spEak You’re bRanes

Curtain Twitchers and Permanently Bewildered03 Nov 2008 04:42 pm

By Nelson

Thanks to Sam for this one about that Brand/Ross wank.

Absolutely appalling behaviour. Were I to do similar in my job I would have been immediately sacked.
Dick Clegg, Preston

Sam asks:
The thing is, if Ross and Brand kept asking their audience, “Do you want fries with that?” they’d lose their jobs pretty fast. Does this mean Dick should be fired?

110 Responses to “Appalling”

on 03 Nov 2008 at 4:47 pm liberal left and proud

Absolutely appalling behaviour. Were I to do similar in my job I would have been immediately sacked.
Dick Clegg, Preston

…………….

Dick Clegg sounds like something you would find on an unwashed todger.
on 03 Nov 2008 at 5:14 pm Badger the Canteloupe

Absolutely appalling behaviour. If I started navigating HYS in order to make pithy comments while at my workplace I would be fired from a cannon into a massive bust of Princess Diana kissing a dolphin with leukemia.

Fitting end, ‘tho.
on 03 Nov 2008 at 5:20 pm DW

Well if you did that at work, whoever you insulted would be making a mint from the newspapers like that Satan’s Slut is!!!!!!!
on 03 Nov 2008 at 5:21 pm SJG

Dick Clegg sounds like something you would find on an unwashed todger.

“Dick Clegg, Preston” sounds even worse.
on 03 Nov 2008 at 5:23 pm Brogan

If I sliced the top of someone’s head off and started pissing about with the innards while at work I would, no doubt, get the sack.

And yet those cunting brain surgeons are elbow in the shit all day and no one says a word.
on 03 Nov 2008 at 5:57 pm burnel

If I went to the pub and called a total stranger a cunt for staring at my pint, I might get sacked.
on 03 Nov 2008 at 5:58 pm Willy Scab

Funnily enough enough I’m paid to abuse pensioners.

Relax, I’m a care worker.
on 03 Nov 2008 at 6:05 pm Rich (MMath)(Oxon)

I was amazed at the number of comments which said something like:

How can Jonathan Ross say something on a bbc program which would get removed if I typed it on HYS?

A quick browse of the HYS rules states that you cannot:
-swear
-say the same thing twice
-say anything sexually oriented
-use capital letters (ie raise your voice)
-mention other websites
-mention your workplace
-imitate someone else
-only speak in English.

I, for one, am glad that they haven’t banned people from doing all this on television.
on 03 Nov 2008 at 6:24 pm YeGods

?? “you cannot … only speak in English ” ? ? ?

That explains a lot !!
on 03 Nov 2008 at 6:39 pm pigfrottage

To be fair their job is to “push boundaries” with humour, in a way that listeners find inoffensive. Most of the people listening at the time thought it funny, if a little OTT and misguided. The fact that only 2 people who did listen when it was aired were offended enough to complain (and that that was for swearing) means that Brand and Ross were doing their job.

Preston is, however, a top place and Clegg has reduced its grandeur somewhat. Most people from Preston are not complete walrus cloacas.
on 03 Nov 2008 at 7:05 pm Freddy Two Trousers

A quick browse of the HYS rules states that you cannot:
-swear
-say the same thing twice
-say anything sexually oriented
-use capital letters (ie raise your voice)
-mention other websites
-mention your workplace
-imitate someone else
-only speak in English.

I believe repetition, hesitation and deviation is banned too.
on 03 Nov 2008 at 7:18 pm alt-f4

Absolutely appalling behaviour. Were I to do similar in my job I would have been immediately sacked.
Dick Clegg, Preston

The second sentance is a grammatical nightmare, implying a regime of pre-emptive sackings on gournds of imaginary acts of future misconduct.

If Dick was to do similar no one would know the fuck what he was talking about and simply dismiss the call as a wrong number, probably traceable to a care home or something.
on 03 Nov 2008 at 10:02 pm Another Paul

I’ve just noticed the link “Feed on comments to this Post” down the bottom here. MMmmmmmmm. Dick Cleggma.
on 03 Nov 2008 at 10:57 pm finlayson

-imitate someone else

Hurrah, at last a part of the BBC free from Jon Culshaw!
on 04 Nov 2008 at 12:00 am DW

I see that Georgina lass is now appearing on a channel five show to cash in about this!
“It’s my private life…” so lets share it with the Sun, News of the World and channel five!
on 04 Nov 2008 at 8:31 am Jeremy Clarkson

If I were to crack a few innocent gags about lorry drivers murdering prostitutes (as they do) there would be another front page media frenzy and calls for me to be suspended from my job.

