spEak You're bRanes

Delusions of Grandeur27 Jan 2009 02:39 pm

HYS Readers Worried Rest Of Internet Not Up To Scratch

By Nelson

Thanks to Adam. Should Wikipedia’s rules be changed?

It’s a wonderful idea in that anyone can edit the pages, but if Wikipedia wishes to be seen as a trusted source of information it needs to have a more closely controlled editorial policy. .It is supposed to be an encyclopedia and therefore factually correct afer all.Otherwise it may be seen as the editorial refuge of malcontents and the unhinged.
Bert Trautmann

You paint a terrifying picture. Tell us more about this refuge for malcontents and the unhinged, Bert. What exactly would it look like?

73 Responses to “HYS Readers Worried Rest Of Internet Not Up To Scratch”

on 27 Jan 2009 at 2:49 pm Albert Muffpie

Well, for starters, all the doors would be falling off…
on 27 Jan 2009 at 3:03 pm SJG

More like editorial refuse.

Thanks, thank you.
on 27 Jan 2009 at 3:05 pm Adam's dad

Thanks to Adam. Should Wikipedia’s rules be changed?

Why, what’s he gone and done now?
on 27 Jan 2009 at 3:12 pm Liberal Left and Proud

I know! I know! It would look like HYS!! Do I get a prize?
on 27 Jan 2009 at 3:29 pm Rod Wrongnob

Well I never. According to Wikipedia the real Bert Trautmann is still alive and living in Spain. I can only hope that he decides to track down this tree-warbler’s trim who’s stolen his name and beats him around the head with a hefty book on post-structuralism until the twat’s neck breaks. It would only be fair.
on 27 Jan 2009 at 3:29 pm Nelson

You win a “Holiday At Home”. Lock yourself in and don’t leave the house for 7 days.
on 27 Jan 2009 at 3:33 pm Hung like a horse

Weird, for someone with absolutely no sense of irony Bert doesn’t half spell well. If you forgive the errant full stop half way through it’s word perfect.
So if it’s true that “Not all idiots can’t spell” doesn’t it not follow that “Not all bad spellers are idiots”? Tell me!

Relax, I’m not trying to be funny.
on 27 Jan 2009 at 3:59 pm Rich (Oxon)

…the editorial refuge of malcontents and the unhinged.

Luckily someone invented uncyclopedia and conservapedia, respectively, for them.
on 27 Jan 2009 at 4:53 pm dirigible

a hefty book on post-structuralism

There are no hefty books on poststructuralism. It’s the philosophical equivalent of algal bloom foam.
on 27 Jan 2009 at 5:03 pm burnel

It would probably look like the BBC moderation teams broom cupboard.
on 27 Jan 2009 at 5:03 pm Mr Cat

[blockquote]This is humanity:
Part of our verminous race devote their attention to making something happen.
The other part spend their time helping undo it

Wikipedia is an example of how well we can work together.
However it only takes a few idiots to make that fail and require controls to be put in place.

It will never change.

Goodbye wikipedia.

[alexicon], London, United Kingdom [/blockquote]

Cheer up misery guts
on 27 Jan 2009 at 5:04 pm Mr Cat

aghhhh block me up
on 27 Jan 2009 at 5:14 pm burnel

“I once looked at the Wikipedia entry for Chris Moyles, and noticed it said “Partner: Dale Winton (2005-present)”. So as far as I’m concerned it’s perfect.

Alex Marshall”

Unlike these fucking block quotes ho hum
on 27 Jan 2009 at 5:41 pm Jacques D.

There are no hefty books on poststructuralism. It’s the philosophical equivalent of algal bloom foam. Dirigible

Ah! Regarde. Ze typical certainty and inherent sense of intellectual entitlement of ze self-constructed ego under threat. Bof!
on 27 Jan 2009 at 5:48 pm Funny Peculiar

@Muffpie.

unhinged… no doors… with you all the way, skipper.
on 27 Jan 2009 at 5:59 pm Freddy Two Trousers

I need to re-hinge my front door. What’s the best method?

Opening outwards with the hinges at the bottom?
on 27 Jan 2009 at 6:13 pm Funny Peculiar

Refuge of Malcontents

I can’t imagine a more poetic summation of HYS. If it weren’t for the tragic lack of self-awareness and irony, I’d think Bert a god among men. As it is, he’s a Zebra’s pouting pink zip.
on 27 Jan 2009 at 6:21 pm Dr Shade

Tell us more about this refuge for malcontents and the unhinged, Bert. What exactly would it look like?

Milton Keynes.

