spEak You're bRanes

This is just another sympton of the world population overshoot.

Too many billions chasing jobs.

The Pope is possible the biggest problem on Earth. At least many Islamic leaders are now advising smaller famillies.

If I’m wrong shoot me.
Phil, Enfield

If you spend too much time on HYS, it’s easy to let despair overwhelm you. Then, just when you’re starting to worry that there’s no hope at all for our species, Phil comes up with a brilliant idea like that.

Money saving tips:

Steal tea bags, pens and milk from work (what else are they there for?)

Don’t fill up the cats bowl till he’s eaten what’s already in there.

Go to your mum and dads house and steal their food.

Go for dinner at friends houses as frequently as possible, take a bottle of the cheapest wine available and always bring it home if there is any left.

Charge phones & ipods in work

Use hair straightners in work

In fact, do everything that uses electricity in work.

paul masson, Liverpool/Manchester

Excellent suggestions. Here are mine.

• If Paul Masson turns up around teatime with a bottle of wine, take it off him then tell him to bollocks.
• Eat the cat.
• Always haggle with prostitutes, they’re often desperate. Pick the one with the stringiest hair for extra savings!
• Grow your own tobacco.
• Stop buying bogroll. Bumrinse, bumrinse, bumrinse!

Quantum Physicists rejoice! The age-old paradox of cause and effect reversal has been explained by the huge wobbly brains of the British public. Clearly a global economic downturn can be caused by Robert Peston reporting on, er, the global economic downturn. Obviously, what with it all being his fault, the wobbly British brain is rather angry with him. Fortunately he’s got StrongholdBarricades here watching his back, even when he’s on holiday.

The story starts with Andrew Neil’s blog, written this week by his co-presenter Anita Anand, who you might describe as a kind of fully-functioning deputy.

So is it some kind of conspiracy?

Robert, Nick, and Andrew all AWOL in the same week?

Have these guys become so important that they don’t have fully functioning deputies?

Certainly a great amount of stuff in the in tray, but presumably new stuff will emerge next week

StrongholdBarricades

You might be onto something with your consipiracy theory there. I think there’s a similar conspiracy that makes flights and hotels really expensive – and full of kids – at certain times of the year.

Anyway, Robert Peston has decided to spend this week – the one halfway through the school term, now I think of it – in west Wales.

I hope that you enjoy your family holiday Robert, and hopefully by admitting this so publicly it hasn’t compromised your own safety.

I must ask, however, are you the only person at the BBC that can make comments upon the issues currently running through the news?

No strength in depth at the BBC?

StrongholdBarricades

You fool, Robert, you thought hiding in an area of a mere 4,000 square miles would protect you? If only you hadn’t been so damnably specific about which side of Wales you’d gone to! I have written to your boss to warn him, by the way. It was easy to work out the address because it’s where you work five days a week, 48 weeks of the year, while you’re appearing on live TV.

Thanks to Michael for this.

The government has decided not to downgrade ecstasy, flying in the face of advice suggesting it’s no more dangerous than horseriding. Feel free to ignore everything I’ve said there.

i think this is the most stupid thing i have heard how can they down grade ecstacy and put it at the same level as weed ecstacy has killed so many people coursed so many problem has weed done that its just gonna make people take it more often and more people are gonna have problems why can u go out and take a pill that could kill you but u cant have a joint with a few mates and just chill i have never heard anything so silly in my life what is happening to the coverment

steffie, bournemouth

You’re just bitter because possession of cannabis can lead to a long sentence.

Get it? Long sentence?

Never mind.

MAD!!! WHY would you degrade a substance that kills and can do instantly!! its not about numbers of dead its about how the drug can kill.

JUST STUPID! Ecstasy is NOT less harmful than alcohol or tobacco, its ILLEGAL thats why there are fewer people because its harder to buy!

It amazes me is that there are schemes out there (speak to Frank) trying hard to make us aware of the serious dangours and now the government want to lower the class!!!!

Do they want more people to die?

Sheilagh-Anne, Bracknell

Normally I’d write a jokey, snide response to Sheilagh-Anne here, but I can’t because I’m so fucking tired of people who can’t tell the difference between the words “are” and “are not” assuming that people who get paid to do statistical analysis for a living haven’t considered a little thing like proportionality when they put their studies together. Here’s a life tip: If you can’t explain how a light bulb works then shut your cake flap, let the grownups do the science, and stick to worrying about whether this really is it for Jordan and Peter this time.