I know Dick Clegg, he is an answering machine salesman.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 8:56 am Scaryduck

The Mail’s got the smell of blood in its nostrils and is now trying to start a similar outrage over Jeremy Clarkson’s joke that prostitute-killing lorry drivers are all prostitute-killers.

What a load of crap. My uncle was a lorry driver, and he barely made it into double figures.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 9:08 am Hissy Fit

Another nail in the coffin for ‘Geezer TV’. Perhaps he’ll take that other idiot who drove at high speed and nearly killed himself,Hammond I think his name is, with him. Television seems to be full of outrageous gays who are mysoginistic,daft silly blokes who read The Guardian and the ‘geezers’ .Where are all the normal blokes on TV? Are they really a reflection of our society today? One thing they have in common is that they are all attention-seeking show-offs
- Jan, London,England, 3/11/2008 16:05
on 04 Nov 2008 at 9:12 am Simon

Give the guy a break. He’s working as the voice of the speaking clock FFS. To be fair:

At the third stroke, I’ll have fucked your grand-daughter…

WOULD constitute gross-misconduct.

Besides, dick clegg is a minor side effect of charlie bumsex. As any fule kno.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 9:39 am skunkpussy

ITS CALLED A JOKE. last I heard there was a war in Iraq, global economic crisis and the possibility of the first black president of the US…. they all pail in significance to this of course, get a grip! See Top Gear for what it really is, “FUN”.
- Alistair, Waringstown, Northern Ireland, 3/11/2008 22:15

ZOMFG! A black man in the Whitehouse – TEH END IS REALLY FUCKING NIGH!.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 9:59 am skunkpussy

This is the revenge of the metrosexual, Guardian-reading, Leftie, heterophobic luvvies, for the attacks on their idles (and that’s not a spelling mistake) Brand and Ross. Clarkson’s a normal, plain-talking, married man who tells stupid off-colour jokes – and THAT is why most of the normal, heterosexual, sensible population identifies with him, because that’s what we do. And THAT’S why the bigoted, sneering imbeciles who run this country’s media, and in particular the BBC, would love to see him taken down.
- Sam Weller, Basingstoke, UK, 4/11/2008 9:55

Can someone please explain Sam Weller’s logic to me? I’ve tried to figure it out but now I can’t feel or move anything down the left side of my body. I also appear to have pissed myself.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 10:00 am Simon

But if we get a Black man in the White House the end really is nigh.

Take my word for it. We’ll be hit by a comet, slaughtered by space aliens or detroyed by a rampaging evil entity before his term is out.

If Obama gets in our only hope will be to get Bruce Willis to standby the hotline, Robert Duval to round up some scientificaologists, Kiefer Sutherland to call in some favours and Milla Jovovich to run round in her scanties.

You have been warned. End of.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 10:13 am Albi The Racist Dragon

The Mail is trying to get that cuntface Clarkson in trouble now? But that would mean… the Mail doing something GOOD… does not compute. The end really is nigh.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 10:18 am Albi The Racist Dragon

Isn’t Sam Weller Mr Pickwick’s servant? Obviously got a bit of a chip on his shoulder there.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 10:27 am A lorry driver

I object to clarkson saying we murder prossies. I spend at least 20% of my time murdering hitch-hikers.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 10:30 am A prostitute

I’ve been murdered by 32 lorry drivers, but it’s still better than watching Jeremy Clarkson
on 04 Nov 2008 at 10:37 am AndyS

ZOMFG! A black man in the Whitehouse – TEH END IS REALLY FUCKING NIGH!.

“are you mad? they’ll kill him in the 1st day”

with all this fuss about clarkson the theiving gypsies’ll start moaning about viz.

oh wait.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 10:41 am A Mailer

*uncontrolled weeping*

b..b..b.but… the d..d.daily mail is my FRIEND!!!!

An…an…and Jeremy Clark..ark..arkson is my friend….

*huge snot-suck-up*
*blows into utterley sodden hanky*

I can’t s..ss..stand it. How d..did it come to th..th..this?
on 04 Nov 2008 at 10:42 am Setyourfacestostunned

I wouldn’t mind if he never appeared on our screens again.

But we can’t have a repeat of last week’s 30,000 complaints and you are out. Grade is in the paper today talking about banning swearing and there was an article in the Metro (ahem) yeaterday that said girls that watch Sex In The City get preggers at 8 or summink.

It’s fucking not on. I’m an adult, I’ll decide what I like by watching it/listening to it, or not.

