spEak You're bRanes

Permanently Bewildered22 Apr 2009 12:38 pm

By Nelson

Thanks to Eugenie.

I have never bought a record, tape or a DVD/CD in my life. I have had a few bought for me but I refuse to give these so-called pop stars/singers any of my money. There is the radio for listening to music and that is as far as I take it.

I know of people who spend £40-£50 per month on music – quite frankly they are such sad people.

I have never even been to a music concert nor downloaded any music on the web. My money is for ME and not for others to live like lords on it.
Bob Jackson, Newport

Take a tip from Bob and save your money. Then you can pay someone to keep popping round and check whether or not you’re dead yet.

59 Responses to “Bob Jackson, Dementor”

on 22 Apr 2009 at 12:42 pm Ceannair

Oh dear, we may have stumbled upon the saddest git EVER!
on 22 Apr 2009 at 12:48 pm catherine buca

And while we’re at it, I suggest not buying food … who wants to make those farmer fatcats even fatter? Not me!
on 22 Apr 2009 at 12:49 pm Rodafowa

Also: fuck the farmers who think I’m going to fund their champagne lifestyle by buying food. I live as God intended, off toenail clippings and bellybutton fluff, surrounded by my lovely lovely piles of money.
on 22 Apr 2009 at 12:49 pm GiveItAGo

My money is for ME and not for others to live like lords on it.

I don’t think he pays anyone anything. He has his money all stuffed in heaps underneath his mattress. Every night he clasps fistfuls of it, crying, “Mine, all MINE!!!” I’m sure his kids would have killed him off years ago if there was any hope of them getting any in the will.
on 22 Apr 2009 at 12:50 pm Rodafowa

Gah!
on 22 Apr 2009 at 12:50 pm Nivi

Are we to believe that this man does not spend any money at all?
Like, even for food?
The people who run those food shops don’t deserve his money, that’s a fact.
on 22 Apr 2009 at 12:55 pm GiveItAGo

Gah!
on 22 Apr 2009 at 12:55 pm Alex

Don’t you fucking hate it? You spend forty hours a week earning your money, YOUR money, for YOU, but then every time you want goods or services you have to give it away, and all you get in return is the goods and services! And it all ends up going into other people’s pockets, who’ll no doubt give it to others just like them just so they can get stuff they want. And it goes on!

Like just the other day, I was hungry, through no fault of my own, and was forced to go into Subway and buy a cheese salad sandwich on rye bread, just because I happen to like cheese as a private citizen and felt like a bit of tomato and rye bread with it, as is my constitutionally guaranteed right. Then what happens? I have to pay money for it, just so other people can have some money for doing NOTHING but make me a sandwich, something they no doubt do for themselves for free.

I’m sorry to rant, but I feel quite strongly about this.
on 22 Apr 2009 at 12:55 pm Edwin

I bet he listens to the static noise in between stations and makes up his own music, the filth ridden old clunge.
on 22 Apr 2009 at 1:06 pm Grov

As a musician, I can say that the vast majority of money you give us goes toward hookers and crack, and I don’t like paying either. I’ve tried Bob’s argument, but dealers an pimps don’t go for it. Bastards.

Also, my dear Bob, you are a cunt. So nyah.
on 22 Apr 2009 at 1:08 pm Alison

Ah, a man who has never heard of the PRS. Bless his stupid little mind.
on 22 Apr 2009 at 1:09 pm Rod Wrongnob

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the new head of Radio One.
on 22 Apr 2009 at 1:20 pm admiral_spunktrousers

this bloke ain’t probably don’t not even buy, like,

no food or anything

like that
on 22 Apr 2009 at 1:30 pm funny peculiar

I always feel the video and music industry overplays it’s claimed losses due to copyright theft. For example, if I had 500 illegal CDs at £10 each they would claim they had lost £5000; but if I had to pay for them I would not buy anywhere near that many in the first place, so their ‘claimed’ loss is academic.

Adrian Mugridge, Chester, United Kingdom

It must be fucking wonderful to live in your own little bubble of illogical self-righteousness.

I claimed £5,000 for whip-lash last year, but I didn’t have whip lash. But that’s not wrong because I have never done it before and I have paid my car insurance for years. It’s other people who push the premiums up. I’m a genuinely wonderful person and a staunch believer in high moral citizenship.
on 22 Apr 2009 at 1:30 pm Bolli

Dont tell me… i know this one…
So he is counting his gold coins and then a baby is left on his doorstep?

(I am now convinced that most HYS posters are in fact escapees from literature, in a reverse Archers Anarchists format.)
on 22 Apr 2009 at 1:34 pm john Adair's Gerbil

He’s going to positively shit himself when he hears what his Tesco Value Baked Beans diet is contributing to.
on 22 Apr 2009 at 1:38 pm Enzyme

@GiveItAGo

I don’t think he pays anyone anything. He has his money all stuffed in heaps underneath his mattress

Mattress? What mattress?

