Miscellaneous Prats01 Apr 2009 03:24 pm

Read Two Books. Both Of Them.

By Nelson

Thanks to Jamie and Thomas who both found this one in the debate about aggregating smaller councils into bigger councils.

Call my cynical but do these re-organisations reduce the number of Non-Labour councils and improve Labour’s position for the forthcoming local/Euro/General elections?

If it was done to purely save money and bureaucracy then I applaud it both I have read both Animal Farm and 1984.
[megadshipp], Blackpool, United Kingdom

44 councils good, 9 unitary authorities bad.

69 Responses to “Read Two Books. Both Of Them.”

  1. on 01 Apr 2009 at 3:35 pm   mega_ship

    I have read both War and Peace.

  2. on 01 Apr 2009 at 3:44 pm   Adam

    I’ve read Homage to Catalonia *and* Down and Out in Paris and London *and* The Road to Wigan Pier. I get more Orwell points because they’re more obscurerer and therefore I win the Orwell-off and my opinion is right.

  3. on 01 Apr 2009 at 3:48 pm   flange

    HYS is strength.

  4. on 01 Apr 2009 at 3:54 pm   Thicky bo-bo

    I’ve read Brave New World, which is the opposite to 1984 and therefore I disagree with both of you.

  5. on 01 Apr 2009 at 3:58 pm   NSuperfly

    I’ve read “where’s Wally?”

    That counts doesn’t it?

  6. on 01 Apr 2009 at 3:58 pm   tonymac

    I’ve read the Horse Whisperer, the textured children’s book ‘That’s Not My Teddy!’ and a leaflet from Halfords selling cheap camping gear. All both of them.

  7. on 01 Apr 2009 at 4:02 pm   The Man who Might be Thursday

    “Call my cynical”?

    What shall we call his cynical? How about ‘Eric’?

  8. on 01 Apr 2009 at 4:07 pm   NSuperfly

    Eric the Cynical sounds like one of the most successful Saxon Kings.

    Messenger “Sire! We can defeat the Vikings!”

    King Eric “Pfft! You wished!”

  9. on 01 Apr 2009 at 4:12 pm   Paul A

    He reads stuff by that leftie George Orwell?

    megadshipp is a leftie Labour supporter cynically advocating the gerrymandering of council bounderies to improve his party’s chances in the upcoming local/Euro/General elections.

    No wonder Labour has lost credibility.

  10. on 01 Apr 2009 at 4:29 pm   Jerb

    I’ve read 2001. Does that score higher than 1984?

  11. on 01 Apr 2009 at 4:40 pm   Dr Feelgood

    I have read both Animal Farm and 1984.

    He’s never read either – merely picked up on the fact that these two titles are regularly trotted out as clichéd examples in the usual tedious rants.

    If he had read it, and was a pedantic cunt like me, he’d also know ’1984′ is actually titled ‘Nineteen Eighty-Four’.

    Probably the only book he has attempted since his remedial literacy teacher committed suicide is The Da Vinci Code – but took 6 months to finish it and had to mouth the words.

  12. on 01 Apr 2009 at 4:51 pm   Schroduck

    By 1984, I think he means a calendar of the year 1984. Probably one with pictures of kittens or naked ladies on every page to stop him getting bored.

    There doesn’t seem to be a single coherent or insightful comment on that entire thread though. If anyone could explain the following, I’d be very grateful:

    Yes councils are like MP’s keep shaking them.

    europhile, Northampton

    Keep shaking our MP’s like councils? What?

  13. on 01 Apr 2009 at 4:54 pm   Tomsk

    I’ve read The Hungry Catepillar.

    I’m sure there’s an allegory for New Labour bashing in there somewhere.

  14. on 01 Apr 2009 at 4:55 pm   Incontinentia

    I have read 1984 and Animal Farm and can confirm that they are just about the best books on local government reform on the market today.

  15. on 01 Apr 2009 at 5:06 pm   moonshine

    Is the Hungry Caterpillar a prequel?

  16. on 01 Apr 2009 at 5:15 pm   Sarah

    Both read them, but maybe without appreciating the words in the right order.

  17. on 01 Apr 2009 at 5:16 pm   admiral_spunktrousers

    The existence of any replies at all to that thread is proof that HYS is just generated by a (not very) sophisticated ‘Dominant Ideology[1] Reproduction Machine’. I mean, noone *actually* cares about local government re-alignment.

    [1] I’ve read ‘Prison Notebooks’. Loved the bit where Ian Brady got his eye gouged out with a marker pen.