Won’t somebody give me a Bank?
on 04 Nov 2008 at 10:50 am Robert Peston

@Setyourfacestostunned

You can have one of those Icelandic ones if you want one, but I think your getting into the market at the wrong time really.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 11:07 am Peedo stalker Sam

I imagine Michael Grade’s a bit upset since Chris Morris described him as a “cunt” on Brass Eye…

I just want all of the UK to fuck off and leave me alone. Why can’t I enjoy my country in peace without all these dickheads swarming around me?

Won’t someone rid me of this troublesome population?
on 04 Nov 2008 at 11:22 am millie

You can have one of those Icelandic ones if you want one, but I think your getting into the market at the wrong time really.

I don’t think he’s talking about that kind of ‘bank’ Robert, he means like this, surely?
on 04 Nov 2008 at 12:45 pm Command-X

@alt-f4:

If we’re going to be pedantic about grammar and spelling, it’s spelt ’sentence’
on 04 Nov 2008 at 12:59 pm Command-Q

Since we’re into the business of being pedantic, it should have been Command-Q and not Command-X.

Yes, I was Command-X in a previous life.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 1:10 pm Tonymac

@Setyourfacestostunned

I’d like to give you a ‘Bank’ but I’ve come to hate the Weakest Link and find I much prefer the simple purity of William G Stewart’s Fifteen-To-One.

Question or Nominate?
on 04 Nov 2008 at 1:10 pm Dingleberry

Clarkson, 48, was taking part in a lorry-driving task, when he suggested that lorry drivers kill sex workers. “Change gear, change gear, check mirror, murder a prostitute, change gear, change gear, murder. That’s a lot of effort in a day,” he said.

188 complaints to the BBC so far and rising.

Please, Dear God, guide the British Public in this mighty task. They have proved to be utterly mindless and confused in the past, Please God, let them be so this time! May the same people who for so many years have nodded ‘wisely’ everytime Clarkson opened his loud, smug, intolerant, stupid, fucking cake-hole now turn on him and rips his intenstines from his screaming, jerking body in a mindless frenzy of self-righteous mob violence. I, and millions like me, will light a candle in thanks if you make this so. Thank You God, Amen.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 1:25 pm Setyourfacestostunned

@ Tonymac

I will have to nominate I think.

Tel you what, you give me a question and I’ll see if I can’t post it on HYS. We can then kick back and watch the vitriol pour in? Tell you what again, make it a really bad bleeding heart moan.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 1:32 pm Dingleberry

If you feel like giving Jeremy Goebbels-Clarkson a big slap in the mush for generally being a cunt then you can chivvy on the hysterical stampede, (if my shoddy linking skills don’t fail me)…

here

of course, when we do it, it’s with ironic detachment and OK. Go on… you know you want to, we’re talking about Jeremy Clarkson FFS. (Just imagine walking into a book shop and NOT seeing his twattery plastered everywhere.)
on 04 Nov 2008 at 1:33 pm My PC has gone mad

But if we rise up and ban Clarkson, who will protect us from the dreaded and oh so very scary Euro! We’ll be forced to straighten our bananas and all road signs will be rewritten in kilometres.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 1:40 pm liberal left and proud

My PC has gone mad

But if we rise up and ban Clarkson, who will protect us from the dreaded and oh so very scary Euro! We’ll be forced to straighten our bananas and all road signs will be rewritten in kilometres.

……………..

If Clarkson was a black poof he would be prime minister by now. He’s been held back because he is straight and white.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 1:43 pm Freddy Two Trousers

<blockquote.And THAT’S why the bigoted, sneering imbeciles who run this country’s media, and in particular the BBC, would love to see him taken down.

So the BBC don’t want Clarkson on the BBC. I wonder what they could do about that.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 1:44 pm Freddy Two Trousers

Arse!!!

Arse!!!

Arse!!!

One day it will work properly.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 1:45 pm skunkpussy

Strange business this censorship.

First they came for Brand, but he’s an egotistical maniac so I didn’t mind.
Then they came for Ross, but he’s paid too much so I didn’t care.
Then they came for Mock The Week, but I don’t watch it so I didn’t care.
Then they came for Clarkson, but that’s on BBC2 so I didn’t care.
Then one day I turned on the TV and it was blank.
- Dave, Edinburgh, Uk, 4/11/2008 10:26
on 04 Nov 2008 at 1:57 pm Dingleberry

Clarkson at 517 complaints and rocketing…. GO ON MY SON!
on 04 Nov 2008 at 2:07 pm Mr Cat

Full marks to Dave from Edinburgh for somehow relating some minor BBC controversy to the greatest atrocity of the 20th century.

