iv got a brand new combine harvester =]
By KelvinThe periodical HYS cheer-up thread has always seemed a bit like Robert Peston delivering the financial news in a clown costume. You know he doesn’t really believe in the tone, you know no-one watching believes in the tone, and everyone knows the tone just makes the report sound more sarcastic than it should be.
Well, everyone except Danny, as discovered by JB.
Reasons to be cheerful?
i love life atm.
iv spent hundreds on my new bedroom,
iv had a chilling weekend with my mates and im now settled for school, but most
of all i know i have a scooter waitin in my shed ready for when im 16 on friday =]Danny Kershaw, Crawshawbooth
Danny doesn’t mention his reason not to be so cheerful: he’s been banned from MySpace and Facebook so HYS is his final chance to reach out into the bleak void of existence and hope that another collection of squirmy gristle and synapses will give a fuck whether he lives or dies.
And the worst of it is, with those tiny scooter engines you have to suck on the hosepipe for hours before it all ceases to matter any more.
34 Responses to “iv got a brand new combine harvester =]”
I want to know what was so “chilling” about the weekend with his mates!
well…it WAS cold
Hey, cut the kid some slack. At least he’s genuinely happy, rather than just putting on a brave face in between all the diatribes about how Bottler Jock McBroon raped and killed their family while Jester Darling burned down their house.
Who is this “iv” bloke – sounds like he had a great weekend chilling with Danny Kershaw’s mates and spent loads of money on Danny’s bedroom.
Maybe he spent the money *in* Danny’s bedroom. On a few hours with his Mum.
It’s almost – almost – like you get the post without actually getting it.
What does he mean he’s spent hundreds on his bedroom? Either he’s been buying exotic furnishings for it – plush velvet curtains with gilt ropes, landscapes by renowned local artists, that sort of thing – or his family made him buy himself a garden shed and move into that.
-sigh- I actually grew up near Crawshawbooth, and the idea that he spent hundreds of pounds on his bedroom, to me, would indicate that his parents bought him a new shelf and he’s dug out a little cubby hole where he can keep his crack without getting caught.
Let’s face it, it may be the only time he has his name and the phrase “love life” in the same sentence. Ever.
If I’m right.
You really are a diabolically clever little man, aren’t you?
Crawshawbooth sounds like the sort of town that would have a lot of cellars. Mind you, when I was fifteen I worked as a mineshaft 6 days’ trek below ground and all my family members had to share one iron lung, and cold, cold iron doesn’t hug you back so I developed emotionless psychopathy. We didn’t spend our days contributing to the progress of society which now finds itself with people like Kershaw there, improving his surroundings and decreasing his reliance on his parents by using his own transportation, looking forward to school like a pansy. Arrogant little shit.
I knew this one was going to be a controversial post. I’m afraid that the basic literacy component of the English Language GCSE is not enough to comprehend why this post is SYB-worthy. But do keep trying, it’s an important step in developing that “sense of humour” people are encouraging you to explore.
ooh ooh I know I know… it’s funny because you say it is, Kelvin. I bet that’s it, cos you’re so amazing, you’re more clever than the whole world. And you’ve got a letter from God proving it. Obviously we’ll never work out why you think it’s funny. No not a chance that anyone is anywhere near your level. And yet you still are prepared to lord it over everyone for our benefit. Thank you, Kelvin. I think you’re proof that there’s super intelligent alien life among us. It must be sooooooo great being you. I bet your kids piss themselves laughing when you rip hilariously into their fragile little egos.
Well, you clearly won’t, but don’t worry, you add “local colour” to the comments anyway.
I’ll tell you what was “chilling” about his weekend… He got drunk and murdered people.
Relax.. I’m being libellous.
It’s not controversial, it’s fucking incredibly dull!
Never mind, Nelson’s posted something with the word “penis” in it.
What I find so tragic about Danny’s post is that he doesn’t seem to realise the awful truth about being growd-up:
On Friday he will not be able to ride that scooter until he has applied for a provisional driving licence, taken his CBT and bought tax and insurance. His new independence will seem tantalisingly close, but held back by expensive obstacles.
Basically he will spend his birthday staring at a scooter in a shed, occasionally polishing it (his scooter).
What a misdirected clusterfuck of a retort.
I suppose no one will ever know what you found so funny, but I’d hesitate before deciding that because your point was obscure, it was massively cerebral. Genuinely intelligent people don’t withhold knowledge.
you’re so amazing, you’re more clever than the whole world. And you’ve got a letter from God proving it.
Now thats funny.
Can I just say teens on scooters is God upgrading the whole plague of locusts thing for the 21stC
Um, there’s someone above you who sums up what’s so funny in his first sentence, and he’s not namechecking MENSA or anything so I’m going to assume he doesn’t share my alleged Marvin-mind.
So you could complain that I’m withholding knowledge, or you could sympathise with my plight that explaining the joke to the one dull penny really kills the humour for everyone else in the group.
Heh, I’ll assume you’re not talking about Funny Peculiar. Or, God, were you?
Seriously though, Kelvin, there wasn’t a complaint about you withholding knowledge, there was a tongue-in-cheek insinuation you weren’t genuinely intelligent. And if the summation was that, “iv spent hundreds on my new bedroom, iv had a chilling weekend with my mates and im now settled for school,” could be read in the third person, there wasn’t really any humour either.
I like the fact that his surname is Kershaw and he’s from a place called Crawshawbooth. That’s funny enough for me to think it deserves a mention here.
My only criticism is that it’s “ages” old… I guffawed over Danny’s meandering “weeks” ago on HYS. When can we expect something funny on here about the HYSers in the snow? Summer?
Well, I thought it was funny, especially considering that the semi-literate cunt is fifteen and can scarcely make himself understood in his native tongue.
Mr Cat, this is one of the ones Nelson apologised about a few posts back. Just for you, there’s one about the snow in the queue.
Christ. Fucking Christ. Look, I’m really sorry that I insinuated you didn’t get the joke because your command of the English language is limited to basic reading comprehension. It’s clear now that the problem is far more basic. I’ll try and post something you can enjoy next time, like the contents of my left pocket, or a list of places north of Cowdenbeath.
Good – I hope its the one by david taylor from Southend about working from home I want to see his smug repartee poked into submission with a big sharp stick.
I also hope Nelson doesn’t “forget” to put something about the dementia thread
Oh, Kelvin, I’m just winding you up. I know you think you’re always a step ahead, but in fact I am two steps ahead of where I appear to be, and slightly off to the left, so I am both a step ahead of you and at a jaunty tangent which suits my caddish idiom. Anyway, ‘iv’ got to get on. Ta for now, asshat.
I’ve just had the horrible feeling that he copied and pasted “Reasons to be cheerful?” which is why it has capitals and everything.
I’m rather amused by the notion that presently, anyone actually in that position would be drowning in freezing seawater. Your analogy (well done! Is it your first?) is more apt than you know.
Put the handbags down, ladies.
All this fighting has shaken me to my very core. WE CAN’T LET DANNY KERSHAW TEAR US APART!
I see exactly what you find funny and why, I just happen to find the same thing sad.
I come here to mock people who deserve it. Evil queynts like Topsy Turvy, not poor dumb Danimals. The boy’s got enough suffering coming his way, do we really have to point and laugh?
Yes. Stupids will cause you more woe in your life than the purely evil ever will.
If only there were a website where this sort of thing could be posted and mocked.
@Kelvin- Agreed. Stupidity doesn’t really get you very far- how many evil dimwits ever tried to take over the world?
…relax, I’m imaginary.