On a Sunday.
on 27 Jan 2009 at 6:45 pm The Man who Might be Thursday

Sounds like The House of Lords to me…
on 27 Jan 2009 at 6:51 pm Hinged Malcontent

Is it possible that Bert actually has a highly developed sense of irony and was getting at this all along?

Not terribly likely, I know.
on 27 Jan 2009 at 9:49 pm wringhim

Is it possible that Bert actually has a highly developed sense of irony and was getting at this all along?

Someone who thinks Wikipedia’s meant to be “factually correct”? I would say not.

There are no hefty books on poststructuralism. It’s the philosophical equivalent of algal bloom foam.

Deleuze and Guattari’s A Thousand Plateaus: Capitalism and Schizophrenia weighs nearly three times as much as Jordan: A Whole New World. Case closed.
on 28 Jan 2009 at 9:32 am Gorgon

And the problem of the internet in general, too many pathetic little keyboard nerds, that although they are quite clever technically, in the real world they dont have a clue. Its easy to be My big behind a keyboard but not so in the real world and why they hide behind their LCD screens.
So yes 10/10 Wiki go for it.

Bogus Boy, bristol, United Kingdom

yeah, you tell all those pathetic people just posting their so-called big, clever thoughts online… oh, bugger
on 28 Jan 2009 at 9:44 am Albert Pedant

Weird, for someone with absolutely no sense of irony Bert doesn’t half spell well. If you forgive the errant full stop half way through it’s word perfect.

I looked up the word “afer” but as it means either an African, or the south-west wind in Italy, the construction It is supposed to be an encyclopedia and therefore factually correct African all makes about as much sense as It is supposed to be an encyclopedia and therefore factually correct windy all.

Relax, I’m a keyboard nerd with an LCD screen.
on 28 Jan 2009 at 10:12 am dirigible

Deleuze and Guattari’s A Thousand Plateaus: Capitalism and Schizophrenia weighs nearly three times as much as Jordan: A Whole New World.

I see what you did there.
on 28 Jan 2009 at 10:21 am Simon

Bert doesn’t half spell well. If you forgive the errant full stop half way through it’s word perfect.

It is supposed to be an encyclopedia

I’m a fucking pedant, it’s “encyclopaedia” at the very least, “encyclopædia” to be correct. Not very funny I know, but there you are.
on 28 Jan 2009 at 10:35 am Gorgon

Wikipedia is not always right. It actually says that my University does not exist, can I get this changed NO. If it does not exist, then was I in a dream together with the thousands of other students? Wiki is great for surfing, but not that good, mistakes are made with no recourse to correct.

Adamski, Scotland

I guess what we need is some kind of online encyclopædia that people like you could edit to correct dreadful errors like this?
on 28 Jan 2009 at 10:35 am Frank Upton

I thought this site would be fun. Instead, it reproduces stupid comments by stupid people and then very laboriously points out that they are stupid. Then other people who cannot be bothered to check the Oxford English Dictionary for spellings of ‘encyclopedia’ mail in to agree that the stupid comments are really stupid.
on 28 Jan 2009 at 10:56 am Albert Muffpie

Frank, if you want fun, try going to Alton pissing Towers. Try riding a donkey on the beach. Try a bit of chikan on a Japanese train. Try skateboarding your grandma. Try getting off your tits on smack then trying to fly off that lava-lamp building in London. Try anything you like, but mainly, try fucking off.
on 28 Jan 2009 at 11:09 am burnel

“The use of fun as an attributive adjective, as in a fun time, a fun place, probably originated in a playful reanalysis of the use of the word in sentences such as It is fun to ski, where fun has the syntactic function of adjectives such as amusing or enjoyable. The usage became popular in the 1950s and 1960s, though there is some evidence to suggest that it has 19th-century antecedents, but it can still raise eyebrows among traditionalists. The day may come when this usage is entirely unremarkable, but writers may want to avoid it in more formal contexts.”

You’re the stupid one Frank. Knobstick.
on 28 Jan 2009 at 11:23 am Liberal Left and Proud

Frank has rumbled you Nelson. It’s the emperor’s new clothes. SYB is shite. Because Frank says so.
on 28 Jan 2009 at 12:23 pm The Man who Might be Thursday

I’m a bigger pedant, Simon. If Bert’s an American, then his spelling of encyclopædia – ie encyclopedia – is correct as far as he sees it. Not that I’m suggesting he sees very far, you understand…
on 28 Jan 2009 at 1:22 pm Funny Peculiar

While on the subject of unhinged pedantic post-structuralist malcontents… Is ‘A Gay’ acceptable usage? Tubby Junior-Boris Welsh Village sketch aside, you hear it a lot. Or I do. But I work with foreigns. So their mangled English may be rubbing off one me. Point of order please; can I say,

I am a gay.
on 28 Jan 2009 at 1:27 pm Funny Peculiar

Frank Upton is a stupid.
on 28 Jan 2009 at 1:57 pm Another Paedent

“I’m a fucking pedant, it’s “encyclopaedia” at the very least, “encyclopædia” to be correct. Not very funny I know, but there you are.”

