Permanently Bewildered and Self-appointed Sages09 Feb 2009 11:45 am

Only A Matter Of Infinite Variables

By Nelson

Thanks to Tom for this first one. From an article about some chaps using the latest data to estimate the number intelligent civilisations in our galaxy.

It’s hit and miss. Like billiards. But one day they shall find us or we shall find them. Hope I live long enough.
John, Ukiah, CA. USA

I’m not sure that you’ve fully grasped either the Drake equation or the game of billiards.

The vastness of space is in itself a question. Taking the Earth as a standard case in this expieriment is showing of how small our perception truely is. Intelligent civilization in the universe is a definite. Whether or not contact can and will be made is only matter of infinite variables. Perhaps the greatest extra-terrestrial contact will manifest itself in ruins.
Daniel Franco, United States

Are you a professor of space by any chance?

22 Responses to “Only A Matter Of Infinite Variables”

  1. on 09 Feb 2009 at 11:56 am   A Very Public Sociologist

    Professor of ‘space-in-my-head’ more like.

  2. on 09 Feb 2009 at 12:12 pm   skunkpussy

    Are you a professor of space by any chance?

    Nah, just a regular Space Cadet by the sound of it.

  3. on 09 Feb 2009 at 12:35 pm   viciousidol

    Here we are, searching for intelligent life on the BBC forums. And failing.

  4. on 09 Feb 2009 at 1:13 pm   Dr Shade

    Perhaps the greatest extra-terrestrial contact will manifest itself in ruins.
    Daniel Franco, United States

    He’s talking about Dagenham.

    Upon further investigation out of this fairy tale you’ll discover the only planets that have been verified are Jupiter-like planets. Huge gas planets. Want to live there, folks?
    Sven, CA, USA

    Actually, if you do investigate further instead of just think about it while stuffing your face full of blueberry pancakes and farting at your wife and overweight kids, you’ll discover that one of the reasons scientists have been kacking their pants with excitement the past couple of years is because they’ve discovered half-a-dozen or so “Earth-type” (by which I mean they’re made of solid rock – not gas – as opposed “earth type” meaning populated by cretinous colonials who spurt utter shite all over the internet, and Spandau Balllet) planets. Admittedly even the smallest such planet is several times larger than our Earth.

    My friend spoke of a B47 pilot who in 1963 described a disc-shaped object that approached his aircraft, flew in formation, then accelerated at a speed he could not match. The pilot did not make an official report because he did not want people to think he was crazy and lose security clearance. The co-pilot independently verified the incident

    By an AMAZING coincidence my friend’s auntie’s boyfriends granny knew a badger that used to forage in the garden of a bloke who flew kites t the weekend and in 1847 he saw a Gary Glitter shaped object which dive-bombed his kite before looping the loop and then disappearing at a speed he couldn’t make up. He didn’t make an official report because he didn’t want the authorities to discover the naughty pictures he had hiddeen under his tinfoil hat, but Elvis was walking his dog nearby at the time and independantly verified the incident.

    No question of belief. It’s a fact that aliens have been visiting Earth for last several thousand years. Many of our technologies are gifts from them. It is a different matter that our Governments and some our scientists are in constant denial. Maybe this is their policy or perhaps the aliens have asked them to keep their identity secret in lieu of technical inputs given.
    Shailendra Singh, Mumbai

    There is absolutely nothing you or I or anyone could say that could make this one look like more of a brain-damaged nadger’s testicle than they’ve already done to themselves…

  5. on 09 Feb 2009 at 1:24 pm   Funny Peculiar

    populated by cretinous colonials who spurt utter shite all over the internet, and Spandau Ballet
    Dr Shade

    A planet populated by Spandau Ballet! Even in an infinite number of universes where an infinite number of possibilities can exist, that’s just wrong. If they ever discover Planet Spandau, I vote we send Vader and the Death Star to ‘correct’ the situation. Imagine the haircuts.

  6. on 09 Feb 2009 at 1:25 pm   skunkpussy

    … It’s a fact that aliens have been visiting Earth for last several thousand years. Many of our technologies are gifts from them…
    Shailendra Singh, Mumbai

    If HYS was one of those gifts I hope the fuckers kept the receipt.

  7. on 09 Feb 2009 at 1:34 pm   Kelvin

    Here we are, searching for intelligent life on the BBC forums. And failing.

    I was going to try and work out a Drake’s equation for HYS. And then I thought, why bother, it’s only going to sum to zero anyway.

  8. on 09 Feb 2009 at 1:56 pm   Dr Shade

    It’s a fact that aliens have been visiting Earth for last several thousand years. Many of our technologies are gifts from them…

    So how does that work exactly?

    If aliens really did give us the atomic energy, the internet, microwaves, lasers, stealth technology, etc. then why didn’t they give them to the Sumerians or Egyptians thousands of years ago when they first turned up?