What a sense of perspective. He probably summons up imagery of wholesale incinerations at German concentration camps when he burns the cheese on his pizza.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 2:19 pm Rich (MMaff)

Why do people always reference that poem when talking about something trivial and bollocks.

Also, he gives perfectly good reasons to not give a shit about all those people. Other than the fact that he needs something to be on tv. Or he might have to do something with his life.

How profound.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 2:19 pm Call of Davrodu

Dave of Edinburgh may have rushed at Nazi analogies like a bull at a gate, but I’m fucked if I want the daily mail to dictate acceptable standards.

The BBC should dedicate 1 hr of primetime a day to a program where “national treasures” say “Cunt” repeatedly whilst staring directly at the camera. Week one, Richard Briars.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 2:29 pm Rotwatcher

Thank you Dingle for the link to the BBC complaints section. Sadly, I’m unable to vote in the US election on the frankly preposterous grounds that I’m not a US citizen (as if such an important task should be left to them) but I’ve done the next best thing, and performed my civic duty by adding someone else’s false name to a campaign to get Clarkson booted off the BBC.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 2:31 pm Albi The Racist Dragon

Can we have Brian Blessed on week two? Pretty please.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 2:39 pm Blind Pew

Watching The Daily Mail mob Jeremy Clarkson is like watching a mad dog savage its own tail… fucking blooming marvellous!

@Call of Davrodu. How about the nation’s ‘bad boys’ read from chintzy armchairs in cosy parlours with clean ’slap on’ smiles and lots of gentle oh-ho-ho-ho laughter. Week One: Ozzy Osbourne reads Agatha Cristie. Week Two: Amy Winhouse reads Wind in the Willows.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 2:48 pm Call of Davrodu

Blessed is in. No doubt.

Maybe a panel discussion show is the right format, like question time. Where members of the audience can suggest swearwords to be delivered by our world class actors, performers and grandaughterfuckers.

Oh sod it. I’ll comission all three shows.

Relax! I’m Mark Thompson.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 2:48 pm Disgustipated

Blind Pew:
How about the nation’s ‘bad boys’ read from chintzy armchairs in cosy parlours with clean ’slap on’ smiles and lots of gentle oh-ho-ho-ho laughter. Week One: Ozzy Osbourne reads Agatha Cristie. Week Two: Amy Winhouse reads Wind in the Willows

Haha, yeah! How’s about week three could be Johnny Rotten reading a script for a butter advert… LOLZ

Imagine that! It’d be a world gone mad.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 2:52 pm skunkpussy

Yeah Dingleberry, thanks for the link. I just used it tell the BBC how much I enjoy watching Clarkson on Top Gear.

We need MORE stuff that annoys Daily Mail readers – not less, FFS.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 2:57 pm Hissy Fit

We need MORE stuff that annoys Daily Mail readers – not less, FFS.

True, but virtually anything except televised stoning of illegal immigrants/paedophiles/benefit-cheats &c. would annoy Dail Mail readers.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 2:59 pm liberal left and proud

skunkpussy

Yeah Dingleberry, thanks for the link. I just used it tell the BBC how much I enjoy watching Clarkson on Top Gear.

We need MORE stuff that annoys Daily Mail readers – not less, FFS.

………….

Daily Mail reader love clarkson, this will make their heads explode, its brilliant!!!!!
on 04 Nov 2008 at 3:01 pm Scaryduck

Strange business this censorship.

First they came for Brand, but he’s an egotistical maniac so I didn’t mind.
Then they came for Ross, but he’s paid too much so I didn’t care.
Then they came for Mock The Week, but I don’t watch it so I didn’t care.
Then they came for Clarkson, but that’s on BBC2 so I didn’t care.
Then one day I turned on the TV and it was blank.
- Dave, Edinburgh, Uk, 4/11/2008 10:26

The correct pay-off to this gag is, as ane fule kno:

“And then they came for Jimmy Carr, and I said ‘He’s there – behind the wardrobe’”
on 04 Nov 2008 at 3:03 pm Dingleberry

Everything and anything annoys Daily Mail Readers, they are mad sheep, nothing more, herded this way or that by their ridiculous newspaper. This tornado of ‘decency’ will very soon disperse (and probably already has) But if in the meantime they bring down a show as primitive as the sit-com known as Top Gear, that is a ‘good’ thing.

That cunt Clarkson is/was the UK focal point for scoffing at Global Warming, for that alone I’ll cheerfully watch as the very sheep he led so smugly, now rip the hole out of his arse.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 3:09 pm Hissy Fit

True, but virtually anything except televised stoning of illegal immigrants/paedophiles/benefit-cheats &c. would annoy Dail Mail readers.

