Thanks to Kate for the posts and Steve for teh lulz.
Marvelous. Now Al Quaeda can sit on a mountaintop with a laptop and plan their raids instead of having to scout the area and run the risk of discovery. Thanks Google, and thanks to all the naive people who believed government’s claim that more surveillance cameras would make them safer.
Scott W, Port Orchard, USA
If only the rest of you sheeple were a bit more like Scott. Instead of just believing everything you read in the papers, why not THINK about shit a bit harder. Then we could cut through the lies and fear-mongering to see the truth underneath: That evil Al Qaeda terrorists with glowing red eyes are sat up a mountain RIGHT NOW, using Google to find and destroy Batman’s secret lair.
Does this mean that ‘anyone’ can effectively stake out my house or the houses on a street? So, for example, if this works in anything like ‘realtime’, a criminal could ‘watch’ my house from his PC (as opposed to lurking about suspiciously), work out my usual routine and then plan his business accordingly. I can think of a lot of other reasons why this and Google Earth could be a very handy tool for certain unsavoury members of society!
Johnny PH, Leeds
I started off feeling a little bit sorry for Johnny and thought perhaps it was too easy to mock someone who doesn’t understand modern technology. Then I realised we’re not talking about someone who doesn’t understand the difference between a router and a hub, or someone who can’t distinguish between emails and webpages. This is someone who not only believes that Google has invented magic, invisible techno-eyes but also imagines that, faced with the chance to virtually visit anywhere in the world, people have decided they’d rather watch some cunt from Leeds going about his “routine”.
There is no privacy any more anywhere!!!
CC cameras are all over London thanks to IRA terrorists activities.
Spy satellites are preening every inch of earth’s surface & keeping an eye on each of us.
Immigration cameras are trying to look deep inside the human soul through pupil of the human eye.
Even US senator’s hand invades the privacy of the other person in an airport bathroom.
Now Google’s invisible eyes are looking in our bedrooms.
Here goes the privacy in the toilet.
Shahid Shahid, Chicago, United States
I heard Google Maps lets you look right inside children.
41 Responses to “Very Handy Tool”
Poor Shahid. Imagine not even owning curtains.
Just think, anyone who has my address can find out where I live!! Anyone will be able to see my already-publicly-viewable-to-anyone-who-happens-to-drive-down-my-street house of secrets!! You couldn’t make it up.
If I have to see another idiot respond to this with the phrase ‘Big Brother is watching you’ I think I’m going to scream.
Google’s magic invisible techno-eyes that can see INTO YOUR VERY SOUL didn’t even visit my house. I feel rather left out.
Do you mean “lair”?
I would have called myself “Pedant B” or similar, but this registration guff put paid to that.
‘Here goes the privacy in the tiolet’
Now you can’t even do a shit on your own front lawn anymore – it’s a disgrace
Big Brother gone mental!
My favourite on that thread is this one:
I saw a big group of people taking photos of Buckingham Palace the other day. They were “dressed funny” and speaking in a foreign language as well. When they all got on a big coach to make their escape the Palace guards did NOTHING.
Neil also appears to have mined his front lawn and probably sits on his roof in full camo with an infra red scoped snipers rifle (or shoots at hoodies with an air-gun from his bedroom window).
Ta
From the ‘Jade’s legacy HYS’
“At first, yes, I was shocked and has sympathy for her being only 27 and suffering from a terminal disease. But after a while it became annoying and repetitive. – Donkeyjoker”
What… You’ve STILL GOT CANCER???!!!! This is just getting boring now.
I wish those spy satellites would fuck off with their endless preening. It’s a singularly unpleasant sensation to have one’s hairdo tidied up by orbiting military hardware.
My uncle is one of those poor unfortunate souls unlucky enough to be captured by one of the roving Google eyemobiles.
I haven’t the heart to tell him that terrorists now have the means to see exactly where he was at one specific moment in time. Should the terrorists eventually develop time-travel technology, they’ll be able to materialise right in front of him as he returns home from the bookies.