I think they dropped the a so that people didn’t associate them with paedophiles…

“Look! He’s already confessed to being a PAEDiatrician and now he’s bought a fucking EncycloPAEDia, let’s brick the perv!!”
on 28 Jan 2009 at 2:20 pm The US spelling has been an accepted alternative usage in the UK for a good few years now

Wikipedia itself, of course, allows the use of both UK and US spellings. According to Conservapedia, this is an anti-American plot. (I’m not joking.)
on 28 Jan 2009 at 2:21 pm Barry Cryer

Encyclopaedia: to be sexually attracted to small bikes.
on 28 Jan 2009 at 2:23 pm Gay Gordon

Is ‘A Gay’ acceptable usage?

only for homophobes
on 28 Jan 2009 at 2:26 pm Ceannair

From the John Updike thread, beware – she’s baaaaaack:
=======================

I have only heard his name, never met him. A man of 76 dies of lung cancer just the same as my father who died from the same disease at the age of 56! I didn’t meet any of the more than 1,000 Palestinians in Gaza either. We all have to die, even such well-known authors as John Updyke. We can mourn someone every day of our lives. He had a good life and 20 years more than my father, who I did know. One achieved world fame. The other was a wonderful man known to fewer people. Joy

Joy Pattinson, Switzerland
on 28 Jan 2009 at 2:41 pm wobbegong

Have the good people of Rolle finally chased the evil Joy out of their town then?
on 28 Jan 2009 at 2:46 pm Dr Anus

Her dad snuffed it at 56, therefore no-one else is allowed an obituary and no more deaths should be announced ever, especially if the decedent had the temerity to live past 56. Cheeky fuckers.
on 28 Jan 2009 at 3:00 pm skunkpussy

…We all have to die,…
Joy Pattinson, Switzerland

THEN FUCKING HURRY UP AND GET ON WITH IT, YOU HATEFUL OLD HAG!
on 28 Jan 2009 at 4:02 pm Daley Mayle

I have my suspicions that Joy did a reverse-Fritzl to (with? on?) her father. The lung cancer was clearly brought on by breathing the foetid air of the cellar, where she chained him up, day and night, to listen to her ranting and whining about pointless, self-obsessed twaddle day and night (I haven’t even got onto the *funny business* that went on, yet).

If I’m right.
on 28 Jan 2009 at 4:20 pm Kowalski

So,according to Joy’s own version of the world, every single fucker in the world deserves an obituary when they kark it! Will make buying the Times/Torygraph etc a struggle, you would never get it’s 12 daily volumes on the tube for a start!

Relax, I can’t read
on 28 Jan 2009 at 4:20 pm Adam

Woo, I got my first spEak You’re bRanes contribution published!

I’m so proud.
(sobs quiet tears of joy)
on 28 Jan 2009 at 4:20 pm Ceannair

Daley, one suspects that Mr Fritzl clearly went on an away day to Switzerland and after stopping for a slash in Rolle, was inspired.

I think you are right!
on 28 Jan 2009 at 5:55 pm Dr Shade

I have my suspicions that Joy did a reverse-Fritzl to (with? on?) her father

Well…

There *was* that strange post of hers a while back about that time when she was 16 and her father got her and her schoolfriend pissed out of their branes on cherry brandy and – I quote – “put them to bed”

That might explain a lot.

And I always thought “encyclopaedia” was just a more technical term for the Sex Offenders Register…
on 28 Jan 2009 at 9:24 pm Pinksy

Why should you not pour salt on Wikipedia?

Because it’s “open sores”.

Yeah.
on 29 Jan 2009 at 3:47 pm Mr Cat

Why should you not pour salt on Wikipedia?

Because it’s “open sores”.

Yeah.

I think that’s the first genuinely funny use of the comments box on SYB since the blah filter was switched off.
on 29 Jan 2009 at 6:21 pm Far-Q

THEN FUCKING HURRY UP AND GET ON WITH IT, YOU HATEFUL OLD HAG!

Hehehe.

On another note, I’m thinking of starting and open source, freely editable, encyclopaedia for kiddy-fiddlers to use as a useful information (school locations an suchlike), called peedopaedia.
on 29 Jan 2009 at 6:52 pm Far-Q

And then maybe a firefox plug-in that stops you looking like an eejut by checking for missing words in something you’re about to spurt onto the interwebs.

