Plain Weird and Racists19 Feb 2009 12:53 pm
By Alex
Thanks to Thomas. “Afghanistan: Can the West learn from the Soviets?”
For success in Afghanistan, it should be understood that, Afghans possess high concentration of Adrenalin in their system. Aggression blind their minds but, they are easily convinced by kindness. They seriously detest treachery which completely transforms them into a
war-machine.Check history to know why Alexander the Great was given a free way by Afghans, Islam dawn earliest in Afghanistan out side Arab land and more recently, how US won its Cold War against USSR through Afghanistan.
Muhammad Saeed, Islamabad, Pakistan
Thomas adds: “Roll under agility on 2d6 to avoid Froststare”.
38 Responses to “+2 Figleaf Of Humanitarianism”
Have they tried one of those up-and-downy orange rubber plunger things? They shift anything.
… and? And?! If we check history, what will we find? I can’t tolerate this carrot dangling. I must know!
Michael Bay is wasting his money on all those special effects when he could just hire a few Afghans.
NATO should simply drop thousands of stress balls into Taleban areas, that will help alleviate the high concentrations of adrenalin in their system. Everyone can then sit down and have a nice cup of tea and a biscuit.
What type of biscuit?
Erm. By sending in the CIA to train Osama bin Laden and Al-Qeada in the arts of subversion, murder and terrorism and then equip them with the latest Yankee oil dollar funded weapons, missiles and explosives to use against the invading Russian forces?
Because obviously having shown the occupied Afghans so much kindness they were secure in the knowledge that they wouldn’t then use all that knowledge, training and weaponry to – oh, I don’t know – conduct a religious jihad against the US and its allies and fly aeroplanes into their major landmarks…
Opium hobnobs
A cursed -1 fortune cookie, of course.
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You’re in a room..
Rich tea – nothing too exciting that may stress them out like a hob nob or jammy dodger….something bland to keep the adrenaline levels down until we find them and kick their god damned butts, or asses?, or arses?
Not sure about that one.
Chocolate Hob-Nob obviously – the Rolls-Royce of biscuity goodness.
Although personally I’m partial to custard creams myself. Preferably nibbled off Miley Cyrus’s thighs.
But then, it is Thursday.
You infidels with your ungodly biscuits and tiffin will never overcome our beautiful Burpa warriors! Death to all types of teatime comestible and home baking.
This is obviously a wind up. Islam-a-bad isn’t a real place. It’s just the Pakistani equivalent of “Britainsruined” or “Loonyleftylabour”
How about Afghan Biscuits? The ones named after the Afghani people, where the cookie base represents their skin color, the dark chocolate icing their hair, and the walnut kernel the turban. I hear they are Prince Harry’s favourite.
So surely all we needed to do was invite the Taliban onto Family Fortunes and they would stop trying to blowing up the West?
To think of all those who have died, when the whole damn thing could’ve been sorted by Vernon Kay.
So how’s that work then?
“Arrgh! You filthee infidel! I keel you! I spit on your decadent Ungodly Western values! I keel you all! I keel your women! I keel your filthy children with their hoodies and their iPods of Shaitan! I will keel you and grind your bones to dust!!!”
“Fair enough. But first why don’t you sit down and take the weight of your feet? All that semtex looks jolly heavy. Here, have a biscuit. How’s your dear old Mum doing these days, by the way?”
“Oh. Thank you. I see now you’re not so bad, for a feelthy infidel. Mum’s fine. She’s got a part time cleaning job at the Home Office you know…”
I see where we’ve gone wrong now – instead of sending Milliband and Hilary Clinton over there we shouldv’e sent Terry & June…
Although personally I’m partial to custard creams myself. Preferably nibbled off Miley Cyrus’s thighs.
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Hannah Montana ???
PEEEEDO!!!
As she’s an American citizen the legality of the act depends entirely on what State of the Union said nibbling is taking place in – she’s legal in 29 of them (and provided the person enjoying the biscuity goodness was no more than 4 years older than her she’s been legal in most of those States for the last 3 years)
But you’re right – under current British legislation just the fact that I know that fact probably makes me a peedo. Just knifecrime me now Jacqui Smith and get it over with!!!