No furniture in his house that’d just let the manufacturers live like kings. A floorboard is plenty…
on 22 Apr 2009 at 1:41 pm funny peculiar

floorboards? FLOORBOARDS?

And let carpenters live like etc…

What’s wrong with sleeping on just money?
on 22 Apr 2009 at 1:45 pm Tom

Money? MONEY?

And let those scumbags at the Royal Mint live like kings? What’s wrong with sleeping on a large pile of my own imaginary currency?
on 22 Apr 2009 at 1:52 pm pigfrottage

Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t he just saying he’d rather spend his money on other things than buying music.

Either: It’s good that he gives all his money to myalgic encephalomyelitis charities.

Or: he’s a joyless turd. One or the other.
on 22 Apr 2009 at 1:52 pm Bob Matthews

Lovely response to a post on Michelle Obama receiving a letter from agri business lobby group decrying her organic stance while she goes organic.

“do gooders causing more damage then. Does she somehow think that everybody in the world has enough land to grow their own food? Does she think that countries in africa shouldnt go through their own agricultural revolution, which is what helped us reach the industrial revolution?

do gooders.

will, grimsby, uk”
on 22 Apr 2009 at 2:09 pm Costigan Quist

Bob is clearly posting to HYS from his local library, before popping round the corner to scavenge for food and clothes in the bins.

He’ll go to sleep in his cardboard box, chuckling at how clever he is compared to all the sheep with their houses, clothes, cars, computers and TVs.
on 22 Apr 2009 at 2:23 pm dirigible, Ph7, 33 1/3 rpm

As a musician, I can say that the vast majority of money you give us goes toward hookers and crack

Ooh you liar. Just ask Leonard Cohen. Or watch Spinal Tap. Either is good.
on 22 Apr 2009 at 3:06 pm Walton Twald

Oh I absolutely love reading this out loud in what I imagine to be his voice, with a smile playing about my lips which conveys an “im so proud of myself” attitude.
Clap Clap Bob, I think you should be up there with all of our great heroes.
on 22 Apr 2009 at 3:34 pm Schroduck

I have never… downloaded any music on the web. My money is for ME and not for others to live like lords on it.

Bob Jackson fails to grasp the point of downloading music. No-one is surprised.
on 22 Apr 2009 at 3:37 pm Schroduck

Damn you, blockquotes. Also, I wonder if perhaps Bob Jackson was the member of the Jackson Five everyone forgot. Embittered and enraged by his obscurity, he lashes out at the industry that raised the rest of his family to the status of freaky messed-up megastars while leaving him in the dust.
on 22 Apr 2009 at 4:02 pm Oaf

As a musician, I can say that the vast majority of money you give us goes toward hookers and crack, and I don’t like paying either.

I’m a musician too but most of the money I get goes towards buying tea. Money well spent if you ask me (which you didn’t).
on 22 Apr 2009 at 4:10 pm Ian

I took my tortoise, Clive, to the vet’s the other day. I was stunned to find that they wanted to charge me £90 just for a consultation!!!!11

I’d been under the impressions that veterinarians came under the NHS – how wrong was I??? Needless to say, I turned on my heel and walked out of the surgery. Damned if I’m going to give those fatcat vets a penny of my hard-earned pound note….not bloody likely!!11!

[i]RIP Clive Watson 2008-2009[/i]
on 22 Apr 2009 at 4:16 pm Mr Cat

What about those radio manufacturers who live like lords thanks to Bob Jackson’s loose spending.

He’s such a sellout. My music comes from the voices of angels singing in my head and the occasional busker I hear (who I DON’T give any money to).
on 22 Apr 2009 at 4:20 pm fennario

I’m also a musician and I spend my money on crack & whores AND tea [but then I'm a fuckin' genius]
on 22 Apr 2009 at 4:25 pm Grimble

I wouldn’t pay for music, but I am happy to exchange cash for porn. Those dedicated men and women who make it sure do deserve to live like lords on MY cash.

If I’m right.
on 22 Apr 2009 at 4:26 pm Rich (MMath)(Oxon)

Hurrah, a nice victory for the big money-making music giants, but they’re still not addressing the reason why people turn to internet piracy.

Hurry up and stop charging people ridiculous amounts for terrible songs.
Sam Bannister, Portsmouth, United Kingdom

He’s right. Why should people pay for terrible songs when they could just download them?

I’m imagining Sam Bannister sitting at home, downloading Cheeky Girls, Agadoo, and Crazy Frog. And begrudgingly listening to them, happy in the knowledge that at least it didn’t cost him anything.
on 22 Apr 2009 at 4:54 pm Egbs Smelly Sox

_I always feel the video and music industry overplays it’s claimed losses due to copyright theft. [...] Adrian Mugridge_

Actually, that’s within a light year of a reasonable point. The music industry tends to estimate it’s losses by assuming you could have have afforded to buy the music you pirate, which is usually not the case. For example, you could have downloaded the Paris Hilton album as a kind of audio rubbernecking, just to hear how shit it was- but if you couldn’t download it, would you have actually gone out and *bought* it for the same reasons? I kinda doubt it.