…source…
on 29 Jan 2009 at 11:38 pm Pinksy

@Mr Cat – thanks! ‘fraid it wasn’t my joke though…
on 30 Jan 2009 at 9:20 am Tom

If readers of this blog think the BBC’s Have Your Say is crass they should try reading through their own utterances again. A collection of the deranged, juvenile, pretentious and plain vulgar. Wouldn’t you agree “Dr Anus”? I trust none of you children aspire to a career in journalism.
on 30 Jan 2009 at 10:29 am Ceannair

Ooh thanks Tom!
on 30 Jan 2009 at 12:26 pm Far-Q

I think the point is, Tom, that we’re not trying to be serious, unlike the HYS contributors who believe there every word is important and/or the suppressed truth they don’t want you to hear.

As for “deranged, juvenile, pretentious and plain vulgar”,
you’ve not been on this here internet thing long, have you? That’s all it’s made from.

That and hundreds and hundreds of nudey-pics which, if this site offends so much, might usefully distract you.
on 30 Jan 2009 at 1:23 pm Funny Peculiar

Fuck-a-duck-a-daisy-diddlin’-do. The BBC have just asked the HYS Troll Brigade to opine on whether massed walkouts in support of British Jobs are a good thing.

British Jobs – Yes. Sensible. Daily Mail tickbox. Healthy ImmigRage. Fully Approve.

Massed Walkouts – Bad. Commie-shit. Lefties! Arggh! No No No!!1!

It’s like watching your Granny trying to park a 36-wheel artic-truck.
on 30 Jan 2009 at 1:33 pm Funny Peculiar

Should jobs go to local workers…

“There is only one question to ask the powers that be; How many of these johnny foreigner workers actually voted for G Brown & Co in the last election?

Ample warning to the Government for doing nothing (again!)”

The Big Fish, Stockport, United Kingdom

According to ‘The Big Fish’ (in ‘The Small Grimy Pond’ of Stockport) The Labour Majority is fiendishly maintained using Italian contract workers (again!).
on 30 Jan 2009 at 1:47 pm Col John Matrix

Poor Tom. You missed the point of this site, didn’t you?

Bless.
on 30 Jan 2009 at 1:59 pm funny peculiar

Yes – British jobs to British citizens! For a long time now, I have thought how unfair our reciprocal agreeements re employment with other countries. Think about it. English is the recognised common international language. How many people speak Polish or say, Dutch in comparison? So the Poles can come here because they (like most people) speak English, whereas we CAN’T go there because (like most people) we don’t speak Polish. It’s a one way street!

[FemaleRambo]

There are currently 1,000,000,000 learning English as a second language. And NOT ONE OF THEM has any intention of speaking a single word of it until they are safely passed the sleeping immigration officer at Dover. They are all coming here!!! And we can’t go there! We’re doomed!
on 30 Jan 2009 at 2:19 pm skunkpussy

According to ‘The Big Fish’ (in ‘The Small Grimy Pond’ of Stockport) The Labour Majority is fiendishly maintained using Italian contract workers (again!).

Yeah, if it’s not the Scottish Mafia keeping McBroon in power then it’s the actual Mafia Mafia.
on 30 Jan 2009 at 5:23 pm Bit Special

Erm, I can speak Dutch.

That’s right, Female Rambo, you have a moan about the rest of Europe (if not the world) being able to speak English. It’s a fucking disgrace – how DARE they make it easy for Brits to travel or work anywhere they like & communicate with ease! Bastard forruns, always making life so easy for us; why, they’ll be coming over here to do the jobs none of us want to do, next!

Oh.
on 30 Jan 2009 at 7:08 pm Daley Mayle

What? An English person (not a British one) have to learn a foreign language in order to live or holiday in another country? Heaven forfend! Being ignorant, xenophobic, pig-thick and making others bend to our will, is the English way – the ONLY way, eh, Female Rambo? Bet you’d be the first person to be outraged if other countries stopped using English as a universal language, wouldn’t you, you bigoted, illogical, self-contradictory twunt! WOULDN’T YOU?

Aaand relax.
on 30 Jan 2009 at 10:08 pm Freddy Two Trousers

It’s like watching your Granny trying to park a 36-wheel artic-truck.

She does allright (and it only has sixteen wheels).
on 30 Jan 2009 at 11:08 pm Col John Matrix

I stumbled across this post, and I was chilled to the marrow (to the MARROW) to learn that Topsy-Turvey claims to be employed in some sort of national security type position.

