Think of this as being a bit like an advert except that, unlike an advert, paying attention to it won’t make you 7.3% shitter and stupider.
While there’s 12,000 of you crackers turning up every day, get yourself over to Medialens (and subscribe to their “Alerts”) and maybe something vaguely useful will come out of this fucking website.
You can barely blame the poor fuckers on “Have Your Say” for not having a clue about anything, ever, when the spectrum of mainstream news ranges from The Daily Mail (“Mad Muslim Iranians Are Terrorists Who Eat Babies!!”) to The Guardian (“Iranians Are All Terrorists Who Eat Babies – an anonymous but well-spoken official claimed today”).
Fuck the corporate media. You know, unless they want to pay me some money or something. I’ll wipe my arse on a copy of Das Kapital for a fiver and start publicly fretting about Iran’s “nuclear ambitions” (or whatever the queasy fuck we’re supposed to be shitting ourselves about this week) for, um, about fifty quid. And I do kids’ parties.
43 Responses to “Because I Can”
Nelson,
Discovered your site only the other day (via the link in that David Mitchell article) and have laughed and laughed until the tears ran down my legs. It’s just…perfect. Thanks, and thanks to all those like-minded souls who post here. But MediaLens? No. It’s absolute bollocks. With very high hopes (because I detest the British media) I followed the link from your site to theirs but found it, and the opinions therein, just, well, absolutely shite, really. They’re just a load of conspiracy-mongs with zero editing ability. Didn’t we use to have the SWP/WRP etc etc for that? Nah, sorry, don’t wanna be in their gang – I’ll just have to go back to shouting/gasping/goggling at the TV/radio/papers/HYS all on my own, from the comfort of my food-encrusted bathrobe.
Incidentally, any reason why you disregard the Daily Mail’s “Add Your Comment” (which may be pithily abbreviated to AYC), or is that you think we may all just gorge on the tons of low-hanging fruit it offers and thus send ourselves menkle?
oi, nelson, stop muscling in on childrens parties, its people like you that undercut the classically trained clowns in the first place. besides its a shit job since they stopped smoking in front of the kids and you can’t use the word cunt in your act anymore, dunno why, offends people from cuntistan i guess.
sounds to me like mrs nelson has locked down the pink taco and you ain’t getting any from that rant
@Walter.
Daily Mail’s way too easy, yeah
The Medialens alerts are very good and almost always spot on. If you find yourself disagreeing with them more than 10% of the time, then you’ve made a mistake.
I’ve not read their forums, I’m sure they’re as full of the fucking public as everywhere else.
@Walter:
I just had a brief browse and the forums look good too. You’re just a cunt.
Duh, intellectually out-manouevred there by stone-cold killer reasoning in both responses. Actually, I didn’t look at the forums (yeah alright then, “fora”) on Medialens because I’d died of boredom. Will grudgingly go back and have a look. But am already resolved not to enjoy them or agree with them.
BTW, how the fuck do I quickly reply to posts here without having to laboriously type in my name and email address every fuckin’ time? I’ve got a fuckin’ business to run here, y’know? Fuck’s sake!
Nah.. don’t read the forum
I don’t 
you’re not gonna like it if you read the headline and thought you were dealing with Alex Jones and a 9/11 conspiracy. But you ARE wrong 
I *think* you can register on here somehow… I’ll find out.
Walter, no offense, but if you’re going to disagree with something, it might help if you disagree with a specific bit of it instead of just saying “it smells like a hippy”.
Well fuckin’ hurry up about it cuz I’m catchin’ RSI off my keyboard here. With all due respect.
Whoops, that reply intended for Nelson not Alex.
But “offense”? Sorry chum, but you blew it by Word 3 there. Minor trangression, but they all count. Hey, I don’t make the rules…
Interestingly though, I love hippies. No, really, I do – genuinely. Just not the tiresome, negative, life-souring, The Man-is-always-to-blame conspiracy-mong types.
PS was Aled Jones involved in the 9/11 conspiracy? So was it him who was the 19th hijacker after all, and not Nana Mouskouri? Bastard! Y’know, when you think about it now, the clues were all there weren’t they: “I’m flying through the air…”. It was code, and the nation’s pop-kids unwittingly helped disseminate the message.
Do Medialens know about this?