I used to work at a library, where the queue of names of members of the public waiting to use the computers was displayed on a screen on the wall. On one occasion, two women vehemently objected to this terrifying intrusion into their privacy, saying that, “Anyone could read our names on the screen, then follow us home! Then they’d know our names and addresses!!!!”.
Being only partially a smug tosser, I did allow them to feel safer by using pseudonyms, but also made sure to point out that, if anyone was to follow them home,then their name and address was very probably the least likely interest of the panting scrote lumbering in the shadows behind.
This does rather make it sound as if a US Senator is going around masturbating people without consent in airport toilets.
I’m glad Shahid Shahid (so obviously non-cuntish that they named him twice) has seen fit to thank the IRA for creating the network of CC cameras – probably as part of some Comic Relief fund-raising activity; or as a sorry for the “blowing up stuff”. Either way, very noble of him.
And Christ alive, if the Immigration cameras can see my soul, I better start washing it before I pass the next one! Somebody pass the Head & Soulders.
If it weren’t for Google Street View, I wouldn’t know that there had been a legless floating man carrying a ladder outside my house. And now if anyone trawls the whole of Street View for legless laddermen they’ll be able to find my house and kill me as I poo. This is Google’s fault and not mine for writing this post.
I wish I had a saw thumb. Useful, but less of a liability than scissorhands.
Great for exhibitionists.
“Al Qaeda can sit on a mountaintop with a laptop”
Damn those all-too convenient wifi hotspots.
LOOK AT ME I’M LOGGED IN I REGISTERED
Now if someone can tell me how I can also register with that HYS guy who noted, on Natasha Richardson’s passing, that she ‘didn’t really register with me as an actress’ – presumably he was the Equity admin assistant – I’ll be a happy fellow.
On topic, I wonder if Johnny PH lives in constant fear of a gigantic white hand-shaped cursor looming out of the sky above him as he goes about his tedious, miserable and confusing life
I’m conflicted. I find some comments on here make me long for the blah filter, but then I read something like
that made me LOL out loud.
Continuing the bit about Princess Di from the last thread: why didn’t they make the Princess Di memorial land mine instead of that fucking garden? At least we could have sold them to the Yanks.
Also, what’s the consensus on Keep Calm and Carry On. Would you buy the mug, or is a trend for cunts?
I pre-empted all the HYS’ers above, by filming a picture of me having a shit and posting it on YouTube. That way it doesn’t matter if Google’s real-time magic cameras spot me on the crapper.
Would the landmines play clips from the memorial concert after exploding?
And Keep Calm and Carry On, that is just a trend for cunts. It implies that you still have money to buy crap even though everyone else has no money anymore. Wankers.
Barter Books is a really nice bookshop. You could buy something from it that isn’t enormously wanky.
Keep Calm and Carry On is quite rubbish advice anyway. “Please get angry about slightly less shit things” is less snappy, though. But then I never had any money anyway so I do not know the suffering that the middle classes are going through. Although the Guardian, of course, writes as though no poor person could possibly be reading it, so maybe I’m wrong and am only recently impoverished? It’s all very confusing. Maybe I need that sign after all.
“If my house is being cased by terrorsis I can see them from my CCTV cameras I hve around my property or when they trigger the alarms by walking on the trip wire.”
I bet Neil C lives in a box at Euston station. And the trip wire is a figment of his imagination.
This whole Google Earth StreetView Terrorist Burglar Aid Live Feed They’re Watching Me thing gives sensible computer-literate people a golden opportunity to explain and reassure. This must be resisted at all costs – the correct response is “shut up, you fucking idiot”.
Hey kukomanga, isn’t “LOL out loud” a redundant tautology?
Mr Cat, I’m calling Neil C as a ringer – probably some fucker from here (the ‘methinks’ is a giveaway).
After all the laughing at teh stupids I’ve just got round to checking Google Street View and found where I live. The picture must’ve been taken ages ago cos it’s from before I put curtains up. You can see straight through to the other side!!