“I’m fortunate enough to work in a position that strictly requires all employees are British nationals, for security reasons.

I can’t help but laugh at the millions of pounds this government throws at bodies like the “Learning and Skills Council” – only for local jobs to then be thrown to some foreign firm.

It looks like our taxes are paying NuLabour to educate a lot of highly-skilled unemployed people. Great long-term planning…

(slow hand clap follows)

Topsy Turvy, England, United Kingdom”

I can only hope that he is scrubbing toilets for M15. Anything more important than that, and we’re in serious barney rubble.
on 31 Jan 2009 at 12:06 am Daley Mayle

Relax. I think “I’m fortunate enough to work in a position that strictly requires all employees are British nationals, for security reasons” means “I sit alone, all day, every day, in my lonely, musty bedsit wearing nothing but yellowed y-fronts and a tinfoil hat, writing turd on HYS on my cheap computer. There’s a BNP poster on the wall and a faded UKIP sticker by the front door, next to the hand-written sign that reads ‘no jipsies, hawkers, beggers’. I keep ringing the council because I’m convinced the Asian family next door are planning a terrorist attack, even though they keep telling me they’re Sikhs – whatever that means”.
on 31 Jan 2009 at 7:56 pm Mike G

Are we not keeping a record of the many, many jobs Topsy claims to have?
on 01 Feb 2009 at 2:48 am Georgia Cross

From ‘Song for Europe’ thread…

The aim this year was to win. Winning means knowing your market.

This song is pretty mediocre for the British market, let alone the European. All the winners from the past few years have been big show tunes – this song makes me want to go to sleep.

Also, just because America chose a black president, doesnt mean we have to choose a black entrant. Again knowing your market – Russians just won’t associate a Black singer with Britain. If we want to win, we have to give Europe what they want!

Gary A

“Hey Boris, whereski that blackski singer from?”
“I not know Vlad. It is strange. My stereotype Russian mind tells me that stereotype British girls all white with horse-faces and fat arses. That girl blekski. Britain clearly is not understand the European marketing rules of this competition. I blame Obamaski. Besides, is not important. My father half-Lithuanian. If I no can voteski Russia, I voteski Lithuanianski. Unless singer is black naturally.”
on 01 Feb 2009 at 3:02 am Pimple

“I’m fortunate enough to work in a position that strictly requires all employees are British nationals, for security reasons.”
Topsy Turvy, England, United Kingdom

He’s a long-term, slow-burn, deep-cover sleeper, paid by the government to continuously post wretched shite on HYS in order to defuse the credibility of the moronic far right. His handle is Double-Oh Nevermind.
on 01 Feb 2009 at 1:56 pm Simon

Topsy Turvey:

I’m fortunate enough to work in a position that strictly requires all employees are British nationals, for security reasons.

He’s the Data Protection Officer for the BNP.
on 01 Feb 2009 at 2:38 pm Funny Peculiar

“Are we not keeping a record of the many, many jobs Topsy claims to have?” Mike G

Topsy could tell you what his job is, but then he’d have to kill you… Death by boredom; several hours explaining the differences between claim-forms T3x, G3x, W3x and the vital P5 series, delivered in a pea-brain, nasal monotone with massive overuse of the word, ‘actually’. A truly horrible way to go, give me a tank of starved pirahnas, anyday.
on 02 Feb 2009 at 8:23 am Throbbe

He’s the Data Protection Officer for the BNP.

lol. As in an actual real life lol, not just typing it.
on 02 Feb 2009 at 12:30 pm BlahdeBlah

“Russians just won’t associate a Black singer with Britain.”

Yeah of course those Ruskies don’t know anything about multiculturalism. Obviously that’s why they got bleeding *Timbaland* to do their winning song last year, isn’t it?
on 05 Feb 2009 at 9:35 pm Stimpson J. Cat

Why would she end the announcment of two peoples’ deaths, with such exaggerated amusement? Oh Joy…
on 19 Feb 2009 at 6:53 pm Yosser Hughes

There are no hefty books on poststructuralism. It’s the philosophical equivalent of algal bloom foam. Dirigible

Wasn’t Algal Bloomfoam the Secretary of Defense who was concerned about known unknowns?

"If you love Peadophiles so much..
why don't you go live there?"

73 Responses to “HYS Readers Worried Rest Of Internet Not Up To Scratch”

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spEak You're bRanes

"If you love Peadophiles so much.. why don't you go live there?"

73 Responses to “HYS Readers Worried Rest Of Internet Not Up To Scratch”

About

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"If you love Peadophiles so much..
why don't you go live there?"