On second thoughts, maybe stoning is too Islamic. What do you say Simon Skuse:

What are the ‘wider lessons’ I will tell you.

Islamists don’t like it up em. Despite the British Governments attempts to turn our cities into Islamic Republics, the people are fighting back – over the internet.

Islamists should concern themselves not with the ‘offending’ content, but with wether or not that content carries a message of truth. And it does.

And our appeasing government should stop rolling over to an unprovable and for the most part barbaric and unforgiving cult.

Simon Skuse, United Kingdom

Thanks, Simon. What makes a good joke?

Anything that upsets Islamists. There are 100’s doing the underground at the moment, very very clever too. Problem is every ‘religion’ can take it apart from this lot who have no sense of humour whatsoever and are likley to riot if past form is anything to go by.

Worse than that you are likely to get arrested by our government. PS Don’t mention the Teddy Bear ).

Simon Skuse, United Kingdom
on 04 Nov 2008 at 3:12 pm Brogan

To relate this back to the original post, I work in logistics. Much of my day is taken up with jokes about lorry drivers killing sex workers. I have never gotten the sack, makes me feel so much better about my crappy job that I can do things Clarkson can’t. Also if you ever get bored of the prostitute jokes reminding them they smell of wee and that they kids they think are their’s most likely aren’t winds them up quite a bit too.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 3:17 pm skunkpussy

B-b-but… I, erm, do actually, kind-of, enjoy Top Gear. A bit.

There, I’ve admitted it: I like watching Top Gear.

Is everyone going to pelt me with fair-trade tofu now?
on 04 Nov 2008 at 3:34 pm Dingleberry

@skunk-pussy

You can have Top Gear, sans Clarkson, with my blessing. I just want to see that over-sized Nazi hung from Nelson’s column by a rusty fish-hook jabbed through his cock, until he suffocates to death on pigeon shit.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 3:34 pm deadestfish

Worse than that you are likely to get arrested by our government. PS Don’t mention the Teddy Bear ).

Uhm, he does realise that the teacher arreted over the Teddy Bear named Mohammed wasn’t arrested by the Labour Government.
He must do, otherwise he’s thicker than a thicky thick thing that’s thicker than the average thicky thick thing and that is very thick indeed.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 3:47 pm Call of Davrodu

@ skunkpussy, You’re safe with me, I don’t come here for the hate, I come here for the mockery of the afflicted.

So its only fair I mock you now. Do you watch it for the fast cars? Do you go Bruuuuur! Screeeeeech! Crash! When you watch? Does it oil your bracket when they talk about big ends? Do you actually *LOVE* Clarkson and want to have his curly haired, macho babies? Do you imagine him describing your ride quality and optional extras to a slavering studeo audience?

No but seriously, fill your boots, I watch it for the truckie murder jokes and the chance of seeing the hamster self-immolate. Invaluable.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 3:52 pm Peedo stalker Sam

I like Top Gear, too. And I quite like Clarkson on the TV, mainly because he’s funny. In the same way that watching old clips of Oswald Mosley is funny. I readily admit that he’s a complete bollocks, though.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 4:09 pm Em

…they kids they think are their’s most likely aren’t

Jesus fucking Christ.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 4:15 pm Setyourfacestostunned

I kind of like Top Gear a lot and freely admit that Clarkson is a royal cock knocker.

But I just can’t let Topsy and the Gache dictate what I watch on the box.

Or Final Arbiter Joy Pattinson!!

Nooooooooooooo.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 4:26 pm Lord Mayor of ROLLE

I’ve arranged for Top Gear Live to be filmed in ROLLE next year, and for Clarkson to repeatedly run over the twitching corpse of Joy Pattinson.

Relax, I’m just messing with your sensibilities.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 4:31 pm Disgustipated

I don’t mind Clarkson, personally. I look at him in the same light as the mildly racist, dimentia-suffering grandparent you only ever see at Christmas. You have to turn a blind eye to thier offensive comments cos, gawd bless ‘em, they just can’t help it.

Also, it’s funny.

Also again, I used to work with that Steve Wright bloke who actually is a mudering ex-truck driver. So it’s not like Clarkson didn’t have a point…
on 04 Nov 2008 at 4:34 pm Dr Shade

“…they kids they think are their’s most likely aren’t”

Jesus fucking Christ.

Good example. I never understood how Joseph fell for that “Nah Joe, I told’s yer – it’s the son of God innit? Coz I not never did give it to your younger brother behind the bus shelter when you was pissed mortal asleep that time after the Christmas party when’s I ‘ad 14 Bacardi Breezers did I?”
on 04 Nov 2008 at 4:38 pm Rich(Math)(Oxon)

This is all too perfect. The Daily Mail turning on a man who all their readers adore because he made a joke about killing prostitutes in the media.

