Thanks to Siddhu. It’s about understanding risk.
It seems a bit bias to only look at colorectal cancer, breast cancer and coronary heart disease. It is possible to pick the diseases accordingly so the outcomes turn out in favor/against, when comparing percentages to numbers. What about the +/- effects of alcohol on all other sorts of diseases? For it to be relevant for the average person like myself, it would make sense to look at the +/- of alcohol and bacon relative to all cancers/diseases in general as oppose to 2 or 3.
Emad, Calgary, Canada
It’s quite simple really. Most things either give you cancer already, or else they will turn out to give you cancer next year. The stuff that doesn’t give you cancer gives you heart disease. And cancer. Some of the stuff that gives you cancer cures heart disease and all the cures for heart disease give you cancer. Also, bumming cures head lice but gives you cancer. Basically, you’re fucked.
I made a handy risk matrix. Let’s hope you survive long enough to cut it out and stick it on the fridge.
29 Responses to “Bacon/Cancer Matrix”
the clue’s in Emad’s location – right in the heart of Alberta, where as far as I can tell there isn’t a damn thing that the canucks don’t think can be improved with the addition of bacon, even cancer it seems.
*sniff*
“Oh Canada…”
The BMJ recently had an interesting article on links between diets high in alcohol & bacon and low incidents of hair cancer.
ps love the green doodle.
It just goes to show you can’t be too sore bollock bacon!
Bacon + Sore Leg = Boobies. Christ! I already have some of those, and I’m eating a bacon sandwich AND I just banged my knee on my desk.
WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME
*panics*
Shinybiscuit – massive boobies I imagine
One would hope.
what’s jenni murray ever done to deserve being caused by hair cancer and eating kinder beunos?
‘A credit card company once raised my limit from £3,000 to £13,000 without consulting me but I wasn’t foolish or desperate enough to take the bait. If Britain owes £53bn on credit cards and there are only about 60 million people in the population, each adult must owe around a billion or so! How does that work?
Tiara, Brighton’
From the BBC website – I can’t believe I owe a billion pounds and I didn’t even realise!
Is Tiara a name now?
Shiny – keep us posted, eh?
Woman’s Hour.
A Tiara is something you put on your head.
As opposed to actually having a head… with a brain and everything
[...] The rest is here: Bacon/Cancer Matrix [...]
It’s like watching a retarded penguin gesture towards a real philosophical issue. Luckily for him it’s easily solved; he’s the only member in the reference class of retarded penguins.
It doesn’t work, Tiara. Like your brain.
I’m not particularly keen on bumming, kinder buenos or Jenni Murray. Does this mean I’ll live forever?
It just goes to show, you can’t be too careful!
Just googled Jenni Murray to see if I fancied bumming her.
No.
Haha, classic!
Tiara…
One billion = One million billion?
As any fule kno alcocol and bacon is the breakfast of champions.
Engerlund built its great Empire by breakfasting on alchol and bacon. It’s what made this country great! That and slavery, obviously. And guns.
But that doesn’t stop alcohol and bacon being the breakfast of the gods! I will defend my right to eat a full Engerlish washed down with a pint of the finest foaming Engerlish ale. I will defend it to the death! How dare these PC mongers try to stop me from eating the breakfast that made my forefathers the masters of the world. It’s a ZaNuLabour conspiracy. Tony Bliar and GorDumb Browne are just pandering to the immigrunt wackco with their islamofascist terrorist agenda. They can’t prove a link between bacon and cancer. It’s big pharma playing into the hands of the powermongers in the Middle East conflict.
That’s why all the Doctors round here are Pakis. First it’s don’t eat pork it’ll give you a heart problem, then it’s don’t eat bacon ’cause it will give you cancer, then it’s don’t drink too much beer ’cause your liver will fall out. But really it’s Allah sez you shouldn’t eat bacon and Allah sez you shouldn’t drink booze, nuffink to do with livers or hearts or cancer. Before you know it it’ll be on to chopping people’s hands off for not going to mosque and covering up all the totty in the street. Alcohol and bacon give you cancer?!!!! It’s PC gone mad! Wake up people – it’s a global Moslem conspiracy!!!! You couldn’t make it up.!!!!!!
Lock ‘em all up and feed ‘em on nuffink but bacon sarnies and London Pride – that’ll learn ‘em.
P.S I bet they don’t dare post this!!
I consume my bacon butties as suppositories, will thsi increase the risk of colorectal cancer?
As Dr Nelson’s diagram clearly illustrates, that depends entirely on your intake of bacon, alcohol, sweet potatoes, chicken & wool.
Not if you don’t butter the bread.
Dunno, but it probably won’t do your piles much good.
That said, if I had to choose between bacon butty or a kinder Bueno….
I once had a pint of Bass and a bacon buttie for breakfast in NY.
That is all.
“That said, if I had to choose between bacon butty or a kinder Bueno….”
Mmmmm, ribbed for my pleasure…
Unfortunately for Siddhu you do live longer if you combine bacon and alcohol with the use of past participles. Or am I bias as well..?
@Simon:
Damn you Simon, you ant’s fanny, you’ve exposed the great PC-liberal-Muslim conspiracy to get people off their bacon. Foiled again.
Back to plotting, then…
@Man-in-the-street:
Emad is the one worried about colorectal cancer. Siddhu is just another token paki like me.
In which case I retract.