>brain implodes<
Don’t ask me why, but I fucking love it when second-language English speakers try to say, “Biscuits” but pronounce it “Bee-squits”. I find it highly amusing, oddly charming and strangely thrilling.
“Hey, hello there, I’m with The NATO, Would you like some tea and beesquits, Mr. Afghan-Taliban-man.”
The unstoppable rise of the childish foreign word ‘cookie’ will eventually deprive me of this simple pleasure. Proof, if proof were needed, that all foreign things are very bad.
You sound like a sound geezer who knows his stuff. Fancy coming round to mine one night? I’ve got some wicked pictures you’d enjoy.
What is all this bollocks about Miley Cyrus? This isn’t fucking 4chan.
Yet.
BlahBlah Bladyblablaaaa baaaaah.
Cack! I meant to write: remember the Great Purge of ‘BlahBlah Bladyblablaaaa baaaaah.’, but I am a useless drunk splurging my thinks on the internet.
Relax, I’m already punching myself.
It’s Dr Shade being ironic, in the American sense of the word.
I do hope it becomes another catchphrase, because nothing makes me feel like this site caters to witty people like reading the same punchline twenty or thirty times.
“The unstoppable rise of the childish foreign word ‘cookie’ will eventually deprive me of this simple pleasure.”
Damn right, tell that cunt Ali, these concessions to American speakers at the seminar are the thin end of the wedge. Relax, I’m really only talking to Rich (MMath Oxon).
The whole “if I’m right” thing has gone only been going a small way, but that’s already way too far. Given that HYSayers show such mind-bending creativity in their ability to push the boundaries of selfishness and prejudice, it’s surely not too much to ask that people STOP FUCKING REPEATING THE SAME DAMN THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN?
For some reason, I read that as “nothing makes me feel like punching the witty people this site caters to twenty or thirty times”. Freudian slip of the mind, perhaps.
Maybe just watching ‘Allo Allo’ isn’t giving sufficient exposure to the hilarious variety of funny ways in which forruners talk. Have you tried ‘Mind Your Language’ as well?
But don’t worry, the Dutch can’t pronounce ‘cookies’ properly – so there is hope.
Whaddya mean can’t pronounce the word they fuckin INVENTED it!!
When I went to stay with my French Exchange friend 600000000 yrs ago when I was at school, her mum told me she’d got me an ‘English’ breakfast food to make me feel at home – quacker rats. It wasn’t until she showed me the box that I realised she meant ‘Quaker Oats’.
Koekje eter – eet smakelijk!
Err, dat vasj der joke man – chill! English speakers have mangled the Dutch word ‘koekje’, and then laugh at forruners pronounciations, do you see? Was it too subtle? Oh never mind…
I just wasn’t expecting any Dutch speakers here. Yup, way over my head.
dank je wel een beetje speciaal
“When I went to stay with my French Exchange friend 600000000 yrs ago when I was at school, her mum told me she’d got me an ‘English’ breakfast food to make me feel at home – quacker rats. It wasn’t until she showed me the box that I realised she meant ‘Quaker Oats’.
Koekje eter – eet smakelijk!”
Everything about this post made me laugh – thank you!
The whole point of “if I’m right” is that that phrase was never the joke. The joke is the atrocious contrived animal pun you use before it. The whole reason I never wanted anyone to use it outside that comment thread – and said as much – was because I knew there would be a torrent of Captain Joketaculars thinking that tacking it onto the end of any old shit would magically make it funny. And I’m always right.
Or psychic tendencies.
best phrase in this entire thread.
16 years old and she\’s already sharing her \”private\” moments with us? Well, aren\’t we happy!!! What 16 year old has private moments enough to write a book?????? What\’s wrong with this picture??
Yeah, why so mad, Chris? This is about the right tone for Thom to take with those two children.