If I was Richard Littlejohn I’d be crapping myself right now.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/columnists/article-423549/Littlejohn-Spare-Peoples-Prostitute-routine-.html
on 04 Nov 2008 at 4:38 pm Albi The Racist Dragon

Ross and Brand get taken off air for upsetting an old man, yet Steve Wright is still allowed to broadcast a pisspoor Radio 2 show after murdering a load of prossies? That really is appalling.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 4:40 pm skunkpussy

@ Call of Davrodu
Yes. Sometimes. Definitely. Not so much. Do ’spare tyres’ count as “optional extras”?

Now, quickly changing subject, did someone mention Joy?

Debate: Who should replace David Tennant as Doctor Who?

SENT: 31-Oct-2008 10:22
MARTIN SHAW The man every woman over 40 adores. Just think of the elderly glued to the screen for Dr. WHO! It has never happened! Joy

Then, 2 days later, on the same debate:

SENT: 02-Nov-2008 08:34
Frankly, I couldnt give a damn. Joy

I anyone out there happens to find Joy’s marbles, please return them to:

Joy Pattinson,
c/o Wilhelm Gustloff Memorial Care Home
ROLLE,
Switzerland
on 04 Nov 2008 at 5:01 pm Mr Cat

Nice spot on Joy’s Dr Who thoughts… wonder if she’s like that all the time. Like Father Jack Hackett and his brick.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 8:35 pm pigfrottage

Freddy Two Trousers

Arse!!!
Arse!!!
Arse!!!
One day it will work properly.

You have no idea how much this comment brightened up my day…
on 04 Nov 2008 at 8:43 pm pigfrottage

Also, I sort of like Top Gear too. And have Jeremy Clarkson books.

I do think he’s a jug for his global warming and speed cameras views, but he is quite funny at times.

[sigh] I’ll get my coat again
on 04 Nov 2008 at 8:46 pm Tiff Needle

I think he’s a cunt.

Relax, I present a rival show.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 9:01 pm Argument Pin

I think he’s a cunt, too.

Relax, I’m just a really bad pun on the previous guy’s badly-spelt name.
on 04 Nov 2008 at 9:35 pm Nimrod

I sort of like Top Gear too. And have Jeremy Clarkson books.

I read ‘books’ as ‘boobs’. I believe my coat is under yours…
on 05 Nov 2008 at 8:31 am Charles Exford, Oxton

Oi, Scaryduck!

That’s *my* line…
on 05 Nov 2008 at 8:38 am JPG Tack

I also think he’s a cunt.

(If you don’t get it, I’m not going to explain).
on 05 Nov 2008 at 10:07 am Barry O'Bama

Yay! I won!!
on 05 Nov 2008 at 10:19 am That McCain Bloke

I demand a re-cunt. I mean count.
on 05 Nov 2008 at 10:26 am Simon

“the Daily Mail – not so much a newspaper as an idiot’s guidebook issued in bite-size daily instalments”

-Charlie Brooker, Te Grauniad

Full text of “Dawn of the Dumb” is here.
on 05 Nov 2008 at 10:38 am skunkpussy

Brooker. Is. God.

END OF!
on 05 Nov 2008 at 10:48 am Paedoross Brandcrime

The Daily Mail continues to play the part of the terminally confused but still outraged colonel, while the Guardian carries on being “liberal left and proud”. Then all the journalists go and get pissed together and joke about how they all managed to write exactly what their audience expected without actually needing to go and do any journalism.

Perhaps it’s time to put a “Complain to Ofcom” button right there on the remote control: if enough viewers press it, the show gets yanked immediately, like a bad variety act being pulled off stage by a shepherd’s crook.

Finally a use for the yellow button. Every complaint should cost £1; they’d make more dirty money than an Ant and Dec phone-in.
on 05 Nov 2008 at 10:56 am Toby Wit-Sank

Can I be the first to call for Quayle/Palin in 2012?
on 05 Nov 2008 at 11:42 am AsbO bAz

Can I be the first to call for George Dubya, at the wheel of his SUV, to be stopped by a state-trooper in 2011, wrecked off his face on Scotch, preferably extremely verbally abusive, with semen stains round his unzipped fly and a copy of Barely Legal on the passenger seat. All caught on Police camera.

