Permanently Bewildered21 Apr 2009 01:16 pm
By Nelson

Thanks to Tara.

This makes me so angry – why is it drug addicts and alcaholics and smokers get treatment on the NHS for it and special schemes where people who are addicted to food dont get any help whatsoever from the doctors but are only told “lose weight”. This country is totally backwards if you ask me!
heidi, leeds

If you want treatment on the NHS, learn from the smokers. Keep stuffing cakes into your face until you get lung cancer.

62 Responses to “Food Addict”

  1. on 21 Apr 2009 at 1:20 pm Rich (MMath)(Oxon)

    Food addictions are piss easy to break. You just have to go cold turkey.

  2. on 21 Apr 2009 at 1:27 pm Jolly Roger

    Let’s help them! Start by charging them pavement tax for the extra damage that a hippo in high heels will cause to the pavement. Their reduced income will lead to reduced consumption and smoother pavements.

    Although, maybe it’s cruel to tax them because obviously it’s genetic. Not at all down to the fact they are lazy or eat too much…

  3. on 21 Apr 2009 at 1:30 pm Mr Cat

    I think Heidi is right. In her case the NHS should pull out all stops to help her give up food completely.

    They say the first three months are hardest Heidi, but hang in there.

  4. on 21 Apr 2009 at 1:36 pm Alex

    She’s got a point. While not an addiction in the psychochemical sense, food “addiction” is a form of compulsive behaviour and more complicated than not eating as much.

    It’s just a pity neither the NHS nor a single private institution offers anyone any help whatsoever with losing weight.

  5. on 21 Apr 2009 at 1:38 pm Simon

    This country is totally backwards if you ask me!

    No-one was asking you.
    Does Gordon Clown force you to eat lard butties?
    Perhaps you could ask your GP for a Pasty Patch.
    There’s a “Parrots-Eat-Em-All” pun in here somewhere!!

  6. on 21 Apr 2009 at 1:40 pm Moe

    Maybe I should see my doctor about cutting down on the amount of oxygen I seem to require.

  7. on 21 Apr 2009 at 1:41 pm Grov

    The solution is simple. Ban eating in pubs and restaurants.

    I do like bit about schemes. Is heidi saying that people over-eating is part of some dastardly plot? Perhaps it meant “for,” not “where.” Even then, it seems to be implying that it is the diet programs themselves which are told to lose weight.

    Anyway, I agree. There should be help available for any addiction. I myself am trying desperately to give up gravity, but I just can’t do it on my own.

  8. on 21 Apr 2009 at 1:41 pm Rogue_Leader

    Isn’t everyone a food addict? Except them breatharians.

  9. on 21 Apr 2009 at 1:47 pm Simon

    Should “… if you ask me” be added to the HYS canon of sign-offs along with “… if I’m right”, “… methinks”, “… wake up people”, “… simple!!” and “… end of!!”?

  10. on 21 Apr 2009 at 1:50 pm fucko the clown

    feed the fat cunts on polychaete worms

  11. on 21 Apr 2009 at 1:53 pm Ceannair

    Fucko the Clown for Nobel Medicine Laureate!!!!!

  12. on 21 Apr 2009 at 1:57 pm Melanie Phillips

    feed the fat cunts on paedophiles

  13. on 21 Apr 2009 at 2:00 pm G Doggity Doggy Dogg

    only if we first feed the paedophiles on the polychaete worms. Uncooked, obviously, don’t want no paedos having a nicely cooked polychaete worm when us decent working class white males don’t get none.

  14. on 21 Apr 2009 at 2:02 pm Menendo

    Tax the hell out of food and restrict food-eating hours?

  15. on 21 Apr 2009 at 2:06 pm john Adair's Gerbil

    How do you get Heidi into bed?

    Piece of cake.

    Thangyew, I’ll be here all week.

  16. on 21 Apr 2009 at 2:13 pm Anonnamoose

    I agree with Alex, she does have a point. Its easy to lose weight but its difficult keeping it off and changing your lifestyle for good. I’ve lost massive amounts of weight twice in my life, and put it back on twice.

