spEak You're bRanes

Every now and then I come across a Have Your Say poster who makes me genuinely think. You know, like, when you suddenly see the world in a whole new way? Check out this “Bushwhackered” chap. He hates Bush but he also hates Labour! He’s really blowing my mind right now.

My mildest, expletive-free, cautiously-phrased criticism of NuLabour skulduggery or idiocy is almost always CENSORED and REJECTED by Aunty Beeb on ‘Have Your Say’. for some imagined breach of House Rules. Protect these public figures at all costs, it seems.

But Ross gets away with participation in vicious harassment and abuse of a private person!

As my local MP said to me at surgery, when we’ve overthrown Labour nad the Loonie Left in 2010, it will be time to break up the Beeb.
[Bushwhackered]

When you put it like that, it all seems so clear. It’s got me hankering after a revolution. I’m not surprised they’re trying to stifle you!

“Should women have the right to keep pregnancy a secret?”

Outrageous.

All of this is part of NuLabour’s masterplan to greatly increase the number of children who grow up without contact with one of their parents.

While many such unfortunate children overcome this handicap & grow up well-adjusted, successful & hard-working, very many do not.

It is this large group of failures who, having a chip on their shoulder & benefits-dependent, almost invariably vote Labour.

So Labour abuses children in order to jerrymander votes.

LABOUR OUT!
[Bushwhackered]

He just slices (like a hot knife through butter) through all the layers of the policy onion to reveal the heart (core) of the matter (onion) as clear as day. I bet he’d absolutely fucking nail it on Mastermind.

“What’s the greatest computer game of all time?”

Chess.
[Bushwhackered]

Wow. That’s a really good answer because you can play it on a computer but it’s actually a really old game that only very, very, VERY clever people can play! It mocks all current games whilst also revealing that “Bushwhackered” is very, very clever indeed. Brilliant. Just brilliant.

I’ve subscribed to his comment feed so that I can continue to learn from him.

An African singer I’d never heard of apart from briefly on Wikipedia tragically passed away. Naturally I didn’t have much to contribute to the obituary thread so limited myself to two posts per hour.

Does anyone outside Africa actually know who this person is???
[aNonnaMoose], Stratford upon Avon, United Kingdom

Of course not. No-one has heard of anything you don’t know about.

Never even heard of her. Somehow I doubt all these have your Sayers’ have either.
Chris, us

At least you’re not a hypocrite though.

I have never heard of her which is really rather rare for musical performers. I guess that I am not old enough to be aware of her political work against apartheid. Sadly this illustrates that we all grow old and the battles of our day are forgotten. It is always sad to lose musicians as they amongst all entertainers are the bringers of the greatest joy to most peoples lives.
jeremy slawson, plymouth, United Kingdom

It’s so sad that she never lived to be recognised by your genius.

Public Enemy did more for the black rights movement, I mean, I’ve barely heard of Miriam Makeba and knowing music is part of my job and I’m also black. Just type in Public Enemy then Miriam Makeba into Google and Public Enemy comes up with more than 10 times the amount of results than Miriam Makeba.
Mr Boobjangles, Nottingham, United Kingdom

Hi, this is Chuck D. Just calling to say I read…SHUT UP GUYS!…I just read your post on Have Your Say and…STOP LAUGHING!…and yeah I’d like you to come on tour with us since you know so much about music and Public Enemy and Google and stuff…SERIOUSLY GUYS!…You can be a roadie or something and come on stage and Flava Flav says you can wear his clock.

Who is our countries equivalent.Who sings about how beautiful and united we the british people are and recieves full coverage in the media.?no? neither can i.
I wonder why???
[AnotherAngryMan], Tyne and Wear, United Kingdom

Are we meant to blame Muslims, immigrants or self-hating anti-British Guardianistas for this one? Please be more specific.

Thanks to BlahYourBranes (a sort of digital soup kitchen for refugees fleeing the “blah filter”) for reminding me about “Badger Fruit”.