Think I’ve enabled registration.
I’m a hippy. A very positive, jolly, optimistic hippy who writes angry cynical shit about how the man is always to blame. Well, corporations and consumerism really.
Anyway, the last thing I want is some kind of conversation on here. I refuse to enter the Fucking Blogosphere. I realise I shat it slightly by having a vague point to the post above. It won’t happen again. For a while.
Ah, the Guardian, how I hate it. Pretends to be liberal and upmarket but apologises for the government at every turn. This is the golden age of liberty, apparently, so suck it up and be happy, peasants.
Then I love you for enabling registration (no, don’t tell me, I like the excitement of looking for it) and for being a Good Hippy. Honestly.
And yeah, sorry, I didn’t want a conversation either. So fuck off, you red-nosed bastard. (Thinks: “That’ll close it down”). So I’m off. For a while.
Pip Pip.
I hope that registering has made me a proper important part of the site like Topsy is at HYS.
I think I’m registered.
Does this mean I’m cool yet?
IJGTSYCBTC.
Now I’m cool, right?
@Nelson: the problem with expressing an opinion on anything serious, is it’s very hard not to come-off sounding like those cunts on HYS.
That’s why you had to turn the comments off on here for a while wasn’t it?
Good to see fucko the clown is still around and still being a cunt. How’s that new magic teabagging act going down with the kids?
One more thing, which no cunt will read, Noam Chomsky once sang a song to me, apropos of the Daily Mail:
Oh, my Mum came into my room and sucked my fucking knob
She put her mouth right round it and then she done a little gob
On the end of it and smoothed it round and rubbed it up and down
Until the cum came out the end and then I began to drown
‘Cause I cum like a fucking falls you know, I cum like that
I’ve got a pair of enormous balls and they sat on the mat
When I’m walking down the street, of course, they drag behind me sore
And then, of course, I get followed by every fucking whore
Who says, “‘ere, what we got in front of us, pair of bleedin’ balls?
By Christ all-fucking-mighty, they could fill the Albert Halls”
With ee-aye, ee-aye, Ee-aye, ee-aye-oh! Take it and shove it up your arse!
So I went to the city to show my private parts
I went into the Festival Hall and they began to fart
When I came onto the stage with my balls dragging right behind
They said, “My Christ, what, there, what is he doing, he must be out of his mind?”
Oh! My old man’s a dustman, he wears a dustman’s hat
He’s got fucking cancer, now what d’you think of that?!
My old man’s a dustman, he’s got cancer too
Silly fucking arsehole, he’s got it up the flue
He’s got so much of fucking cancer it drives him fucking mad
He says, “I’ve got fucking cancer”, and he’s my fucking Dad
Oh, what a fucking boring cunt, he goes on and on all day
He’s got this fucking cancer and he’s too gone on the way
He’s got cancer of the cock and he’s got cancer of the balls
He’s got cancer of the nose, mouth, eyes, teeth and he’s got the, the balllllls
Ohhhhhhh … he’s got …
cancer in his false teeth, got cancer in his wig
He’s got cancer in his fucking knob, he thinks it’s fucking big
His knob is full of cancer, the thing is falling off
And worst of all, the worst of it, he’s got this fucking cough
He goes …
Heurgh! Heurgh!
Heurgh! Heurgh!
Heurgh! Heurgh!
Heurgh! Heurgh!
Heurrrrrgghhhhh …
What a cunt! He keeps waking us up at night, this fucking noise goes on! This fucking cough, his fucking cancer! We can’t fucking sleep! I’s trying to watch Emmerdale Farm and this fucking cough came on and I couldn’t fucking concentrate on a fucking good programme ’cause my old man was dying of this fucking cough …..
What a Fucking cunt!!!
He’s got cancer of the arsehole, he’s got cancer of the bum
Cancer in his eyeballs, he’s got cancer on the gob
He’s got cancer in his fingernails and cancer in his palm
Cancer up his bumhole and half way up his arm!
Oh, he’s got fucking cancer, cancer everywhere
He’s got cancer of the bumhole, ’cause he’s a fucking queer
He takes his fucking knobs up, he shoves ‘em up his arse
And everybody knows it! HE’S FUCKING WORKING CLASS!!!