  17. on 21 Apr 2009 at 2:27 pm AndyS

    taking the piss out of fat people is ace, if only because you know you can outrun them if they get a bit volatile

  18. on 21 Apr 2009 at 2:38 pm Nelson

    She’s got a point.

    Schoolboy error. YOU had a vaguely related point.

    She was whining about how everyone else gets looked after while she suffers. Those lucky drug addicts and alkies eh.

  19. on 21 Apr 2009 at 2:51 pm Ire

    I’ve lost massive amounts of weight twice in my life, and put it back on twice.

    The People Who Care are all busy reading HYS, they’re not here.

  20. on 21 Apr 2009 at 2:57 pm Rod Wrongnob

    She doesn’t have that much of a point. The core of obesity treatments will always be calorie control diets but the NHS does provide medication or surgery in severe cases. Psychotherapy is also available, even if not for everyone that could use it.

    Blah blah blahdy blah blah blah blahdy blah blah blah blah blah blah blahdy blah blah blah blahdy blah blah blah blahdy blah mountain of mashed potato with all sausages sticking out.

  21. on 21 Apr 2009 at 2:57 pm Banality

    “She’s got a point. While not an addiction in the psychochemical sense, food “addiction” is a form is a form of compulsive behaviour and more complicated than not eating as much.” (what the fuck are blockquotes?)

    Tubs.

    ‘Food phobias’ (SED) be way more complicated than compulsive eaters.

    Not that you care
    Or I care

    (I do really)

  22. on 21 Apr 2009 at 3:01 pm Dr Feelgood

    I suspect heidi get so angry that she has to eat a whole pack of Tesco value doughnuts and a large bar of Galaxy just to make her feel better.

    I agree we are backwards on this matter though, perhaps soon we’ll catch up with the US in the effectiveness of treatment offered.

    By the way, apologies for the product placement, it’s my new business model.

  23. on 21 Apr 2009 at 3:09 pm Icarus Smicarus

    Fat bitch.

  24. on 21 Apr 2009 at 3:19 pm Lord Wot Wot

    Giving up food addiction is easy! – smoke heroin; I lost stones, it’s cheaper than food and easier to get as I don’t have to travel to an out of town supermarket

  25. on 21 Apr 2009 at 3:29 pm Dr Shade

    Why doesn’t the fat cow go back to Switzerland – she’ll lose loads of weight herding those sheep up and down those mountains again…

  26. on 21 Apr 2009 at 3:39 pm nurse millie

    @ Jolly Roger

    Start by charging them pavement tax for the extra damage that a hippo in high heels will cause to the pavement.

    They’ll get round it by wearing flatties.

    Far more effective to have compulsory weigh-ins for the whole population with with fines for both the over- and underweight (thus avoiding accusations of eating-disorder discrimination).

  27. on 21 Apr 2009 at 4:04 pm Moe

    This country is totally backwards if you ask me!

    If the country really is backwards, it’s probably down to the massive gravitational anomaly caused by all these irresponsible fat bints sat on their arses eating chocolate and waiting for someone else to sort it out.

    The NHS helped me to stop smoking. The treatment mainly consisted of me not smoking any cigarettes. I would suggest that Heidi applies the same logic.

  28. on 21 Apr 2009 at 4:24 pm TinyMind

    Maybe the fat cow ought to start smoking, then she won’t be able to afford to stuff her face with cakes all day long.
    We can but live in hope.

  29. on 21 Apr 2009 at 4:35 pm llj

    Erm, so was I the only one that thought “Silly fat bitch, that IS help. Telling a fat person to eat less and do more is PROVIDING THEM WITH THE TOOLS”…?

    Quite ironic, I thought. Possibly deliberately planted.

    Twat.