Something about the economy. Probably

you really have got to wonder, either those in power are either really so stupid as to trash the country & economy in this way; or very clever.

Afterall, their measures seem to be heading for a destruction of the Pound, the monarchy are just sitting around (or “on tour”), either way, NOT DOING ANYTHING TO HELP, the destruction of the Pound means we’re going to HAVE TO go to the Euro. Perhaps this is what they really want and as we the public said no, they did it this way instead?
badger fruit

I’m always left reeling by posts like this. Do these “patriotic” spongeheads imagine the royal family (most of them long past retirement age) sit around, in full kevlar armour, ready to spring into action when the realm is threatened? Have they ever actually seen the Queen? What exactly do they think she’s going to do? Lay a magic egg? Attack Hitler with a hammer? Shame invading armies into going home because their diction is so bad?

I never knew before Tony submitted this, but apparently “fIrSt pØsT – LOL” also exists on HYS, albeit in a more paranoid and self-important form.

Once again I was the first comment and yet I was not published in the first batch – Bias again BBC.
Keith Waters, Ely, United Kingdom

You may laugh, but time of publication usually makes the difference between two and two hundred recommendations. Yet again the Communist moderators DELIBERATELY come between Keith Waters and the buxom young beer heiresses who search online news forums for a witty, intelligent mate.

No idea who runs the quaint little interactive segments on the BBC website, but with stories like this, you’d think they might bother rewording a little.

Are you a member of the BNP? Were your details published online? Contact us using the form below. Your contact details will not be published.

Note it’s been taken off, since even BNP activists aren’t stupid enough to trust a pro-multicultural hate site like the BBC with their name and email. God knows who might hack their elf-porn accounts or plagiarise their runic poetry.

Astonishingly, “Graphjam” actually managed to produce a mildly amusing graph, on Proposition 8. ValiantDefender isn’t happy.

ValiantDefender
November 20th, 2008 at 12:38 pm

It isn’t a true statement. Gay’s being married = change the definition of marriage [...] I have a right to believe that marriage is sacred, holy and the definition is not to be changed because someone thinks it ought to be. What gives them the right to be upset and intolerant of my beliefs? They want tolerance but give none? Hypocrisy! Tolerate gays? Sure. Love them? Sure. Allow them to force their theological changes on me? No way.

I’d never thought about it like that. I guess if your religious beliefs involve stopping people you’ve never met from getting married, this whole tolerance thing really is quite tyrannical.

ValiantDefender
November 20th, 2008 at 2:32 pm

Marriage is, and always has been, a religious belief. Their marriage doesn’t effect my marriage. It does, however, take the societies moral scale and lower it another notch. Eventually the liberal left will be fully in support rampant free sex anywhere with anyone.

It starts with rampant free sex between men in the privacy of their own bedrooms, but where does it go from there? Rampant free sex between chartered and certified accountants in the kitchen? Rampant free sex on a bunk-bed between people called Geoff and people called Harriet? Supporters of Glasgow Rangers having rampant free sex with fans of Showaddywaddy in rural Shropshire? Where will the madness end?

Jay Bell
November 21st, 2008 at 8:33 am

Take that other fella dingy out yo mouth and think! It’s because you had another fells’s dingy in your mouth. GAY means happy. What you are is QUEER, and illiterate since you don’t know queers are not gay.

A textbook “slightly tolerant of gays = gay = having gay sex right now” there from Col. Jay Bell (rtd). And there was me thinking the internet was what people did between bouts of oral sex.

What I find fascinating about Have Your Say is not cretinous opinions expressed by articulate and ostensibly intelligent people, but articulate and ostensibly intelligent opinions expressed by paranoid xenophobic fucknuts between bouts of shrieking. The following is an almost poetic example of this, where legitimate concerns over the abuse of state power suddenly explode into an Wagnerian inferno of deranged conspiracy theory. You can almost hear the strings swelling on “legitimate rights”.