  18. on 01 Apr 2009 at 5:19 pm   mike smith

    I love the fact that he thinks the best thing you can possibly do is save money, it doesn’t matter what happens to the services as long s there is an extra £10 in the pot at the end of the year

  19. on 01 Apr 2009 at 5:27 pm   admiral_spunktrousers

    “I love the fact that he thinks the best thing you can possibly do is save money…”

    He’s also quite keen on ‘saving’ bureaucracy, though. Not sure what precisely he means by that. I prefer to think that he goes around in ‘Save the Bureaucracy’ t-shirts and makes public protests about the harpooning of Administration Assistants at North Cornwall District Council.

  20. on 01 Apr 2009 at 6:00 pm   Goldstein

    It’s probably people who call themselves cynical that created things like those “You don’t have to be mad to work here…” posters.

    I’m dead cynical, me.

  21. on 01 Apr 2009 at 6:20 pm   Bit Special

    WHY must every, tiny, tedious change be analogous to a dystopian nightmare? I’d like to see HYSers branch out into comparing what they paranoically perceive as sinister ZaNuLiarBore machinations with the plots of other books. Like Lace by Shirley Conran. Let’s see them get to work on that.

  22. on 01 Apr 2009 at 6:25 pm   hardant

    I’ve read all sorts of books but don’t recall being asked what I thought about the reoganisation of local government, which is fortunate because I’ve not given it much thought.

  23. on 01 Apr 2009 at 6:28 pm   Daley Mayle

    I think Europhile has got carried away by the comeback of Agadoo.

  24. on 01 Apr 2009 at 6:29 pm   YeGods

    Homage to Catalonia, Road to Wigan Pier, Down and Out in Paris & London. Did he never stay still? Was he an international terrorist? All those foreign places! Is Orwell a muslim name?

    I think we should be told, methinks.

  25. on 01 Apr 2009 at 6:32 pm   pastry

    not just money mike, he also applauds the saving of bureaucracy.

    i myself believe bureaucracy must be saved, i have read jane eyre and wuthering heights so i really know what i’m talking about here

    xx

  26. on 01 Apr 2009 at 6:38 pm   pastry

    damn, the admiral got in there ages ago about bureaucracy. i really should remember to refresh pages after i’ve been off doing work/reading hys.

  27. on 01 Apr 2009 at 7:16 pm   admiral_spunktrousers

    S’alright Mr. Pastry: takes all kinds.

    As far as YeGods’ speculations about Orwell’s personal soundness go — did you know that ‘George Orwell’ WASN’T EVEN HIS REAL NAME?! Obviously neither of the books that form the corpus of Western Literature inform us as to Mr. ‘Orwell”s true identity, but I have ‘reason’ to believe it was ‘Muhammad Muslim bin Deathtothewest’.

    My plots are thicken.

  28. on 01 Apr 2009 at 7:25 pm   MacPedro

    Is Homage to Catatonia any good? I love that Cerys Matthews. She’s gorgeous.

  29. on 01 Apr 2009 at 8:03 pm   pastry

    mr? since when does pastry have a gender?

  30. on 01 Apr 2009 at 8:20 pm   pigfrottage

    It is “The Very Hungry Caterpillar”. I have read that and The Gruffalo, so I win.

  31. on 01 Apr 2009 at 9:17 pm   Poodlefucker

    His real name was BLAIR. Coincidence? I think not. And his first name, Eric, was shared with megadshipp’s cynical, as documented above. How much more proof of conspiracy do you need?

  32. on 01 Apr 2009 at 9:25 pm   Throbbe

    I see your TVHC and Gruffalo and raise you Where The Wild Things Are.

    All your base are belong to me.

  33. on 01 Apr 2009 at 9:33 pm   Bit Special

    Fuck you: I gotz ma Brambly Hedge – the entire set. And a Dandy annual from 1977. Who’s the man now, dog?

  34. on 01 Apr 2009 at 9:46 pm   fucko the clown

    Read Animal farm? surely they mean watched??

    besides whats a woman philating a horse got to do with local council?

  35. on 01 Apr 2009 at 9:49 pm   admiral_spunktrousers

    @pastry:

    I think it was about the same time the Royal Navy started admitting fellows in semen-encrusted legwear.

  36. on 01 Apr 2009 at 9:53 pm   samuel johnson

    George Orwell’s “A nice cup of tea” is surely the essay of choice for all lefty, work-shy, would-be terrorists.