    How come we get the iPod and all the Pharoahs got was the world’s biggest rockeries?

    How come we get a global virtual network of every type of porn imaginable and all the Sumerians got was heiroglyphics and the wheel?

    How come we get lumbered with HYS and all the Egyptians got was frogs, locusts, darkness and the deaths of the first born?

  9. on 09 Feb 2009 at 2:25 pm   Samwel

    How come we get the iPod … How come we get a global virtual network of every type of porn imaginable … How come we get lumbered with HYS

    It’s all a matter of balance. Equal and opposite reaction, and all that. The Ancient Egyptians didn’t have electricity, but they were spared HYS. maybe they were better people than us.

  10. on 09 Feb 2009 at 2:26 pm   dirigible

    why didn’t they give them to the Sumerians or Egyptians thousands of years ago when they first turned up?

    They did. That’s why Sumer and Ancient Egypt aren’t around any more and why those once fertile lands are a bit sandier than they used to be. PROVE ME WRONG!!! STARGATE IS A DOCUMENTARY!!!

    (You’d think that any aliens capable of mastering interstellar travel would have come up with a slightly more evidence-based approach to first contact than repeatedly giving nukes to something that shares most of its genes with chimpanzees. Or at least that they would be capable of dodging wind turbines.)

  11. on 09 Feb 2009 at 2:51 pm   God

    (You’d think that any aliens capable of mastering interstellar travel would have come up with a slightly more evidence-based approach to first contact than repeatedly giving nukes to something that shares most of its genes with chimpanzees.

    They just doing it for a laugh, like when you give your companion animal (canine) beer to see what they do when pissed. Vicious bastards those Zorkons from Zeta Reticuli.

  12. on 09 Feb 2009 at 3:02 pm   Albert Muffpie

    I would like to say that there are no aliens in our universe. We are all one big happy multi-species family, who just haven’t been made aware of each other’s existence yet. But once we get that first contact, it’ll be like a great big interplanetary love-in. The only drawback is that there are no trees in space to hug.

  13. on 09 Feb 2009 at 3:40 pm   Chris

    The bad news for an HYSer RE any alien invasion is that aliens are uber-immigrants. They’re immigrants squared! Can you imagine those intergalactic fiends landing here, using our NHS, doing our construction jobs for half the price, getting free council houses….

  14. on 09 Feb 2009 at 3:42 pm   Col John Matrix

    No doubt that when aliens do turn up, then the government will start discriminating in favour of them, at the expense of hard-working indigenous white single males!

  15. on 09 Feb 2009 at 4:07 pm   Felna

    Upon further investigation out of this fairy tale you’ll discover the only planets that have been verified are Jupiter-like planets. Huge gas planets. Want to live there, folks?
    Sven, CA, USA

    Or maybe, just maybe, the aliens aren’t actually like this small minded fish flange at all and quite like living on huge gas planets, having evolved that way over millions of years… but I bet he still believes the world is 2,500 years old and the grand canyon is evidence for the flood

  16. on 09 Feb 2009 at 5:01 pm   God

    Stop calling them ‘aliens’ you fascist bastards, you are all just Differently Planeted. Of course, they can call themselves the ‘A’ word as long as it is in an ironic and post-modern context. Consider yourselves chided.

  17. on 09 Feb 2009 at 7:40 pm   Hitler's Dustbin Lid

    My friend spoke of a B47 pilot who in 1963 described a disc-shaped object that approached his aircraft, flew in formation……

    There was only one but it flew in formation.

    Such is the magnitude of their advanced technology.

  18. on 09 Feb 2009 at 7:40 pm   Valdemar

    “My friend spoke of a B47 pilot who in 1963 described a disc-shaped object that approached his aircraft, flew in formation, then accelerated at a speed he could not match.”

    Disc shaped or SR-71 Blackbird shaped? I was walking down the street the other day when all these box-shaped objects started whizzing past me at a speed I could not match. When I tried to explain to my friends they had me locked in a cubic container with soft walls and a crayon-shaped crayon.

    Bugger, Alex was right- I’ve turned into a smug bastard after just two comments.

  19. on 10 Feb 2009 at 3:01 am   The Gnome Secretary

    Glad to see you cunts are still here, and are still cunts.

  20. on 10 Feb 2009 at 6:48 am   Bernie

    If the first species to make contact with us look like golliwogs, we’re fucked.

  21. on 10 Feb 2009 at 1:22 pm   Dr Shade

    Glad to see you cunts are still here, and are still cunts.

    The Gnome Secretary

    Well, to be fair, us cunts have got nothing better to do than hang around here waiting for a big fat prick like you to turn up…

  22. on 10 Feb 2009 at 2:51 pm   Gir

    I get the impression that John from Ukiah is mis-remembering the ending to Men In Black and what he actually meant to say was marbles, not billiards.