  30. on 21 Apr 2009 at 4:36 pm Bit Special

    Heidi can cry me a fucking river; I have an endocrinal disorder which means that amongst other delicious things, I’ve not been able to eat any form of sugar since 1998. Try that fucker on for size, bitch, then start whining about no-one caring that you’re a manatee in a frock. Incidentally, if a Doctor tells you to ‘lose weight’, that’s actually pretty good advice for someone overweight.

    Actually, I do feel a bit sorry for people with food addictions, as they can be really damaging. If only Heidi could’ve said it the way Alex did, which was insightful and succinct (not to mention correct). On the other hand, if she had any brains and wasn’t too busy putting vinegar all over the bag of chips* on her shoulder about everyone getting a better deal out of life than her, then she wouldn’t post on HYS.

    PS How fat do your fingers have to get before you can no longer type? Time to speed-dial Pizza Hut (again), Heidi!

    *See what I did there?

  31. on 21 Apr 2009 at 5:01 pm Mellifluous

    I too am addicted to food, I also drink heavily cos wine and beer tastes nice however, it was giving me a bit of a tummy. With a few clicks on the interwebs I was able to secure plenty of advice and some new trainers and partake in physical exercise. Funnily enough, my tummy went away despite me changing little in the way of said nice food and beer and wine. Here’s a good starting point for poor Heidi http://www.don‘tbeafatfucker.co.uk

  32. on 21 Apr 2009 at 5:07 pm Tomsk

    As a government policy advisor for the Lazy And Ridiculed Downtrodden Average Resident Suffering Embaressment quango, we have taken everything Heidi has said on board.

    Our think machanised-vehicle has recommended three tried-and-tested approaches to losing weight;

    1) Take up a serious drug habit such as cocaine or heroin:- This will suppress your apetite while synergistically removing the means with which to acquire food. Look at supermodels!

    2) Move to a third world nation in the midst of famine:- Ever wondered how those foreigners on the TV keep the weight off? The secret is out!

    3) EAT LESS YOU BLUBBERING MOUNTAIN OF RASPBERRY BLANCMANGE TINTED ORANGE PEEL. THE VERY THOUGHT OF YOUR EXISTANCE MAKES ORPHANS WEEP.

    Should you need to draw inspiration before starting your journey towards being happy (Thin = Happy, remember that), remember a few choice words from the patron saint of thin, Gillian McKeith – “I might be a boney old witch, but at least I’m not repulsed by my own reflection. If I had one!”

  33. on 21 Apr 2009 at 5:08 pm Tomsk

    Sorry, I was thinking about food.

    Big Mac-hanised vehicles were obviously lurking in my subconscious.

  34. on 21 Apr 2009 at 5:19 pm Alex

    If only Heidi could’ve said it the way Alex did, which was insightful and succinct (not to mention correct).

    Yeah, but then she’d be a cunt. Unless she was clever enough to find this and this.

  35. on 21 Apr 2009 at 5:23 pm Dr Feelgood

    As this seems to have turned into a therapy session, my turn to ‘fess up.

    I think I may be allergic to food. What I’ve found is that the more of it I eat, after time the greater my weight.

    Similarly, I find that after an evening drinking a few G&Ts (Tanqueray, since you ask), a bottle of wine, and 6 pints of wife-beater that I wake up in the morning with experienceing headache and nausea.

    Perhaps a qualified medical professional could advise?

  36. on 21 Apr 2009 at 5:23 pm Chubby

    I’m a chubber and the NHS referred me to a nutritionalist. I’ve had two appointments and lost 9 lbs (yay me). Can’t help but think heidi is completely wrong. No real surprise for HYS though.

  37. on 21 Apr 2009 at 6:01 pm funny perculiar

    “Schoolboy error.” Nelson

    ‘Rookie mistake’. ‘Schoolboy error’ is a middle-aged expression and has been superceded by ‘rookie mistake’. Therefore to use schoolboy error is a rookie mistake. Unless you were planning on coming across as middle-aged, in which case it was a text-book example. I’ve no idea what the yoof version of ‘textbook example’ is. But I doubt it has anything to do with chuffing textbooks, that’s for sure!

