Permanently Bewildered10 Mar 2009 11:06 am
By Nelson

An old one I just found, on the death of Michael Crichton.

Why ask me for my reaction – I’ve no idea who he was.
Douglas Lee, London

I like to imagine Douglas in a permanent state of shock, leafing incredulously through rail timetables full of destinations he’s not intending to travel to and TV schedules full of programmes he doesn’t watch.

46 Responses to “Solipsist”

  1. on 10 Mar 2009 at 11:17 am DonkeySquicker

    Why did you publish Douglas Lees comment? I have no idea who he is.

  2. on 10 Mar 2009 at 11:25 am Micheal Crichton

    I bet the twat has seen Jurassic Park. Dinosaurs? I have no idea what they are.

  3. on 10 Mar 2009 at 11:28 am graduatecalling

    Who are you? Why are we here?

  4. on 10 Mar 2009 at 11:31 am Micheal Crichton

    I wish there was a site where these people could just comment on stuff of which they have no idea about and then share it with the rest of us.

  5. on 10 Mar 2009 at 11:39 am Rich (Oxon)

    This is why most languages have separate words for you (singular) and you (plural).

    Of course, any confusion can be avoided by simply not being a berk.

  6. on 10 Mar 2009 at 11:45 am Michael Crichton

    That imposter can’t even spell.

    God, I told you not to use my name on SYB.

  7. on 10 Mar 2009 at 11:45 am Token Paki

    This impostor, on the other hand, can’t even spell.

    Relax, I have MPD.

  8. on 10 Mar 2009 at 11:46 am Token Paki

    I, on the other hand, cannot say everything I need to in a single comment.

    I shall slink away, tail between my legs, to HYS where I belong (though they’ll, in all probability, ask me to fuck off home as well).

  9. on 10 Mar 2009 at 11:53 am Micheal Crichton

    Yeah sorry about that.

  10. on 10 Mar 2009 at 11:53 am Kowalski

    Douglas,I’m sorry but no one did ask you for your reaction.You posted this drivel all on your own…well done sir.

  11. on 10 Mar 2009 at 12:10 pm Anonnamoose

    I once made a comment like this about Miriam Makeba and it made it on to SYB. It’s one of my proudest moments :-)

  12. on 10 Mar 2009 at 12:15 pm Michael Jackson (Sir)

    I wish there was a site where these people could just comment on stuff of which they have no idea about and then share it with the rest of us.

    Better still, a site where people could comment on people commenting on stuff of which they have no idea. About.

  13. on 10 Mar 2009 at 12:26 pm Nicolas Sarkozy

    This is why most languages have separate words for you (singular) and you (plural).

    Oui, c’est vrai, l’anglais est une langue très en retard.

  14. on 10 Mar 2009 at 12:31 pm Micheal Crichton

    Right thats it! I’m off to a site where people comment about other people commenting about stuff about other people commenting on stuff of which they have no idea about. About.

  15. on 10 Mar 2009 at 1:04 pm Docteur Sentirbien

    @Monsieur le Président

    Oui, mais je pense que ‘Avez Votre Mot’ contiendra la même merde comme ils obtiennent en Angleterre

  16. on 10 Mar 2009 at 1:15 pm Funny Peculiar

    Oui, c’est vrai, l’anglais est une langue très en retard.
    Nicolas Sarkozy

    Oh, and insisting every noun has a specific gender is advanced, is it? Bleeding le this and la that. Un whatsit and Une whosit.

    You are un pompous gallic turd. (Assuming that turds in your glorious language take the masculine. Perhaps turds are feminine in your ‘advanced’ tongue.)

    PS talking of feminine, I like your femme. Very chaud. But you’re un grand cock, mon-sewer.

  17. on 10 Mar 2009 at 1:22 pm Call of Davrodu

    Is this A HYS thread now? “Should we all Teach our children in french, rub ourselves in garlic and replace the queen with a hidden handed five foot dictator?” HAVE YOUR SAY

    Personally I find that french is a better language for speaking to french people in, wheras english does me just fine for the rest of the time.

  18. on 10 Mar 2009 at 1:27 pm Ceannair

    Whatever happened to “OY GARSON!” ?

    I swear I was once in a bar in Paris and some git said “All they’ve got is French stuff”.

    Doing my bit – and keen to use the bit of the language I’d picked up at O Level, I offered to help him decipher the menu.

    “Nah luv, don’t bother – if the words are French the cooking will be too”.

    I think he found Le MacDonald’s round the corner!

  19. on 10 Mar 2009 at 1:35 pm Micheal Crichton

    I don’t know any French, I can barely spell my name let alone speak another language.

  20. on 10 Mar 2009 at 3:01 pm Britrain wreck

    I went to France once and noticed that they all spoke French over there … even the little kids were at it. Couldn’t understand a word of it, heaven knows how they cope.

  21. on 10 Mar 2009 at 3:20 pm Col John Matrix

    “I don’t know any French, I can barely spell my name let alone speak another language.”

    Don’t be too harsh on yourself. The fact that you’re managing to post on a website, despite the significant handicap of being dead, is a testament to your courage and endeavour!

    If only the rest of this ONCE “Great” nation (England, not UK) showed some of the same backbone!

