy Turvy. Never one to be silenced by correctness.
This places is so fucking educational.
I always think of an amsterdammetje as a size of beer glass.
Now I know it is a bollard for impaling fuckwits too.
Tonymac – Good Morning Proper Britain? BRITAIN? Don’t you mean Ingerland, you evil, godless ZaNuLiarBore factotum? I spurn your political correctness gone mad and chose to only watch DVDs of ‘Love Thy Neighbour’. I’d also watch ‘In Sickness & In Health’, but that bastard Mitchell is a Jew and I’m not falling for the obvious zionist plot at work behind the scenes of that show. You can’t pull the wool over MY eyes!
Ah, Amsterdamertjes. I visit The ‘Dam many times a year and imagining cunts like Roger impaled on them will just add extra poignancy to the mental loop I generally have playing whilst there; the one saying ‘Fucksticks: why can’t the UK be more like The Netherlands?’.
Yeah, yeah, if I like it so much, why don’t I go live there?
Amsterdammertjes, I mean. Damn you, missing ‘m’.
I blame the four poofs and a piano. Russell Brand is infinitely funnier than Jo Brand. They are all clam clunges anyway.
I’ll get my coat.
When I said “?” earlier, what I meant to say was:
I suspect it was censorship by them queyntey moderators.
if only
Another one:
“If the BBC think some of us watch Friday night with Jonathan Ross because of him …. they are sadly mistaken. I watch it for the guests and mourn the fact that we have no indepth interviewing of the quality of Parkinson. Pay Bruno from Strictly come dancing to do the Ross show and I am sure it would be better quality and fun. I am sick of Jonathan Ross.
tania
Recommended by 91 people”
(If anyone knows how to make those fancy things for quotes come up, feel free to do that with this one)
Who the fuck is Bruno from Strictly Come Dancing? I bet he’s either the really nasty one or the really gay one that gets on everyones tits apart from complete twats who think they’re “a bit kooky”.
On that subject, anyone else think that Gok Wan isn’t a gay fashion expert, but just a pervert with exceptionally low standards?
Bruno already has one extra show(I think its the same bloke)-some stupid cooking show,which clearly showcases his utter lack of talent and ability-a soiled nappy would make a better presenter!
I agree about Gok Wan(k) though, but who wouldnt want that job:”Get yer tits out luv, so I can see what clothes you *really* need to wear”!
Mind you, what does appearing on that show say about the ugly munters who just want to show the world their droopy tits and cellulite dimpled arses-exhibitionists with no self respect, it’s NOT about “empowering” themselves, or whatever feminist bullcrap they come up with, its just about being a tart (but you can still crack one off to it if it’s a quiet night!)
For every drop of rain, a flower grows.
For every dying man, a child is born.
For every elephant’s tusk, a poacher’s testicle.
The Ying-Yangs Wisdom of Zen Master Alex Gache.
“I am sick of Jonathan Ross.
tania”
He still loves you, though. Why won’t you return his calls? I however think you are a leech’s labia…
I only just put my coat down, now I have to get it again.
“however” should have commas either side of it. What would Mrs Butler say?
Considering elephants have two tusks, Alex’s poetic little justice-equation actually just means; if you kill an elephant, we’ll cut your balls off.
There is obviously something amiss with your beekeeping skills, because my bees enjoy depravity on a regular basis, usually in my bed, with me and a nice jar of honey. But now they are angry at the resignation of Russell Brand, because his sense of humour is perfectly matched to their tiny insect brains. Unfortunately the fascist HYS moderators will not allow their angry buzzing to be heard, so I have no alternative but to cancel my licence fee and visit Mr Brand in person with a portable beehive.
Palin for President.
Re the “Who for Dr. Who?” crisis talks.
I think we should have our very own ‘Black Lesbian in a Wheelchair’ as the next timelord. If only to see the reaction of the ‘Great British Public’.
Palin for President.
wow. has anyone ever read the hys house rules? Of course you have, but I should point out one of them anyway:
i bet ross and brand used capital letters when they phoned up andrew sachs. how vulgar.
@Tonymac:
I am disappointed that there is no space in your schedule for “Cunt”, featuring Russell Brand as Nathan Barley and Jonathan Ross as his equally repellent overpaid fat-head friend.
That is all.
Let’s take it as a ‘given’ that The Mods read SYB, (You do and we know you do. And we know you know we know you know we know as well, so nur)
Saying ‘don’t raise your voice, please be polite’ is all well and good, but you monitor an infamous rant-zone for some of the nation’s most out-spoken retards.
HYS is a cyber-cage full of semi-insane rage-addicts. (Oh yes it is a cage. Those mad fuckers are trapped in there and you know it. Their opinions have been ignored all their lives and now they’re addicted to the illusion of your self-voted, soap-box.) You spend all day poking electric cattle prods through the bars of the nutter-pen; you dangle pantomime terrorists and immigrants in front of their twisted howling faces like dangling meat over a pit of starving Rottweiler’s. You encourage their unhealthy obsession with impotent rage. Then you simper and ask them to be polite?
“Will HYS posters please remember that when we’ve got you smashing your forehead onto your keyboard in paralysed rage, you mustn’t offend our prissy, middle-class sensibilities. It’s OK to have gibbering racist views, we don’t really care about that, just try to hold your fork the right way round and don’t talk with your mouth full. Thank you.”
GO FUCK YOURSELVES.
@Charles Exford, Oxton
Yes, it was a piss-poor homage to TV Go Home unfortunately, and I’d ran out of steam by mid-morning of the schedule.
Saying that though, one should always find room for Mick Hucknall’s Pink Pancakes.
The above ‘most recommended’ post contains a meme. That meme is spreading across HYS at the mo from reader to reader. Vulpus’s post has 50 votes so far. Perhaps 50 people who ‘caught’ this meme and will take it to their local pub where they will attempt to disseminate it. Hopefully at this point, bigger, stronger, better memes will attack it. Specifically the meme that encourages people with brains to look at people with no brains and say, “right, and you believe that, do you?”
Must…control…urge…to…leave…happy…place
No. Too late. Numpties at work are worse than HYSers.
Although it has to be a piss-take, I rather like PondrickTwizzle’s Profile on the Guardian website:
About me: I live in Wokingham. I keep Bees with the present Mrs Twizzle. We are very happy, although we do live in fear for our lives. My mission in life is to transfer the teachings and idiologies of the daily mail and similar to the wooly liberals on this side of the fence. I also hope at some point to find love with someone other than the present Mrs. Twizzle who is unaware of my daliance on these pages.
Interests: Bees mainly, right wing politics, moral outrage
blah! blah blah blah blah blah blah, blah blah
blah