  38. on 21 Apr 2009 at 6:23 pm markie126

    I’m looking for nutritionists for my website will you guys come and offer pearls of wisdom?

  39. on 21 Apr 2009 at 6:39 pm Serious face

    For a website the usually offers a blessed relief from the willful stupidity and bigotry that runs wild and free elsewhere on t’internet, this thread is, in parts, depressingly ignorant and sexist, and would not look much out of place on HYS.

  40. on 21 Apr 2009 at 8:05 pm Danivon

    ‘Schoolboy error’ is a middle-aged expression and has been superceded by ‘rookie mistake’. Therefore to use schoolboy error is a rookie mistake. Unless you were planning on coming across as middle-aged, in which case it was a text-book example.

    Whereas you just look like a n00b with epic fail now, funny perculiar. Only a sad gen-Xer desperately fighting middle age would use ‘rookie mistake.

    FAIL!!!11!!!1

  41. on 21 Apr 2009 at 9:24 pm rotwatcher

    For a website the usually offers a blessed relief from the willful stupidity and bigotry that runs wild and free elsewhere on t’internet, this thread is, in parts, depressingly ignorant and sexist, and would not look much out of place on HYS.

    Nah, it’s all funny.

  42. on 21 Apr 2009 at 9:43 pm Mim

    I was going to attempt to mock heidi’s awfulness without resorting to fat hate but then realised how much more effort it would be.

  43. on 22 Apr 2009 at 12:23 am Will

    So what if it’s genetic? My alcoholic tendencies are genetic too (I’m Scottish) and I still a) pay the tax on booze and b) have accepted that “drink less” is good advice.

  44. on 22 Apr 2009 at 12:34 am Daley Mayle

    Heidi’s eating problems began when Grandfather died and Peter left her for a particularly attractive goat.

  45. on 22 Apr 2009 at 8:57 am Doctor Diggory

    Heidi,

    I am glad you brought this up. Not that I am suggesting regurgitation is the cure.

    Mind you…

  46. on 22 Apr 2009 at 10:12 am Walton Twald

    A tip – If you are lying on the sofa watching Jeremy Kyle and you just cant resist that third steak and ale pie, then stick some trainers on and go for a waddle…i mean walk

  47. on 22 Apr 2009 at 10:17 am Walton Twald

    In all seriousness (above comment a little harsh) she is severely misinformed. The NHS do offer schemes for the overweight. Free gym membership for one. (i pay 50 quid a month!) Or is it a miracle pill she is looking for?

  48. on 22 Apr 2009 at 1:18 pm funny perculiar

    Or is it a miracle pill she is looking for?

    I think she wants someone to make her thin, like, *kapwing*, there we go, luv, you’re thin, while she sits on her porcine arse and whinges about how unfair it is that she’s expected to lift a finger to stave off her own collosal heart attack. And how her tragic condition just made her scoff six supermarket muffins. She paid tax on two weeks temping that she did in 2006, it’s time she got what’s rightfully hers.

  49. on 22 Apr 2009 at 8:01 pm Suicidal-Jihad-Lightning-Terrorist Man

    i have no sympathy. ive just gone from 18.5 stone to 15.5 stone. its not easy, butu it is ALL your own work.

    you no worky for be thinny then you always be fatty!

    genetic my arse, “no matter what i do i cant loose weight” what you mean is “doesnt matter how many pies i eat, i keep getting fatter”

  50. on 22 Apr 2009 at 8:02 pm Suicidal-Jihad-Lightning-Terrorist Man

    i have a weight loss idea for the nhs to adopt.

    put fatties like this bint in a field. fill field with rabid dogs. tell her to run or die.

    either she looses weight, or she dies

    either is fine by me

  51. on 22 Apr 2009 at 10:56 pm Bit Special

    Is Heidi secretly one of those dreadful lardbints who got a gastric band fitted on ‘The Hospital’ on ch4 last night? I have my suspicions.

    Not that I watch such shows, you understand.

    Ah, piss off.

