Credulous Nincompoops and Racists and Unfocused Rage09 Jan 2009 04:43 pm

Ben Did Not Really Meet A Wise Old Druze Arab

By Nelson

A wise old Druze Arab once said to me…. If The Palestinians would put down their weapons there would be no war. If the Israelis put down their weapons there would be no Israel. Israel should defend itself and its citizens with every means at their disposal. ‘Disproportiantiate’ force is absolute rubbish. If you attack a tiger, would you expect the tiger to fight back with its claws or its tail???
ben, London

Hmmm. I’m going to guess.. umm… “laser guided bombs”?

Here’s one for you. If you lived next door to a mad tiger who kept raping you and then exploding, and he said “I’ll stop as soon as you stop those pigeons from shitting on my car”, would you not expect the tiger to rape you and explode as humanely as possible? I mean, the least it could do is let a doctor come and tend to your poor ravaged twinkle before raping you and exploding again. You could have a couple of hours off every afternoon while it explained to a BBC journalist about how it’s doing the bare minimum of raping. I mean, it could be raping you a lot more. Like in the eye or something. If it was, you know, really vindictive or something. Good old tiger.

29 Responses to “Ben Did Not Really Meet A Wise Old Druze Arab”

  1. on 09 Jan 2009 at 5:00 pm   Pedant

    I just cant get past the mental imagery of a Daily Mail headline that says “MAN RAPING TIGERS IN YOUR NEIGHBOURHOOD”

  2. on 09 Jan 2009 at 5:03 pm   Mr Cat

    Why on earth are people looking in that horrid Israel/Gaza thread on HYS – surely there are more pressing matters for HYS debate. Like mixed-sex hospital wards?

  3. on 09 Jan 2009 at 5:30 pm   Roscoe

    I don’t think I would be expecting a tiger to attack me with it’s tail, cunning fucker. I believe he’s thinking about scorpions, and then it makes much more sense. Scorpions are unstoppable bastards.

  4. on 09 Jan 2009 at 5:32 pm   Roscoe

    Oh God, oh God, Oh God. Apostrophe. Sign me up as a human shield.

  5. on 09 Jan 2009 at 5:32 pm   Nelson

    You’ve done it now. You’re worse than Hamas.

  6. on 09 Jan 2009 at 5:58 pm   Bit Special

    Enoch Powell warned us of the dangers of exploding tiger rapists in one of his lesser-known speeches, but sadly the nation refused to believe that the influx of foreigners to our shores would inevitably lead to big mad combustible feline sex offenders. Weeeeell, who’s laughing now, eh? EH?

    I blame the Jews.

    Oh. Right.

  7. on 09 Jan 2009 at 6:31 pm   Mr. Barrington

    Hi, long time reader, first time commentator. Welcome back. Waar you bin?

    He’s right, disproportionate just means -proportionate, just like “too much” simply means “enough”.

    Dear Bit Special, how dare you cite an Enoch? No man who’s had his ballocks removed should be consulted on matters of defence or wartimey stuff.

  8. on 09 Jan 2009 at 6:38 pm   Freddy Two Trousers

    Well that’s right
    that’s right
    that’s right
    that’s right
    I really love your tiger raping

    and that’s neat
    that’s neat
    that’s neat
    that’s neat
    I really love your tiger exploding

    Says it all really.

  9. on 09 Jan 2009 at 6:43 pm   Bit Special

    I was hoping more for ‘Eye (rape) of The Tiger’, Freddy. Oh well…

  10. on 09 Jan 2009 at 7:54 pm   yeGods

    Mr Cat,

    You have to realise that the Middle East is riven with ancient disputes, such as – “the Jews believe in weekly rubbish collections, while the Palestinians favour fortnightly with separate bins for dry recyclables”

    You know, really important HYS stuff

  11. on 09 Jan 2009 at 8:29 pm   Ells Bells

    Thank God you’re back, I read that thread last week. It needed some attention.

  12. on 10 Jan 2009 at 1:44 am   Learn to spell you fuckers

    He is right though, ‘Disproportiantiate force’ *is* absolute rubbish. It’s not even a fucking word for a start.

  13. on 11 Jan 2009 at 3:54 pm   You fatah bastard

    A wise old Druze Arab once said to me near a tree by a river there’s a hole in the gorund where the old man of Arran goes around and around.

    (But he was probably talking out of his reverse-action organic rocket-launcher too.)