I can’t work out to register, but that might be because I am a woman and if something doesn’t have an animated kitten showing me how, I give up. Also, I can’t be arsed to look round for it. That might be the reason.
Can I just add that the name ‘Manly J Panda’ DID make me laugh out loud on the bus earlier. Magic stuff.
Oh yeah, I, er, just scrolled down the home page a bit and found it. Ho hum.
“You can barely blame the poor fuckers on “Have Your Say” for not having a clu…”…
You can barely blame the poor fuckers on “Have Your Say” for not having a clue about anything, ever, when the spectrum of mainstream news ranges from The Daily Mail (”Mad Muslim Iranians Are Terrorists Who Eat Babies!!”) to The Guardian (”Ira…
Obviously I don’t read this stuff now as I promised (above) that I wouldn’t get into a conversation with Nelson and instead would just fuck off. (I’m paraphrasing myself, obviously). However, I’ve had to come back here because:
(a)I’ve wasted/invested absolutely hours and hours here today, and don’t think that I’ve ever laughed so hard and for so long. My keyboard is shorting-out because of all of the tears, snot and drool that’ve been squirting out of my face. I am absolutely knackered and must go to bed but just wanted to say thankyou for everybody’s brilliance.
I’ve trawled back ages in the site and, even though everybody will have forgotten about these deeply-buried and obscure items, I feel the need to say:
(b)thankyou to Nelson for his invocation of the phrase “Anointy-nointy”. What bliss – a Steve Martin reference from what we doctors would technically call “the Funny Years”
and..
(c)surely we’ve all raised our own beef at one time or another, guys?
But sadly I also find myself needing to say:
(d) in this very “Because I can…” thread, what d’you think you’re doing, Gnome Secretary, passing off an entire Derek ‘n’ Clive song as a Chomsky original? Sort your life out.
Ok – that’s it – I’m done – it’s after 2.00a.m. and I physically can’t laugh any more – I HAVE to go to bed. And I MUSTN’T log-on in the morning, as I’ll just waste/invest (discuss) another whole day on here.
Sorry for giving all this off-topic narrative that you didn’t want. But you HAVE restored my faith in humanity. Result.
It isn’t my fault Chomsky’s a fucking liar. Get that cunt drunk and he’ll tell you anything.
He don’t half give me the horn though. I reckon it’s his glasses, he’s had the same pair since 1964. When he dies I hope they put those glasses in a museum, so everyone can come and — just imagining the sights that have been seen through them, all the places they’ve been — get the horn over them.
Failing that I’ll just wank over this illustrated book about Sir Arthur Conan Doyle the missus checked-out of the library for me.
Fuck.
I’m with Walter on this one. The Medialens stuff comes at things from vaguely the right angle, but it’s so over-the-top and shrill that I find it entirely useless. It seems to thrive on pedantry and twisting the words of the people it criticizes.
On Flat Earth News, for example, it claims that because the author said he didn’t use Chomsky’s work because he thought the insider’s view was more useful for this, and that’s what he wanted to write – they characterized this as “By the same logic, a historian could presume to analyse the Vietnam War +only+ if he or she had fought in the war and/or served in the upper echelons of the US and Vietnamese governments,” which is clearly not what he’s saying (though a historian who had served in the army or governments at the time, and therefore could provide an insider’s view, would certainly be very interesting).
And on the basis that the BBC reported that ‘Germany has warned Iran that it would support tougher sanctions if diplomatic efforts to stop the Iranians acquiring nuclear weapons broke down,’ it says ‘So according to the BBC, Iran is indeed trying to acquire nuclear weapons. The corporation’s famed “impartiality” really is a joke.’
They seem to decide to oppose, well, anything that isn’t entirely one-sided in their favour, and then pick the supposed facts to suit them. In doing so they’re as bad as some of the very worse of the corporate media.
“And I do kids”
Paedo.
@ twopoint6khz
any peedo cmoes near my kids i swear ill do time
Great not to have to do quote so much typing prior to posting.
Now my only worry is that Nelson might be double bluffing, cleverly pretending to be a hippy whilst passing on my details to sinister chums in government employ.
quite
I quite agree.
My browser used to fill in my details automatically anyway.
There is a “profile” option on the WordPress dashboard. I hope that never happens because I would be quite deeply saddened to have to think of us all as real people.
