Plain Weird and Self-appointed Sages21 Jan 2009 02:24 pm
By Alex

Why are people willing to torture? Rob Burns senses a global conspiracy.

I smell a rat here.
By revealing the results of this test, the BBC is trying to shift the blame for UK atrocities abroad (Iraq for example) by suggesting we are all capable of torture, that even if the British Army behaves like criminals it is somehow the responsibilty of all of us. Does anyone seriously think therefore that say a 50 year old woman could apply electric current to a political dissident simply because she was “told”? More excuses yet again being made for the abuse of power.
Rob Burns, Hammersmith

You left out appeasing Muslims, pandering to the militant gay lobby and silencing the White Heterosexual Male. Rank amateurs like you give paranoid BBC conspiracy theorists a bad name.

They need not have bothered.

Just ask how many people laugh at situations you see on You’ve Been Framed.

We all have an inbuilt trigger that laughs at someone falling over.

Mr James T Haddock, Rockall Island (Scotland), United Kingdom

I don’t know where to start with this one. By pointing out the subtle differences between complicity in atrocities and shitty home-staged slapstick? By gently breaking it to him that the laughter he hears on You’ve Been Framed isn’t really people? Or do I just dive straight in with the electrified nipple-clamps and laugh my arse off?

Thank God someone has real-life personal experience, which is entirely real and not made up at all.

Two types of torture. One for sadistic purposes – always wrong. Two One for extracting needed information so your men will not be killed. I have use number Two. Always I first give the choice to allow them to give the information. If not, and I KNOW I NEED the information to survive, then I apply it. For people who have never be confronted with their life or other lives in danger, go play with your selves, because your opinions are not valid in the real world.
BeanBall, France

Liberals don’t realise that, with fifteen minutes of adverts per episode, you in fact only have eighteen hours to defuse the bomb, catch the terrorists and save Elisha Cuthbert. And once circumstances have forced you into torture, well, to want to go play with yourself is only human.

17 Responses to “I Have Use Number Two”

  1. on 21 Jan 2009 at 2:33 pm DonkeySquicker

    I see any contribution to that thread as volunteering for a space in my happy torture dungeon.

    A live studio audience will provide a jolly soundtrack as I flay you alive and apply live beetles to your nasal cavity.

    It will be a blast!

  2. on 21 Jan 2009 at 2:55 pm Challenge Hanukkah

    Well, the research was done at Santa Claus University.

  3. on 21 Jan 2009 at 2:59 pm Call of Davrodu

    Come on Nelson, you’re not thinking of the children that could be saved/tortured out there in the real world.

  4. on 21 Jan 2009 at 3:01 pm Vicky

    Who’s Nelson?

  5. on 21 Jan 2009 at 3:14 pm deadestfish

    Two One for extracting needed information so your men will not be killed. I have use number Two. Always I first give the choice to allow them to give the information.

    Three Two people have a propensity to say any old made up shit they think you want to hear when being tortured. Shame Beanballs experience isn’t real as if this stuff were true he would actually be dead.

  6. on 21 Jan 2009 at 3:38 pm arsebanana

    Can I torture people AND play with myself? pleeese?

  7. on 21 Jan 2009 at 3:42 pm DonkeySquicker

    Can I torture people AND play with myself? pleeese?

    Torture yourself and you get to do both.

  8. on 21 Jan 2009 at 3:56 pm Nelson

    Who’s Nelson?

    Need to make the bylines more obvious here. Especially on the RSS feed. Not sure they show up at all in a reader.

  9. on 21 Jan 2009 at 4:04 pm Jimmy Bignutz

    hehe… he uses number two…

  10. on 21 Jan 2009 at 4:46 pm Philosophical Person B

    Four words, Rob Burns:

    Milgram experiment.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milgram_experiment

    Oh bollocks, that was a serious response, wasn’t it? I’m a HYSer now.

  11. on 21 Jan 2009 at 5:16 pm James T Haddock

    There’s fuck all on Rockall.

  12. on 21 Jan 2009 at 5:48 pm Funny Peculiar

    Why are the BBC (an apparently ultra-liberal bunch of pinko appeasement monkeys) torturing (Yes! Torturing!) right-wing post addicts with non-polemical questions like “Why Do People Torture?” The correct, sympathetic, non-injurious phrasing for low-brow keyboard thumpers would have been “Torture – Right or Wrong?”

    The BBC’s use of a question which does not immediately lead to a yes / no answer denies HYSers their right to post without thinking. It is deliberately phrased to cause unnecessary suffering and favour left-wing so-called intellectuals. I find it hard to believe that this thread wasn’t a covert plan from high up in Zanulabour.

    Shame on you, BBC!

  13. on 21 Jan 2009 at 7:11 pm Andrew

    Ironically, Rob Burns seeing that thread and then posting that message is essentially a little repeat of the Milgram experiment.

  14. on 22 Jan 2009 at 7:25 am Throbbe

    Who’s Nelson?

    I’ll never tell. Wait, what’s the rubber glove for?

  15. on 22 Jan 2009 at 5:22 pm Col John Matrix

    Those soldiers from Abu Ghraib prison should have sent some videos of Iraqi prisoners falling over to You’ve Been Framed. Could have got £250!

    I’ve always thought that the use of torture and the possible reasons for justifying it is rather a complex and difficult issue. Good job then that we have people like BeanBall who can break it down into one easy to digest rant. God bless t’internet.

  16. on 22 Jan 2009 at 10:47 pm Alex

    I wish they’d shown the video of the guy who threw his shoe at Dubya. That would have been hilarious, you know when he fell down those stairs on his way to the station?

  17. on 27 Jan 2009 at 9:55 am sam

    Oh dear Alex, do you think that “James T Haddock” might not be a real person? What with him living on the uninhabited island of Rockall and everything?