I’m thinking of writing to Santa and asking for this as my Christmas present.
on 05 Nov 2008 at 12:16 pm Blind Pew

Lets ban plastic bottles, plastic bags, disposable nappies, tampons,plastic take away trays and anything else the green fanatics can come up with: Cars ,holidays etc. The list is endless.

[kaybraes]

Its people like you that will seal the fate of doom for your childrens children with that attitude…….

Babber Dabber, Poole, United Kingdom

What is Doom’s fate??? Will my poor children’s children have to play Mario Bros instead. Tell Me!!!

I think Babber Dabber’s god-awful attempt at portentous gravitas qualifies him as a chafed Chiff-Chaff’s Chuff, so there.
on 05 Nov 2008 at 12:18 pm put together wrong

What if Jezza Clarkson and Sarah Pales-into-insignificance (I hope) breed! Yikes. Oh for the love of all that is beautiful and pure, NO.

Relax – It was just a nightmare.
on 05 Nov 2008 at 12:57 pm alt-f4

I stopped watching TV ten years ago, but this appalling incident was so bad that I went out and bought a television ’specially so that I could put my foot through it in disgust. It cost me 200 quid, and a couple of broken toes. I think Clarkson should pay the costs of my treatment.
on 05 Nov 2008 at 1:06 pm bigruss

clarkson is a massive wanker.

thanks.
on 05 Nov 2008 at 1:37 pm pigfrottage

“put together wrong

What if Jezza Clarkson and Sarah Pales-into-insignificance (I hope) breed! Yikes. Oh for the love of all that is beautiful and pure, NO.

Relax – It was just a nightmare.”

A nightmare come true. Both Palin and Clarkson have lots of children.

Relax – I peed in the gene pool.
on 05 Nov 2008 at 1:43 pm Simon

Its people like you that will seal the fate of doom for your childrens children with that attitude…….

Babber Dabber, Poole, United Kingdom

“Babber Dabber”? Isn’t that West Country for Paedo? No wonder he/she/it is so worried about the chillun. I bet they didn’t think about that while they were sat there hammering at the keyboard, mouth frothing like bottled Bass.

Relax – he’s a stoat-the-baw
on 05 Nov 2008 at 1:51 pm West Country for Paedos

I am not Babber Dabber. Let me make that clear.
on 05 Nov 2008 at 2:08 pm Babber Dabber's Dibber

If I knew what the government should do about it then I would become an MP but who wants that job under todays communist labour dictatorship.
-
Babber Dabber, Poole, United Kingdom

Looks like Babber Dabber has HYS form.

Would anyone care to contribute a few pounds to a slush fund enabling us to send Babber overseas. Preferably so they can learn what

a) Communist
b) Dictatorship and
c) Labour

actually mean. I’ve heard that the North Korean Detention Camps are nice at this time of year.

After all, Kim Jong Il could do with the company – he’s ronery.
on 05 Nov 2008 at 2:26 pm Kim Jong Il

it ver true, *sigh*, I’m so ronery.
on 05 Nov 2008 at 2:29 pm Bit Special

Nearly 24 hours on, NOBODY has thought fit to make an ‘oo-er, missus’ riff on Dingleberry’s mention of ‘Nelson’s column’. He might’ve sold out, but surely we can’t miss out of an opportunity to make fun of Nelson’s cock? It’s political correctness gone mad!

I’m conflicted – much as I hate The Cunt Clarkson and would love never to see or hear anything of him for the rest of eternity, I don’t want the Daily Mail – or anybody/anything for that matter – deciding for me what I can and can watch or listen to. Although I’m hoping they’ll broadcast an episode of ‘My Family’ where Robert Lindsay and Zoe Wanamaker tag-paedo a 5 year old Asian kid with Down’s Syndrome (played by Warwick Davis, of course, not a real child) and the ensuing outrage gets that shite taken off air for-fucking-ever. It deserves nothing less.

Incidentally, yay Obama. Now let’s get Brooker for P.M.

(I’ve had no t’interwebnets access since the weekend, so I’m making this a multi-comment post. God, I’ve missed you miserable, pedantic, heartless, misanthropic, smart-arse bastards* and your snarky comments. Now fuck off)

*My only real friend is a purple sock named Timothy. And even he hates me.
on 05 Nov 2008 at 2:52 pm An Ironic Warrior For Truth

DEBATE: Can we balance economic and environmental needs?
SENT:03-Nov-2008 16:40
“blah blah blah… green conspiracy… blah blah blah… my right to drive a big car… blah blah blah… scientist are all wrong cos the Daily Mail said so… blah blah blah… hippies, tree-huggers, lentil wearing eco-warriors… blah blah blah… it’s a euro tax-con… blah blah blah… no proof no facts… blah blah blah… Richard and Judy said it’s not true… blah blah blah… I know I’m right cos I got a D in GCSE Science 15 years ago.
A Warrior For Truth”