The problem with “non-lethal weapons” is that the Police will use them with little consideration because they assume they won’t kill anyone. They will also start to use them on anyone who stands up for their legitimate rights.

This is all part of the process to militarise our police in line with other EU countries. It’s no surprise that EuroPol’s logo is a flaming handgrenade.

Welcome to Fascist Britian.

[BritishSubject], Sandy

Incidentally, this is the Europol logo:

If you squint really hard, you can sort of see a boot stamping on a human face forever. But it has to be REALLY hard.

Thanks (I think) to Rob. I get a lot of submissions from people pointing me at Facebook Hate Groups but they are generally aren’t very funny. This one isn’t either but it’s quite instructive. I’d been wondering, like almost everyone else in the country, how the fuck three people could end up committing such stomach-churning crimes as have been endlessly and salaciously described by the media in the “Baby P” case. The fact that there were three of them makes it more confusing. You can’t quite grasp why none of them stopped it. The more I read the Facebook group of vengeful hate, the more I begin to understand. Having three of them in it together made it easier not harder for them to commit the crime. All that’s needed to turn normal people into monsters is a few other people all acting like this is normal. Witness the terrible power of groupthink, anger and stupidity:

But the evil bitch will b segregated,so other lags cant touch,she ought to b slowly tortured by decent mums like us
Tracey Hall (West Midlands)

If she was talking about anything else it’d be piss funny. I think it’s also quite interesting that you often hear politicians, journalists etc talking about “decent people” but, unlike Tracey, they’re slightly too smart to add that crucial “like us” on the end that lets you see that what they really mean. You can see it in the response to the leak of the BNP membership too. The “decent, like us” are gathering all over the internet and discussing what they should do to hurt the “indecent, like them”. It’s Saturday morning and I’m here to tell you that, as a species, we’re completely fucked.

Incidentally, I’m fairly sure that somebody, somewhere, makes a USB keyboard that has two fist sized buttons on it: a blue one (for the daddies) labelled “REST IN PEACE LITTLE MAN!!!” and a pink one (for the mummies) labelled “NOBODY CAN HURT YOU NOW LITTLE ANGLE!!!! XXX”.

Thanks to Rob and Vicky respectively. It’s about “Strictly Come Dancing” where, I’ve been forced to learn, John Sergeant has been doing badly but the public love him. Or something.

If the stupid plebs who keep voting for him want him to win why should he resign?

The result might be perverse but it isn’t breaking the rules.

Is this a sinister taste of things to come when the BBC/new labour maniputlate results they don’t like?
[Vulpus_rex], London, United Kingdom

First they came for the people who couldn’t dance very well…

Public subversiveness must be stopped at all costs, that’s why John was made to go. Democracy? Forget it.
Percy, London

Don’t worry Percy. “They” may have won a small victory here, but Gok Wan has just been made “Minister For Emphasising Your Tits” so we should start seeing a load more norks around the place.

Thanks to Izzy. From the “Are you far too horrid for any woman to voluntarily let you into her knickers and does this make you angry?” thread.

You people are complete fools. Every male, who has ever had sex, realizes that you pay for sex every time, in some form. Sex isn’t free. Women get things from men in exchange for having sex with them. It’s time people admitted this and stop with the they are innocent angels rubbish.
Steve, Arlington, VA

I’m not sure you’re doing it right Steve. I mean, occasionally, I’ll make a sandwich afterwards but whenever I’ve done it (with a real woman!), they’ve seemed to get at least a little something from the actual fucking bit.

Maybe you should start off with some gentle wanking. Once you’ve learned to pull yourself off without screaming “WHY DON’T YOU WANT ME YOU COCKSUCKING HARPY? YOU’VE RUINED MY LIFE. I HATE YOU” then you might be ready to move onto the real thing. Fannies are fucking brilliant, honest.