spEak You're bRanes

Thanks to Siddhu. It’s about understanding risk.

It seems a bit bias to only look at colorectal cancer, breast cancer and coronary heart disease. It is possible to pick the diseases accordingly so the outcomes turn out in favor/against, when comparing percentages to numbers. What about the +/- effects of alcohol on all other sorts of diseases? For it to be relevant for the average person like myself, it would make sense to look at the +/- of alcohol and bacon relative to all cancers/diseases in general as oppose to 2 or 3.
Emad, Calgary, Canada

It’s quite simple really. Most things either give you cancer already, or else they will turn out to give you cancer next year. The stuff that doesn’t give you cancer gives you heart disease. And cancer. Some of the stuff that gives you cancer cures heart disease and all the cures for heart disease give you cancer. Also, bumming cures head lice but gives you cancer. Basically, you’re fucked.

I made a handy risk matrix. Let’s hope you survive long enough to cut it out and stick it on the fridge.

Thanks to Angel for finding this comment on a Times article about violence against women.

women are often as attractive and as beautiful as flowers(with brains) it is normal that they want to show the best of themselves through being sexy : it is the essence of feminity and real men like that .Those who dare hitting a woman are not well in their mind.Who would hit a flower
Didier, paris, France

I tried to explain that to my girlfriend once. She said I was a patronising cunt and then wept as she beat her tiny fists ineffectually against my manly chest.

Another brainthunk from one of Peston’s Pricks.

So if the Government prints money and uses it to buy things, thats ok. But if I do it then its not?

This sounds a bit like Zimbabwe to me.
Blogpolice

It might be a long shot, Blogpolice, but did you lose your wallet last Thursday? I only ask because I found this on the floor in my local:

Thanks to Fay for finding Ian Jempson, despite attempts to silence him. Probably because he’s a “racist”:

i think you will find we are all Mixed race if you look at the gene pool from every person in the world , however religion and politics would stop me from ecouraging it, i’m english and like english things , i dont like africa as they are always fighting and for this reason alone would not want to have an african wife to produce a mixed race child.

ian jempson, Revoloutionsville

I had an African wife once. Said she was from Bournemouth, but you know how you can’t trust them. Anyway, African she was, always on the genocide. Couldn’t stop herself. Terrible show. Mind you it’s the kids I feel sorry for. Our youngest could never decide between Brideshead Revisited and mutilating his womenfolk with a machete. Poor wee mite.

Incidentally, try imagining that post in the voice of a child. It’s adorable.

Instead of a database containing our private movements , perhaps a more effective border police force , proper imigration checks coupled with really harsh hard punishments from the courts like hanging for planting bombs would stem the flood of crime ! Lets face it we are the dumping ground for the european criminals they are here all ready

ian jempson, Revoloutionsville

So what you’re saying is, we need to secure our borders to keep out the foreign criminals we’re already full of, and that the threat of death will deter bombers like the ones on 9/11 and 7/7?

Community service is flawed somewhat , i was assaulted by a person whilst being sat in a bar talking with friends , the attack was completely unprovoked he just walked up to me and punched me in the face, this was observed by a police officer in plain clothes who arrested the assailant , it came out in court this guy had previous for violence , firearms , burglary , He ended up being found guilty , his sentence was 200 hours community service !! Surely a prison sentence should have been given.

ian jempson, Revoloutionsville

Or a royal pardon and a packet of biscuits.

We all know the truth , Gordon Brown is as guilty as anybody in a bank for the crisis were all in now , and yes i think that jeremy clarksons remark calling mr Brown an “idiot ” was bang on . Ill be amazed if the Pro labour anti free speech agents let this post through !! The bias on here is amazing.

ian jempson, Revoloutionsville

I have to say, I’m getting really tired of making jokes about Moderation Martyrs. Blah blah you must be so oppressed, poor whitey maley heterosexualley abley-bodiedey non-Muslimey little Englishman blah blah. It’s all because of fuck knows what conspiratorial progressive liberal ideology-cum-reactionary set of religious beliefs yadda yadda JUST FUCKING LOOK AT THE THREADS. Read the most recommended comments, and thank the bounty of Not-Allah that the people whose job it is to keep BBC Have Your Say left-leaning are only working a demeaning, low-level online-media job and not keeping a nuclear power station from exploding.

Thanks to Emma.

My husband has been trying to get into teacherrs training for 3 years now, there seems to be a brick wall at every turn, to be quite honest i think it is because they are looking for more enthnic minorities in our area rather than the educated working class white.
Rachel, Romford Essex

It’s a possibility but, if I had to guess, I’d put good money on it being down to the fact that he’s some kind of ruddy-faced, racist cunt.

Thanks to Mike. The astoundingly insightful Canuckie has finally identified who really pulls the strings, and without any help from facts, logic or evidence.

A military muslim interpretor, or translator makes the same money in one year that a contract security guard does in ten years. I think you see the incentive the military muslim interpretors, and translators have in keeping any lucrative muslim/ Christian conflict going-

canuckie

Odd. You would have thought the vastly powerful interpretation-translation complex would have more to gain from promoting jaw-jaw.

An old one I just found, on the death of Michael Crichton.

Why ask me for my reaction – I’ve no idea who he was.
Douglas Lee, London

I like to imagine Douglas in a permanent state of shock, leafing incredulously through rail timetables full of destinations he’s not intending to travel to and TV schedules full of programmes he doesn’t watch.

Thanks to Mike for this directionless spurt of paranoia.

Actually it really is scary, it’s not a case of “if we go on like this it’ll be 1984″ it’s here already! People in trouble for insulting our “beloved” leader (remember Splitting Image? Those days of freedom are long gone!)
Infact I’ll probably get arrested for this posting (sorry, I mean i’ll get a visit from social services, maybe they’ll take my children away?). Uh oh, I think I hear the thought police knocking on the door…. BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU
Bianca Rowan, London, United Kingdom

Don’t worry Bianca. The Thought Police can’t get you if you don’t have any thoughts.

Thanks to Charlie. Anyone remember the miners’ strike? No? A quick reminder.

It was about one man, the then King Arthur 2nd to be. He’d conquered Heath, and Callaghan, and after Thatcher was heading for his Communist Castle, delivered by his stormtrooper knights, the miners. However, he didn’t reckon on a little woman from Grantham. Memories include candles, no heating, food shortages, corpses stacked in car parks, violence, venom, and hatred; bit like Zimbabwe really. But, come the moment, come the man. But this time it was a woman. The men weren’t up to the job.
[RadioRogerL], Ellesmere Port, United Kingdom

It’s just a shame she was wiped out when one of Hitler’s asteroids crashed into the earth at the end of the Cretaceous period.

Thanks to Steve for my favourite new word. Should Michael Jackson tour?

Can You Say WHAT TOOK SO LONG
yes he should have a concert can you say that it will be a “THRILLER”
Cliff, washington dc

Hahaha! Yes! Can you say it’s what “DIRTY DIANA” (may she rest in peace) would have wanted.

Oh Puhlease! – is a legend? – correction – was a legend – now yesterdays news! Give me Coldplay anytime.
David Grant, Winchester

Haha! Can you say “FUCK OFF WITH YOUR CANDLE-LIT STRAIGHT-FROM-WORK ROCK VIGILS AND WHINY NOSTALGIA-FOR-LAST-TUESDAY ANTHEMS. GREYLORD”.