spEak You're bRanes

Thanks to Adam. Should Wikipedia’s rules be changed?

It’s a wonderful idea in that anyone can edit the pages, but if Wikipedia wishes to be seen as a trusted source of information it needs to have a more closely controlled editorial policy. .It is supposed to be an encyclopedia and therefore factually correct afer all.Otherwise it may be seen as the editorial refuge of malcontents and the unhinged.
Bert Trautmann

You paint a terrifying picture. Tell us more about this refuge for malcontents and the unhinged, Bert. What exactly would it look like?

If closing of Guantanamo prison means keeping potential terrorists looks, i do not approve it.
Rajace, Dallas

No idea mate.

Close Gitmo and send the inmates to Europe who will welcome them with open arms. Interestingly, I have heard that of the inmates released, many have returned to involvement in terrorism.
Jen, Australia

Someone should make a note of this “shit that Jen heard” and raise it at the next world meeting.

The Have Your Sayers are really on form today. With their sophisticated, rapier wit, they’ve managed to come up with a play on words so cerebral that only the actual group being discussed (“Plane Stupid”) got there first.

These idiots (and with such an appropriate name!) should count themselves lucky that armed police didn’t think they were dealing with terrorists and shoot the lot of them. They also need to learn that air travel is less damaging to the environment than the vehicles they used to get to the airport. Official and independent figures show that the so-called eco-friendly Toyota Prius has a CO2 figure per passenger kilometre around 60% higher than the new Airbus A380. Go figure…
Keith, London

It’s a good thing environmentalists never cycle or take public transport, or you’d look a bit of a bell-end. And what’s all this about an appropriate name? I’m confused.

Plane Stupid should be named Plain Stupid. A load of no-hopers trying to make a name for themselves by taking action only they themselves can attempt to justify. Lock them up for breaking the law, and fine each and everyone of them to regain the costs of the police and time lost to travellers. I imagine most of them own cars, and use them. Nobodys who have nothing better to do, they should be ashamed of themselves. Pity they don’t have jobs to do.
Mark Go, Portsmouth, United Kingdom

You can imagine, yes. Well done. Do you practice? Do you stand in front of a mirror for an hour each morning, picturing Neil from ‘The Young Ones’, multiplying him by 57 and trying to work out how he could be the cause of all your rage? I still don’t understand why we should rename them by the way.

“Plane Stupid” – I think they are PLAIN STUPID as it appears do many commentors on HYS. Do they alienate the public? Of course they do. Do the flying public appreciate their actions? No.

I t seems to me that they have failed their parents rather than the other way around. The Authorities should get out the water cannons and give them a good dousing.

Why is it these young adults, barely out of childhood think they have all the answers? Lock them up over the holidays.
Jean Dyson, Clearwater Florida, United State

Haha! I get it! It makes sense if you spell it out in block capitals. They’re called “Plane Stupid”, a pun on the phrase “plain stupid”, and, the name “Plane Stupid”, well, it sounds a lot like “plain stupid”. And that’s exactly what they are, “plane” (as in “plain”) STUPID! Hahaha! But don’t worry, they’ll grow out of this nonsense when they get to Big School, and then they’ll respect their parents, obey The Authorities and share your views on everything.

Good afternoon, Mr. Thompson, Ms. Tranter. Thanks for agreeing to see me at such short notice, but I have a pitch here for the show that, in all honesty, can save the BBC. And the best thing is, it’s come from one of your own blogs so you already own the rights. Now, have a read of this:

The other morning there was a programme about robins. The presenter cum naturalist was doing quite an intensive study on them and tagged a huge range of individuals. Then a mystery disease hit the bird population and a few hundred of the robins, both tagged and those in neighbouring areas died. My immediate thought was had the observer passed on a human disease to the birds.
A very sad case of loving something to death. If I’m right.
susman

So here’s the pitch. Every episode, susman investigates some mysterious epidemic. You know, disappearing bees, coughing geese, otters with verrucas. Then he immediately jumps to a conclusion about what caused it, and ignores anyone who tries to offer actual knowledge of epidemiology or physiology or common sense. I see it as being like Quincy, only with Quincy being played as a brain-damaged Terry Nutkins. I’m thinking Danny Dyer, maybe Dexter Fletcher. At the end of each episode, susman looks at the camera with a hangdog sense of fin de siecle and says something CSI-profound like “Otters love to swim. But they couldn’t swim away from progress. If I’m right.” Bingo, 9 million viewers and a BAFTA. Easy. Oh come on, you fuckers greenlit Hustle.

Why are people willing to torture? Rob Burns senses a global conspiracy.

I smell a rat here.
By revealing the results of this test, the BBC is trying to shift the blame for UK atrocities abroad (Iraq for example) by suggesting we are all capable of torture, that even if the British Army behaves like criminals it is somehow the responsibilty of all of us. Does anyone seriously think therefore that say a 50 year old woman could apply electric current to a political dissident simply because she was “told”? More excuses yet again being made for the abuse of power.
Rob Burns, Hammersmith

You left out appeasing Muslims, pandering to the militant gay lobby and silencing the White Heterosexual Male. Rank amateurs like you give paranoid BBC conspiracy theorists a bad name.

They need not have bothered.

Just ask how many people laugh at situations you see on You’ve Been Framed.

We all have an inbuilt trigger that laughs at someone falling over.

Mr James T Haddock, Rockall Island (Scotland), United Kingdom

I don’t know where to start with this one. By pointing out the subtle differences between complicity in atrocities and shitty home-staged slapstick? By gently breaking it to him that the laughter he hears on You’ve Been Framed isn’t really people? Or do I just dive straight in with the electrified nipple-clamps and laugh my arse off?

Thank God someone has real-life personal experience, which is entirely real and not made up at all.