You’ll get used to that after a bit and then you’ll stop seeing “vigorously opposing UK war crimes” as “over-the-top and shrill” and you’ll start seeing “politely not mentioning UK war crimes” as “inexcusable and fucked”.
I was gonna close comments but I won’t. If you must comment, keep it shit and, most importantly, short.
Otherwise I’ll write a plugin that turns all comments over 100 words into the phrase “I like children”. If you want a “debate”, go elsewhere please. Thank.
Jesus wept.
Three quick points here…
1. This is a blog isn’t it? One where someone throws their opinions into the gulfing abyss of the net and is either soundly ignored or read with rabid interest. Rather than debate the shortfalls of Medialens it might be worth just accepting that the person who makes this blog likes media lens and get over it. If you want to argue the toss about the opinions of Bloggers then I’d suggest there are blogs out there much more worthy of entering into debate on. Try this one: http://bnp.org.uk/category/columnists/nick-griffin/
2. Doesn’t the post begin with “Think of this as being a bit like an advert” – so in effect its advertising another site. Do you argue with your TV when a product you don’t like is advertised? Do you write to your local paper about the adverts they publish? What is the point in smugly trying to provide some sort of critique of MediaLens underneath an advert for it? Do you think that stomping your fists on the keyboard about something that is said in seriousness will actually cause people to form opinions here – a place where we come to laff at teh stuPids? There are places all over the net for the frank exchange of opinions – A popular one is the BBC Have Your Say site. Try it out.
3. As mentioned above – can’t we just laff at teh stuPids?
And quoting Derek and Clive verbatim? FFS? I went to university with someone who did that – It felt sad then.
“There is a “profile” option on the WordPress dashboard. I hope that never happens because I would be quite deeply saddened to have to think of us all as real people”.
Saddened… and really quite scared.
Topsy is a right cunt.
Is that the sort of thing, Nelson?
Hmmm. Gone a bit *too* shit. Pull it back a bit. Middle ground.
Mr Cat – are you suggesting that several decades of letters to Ofcom complaining about the advertising of cars when I don’t drive are both pointless and worryingly self-obsessed?
I don’t understand. Everyone knows that if someone likes something you don’t then they’re doing it deliberately to offend and goad you. If we’ve learnt nothing else from HYS, then we should’ve learnt that.
“Medialens” is an anagram of “dem aliens”. Pull the tin-foil hat tighter, Nelson.
Sufficiently shit and short enough?
Oh, and btw, Tom’s absolutely nailed it.
Now let’s beat up the HYS-ers again, and not each other.
Would love to subscribe, but they don’t allow Yahoo, Hotmail or Gmail accounts and not allowed to subscribe to newsfeeds at work because it melts their servers or something.
OK medialens forum digest:
israel bad israel bad israel bad israel bad israel bad israel bad israel bad zimbabwe great israel bad israel bad israel bad israel bad
=HYS for tinfoil hat soap-dodgers. END OF.
tom cruise
Surely MediaLens is going about things in the right way? Surely violence is the answer? No?
Ah well. Lunchtime!
Ah ha ha. In my deluded attempt to make a funny I used the word “right” when in fact, I meant to use the word “wrong”. Irony, I bow to thee.
Cunt
No he didn’t. He’s said he thinks the corporate media is “extreme” but had scanned through a site dedicated to opposing that and managed to trawl up two examples of where he thinks they got it wrong. I agree he’s even got a point on the first one. But he’s using that to smear the entire output of something which (I’m telling you and I’m always right) is almost always spot on. This kind of implicit subservience to power and desperate, petty criticism of those who oppose it is completely routine but still leaves me scratching my head with bemusement every time. Why, when faced with Medialens, is most people’s reaction to try and find what’s wrong with it instead of what’s right? Are you the same cunts who read “Origin of Species” and get your knickers all wet because Darwin didn’t understand the mechanism of heredity?
So… if anyone else finds themselves merely hunting for “things they got wrong” then you’ve probably already made your decision and I’m not massively interested in dissecting your prejudices. Especially not here.
You cunts are the best cunts around. I expect objectivity from you… otherwise what hope is there eh?
Closing comments now. My contact details are available ya kna and I might even reply if you want to argue with me somewhere else. But don’t want no more here.
Love, Peace, Dogs On Strings, etc.
x