Permanently Bewildered25 Feb 2009 09:05 am

Some Kind of Conspiracy

By Kelvin

Quantum Physicists rejoice! The age-old paradox of cause and effect reversal has been explained by the huge wobbly brains of the British public. Clearly a global economic downturn can be caused by Robert Peston reporting on, er, the global economic downturn. Obviously, what with it all being his fault, the wobbly British brain is rather angry with him. Fortunately he’s got StrongholdBarricades here watching his back, even when he’s on holiday.

The story starts with Andrew Neil’s blog, written this week by his co-presenter Anita Anand, who you might describe as a kind of fully-functioning deputy.

So is it some kind of conspiracy?

Robert, Nick, and Andrew all AWOL in the same week?

Have these guys become so important that they don’t have fully functioning deputies?

Certainly a great amount of stuff in the in tray, but presumably new stuff will emerge next week

StrongholdBarricades

You might be onto something with your consipiracy theory there. I think there’s a similar conspiracy that makes flights and hotels really expensive – and full of kids – at certain times of the year.

Anyway, Robert Peston has decided to spend this week – the one halfway through the school term, now I think of it – in west Wales.

I hope that you enjoy your family holiday Robert, and hopefully by admitting this so publicly it hasn’t compromised your own safety.

I must ask, however, are you the only person at the BBC that can make comments upon the issues currently running through the news?

No strength in depth at the BBC?

StrongholdBarricades

You fool, Robert, you thought hiding in an area of a mere 4,000 square miles would protect you? If only you hadn’t been so damnably specific about which side of Wales you’d gone to! I have written to your boss to warn him, by the way. It was easy to work out the address because it’s where you work five days a week, 48 weeks of the year, while you’re appearing on live TV.

21 Responses to “Some Kind of Conspiracy”

  1. on 25 Feb 2009 at 9:26 am   millie

    I must ask, however, are you the only person at the BBC that can make comments upon the issues currently running through the news?

    No, that’s the ubiquitous Evan Davis’ job.

  2. on 25 Feb 2009 at 11:32 am   Dr Feelgood

    Don’t you understand? BBC journalists control the economy in the same way that Michael Fish controls the weather. Still not sure why we haven’t lynched the bastards for the recent ‘snow event’.

  3. on 25 Feb 2009 at 11:40 am   Samwel

    Michael Fish, Lord of Weather, is now unassailable is his giant cloud fortress, where he plans out the year’s hurricanes and floods. They say the only weapon that one can use to strike him is an isobar.

  4. on 25 Feb 2009 at 11:44 am   Kelvin

    Only the Retired Colonels, with their unswerving campaign to return the Proper British Fahrenheit to its rightful throne, dare face the Fish.

  5. on 25 Feb 2009 at 12:04 pm   Mr Cat

    Only the Retired Colonels, with their unswerving campaign to return the Proper British Fahrenheit to its rightful throne, dare face the Fish.

    That’s what’s missing. Those amazing complaint logs Nelson used to stick up…. what happened to them?

    I prefer them to ceefax graphics.

  6. on 25 Feb 2009 at 12:45 pm   millie

    Speaking of Andrew Neil…

  7. on 25 Feb 2009 at 12:48 pm   Joe C

    I prefer them to ceefax graphics.

    I rather like the Ceefax graphic comments – the people commenting really do seem like they’re living in 1979 that way. Perhaps they are.

  8. on 25 Feb 2009 at 12:55 pm   millie

    bugger

  9. on 25 Feb 2009 at 12:56 pm   Rotwatcher

    Speaking of Andrew Neil…

    millie – I got a 404. Was that the joke?

  10. on 25 Feb 2009 at 1:05 pm   Kelvin

    millie – I got a 404. Was that the joke?

    Millie was having trouble getting to grips with all this modern technology. I wonder if we could show an image of someone grasping the latest model with aplomb?

  11. on 25 Feb 2009 at 1:15 pm   George Orwell

    Hello. I’m the ghost of George Orwell. I’ve just been reading The BBC’s Have Your Say. Apart from despairing at the lack of progress made by the English working class (‘not UK’, apparently), I am struck by HYS’s similarity to a community forum in one of my books called “Two Minutes Hate”. Can anyone else see a similarity or is it just me?

    …A hideous ecstasy of fear and vindictiveness, a desire to kill, to torture, to smash faces in with a sledge hammer, seemed to flow through the whole group of people like an electric current, turning one even against one’s will into a grimacing, screaming lunatic. And yet the rage that one felt was an abstract, undirected emotion which could be switched from one object to another like the flame of a blowlamp.

  12. on 25 Feb 2009 at 3:25 pm   Dr Shade

    A hideous ecstasy of fear and vindictiveness, a desire to kill, to torture, to smash faces in with a sledge hammer, seemed to flow through the whole group of people like an electric current, turning one even against one’s will into a grimacing, screaming lunatic. And yet the rage that one felt was an abstract, undirected emotion which could be switched from one object to another like the flame of a blowlamp.

    Sounds like the crowd at a Newcastle match…

  13. on 25 Feb 2009 at 7:16 pm   millie

    Millie was having trouble getting to grips with all this modern technology.

    Not very surprising considering my Amish upbringing.

  14. on 26 Feb 2009 at 12:09 am   Mim

    Why a Newcastle match specifically, Dr Shade? Are you saying that the football fans of my beloved home town have a particularly horrifying sense of entitlement and tendency to turn snarling on anyone who has been running their club for more than fourteen minutes without winning at least two trophies and causing any opposing teams to stand aside politely and allow them to score?

    Fair enough. Carry on.

  15. on 26 Feb 2009 at 1:57 pm   Dr Shade

    @Mim

    They’re also the only fans I know of who, on losing a home game, went on a rampage/riot and did £millions of damage TO THEIR OWN CITY!

  16. on 26 Feb 2009 at 2:37 pm   Mim

    Yeah, but it was only Newcastle.

    (Please note, any agreement with this statement from non-Geordies will be met with fuming incoherent rage and a broken Newcastle Brown bottle in the face.)

  17. on 26 Feb 2009 at 4:32 pm   Kelvin

    £millions of damage

    Newcastle

    catch (BufferOverflowError e)

  18. on 26 Feb 2009 at 5:29 pm   Mim

    Are you dissing our Georgian architecture?

    Well, more then we already do by putting things like Geordie Jeans on the ground floor.

  19. on 01 Mar 2009 at 8:18 pm   Pete M

    We do have the interweb here in Norfolk.

    Mind you, it’s still in black and white.

  20. on 02 Mar 2009 at 5:54 pm   Kowalski

    Millions of quids worth of damage in Newcastle? The only thing damaged then must have been the contents of one of the many beer storage warehouses!

  21. on 02 Mar 2009 at 11:17 pm   Mim

    The brewery’s south of the river now, silly.