    And wasn’t his real name Mary Evans?

  37. on 01 Apr 2009 at 10:05 pm   pastry

    @spunktrousers:

    well in that case it’s ms pastry thanks.

    hey, has anyone read Local Government in the UK (Not Just England) by David Wilson and Chris Game? how does it compare with Local Government in Britain (Not Just England) by Tony Byrne? and is it as good as The History of the Financial Control Function of Local Government Accounting in the United Kingdom (Not Just England) by Rowan Jones?

  38. on 01 Apr 2009 at 10:27 pm   773 (metric)

    besides whats a woman philating a horse got to do with local council?

    I’ll save myself the bother of creating and uploading the image, and type it out using words instead:

    [digital collage of Cllr Kate Lloyd, Lord Mayor of Cardiff, sticking postage stamps on a pony]

  39. on 02 Apr 2009 at 12:18 am   Mim

    I do not need to assert my well-readedness to mock the comment in question, but I shall do so anyway because it is very important to me to be seen as terribly clever by internet people.

    I base my analysis of local government on The Book of Margery Kempe. It isn’t noticeably less useful for the purpose than Animal Farm.

  40. on 02 Apr 2009 at 6:17 am   TinyMind

    Ha. I KNOW that the author, as referred to by the esteemed & widely read (tho. thick as pony shits’, who has not taken it’s loperamide) hyser is one of those damn johhny foreigner types – the bastard was born in India fer christ sake. What sort of message is that to be promoting to our native racists?
    Therefore I win. Plus I’ve read the Govt Regulations on the sale of Cabbage – all 26,000+ words of the tedious drivel.

  41. on 02 Apr 2009 at 6:27 am   TinyMind

    @poodlefucker
    do you charge stud fees?
    I’ve got a standard (gay mind) who’s looking for some boy on boy action?
    How local are you to my council?

  42. on 02 Apr 2009 at 7:09 am   Rock Snob

    I’ve read nearly all the toilet wall graffiti at work

  43. on 02 Apr 2009 at 7:24 am   Eric Arthur Blair

    It’s a little-known fact that when writing Nineteen Eighty-Four and Animal Farm, I was not aiming to write satires of the rise and consolidation of totalitarian power, but actually denouncing the local council reforms that I foresaw in 2009.

    I actually got the idea from reading both volumes of Jordan’s autobiography

  44. on 02 Apr 2009 at 7:35 am   Manly J. Panda

    Eric Arthur BLIAR!!! how could you have read Jordan’s autobiography when you were in Catalonia, Paris, London and Wigan, all places in which such subversive literature is banned?

    You are making me so angry I am losing control of my panda bowels.

    Bliar. End of.

  45. on 02 Apr 2009 at 7:59 am   millie

    Eric Arthur BLIAR!!! how could you have read Jordan’s autobiography when you were in Catalonia, Paris, London and Wigan, all places in which such subversive literature is banned?

    Didn’t he ghostwrite it?

  46. on 02 Apr 2009 at 8:12 am   Felna

    Probably the only book he has attempted since his remedial literacy teacher committed suicide is The Da Vinci Code – but took 6 months to finish it and had to mouth the words.

    Dr Feelgood – that’s not fair, took me six months to read Da Vinci Code too, but that’s cos I had to wait a week between chapters so I could allow time for the desire to punch the fuck out of Dan Brown for writing such drivel to fade.

  47. on 02 Apr 2009 at 8:29 am   dogbiscit

    Unless you are mental, I think you will find that the Emperor has disbanded the Imperial Senate, and that fear will keep the local systems in line.

    I’m 73 you know.

  48. on 02 Apr 2009 at 8:29 am   dirigible

    You know, I like “Nineteen Eighty-Four” and I like “Animal Farm”. But which is better?

  49. on 02 Apr 2009 at 8:32 am   Felna

    Only one way to find out – FIGHT!!!!

  50. on 02 Apr 2009 at 8:32 am   Freddy Two Trousers

    so I could allow time for the desire to punch the fuck out of Dan Brown for writing such drivel to fade.,/blockquote>

    Come on. It’s not that good.

  51. on 02 Apr 2009 at 8:33 am   Freddy Two Trousers

    Still can’t do blockquotes properly can I?

  52. on 02 Apr 2009 at 8:44 am   A Werther Original

    I didn’t bother reading Da Vinci Code, just looked it up on Wikipedia, it had the plot and story synopsis. Took me five minutes, now I know every thing about it. Still I can never get those five mins back, I could have been doing something more creative with that time. Like staring at a blank screen or making a cup of tea.

