spEak You're bRanes

You’ve just had to download a completely new opinion on capitalism, you naturally don’t actually know anything about Eastern Europe, and then what happens? The devious BBC asks you about capitalism in Eastern Europe! What do they want from you?

Dont know about Eastern Europe but it certainly doesnt seem to have served the UK at the moment.

Geoffrey Home, North Yorkshire, United Kingdom

Sorry Geoffrey, I know posting is compulsory on every thread, but this is a poor effort. Learn from Jim Evans here, who manages a much longer and more passionate post despite knowing far less:

Capitalism has wrecked Great Britain, a ONCE GREAT NATION HAS BEEN BOUGHT TO ITS KNEE’S by beurocratic strings, , P.C mania, and Globalisation if the Men and Women who died in two world wars saw it today, they would speak of the Horror of being ignored.

jim evans, BRIGHTON

Magnificent. Minor tip from an expert though Jim: replace “Capitalism” with “Eastern Europeans” and your post will not only be more racist (and therefore more coherent), but just as relevant to the question at the top of the page.

Thanks to Chloe who found our old friend IllustriousFrisby prattling away merrily on the subject of “Should ecstasy be downgraded?”

This from someone who has never touched a drug other than disprin or panadol and the occasional glass of wine: Ecstasy should not have been heard of – should not be available in the first place, like cars which spray grit/sand on the road in front of you.
They are not available but cars like that would be great. But Ecstasy – shouldn’t be available in the first place.
IllustriousFrisby
Catherine Cave, Milton Keynes, United Kingdom

Totally. What’s the point of inducing euphoria in the brain? Sure you might feel happy. It might seem completely indistinguishable from actually feeling happy but, somewhere in your pineal gland, your immortal soul is lurking, worrying about road safety and grumpily refusing to be taken in by all this “brain chemistry” bullshit. If we want to acheive true happiness, we need better road-gritting apparatus.

ps. I’m offering a prize (a lock of my hair) to any amateur sleuth who can track down the real name and location of this mysterious “IllustriousFrisby” character.

Thanks to Loren. From a Daily Mail story about chocolate bars being made smaller as part of an anti-obesity thingy.

This man is an idiot. The mars bar has been the standard controll for inflation since the start of the 20 th century. Its value being the best standard for price rises. If they change the size then this simple but very practical controll will be lost. Also thiose who need sweets as a source of energy, Diabetics, sportmen and heavy workers will be forced to take two smaller bars, thus actually eating more. so as well as fixing hwhat is not brioken they will cause more rather than less obesity. PC idiots.
P Santamaria, Granada, Spain

Will a travel database help combat crime?

As I keep saying everytime the government come up with a new database, why oh why when you are trying to find a needle (crims and terrorists) in a haystack would you want to build a bigger and bigger haystack.
Steve, Blackburn

I read Steve’s comment a few times and I’m now convinced he believes the police are actually looking for criminals inside their database. With a big magnifying glass. Like Sherlock Holmes searching for Tron.

I fucking love it when “Britain’s Ruined” posts anything. The name alone is enough to make me laugh. The addition of a juicy “methinks” is just the cheesy icing on the stinkcake.

“Is it last orders for the local pub?”

“The Palace of Westminister is a Royal Palace, one of our Queen’s home’s. Nobody is banned from smoking at home and you can let others smoke there too. Thats why they can smoke there, they are smoking in someone’s home!
Tio Terry, Epsom, United Kingdom”

But it’s not the home of the Lords or MPs, it’s their place of work and smoking is banned at work.

Most of the MPs have two homes as well, for which we pay their expenses!

Time to revolt methinks.
Britain’s Ruined, Reading

I’m in!

Wait… by “revolt”, you meant “Get fat and whine about shit” yeah?

Thanks to Tom for this first one. From an article about some chaps using the latest data to estimate the number intelligent civilisations in our galaxy.

It’s hit and miss. Like billiards. But one day they shall find us or we shall find them. Hope I live long enough.
John, Ukiah, CA. USA

I’m not sure that you’ve fully grasped either the Drake equation or the game of billiards.

The vastness of space is in itself a question. Taking the Earth as a standard case in this expieriment is showing of how small our perception truely is. Intelligent civilization in the universe is a definite. Whether or not contact can and will be made is only matter of infinite variables. Perhaps the greatest extra-terrestrial contact will manifest itself in ruins.
Daniel Franco, United States

Are you a professor of space by any chance?

Mark Mardell picks up the topic of The Czech Republic getting hoaxed by David Cerny. Is it art? Is it racist? Does it reveal the deep cracks in the supposedly united European façade? None of that’s important. What’s important is…

At #67 in the previous thread, I responded to Suffolk Boy’s request to “tell off John-of Hendon”.

In my haste, I confused JOH with Freeborn-John and responded accordingly. I would like to apologise to JOH unreservedly for the error. I have no intention of telling him off”.
threnodio

That’s all well and good for you to say, but who’s going to pay for the sixteen police and three victim support officers it took to talk him down off the rooftop?

On PMQs. See what I did with the title? I spent literally ages thinking that one up.

Dear Prime Idiot,
Please can you tell me how fast it can be to leave this country to head for a land where there is a democratically leader, that tells the truth, has no idea what spin is, and can actually use a calculator to make sure that there is money in the bank for a rainy day?
Is this too much???????
Bet it gets moderated too!!!!!
AJ Wilson Briggs, Amsterdam (ExUK), Netherlands

I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that you’ve lost your bet and subsequently look like a paranoid, self-important twat. The good news is that, even though you struggle to remember what country you’re in, you look positively well-adjusted next to “Deleted Deleted, Comment Rejected (moderator 43)” and his fifty-odd pages of published comments.

Thanks to Vicky for pointing me towards some disconcertingly sensible comments on silent 999 calls. And this one:

There should be enhanced hearing on behalf of the emergency services.

Kevin Smith, Holloway, London

That’s a brilliant idea! That’s EXACTLY what there should be! If you can find some egg-boxes and a pair of scissors, I have a cardboard tube and I know where to get some PVA glue. Think how many lives we can save!

Thanks to Jen for this comment from a Times article about an extinct species of giant snake.

perhaps the childish game ‘snakes & ladders’ is actually a vestigial trace of what was once basic human survival training ? i remember being shocked as an 7 year old learning the true significance of the words to ‘ring-a-ring-of-roses’…….
Simon H, Anglesea, Australia

It’s highly likely. That same basic safety training is the origin of many wonderful games like “Tigers, Knives and Cholera” and old songs like O’Carolan’s “Planxty Don’t Cram Brittle Stuff Up Your Poopflue”.

I also found this one which I like because it’s nice to see someone so uncynically overcome with enthusiasm for Very Big Snakes.

Cor!
Fred, Bristol, UK