  52. on 23 Apr 2009 at 8:24 am millie

    What’s more evil, a fat person or a peedo? (rhetorical)

    fat tax

  53. on 23 Apr 2009 at 4:00 pm Jenny

    You’re all awful, serious face is correct. Usually you attack people for being hateful, which is fine, but as soon as you get an inkling that someone might be fat (Heidi doesn’t say she’s fat, for all you know she might be worried sick about a relative) the gloves are off. Sure she might not have worded her argument very well but that’s the nature of HYS. It doesn’t make her a bad person. All you who point out how the NHS provides nutritionists and gym membership – ever heard of the postcode lottery? Ever heard of lazy health workers (no appointment with doctor available obv.) who can’t be bothered to fill in the forms?
    How about you fuckers stop shouting cruel words out of your car windows and maybe the fatties will be able to go out for a walk without fear. You’ll die of a heartattack anyway because you drive everywhere and only play computer games.

    I assume.

  54. on 23 Apr 2009 at 4:01 pm Jenny

    And you assume they’re all poor with bad taste in food and television. Shame on you.

  55. on 23 Apr 2009 at 6:30 pm Suicidal-Jihad-Lightning-Terrorist Man

    lol @ jenny u mad cow

    maybe we resent the implication that somones weight isnt their own responcibility.

    maybe we resnt the stance that its societys job to find those that need help, not to help those that seek it.

    maybe we resent the idea that being fat is some kind of psychological disorder more serious than schzophrenia or medical condition more serious than cancer.

    maybe were sick to the back teeth of people like you who pamper the fatties so they feel better about themselves and see it as societies fault they have a problem

    maybe they should get off there fat ass and try using a search engine to find out there is help, she found HYS but not the NHS website.

    its three fucking letters

  56. on 23 Apr 2009 at 7:56 pm Serious face

    What with the strawman argument, the unconvincing “lol” before a bile-filled rant, the self-importance implied by the “we”, and a stunning display of ignorance, that might be the best HYS parody yet.

    I choose to believe it was a parody.

  57. on 24 Apr 2009 at 1:33 pm Gonna get flamed

    mmmmmmm bile

  58. on 24 Apr 2009 at 3:17 pm Nostradamus VIII

    @ Serious Face

    Could be a genuine HYSer: SJLTM managed to use the word ‘society’s’ twice with two different spellings, both wrong. Mind you, ‘their’ was correct in one of the two uses, so I’m leaning towards parody.

    I’m having bile on toast for tea. Mmm, spicy.

  59. on 25 Apr 2009 at 3:05 pm Mim

    I shall stop being a feeble hiding-type person and make agreeing noises with Jenny now I think.

    The NHS does also have a tendency to provide moral judgement and a refusal to believe that anyone over a certain weight can possibly be eating healthily and exercising because everyone knows that fat=cakes, right? There’s a pretty good chance that heidi is speaking from experience. And if she’s trying to get any sort of mental health treatment that requires time and expense and isn’t for an illness deemed scary enough, no wonder she’s pissed off. “Lose weight” is pretty shit advice for someone whose condition pretty much precludes the possibility.

    Still doesn’t make up for the deniable-but-definite implication for rhetorical effect of ALL THESE OTHER THINGS ARE WRONG in her post though.

  60. on 26 Apr 2009 at 9:05 pm The pointer out of the point

    Still doesn’t make up for the deniable-but-definite implication for rhetorical effect of ALL THESE OTHER THINGS ARE WRONG in her post though.

    And surely that is the point? Holding a valid point of view doesn’t exempt one from being a barn owl’s baby oven.

  61. on 28 Apr 2009 at 1:40 pm The Athlete

    Fat people should be drawn and quartered, dragged out onto the streets and shot.

    Fatties don’t get second chances, we should make them fly Ryan Air to concentration camps and starve them to death.

  62. on 28 Apr 2009 at 3:22 pm Mim

    Yup, that was The Point and hence all the fat hate in the comments was missing The Point. I was merely ranting like a joyless liberal feminazi.