Permanently Bewildered23 Feb 2009 11:47 am
By Nelson

Exactly how many bombs is it going to take to bomb these Afghans happy again? Ungrateful cunts.

Not everyone on that thread is a racist lunatic advocating nuking the entire country though. Check out the progressive view.

One of the biggest hurdles is the hearts and minds of the local populace.You do not get that by dropping bombs from planes on weddings. Or on houses containing women and children.To me, that is unacceptable. With more soldiers perhaps we can stop bombing civilian areas and send troops in who can see and select their targets. Yes it is more risky for our guys with more casualties but we must show respect if we want it shown back. The aggressors dont get that by putting their lives first.
[Atomtrasher], Lowestoft, United Kingdom

It’s certainly a brave and generous gesture and would definitely win those hearts and minds. However, as a true progressive, I think we should go even further. Grateful though they might be for the opportunity to be shot in the face rather the back, why not poison them with some kind of lovely gas that makes them fall asleep before they die? It’s up to us as benevolent, left-leaning westerners to do this whole thing as humanely as possible, otherwise we’ll lose the respect of these charming little Afghan chappies forever.

18 Responses to “Lefty”

  1. on 23 Feb 2009 at 12:00 pm Joe C

    He’s not suggesting that… that… that we’re the bad guys..? Is he?

  2. on 23 Feb 2009 at 12:01 pm Killing Time

    Still not progressive enough Nelson.

    Clearly you drop gas that just makes them sleep.

    Then the troops go in and search everyone (another positive here, sleeping civilians involved don’t cry assault when they see you ‘feeling up’ their mates), identify the ones with AK47s stuffed down the left leg of their wedding suits, shoot them in the face (but they’re asleep, so won’t feel it – win-win if ever there was one), and remove their corpses before releasing a slow acting antidote gas that wakes up the survivors leaving them to find the complementary fruit basket that you’ve left behind.

  3. on 23 Feb 2009 at 12:10 pm fucko the clown

    I’m not sure you would ever get permission to drop gas on croydon though? other than that, an excellent plan.

  4. on 23 Feb 2009 at 12:57 pm Silent majority

    Nothing says respect like a bullet in the face.

  5. on 23 Feb 2009 at 1:09 pm Ceannair

    Sorry but “complementary fruit basket” has just made me snort tea out of my nose!

    Damn you for being funny!!!!

  6. on 23 Feb 2009 at 1:48 pm Bit Special

    If they didn’t want to be shot/bombed/gassed/replaced with a complementary fruit basket, then they shouldn’t be non-white. Or non-English, for that matter.

    I’m only saying what everyone (on HYS) thinks.

  7. on 23 Feb 2009 at 2:43 pm Dr Feelgood

    We are obviously making it far too easy for our soldiers. What we should do is grossly under-equip our troops by giving them SA80 rifles that jam in hot dusty weather, Land Rovers with insufficient armour, not enough suits of body armour to go around, too few helicopters so that they have to deploy on booby-trapped roads, piss-poor hospitals so that wounded soldiers have to share wards with civilians, airborne reconnaissance planes prone to fuel leaks and mid-air explosion…

    … hang on a minute, the Taleban must really, really respect our troops already.

  8. on 23 Feb 2009 at 5:36 pm Funny Peculiar

    “One of the biggest hurdles is the hearts and minds of the local populace. You do not get that by dropping bombs from planes on weddings.”
    Atomtrasher

    Very true. If you dropped a large modern bomb on a Pashtun wedding, you’re not likely to get enough soft organs to make a decent-sized hurdle.

    You might be able to scoop the hearts and minds into some sort of ethnic bag and play polo with them. That would endear you to local Afghans because its sensitive to their culture, according to The Man Who Would Be King anyway.

  9. on 23 Feb 2009 at 5:40 pm Mim

    I am confused as to how you can hurdle or play polo with a mind as opposed to a brain. Surely the mind quality, whatever it consists of, is no longer present by the time the still-warm brain is scooped out of the skull?

  10. on 23 Feb 2009 at 6:05 pm Funny Peculiar

    Mim, if I ripped the hard-drive out of your computer, would all the software travel to where the dead software goes? The programs would stop running, but all they are made from would still be there. Precisely the same for the human brain. Prob’ly.

  11. on 23 Feb 2009 at 6:33 pm Mim

    Materialist.

    So a non-functioning mind that can’t ever function again is still a mind? How about when it gets whacked with that mallet?

  12. on 23 Feb 2009 at 6:44 pm Jimmy

    I love you a bit?

  13. on 23 Feb 2009 at 7:18 pm Merlyn

    Careful Jimmy, she eats children and can turn into a pink dragon.

    Of course, if you go for that sort of thing…

  14. on 23 Feb 2009 at 7:23 pm Bit Special

    Is she related to Chorlton?

  15. on 23 Feb 2009 at 9:59 pm outragedofbelmarsh

    I just don’t get what it is with the US military and their habit of napalming wedding parties.
    I have this terrible suspicion that it might be to do with some new militarised makeover TV show for Fox. Called something like ‘Queer Eye for the straight GI.’
    Instead of camply carping at the poorly-dressed Afghani bridegroom and taking him clothes shopping, they express their disapproval by machine-gunning the bridesmaids and ‘transform’ his appearance by dropping a cluster munition onto his noggin. Then carpet-bomb the area with Louis Vuitton accessories.

  16. on 24 Feb 2009 at 3:23 am FrodoSaves

    So… we should only be bombing houses with men in them? What about cretins? Can we bomb them?

  17. on 26 Feb 2009 at 11:00 am le frank

    “One of the biggest hurdles is the hearts and minds of the local populace.”

    I fear dear fartknocker has been frequenting too many of his window lickingly good fast-food outlets as he left this sentence incomplete.
    Who knows what pearls have been omitted but here’s a suggestion as to what might have been…

    “One of the biggest hurdles in the Ed Gein memorial stakes, is the hearts and minds of the local populace.”

  18. on 02 Mar 2009 at 8:49 pm Benjamin Solah

    Love your post! This totally destroys the myth that a bunch of guys with guns can ever bring peace or ‘democracy’ to another country.