  53. on 02 Apr 2009 at 9:30 am   samuel johnson

    Just testing. One, two, one, two, one.

  54. on 02 Apr 2009 at 9:31 am   samuel johnson

    Fuck me it worked!

  55. on 02 Apr 2009 at 9:34 am   samuel johnson

    There’s

    No

    Stopping

    Me

    Now

    !

  56. on 02 Apr 2009 at 9:40 am   Charles Exford

    I’ve read “Harry Potter & The Train Of Gravy”, “Everyday Uses Of Portland Cement” and “Brave New World”. The latter is a load of horse poo.

    I blame Margaret Thatcher.

  57. on 02 Apr 2009 at 10:06 am   Boredom Clown

    I’ve red as many as 5 books, including 1984 (about local government and zanuliarbore), 1985 (the sequel to 1984), 1997 (the prequel to 2005), 2005 (George Orwell’s critique of Tony Bliar) and 2009 (George Orwell’s damning verdict on Gordon Brown’s handling of the financial crisis).

    I think it’s all part of a zanuliarbore conspiracy against me.

  58. on 02 Apr 2009 at 10:58 am   Rotwatcher

    If you still haven’t read The Da Vinci Code, reading this should cure you of any desire to do so in the future.

    http://itre.cis.upenn.edu/~myl/languagelog/archives/000844.html

  59. on 02 Apr 2009 at 11:10 am   Mr Cat

    Jerb
    I’ve read 2001. Does that score higher than 1984?

    Simply means you’re a paedophile lover rather than a filthy communist.

    Any book with a number as its title is bound to aggravate HYSers in one kneejerk mindset or another

  60. on 02 Apr 2009 at 11:20 am   No-one much

    Reading books is just bad anyway, whatever they are, is it can give you ideas and turn you into a gay immigrant-loving leftie tree-hugger. It is much safer and better and nicer and lovelier just to watch reality TV as you don’t have to turn the pages or read long words or not nothing nothing nor not. I say: stick to the Sun and HYS, that’s all the reading an Englishman needs! Disagree with me and you imperil this once-Great nation oh blah blah blah bollocks twat shit fuckit.

  61. on 02 Apr 2009 at 12:19 pm   Hectare

    I’ve read Farhenheit451. I recommend you all do the same before some anti-English, communo-fascistic-Labour-loon renames it Centigrade233 and has all the original copies burnt. You’ll be airbrushed from history just for reading this. Join us while you still have a chance.

    http://www.metricmartyrs.co.uk/default.aspx

  62. on 02 Apr 2009 at 1:17 pm   Rob Cherry

    Shit! Eric Blair is a HYSer!!

    I once saw Evelyn Waugh in Netto. She had massive tits!

  63. on 02 Apr 2009 at 1:31 pm   pigfrottage

    I see your TVHC and Gruffalo and raise you Where The Wild Things Are.

    All your base are belong to me.

    Not so. I have a complete set of Dora the Explorer stories, and a substantial Charlie and Lola collection. !one!?!

  64. on 02 Apr 2009 at 3:33 pm   Heslop

    I read a book once…green, it was.

  65. on 02 Apr 2009 at 3:40 pm   Mr Man

    Well I am the proud owner of a complete set of Mr Men books – including some that haven’t even been written yet.
    Pristine and untouched.

    As Groucho Marx once said … from the moment I picked up the book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I fully intend to read them.

  66. on 02 Apr 2009 at 4:42 pm   Black Lesbian In A WheelChair

    That Evelyn Waugh – was she with her boyfriend, George Eliot?

  67. on 03 Apr 2009 at 12:14 pm   Charles Exford

    Possibly too late, Hectare. Sometime Hawkwind member and all-round loon Robert Calvert published “Centigrade 232″ in 1977, thereby proving that maths was not his forte.

  68. on 07 Apr 2009 at 2:51 am   sez

    @ Rotwatcher, thanks for the link RE: the Da Vinci Code. :)

    but back to the issue at hand,

    i hav both red the gumby book of letters once!!?one!!
    (beat that – in a non-sexual way- dora the explorer)
    this gives me the rite 2 comment on an issue that a don’t understand in a country i’m not from
    me, australia (NOT australASIA)

  69. on 07 Apr 2009 at 3:49 pm   pigfrottage

    I read all of the hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy books, so obviously I am qualified as both a space explorer and restaurant critic.