With reasoned argument like that, I’m amazed anyone doubts your case. Not that I can work out exactly what your case is.
Andrew Carter

Compare with…

DEBATE: PMQs: Your Views
SENT:05-Nov-2008 12:27
“Does Mr. Brown, as CoE from 1997 to 2007, take any responsibility for the fiasco that has resulted from his regulatory ‘light touch’ over the Financial Institutions?
kim potter”

Kim, just to save you guessing, here’s his answer…

“Blah blah, prudent, blah blah Global Crisis, blah blah, tractor production up, blah blah, end to child poverty, blah blah decisive tough decisions, blah blah”
Andrew Carter

Not understanding the post or approving of the post didn’t stop robbing the post blind , eh Andy? Twat.
on 05 Nov 2008 at 2:53 pm Simon

And have Jeremy Clarkson books.
===========================
oh dear. he’s the pin-up of the “silent majority” pricks.

clarkson should investigate which new car has the best exhaust for piping into the car and sealing airtight from the inside (whilst making xenophobic or chauvinistic comments with his last struggling breaths (the cunt)).
on 05 Nov 2008 at 2:56 pm Timothy the Purple Sockmonkey

@ Bit Special

Hate’s a very strong word. I don’t hate you. Hate would imply that I have some kind feelings for you.

I’m indifferent to you, that is all. My feelings are ambivalent. If anything they waver between contempt and pity.

Now stop fucking whining, there’s a good chap. Or I’ll unplug the router again.
on 05 Nov 2008 at 3:14 pm Albi The Racist Dragon

BRITAIN NOW AT ITS MOST OUTRAGED SINCE 1747
on 05 Nov 2008 at 3:32 pm Bit Special

Yes, Timothy. Sorry, Timothy.

PS I’m a lady, not a chap.

No, Timothy, I wasn’t talking back, don’t hit me agai…… ARRGHH!
on 05 Nov 2008 at 3:51 pm Freddy Two Trousers

Can I be the first to call for George Dubya, at the wheel of his SUV, to be stopped by a state-trooper in 2011, wrecked off his face on Scotch.

The state trooper or the first bloke?
on 05 Nov 2008 at 4:25 pm Marcus

Funny, I’ve just been overcome by a wave of affection for Clarkson now that the Mail’s turned on him.

(Those of you who watch QI or have seen his documentaries will know the man’s perfectly capable of not being an arse when he chooses. Oh, and while he IS mostly an arse on Top Gear, the other two are fun enough to make up for him – but then, I watch it for the challenges and switch over when they start actually talking about cars.)

Sorry, I realise this post is much too even-handed for SYB.
on 05 Nov 2008 at 4:45 pm David Walliams

Bit Special:

I’m a lady

Comme moi.
on 05 Nov 2008 at 5:08 pm Bit Special

Fuck off, Walliams. I’ve got a proper foofoo* and everything.

* and not a scrofulous salmon’s one, either!
on 05 Nov 2008 at 5:10 pm Steve Wright Fan (not the murdering one, the one on the radio)

Oh god, I’ve met Clarkson. Twice. He cadged a rollie off my dad at Gatwick a few years ago, and then about six months back he was a total arse in a restaurant in Primrose Hill, didn’t like the table they sat him at or something.

He writes books?
on 05 Nov 2008 at 5:26 pm Timothy the Purple Sockmonkey

I’ve got a proper foofoo* and everything

She has indeed. And a very fine one it is too.
on 06 Nov 2008 at 8:41 am Timothy the Purple Sockmonkey

She has indeed. And a very fine one it is too.

Although it would be less confusing for everyone concerned if he/she stopped dressing like a docker and more like a laydee. A nice laydee. Like that Walliams.

And not like some bulldyke lezzer.

Now back in your box, Special or I’ll tell the ISP that you’ve been pirating Billy Ray Cyrus’ back catalogue. Again.

That is all.
on 06 Nov 2008 at 9:24 am Bulldyke Lezzer

Although it would be less confusing for everyone concerned if he/she stopped dressing like a docker and more like a laydee.

Speak for yourself, Timmy, I think she looks great in DMs and a crew cut

spEak You’re bRanes

"If you love Peadophiles so much..
why don't you go live there?"

110 Responses to “Appalling”

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spEak You’re bRanes

"If you love Peadophiles so much.. why don't you go live there?"

110 Responses to “Appalling”

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"If you love Peadophiles so much..
why don't you go live there?"