First thing tomorrow I’ll be sending Gordon & Google letters of complaint. All in capital letters and littered with exclamation marks.
Ha Ha!
The Evil Google cams did my street and missed out our house
Now every Daily Mail reader in the UK will want to live here, just so that they feel safe. Pity they’ll have to become and immigrunt to do it
That’s ‘an immigrunt’ of course.
And since when did we have to register with, and log into, Word Press to comment here?
It’s all a bit Big Brother.
This has done nothing to assist with my constipation problem. Thanks for trying though.
Since Nelson joined the Stazi Zanu-NuLiarBore Party.
He’s got a NuLiarBore ID barcode tatooed on his foreskin, which proves he’s not a terroristpeadomuslim, and everything. Next week he’ll be going to TopsyTurvey’s house, for tea and a discussion on how they’re not rascist cunts, but they do wish all the Muslims would fuck off, ‘back to where they came from.’
It’s a slippery slope: first you’ll be switching off anonymous comments on your blog, the next thing you know you’ve murdered thousands.
Haven’t slept a wink worrying about the terrorism threat Google has placed me under.
But it’s now sorted. Better than a shouty letter is keeping my curtains closed until the Leylandia I just planted in the window boxes reaches a decent height
Luckily when Google did the satellite sweep, only the foundations were finished on my house, which means that any terrorists will think that it has already been levelled by another group and leave it alone.
“CC cameras are all over London thanks to IRA terrorists activities.”
Is he saying we should respect the rights of terrorists to terrorise in private?
“Spy satellites are preening every inch of earth’s surface & keeping an eye on each of us.”
That makes sense, at least. Well, it doesn’t, obviously, but it’s a relatively mundane form of crazy.
“Immigration cameras are trying to look deep inside the human soul through pupil of the human eye.”
What the fuck is an immigration camera? Does Google control immigration, now? At least this guy is willing to consider the possibility of immigrants having souls, I suppose…
“Even US senator’s hand invades the privacy of the other person in an airport bathroom.
Now Google’s invisible eyes are looking in our bedrooms.
Here goes the privacy in the toilet.”
…never mind. I don’t think he knows what he’s saying at all.
Yeah cos ‘Shahid Shahid’ sounds like he could’ve been a real yankee red-neck.
this new google maps feature is amazing. after raping some hotties in their homes from the comfort of my bedroom, i went to amazon to see if i could preorder sir Elton’s next candle in the wind, the st jade version. the lazy fag has not recorded it yet so i went back to google maps and used it to shit on his doormat
Not sure why I did that really. Though I do like the idea of preventing everyone pretending to be “Gordon Brown’s Shoe” or “Ann Widdecombe’s Left Bollock”.
Now everyone has to pick a name and stick with it.. and that’s what the internet’s all about, getting stuck with a shit name.
I have a mate whose hair is thinning on top. The google van/car/whatever happened to capture him from the perfect angle to view his circle of shame. He’s quite sensitive about it, so I was going to tell him it was photographed from space.
Trufax.
I feel sorry for people who got stuck with a shit name just because of the creeping governmental control and surveillance that is creeping into all aspects of, er, er, creeping. I for one would never get caught with a shit name but where people have it serves them right for choosing silly made-up names and not taking this whole thing seriously enough. They practically deserve the Google Earth Live Feed camera that is even as we speak being set up in their front garden.
What is really worrying is that in some streets you can actually see the white tape that the hidden Google Maps Live PaedoCam Feed cameras will slide along. It is time to fight for England now!
Don’t worry HitlersPenis, there’s gaps every metre or so, so it won’t be able to run properly.
!!!
Actually, in urban areas it would typically be a 2m gap after every 4m of line.
As Yellow Pages used to say* “Boring – see Civil Engineers”
* Until the Institute of Civil Engineers got them to change it. I believe this is called irony, although in a post Morissette age, who can say.