Two types of torture. One for sadistic purposes – always wrong. Two One for extracting needed information so your men will not be killed. I have use number Two. Always I first give the choice to allow them to give the information. If not, and I KNOW I NEED the information to survive, then I apply it. For people who have never be confronted with their life or other lives in danger, go play with your selves, because your opinions are not valid in the real world.
BeanBall, France

Liberals don’t realise that, with fifteen minutes of adverts per episode, you in fact only have eighteen hours to defuse the bomb, catch the terrorists and save Elisha Cuthbert. And once circumstances have forced you into torture, well, to want to go play with yourself is only human.

Thanks to Thomas, who loves this comment on the benefits shake-up because “the only letter he wanted to MAKE SURE was BIG was the ‘N’ of Nick. A swing and a miss.”

23. At 11:32am on 10 Dec 2008, freecornwall wrote:
DEAR nICK
FIRST STOP IMMIGRATION —-GIVE PRIORITY TO HOUSING FOR BRITISH PEOPLE
AND MAKE A DEFINATE DISTINGTION BETWEEN THOSE WHO HAVE WORKED ALL
THEIR LIVES AND END UP LOOSING THEIR JOBS, —–AGAINST THOSE WHO HAVE
SPENT THEIR LIVES SPONGING OFF THE STATE.
THOSE WHO DO NOT COMPREHEND THE FACT THAT WORK IS GOOD FOR YOU, PUT
THEM IN THE ARMED FORCES, ITS ABOUT TIIME CONSCRIPTION CAME BACK.

Wow freecornwall, it’s almost as if you had a comprehensive benefits policy planned out long before the recession and were just waiting for your chance to yell it at the internet.

Sorry to Alex, and everyone else, for letting posts wallow in the queue until everyone’s forgotten about the “Next Doctor Who” debate. I’m going through stuff now and publishing it. Ever so late. What do you expect from me? I do have a job you know. I’ve got hours of work to avoid doing before I even start to think about avoiding this fucking website.

Nelson

Thanks to Will for the third comment, and for pointing me at this splurt of Intelligent Hating (TM) over Paterson Joseph, black, of Africa, being allowed to audition for the part of Doctor Who.

Whoever it is I hope they are chosen because they are a good actor and right for the part not because of the colour of their skin.
Ralph, Oxford

I’ll remind the BBC to pick a white Doctor.

I have no issue with a black or femail doctor as long as the actor is good enough to play the part

I do hope there won’t be a black or femail doctor just to be pc as the result would be the biggest risk to the show since sylvester McCoy
john davis, Motherwell, United Kingdom

I have no issue with fuckwit racists who learn to read from the women’s section of the Daily Mail not getting their ballbags bitten off by randy crocodiles, but I do hope this fuckwit racist who learned to read from the women’s section of the Daily Mail gets his ballbag bitten off by a randy crocodile. I hope that’s clear.

I expect that it will be someone who pleases the self hating minority & that I will instantly cease to watch the show.

Once the PC brigade have had their say, it will end up destroying the franchise.

Its meant to be a popular TV show that appeals to the majority, but the pressures to make Dr Who a woman, or ethnic minority, (or both), will mean its just another weird BBC reflection of a UK that doesn’t actually exist, but which they think we should be forced to become.
A Kelly, United Kingdom

“Someone who pleases the self hating minority”. Brilliant. Now that you’re not allowed to say ‘nig-nog’, we really are getting some very imaginative euphemisms for black people. Strange considering they don’t even exist in Britain.

A politically correct version could be Steven Hawking or Alan Carr.
James, Tunbridge Wells

You know, with all this talk of a black female Doctor Who, I almost forgot gay disabled Doctor Who. But I do agree, giving the part of an ingenious time-travelling spaceman to an expert on space and time really would be PC gone mad.

Thanks to Dan for spotting this on Ceefax (nowhere is safe from these whining bores).

Yeah. Fight the power.

Thanks to Tom for finding this stream of semi-consciousness in the “What are your Motown memories?” thread.

I have just found a Motown Album which I’m putting on tape for a party, well SOME of it….I also love r’n'r but talking about Motown now – I love the Same Old Song….that’s just one and I can’t help myself, that’s two, but there are loads and loads and loads and as long as we have it on record or cd, it will never go away, – amazing stuff. If you have it in your home you can play it and play it as many times………………
IllustriousFrisby
Catherine Cave, Milton Keynes, United Kingdom

I wonder if Catherine has mistaken HYS for “Twitter”? She seems, like everyone on Twitter, to have grossly overestimated the intersection between these two sets:

• The set of people you imagine to be interested in how many boring shits you had today

• The set of people who are not shit, boring or imaginary

Tom also found this one…

Sales! I have £10 left from last week and that is going towards a bill tomorrow; minced beef and mash today, have to conserve the money; it will all be needed, all £15 of it! Don’t need anything from Sales anyway, will make do with the clothes I have had all year and the year before that….by the way I am retired and have about £12 left from last week so no, definitely will not be visiting the Sales.
IllustriousFrisby
Catherine Cave, Milton Keynes, United Kingdom

… and now I’m starting to wonder if someone gave her the address of HYS and a letter that read:

Dear Catherine,

Mum

This appeared in the “Prince Harry’s Apology” thread. In a twist of HYS genius, it’s been recommended by 19 (and counting) registered users.

As regards registering with you. Absolutely no chance as you are riddled with politically correct socialist activists and are sooo biased I would not dream of going ” official” with you
john chambers, melton mowbray

See that black apache hovering above your house John? It’s the liberals in their liberal-copter. They’re monitoring your every move, ready to swoop down and send in the social activists the moment you need healthcare or food parcels. Or if you say “paki”.