This is CRAZY!! ‘e’s are a really bad drug!!! I have used drugs like this and they are a dirty drug!! How can they downgrade this filthy man made drug?!!! And upgrade a natural substance like cannabis!?!?! CRAZY!!!!

Ross, Portsmouth

What do you expect from a government that classified a natural substance like arsenic as “toxic” and decided hydrogen should be “inflammable”?

Here’s a tricky one. Will hundreds of new fast food outlets be a good thing?. Now think carefully, because you have to preserve your aspirational-lower-middle-class snobbishness by expressing disdain for the Greasy Poor, but more jobs are a good thing, although you have to acknowledge that in a way that doesn’t give Clown & Co. any credit.

Hard question. .

More jobs…good
More fast food…bad

Cam

Four legs, Big Mac. Two legs, chicken nugget.

So when we no longer make anything and the financial sector has gone belly up we will be OK because we can all serve each other Domino’s pizzas, Kentucky buckets & Macburgers?

This is the economics of the madhouse!

Tim Joyce, Wirral, United Kingdom

Actually, I distinctly remember they sold jeans and t-shirts.

Also, I don’t understand why you’ve put “when we no longer make anything and the financial sector has gone belly up” in the future tense.

There isn’t anything wrong with not wanting to cook, most of us don’t build our own furniture or make our own clothes either. The problem with most fast food outlets is the food itself, KFC fried chicken, Big Mac & fries or Pizza Hut food is loaded with salt and saturated fat, you wouldn’t put salt into your gas tank so why would you eat this artery clogging junk? The same goes for your corner chippy. Better to look for healthier options, they are available.

[kathrn], Ontario, Canada

Excellent point, kathrn, and I hope you’re seeing the benefits of the all-petrol diet already.

It is filth made out of the cheapest ingredients for maximum profit, with loads of chemicals to make it taste less like rotting excrement for the deranged retards who eat it.

The people who make it are abused drones no better than slaves, and it has the same health benefits as stabbing your heart with a dirty pin.

How can any sane person even consider eating the filth? It should be classed as a crime against humanity to sell it to the feeble-minded feckless morons who eat it.

Sammy World

I hear it’s full of hormones that make you really aggressive too.

“Will Obama’s stimulus plan work?”

Should do.
imran j

Sorted.

Exactly how many bombs is it going to take to bomb these Afghans happy again? Ungrateful cunts.

Not everyone on that thread is a racist lunatic advocating nuking the entire country though. Check out the progressive view.

One of the biggest hurdles is the hearts and minds of the local populace.You do not get that by dropping bombs from planes on weddings. Or on houses containing women and children.To me, that is unacceptable. With more soldiers perhaps we can stop bombing civilian areas and send troops in who can see and select their targets. Yes it is more risky for our guys with more casualties but we must show respect if we want it shown back. The aggressors dont get that by putting their lives first.
[Atomtrasher], Lowestoft, United Kingdom

It’s certainly a brave and generous gesture and would definitely win those hearts and minds. However, as a true progressive, I think we should go even further. Grateful though they might be for the opportunity to be shot in the face rather the back, why not poison them with some kind of lovely gas that makes them fall asleep before they die? It’s up to us as benevolent, left-leaning westerners to do this whole thing as humanely as possible, otherwise we’ll lose the respect of these charming little Afghan chappies forever.

I just came across HaaHaa HeeHee.

On the death of Tony Hart:

He was a lovely man and I’m sure he must have inspired millions to be more creative. An example of quality and innocence on TV.

There are so many well loved TV personalities reaching the vulnerable ages that BBC should create a searchable condolences section separate from the HYS forums to allow people to express their sorrow as a “permanent” tribute.
HaaHaa HeeHee, United Kingdom

Searchable?

I did find myself wondering if HaaHaa HeeHee is taking the piss. If only there were some kind of universal barometer of cluelessness that would let us know for sure.

There isn’t a shred of credible scientific evidence to support the idea that species evolve into other species. There is no plausible theory as to how life/matter/energy came to be out of nothing.

Evolution is as scientifically unproven as creationism or any other “ism”. It is interesting to consider all the theories but it is time to stop the presenting evolution as “scientific fact”.

Darwin is the author of questions and not scientific advance.
HaaHaa HeeHee, United Kingdom

Ah.

Thanks to Richard who found this this post among A. Kelly’s ball-achingly dull collection of over 1,200 HYS posts since April 2007.

“Should [Facebook] users have complete control over their content?”

No one owns my ‘profile’ as I don’t play the stupid game of having one…. just pointless posturing by people who should get out and get a life!
A Kelly, United Kingdom