  14. on 11 Jan 2009 at 7:50 pm   Magpie

    So Ben believes in ‘Arab Wisdom’? Fucking liberal terrorist worshippers.

  15. on 12 Jan 2009 at 12:50 am   Mim

    One of the perks of being an Arab is that in between hating the freedoms of the West you sometimes get to be a pastier hook-nosed variant on the Magical Negro motif. Obviously I’m at a disadvantage because my burkah muffles my words of wisdom somewhat and I’m not very good at thinking of sufficiently camel-related metaphors.

    When a camel sees the stars does it not think of the eyes of the eagle? Answers on a postcard.

  16. on 12 Jan 2009 at 9:43 am   Felna

    [blockquote]Mr Cat,

    You have to realise that the Middle East is riven with ancient disputes, such as – “the Jews believe in weekly rubbish collections, while the Palestinians favour fortnightly with separate bins for dry recyclables”

    You know, really important HYS stuff[/blockquote]

    YeGods, maybe the extreme shortsightedness of the average HYSer means they can’t tell the difference between ‘Palestinian’ and ‘Paedophile’ – they do both start with P after all…

  17. on 12 Jan 2009 at 9:45 am   Felna

    and it’s been so long since I’ve posted here I’ve forgotten how to do blockquotes properly!

  18. on 12 Jan 2009 at 9:47 am   dirigible

    “MAN RAPING TIGERS IN YOUR NEIGHBOURHOOD”

    He is?

  19. on 12 Jan 2009 at 9:47 am   arsebanana

    Way to go – turning on comments just when everyone has a fucking opinion.

  20. on 12 Jan 2009 at 1:49 pm   Funny Peculiar

    A wise old Druze Arab once said to me…. If The Palestinians put down their donkeys, inshallah, there would be no more donkey poo for their poor children to walk in. If the Israelis put down their donkeys, the WORLD WILL END!

  21. on 12 Jan 2009 at 2:33 pm   Mim

    Funny Peculiar, would that be the wise old Druze Arab who runs Abdul’s Used Donkey Emporium? Because frankly I think he has some sort of agenda.

  22. on 13 Jan 2009 at 3:05 pm   Toffee

    @you fatah bastard

    “old man of Arran”?? 25 years I’ve been singing “no matter baron” as if it meant something deep to me and the Kersh. Now you throw that at me and the last quarter century seems at best a complete waste of time and at best an utter fucking humiliation.

    Arsebiscuits.

  23. on 14 Jan 2009 at 2:34 pm   jeff

    Thought this was a decent website when I found it

    It isn’t. Fuck off you daft prick. – Nelson

    , but frankly your hysterical hatred of Israel puts you in the same camp as those you are mocking on this website. Plus, I don’t see whats wrong with the comment you mention in this post.

    Hamas knows that in attacking a far stronger enemy it will elicit a large response. This is why they are so reprehensible as an organisation- the fact that they knowingly put Palestinian civilians in harms way by their actions and explicitly force them to be used as human shields.

  24. on 14 Jan 2009 at 5:41 pm   Funny Peculiar

    @ Toffee (while pointedly ignoring the embarrassing drunkard’s posting in-between us)

    Surprisingly, your alteration of the lyric hasn’t changed the essential meaning of the song in anyway what-so-ever. That’s The Genius of Nick Kershaw, I guess.

  25. on 14 Jan 2009 at 5:46 pm   Funny Peculiar

    oh… now i get it…

    it’s,

    “Fuck Off You daft Prick” from Nelson

    I thought it was,

    “Fuck off you daft prick Nelson” from Jeff

    …it makes much more sense now.

  26. on 14 Jan 2009 at 5:56 pm   Funny Peculiar

    Hamas knowingly puts Palestinian civilians in harms way by their actions and explicitly force them to be used as human shields.

    I said the exact same thing to the stupid postmaster’s son that I shot dead last week. If he didn’t want to get shot, what the fuck was he doing standing, unarmed, in front of my loaded gun? What more provocative act can you think of? He forced me to shoot him. How dare his family try to blame me?

  27. on 15 Jan 2009 at 9:40 am   millieband

    Countries must respond to terrorism by championing the rule of law, not subordinating it.

  28. on 19 Jan 2009 at 5:46 pm   Funny Peculiar

    and Hollywood must respond to terrorism by championing massively over simplified, adventurous military solutions set in a reductionist world of good vs evil. With big tits.

  29. on 23 Jan 2009 at 12:29 pm   bi and proud

    Is this a new pc version of the tiger who came to tea? I loved that book.