  22. on 10 Mar 2009 at 3:22 pm fucko the clown

    Douglas has no idea who he was, but interesting, has been sucked off by a tramp while he was watching ER

  23. on 10 Mar 2009 at 3:36 pm fucko the clown

    anyway, never mind that, i’ve lost the missus, she said she was off to get hammered with jade

  24. on 10 Mar 2009 at 3:53 pm Nic le Président

    @ Docteur Sentirbien

    Hmmm, n’est-ce pas ‘Avez Votre Mot’ en Angleterre?

    @ tout le monde

    gardez vos mains sales de ma superbe femme

  25. on 10 Mar 2009 at 4:03 pm Dr Feelgood

    Personally I find that french is a better language for speaking to french people in, wheras english does me just fine for the rest of the time.

    It’s also handy camouflage to disguise oneself from English tourists when abroad. They fall into two types, the over-friendly (while sober) chav bulldog “awright pal” type, or the toe-curling middle classes: “Saskia is SO talented, she’s just discovered her cello is made from a species of olive tree previously unknown to science”.

  26. on 10 Mar 2009 at 4:38 pm harlow massiv

    anyway, never mind that, i’ve lost the missus, she said she was off to get hammered with jade

    lol gd 1 m8 well cleva

  27. on 10 Mar 2009 at 5:38 pm Jacques

    ‘Avez Votre Mot’

    “Bof! Pas dans cette Nicolas-CLOWN dictature!”
    Jacques, Quimper, Bretagne, Pas Francais.

  28. on 10 Mar 2009 at 6:54 pm YeGods

    French? French?

    Masculine nouns; feminine nouns?

    Easy, peasy – I was brought up in a language where not only the nouns have genders, but so do adjectives, numbers (some) and even flamin’ colours !!!!

    Is that a masculine white or a feminine white.

    You couldn’t make it up methinks. If I’m right.

  29. on 10 Mar 2009 at 7:36 pm Token Paki/Michael Crichton

    That apology don’t cut it, Micheal. I’m Michael. Or was it Mikhail?

  30. on 10 Mar 2009 at 7:37 pm Douglas Lee's penis

    I don’t know who Douglas Lee is. Please castrate me.

  31. on 10 Mar 2009 at 9:06 pm Beef

    Here is a tantalisingly opposite comment from the Guardian:

    “I haven’t read the book yet so it would be stupid for me to comment on it,”

    The use of a comma instead of a full stop almost leads one into wishing that this passive-agressive tactician would, in fact, be led straight into the kind of faux pas they are decrying. But know. AstroFungalInfection keeps his/her head high and refrains from writing about that which they know nothing.

    Apply this stern self-control to HYS posters and the whole thing would disappear. We can but dream.

  32. on 11 Mar 2009 at 8:10 am Steve Holmes

    English (Not British) has actually evolved beyind French.

    The victorians were so horrified atnthe prospect of boy and girl words being together on the same page that they cut off their willies.

    Now we have a nice safe castrato language with none of this filthy EEC inspired sex.

  33. on 11 Mar 2009 at 9:38 am pigfrottage

    Hode!

    Englisch ist eine Sprache Deutsch …

    Und die königliche Familie sind auch Deutsch.

  34. on 11 Mar 2009 at 10:05 am Herr Icke

    Wirklich. Deutsch Eidechsen.

  35. on 11 Mar 2009 at 10:31 am pigfrottage

    Ya! FAKT!

    Sie können nicht so!

    Ihre Meinung ist Deutsch als auch…

  36. on 11 Mar 2009 at 10:34 am Biggus Dickus

    English is a latin language. End of.

    FACT!

  37. on 11 Mar 2009 at 10:35 am Owen Glendower

    I beg to differ…

  38. on 11 Mar 2009 at 11:26 am Anglo-Welsh (Not British)

    Pam gyda’r Saesneg, Owain? (“Owen”)

  39. on 11 Mar 2009 at 12:33 pm Carbon Neutral

    Bumsen-kopfs the lot of you.

  40. on 11 Mar 2009 at 1:04 pm Mr Flabulous

    If you likes yor forrin languiges so much then why dont you live there??!?!!!!?!

  41. on 12 Mar 2009 at 12:56 am Gonna get flamed

    English: Weekend
    French: Le Weekend
    English: Microwave
    French: bullshit

  42. on 15 Mar 2009 at 6:31 pm Victoire

    es ist mir sheiss wurst peeps egal

  43. on 17 Mar 2009 at 3:39 pm John Smith

    “I like to imagine Douglas in a permanent state of shock, leafing incredulously through rail timetables full of destinations he’s not intending to travel to and TV schedules full of programmes he doesn’t watch.”

    The difference is that those don’t explicitly invite comments, where as many ‘news’ websites do, and provide the facility for your comments to be shared with other readers of the article.
    I like to imagine you trawling through pages and pages of comments on articles, the humour of which is entirely beyond your grasp.

  44. on 17 Mar 2009 at 4:17 pm Alex

    Thanks John. We’d never noticed that websites actively invite comment. To be honest, I don’t know how we managed to do this site without knowing that.

  45. on 17 Mar 2009 at 4:37 pm loveliness

    if the victorians neutered our words and were german how come they still have neuter (das) words in the vaterland?

    it is political correctness gone berzerko.

  46. on 17 Mar 2009 at 5:47 pm Kelvin

    John, you have very important opinions and people are fortunate in the extreme to have the chance to hear what you have to say about stuff. But I wonder if perhaps you would find a more receptive audience to your significant brainthunks here.