Mind you, I still adhere to this archaic practice of actually buying records (And even going to concerts!!) from people that I think deserve my custom (When I can afford it), so I’m probably a “sad person” according to Bob Jackson, whose comment is best read aloud to the tune of the tune “Silas Stingy” from “The Who Sell Out”, a record which I (Sorry, Bob- I don’t think) BOUGHT, like with actual MONEY, from Fopp mucho cheapo.
on 22 Apr 2009 at 5:07 pm Incontinentia

Bob could go to second-hand shops. Then he would not be giving a penny piece to these so-called musicians.

Or he could fuck off and die, the miserable old cunt that he is.

Both are good suggestions.
on 22 Apr 2009 at 5:22 pm Archie Bunker

Right on Bob. My wife went to the groinacologist the other day and she had to give him MY money just for him to feel and look inside her cunt.
on 22 Apr 2009 at 5:40 pm Tin Foil Hatter

so-called pop stars/singers

…implying that singers don’t actually sing. Huh.
on 22 Apr 2009 at 6:20 pm James

The best part of his plan is that he not only pays the license fee (which counts as paying for music, if you ask me) but the artists will get royalties for songs played on the radio. So, he’s effectively paying the artist TWICE.
on 22 Apr 2009 at 7:49 pm Underherd

Time. Lord.
on 22 Apr 2009 at 8:13 pm Suicidal-Jihad-Lightning-Terrorist Man

i dont think you realise the geniousness of bobs sugestion

we all stop buying stuff, teh econemy dies completly and we all starve, die in riots, of deseise etc.

but at least those fuckers in the banks and the global economic conspiricy wont get our money.

its a winner
on 22 Apr 2009 at 8:15 pm Icarus Smicarus

That’s the best post ever.
And frankly I agree. That’s why I sleep naked in a skip and eat the scraps of food people throw in. My money is for ME and ME only.
on 22 Apr 2009 at 8:32 pm Black Lesbian In A WheelChair

If Bob didn’t spend so much on tinfoil, he could probably afford the odd CD now and then…
on 22 Apr 2009 at 9:11 pm Mim

I think that Bob’s approach is fine as long as you have absolutely no preferences about what music you listen to. And his belief that all musicians have vast and undeserved wealth is probably based his only ever having heard of Phil Collins. Thus he is doing some sterling reasoning with limited resources and it’s pretty churlish of us to mock him just because we have inner lives.
on 22 Apr 2009 at 10:17 pm Bit Special

Mim, are you a Scottish vegan with a cat? Because if so, I think I might be following you on Twitter by pure chance.

Good point, BTW.
on 22 Apr 2009 at 10:35 pm Laura

Real question is, where does he get his money?
on 22 Apr 2009 at 11:15 pm Mim

I am a Geordie vegetarian with a cat but I am delighted to have a more advanced Scottish version of myself. I know some Scottish vegans but none with cats so I do not think it is even Mim-adjacent.
on 23 Apr 2009 at 12:21 am TFH

Totally, totally off topic – very sorry – but wouldn’t the purchase of cat food – presumably a meat product – contravene vegan principles? Okay, it’s for the cat, not the owner, but demand creates supply thus causing the chicken’s death. Or can you buy vegan cat food? I’m being genuinely curious, not facetious.
on 23 Apr 2009 at 6:39 am purplemonster

TFH- sadly, very sadly, you can get vegan cat food. Even though every vet will tell you cats cant live without meat they just give them supplements on top of the vegan diet.

Until the cat, desperate and sad escapes to kill and eat mice in a triumphant yet guilty manner, before running away to a whiskas family at the first opportunity.
on 23 Apr 2009 at 8:17 am millie

Bob Jackson, known to his friends as ‘no-bob Bob’.
on 23 Apr 2009 at 8:42 am Clovis Sangrail

You go away for a day, come back, intend to spend a mere 5 mins on SYB and find all these riches, riches I tell you, of stupidity and cupidity and sabre rattling and racism and and and… Just wonderful – sigh, no work done again today. But so happy…
on 23 Apr 2009 at 9:44 am Dr Feelgood

It’s a well known fact that like Black Sabbath Bob is an agent of Satan – want proof? Try saying his name backwards.
on 23 Apr 2009 at 1:31 pm Oaf

I went to a posh restaurant last night. I paid for my meal but I sneaked out without eating it.
on 23 Apr 2009 at 5:05 pm Suicidal-Jihad-Lightning-Terrorist Man

nah most vegans are so stupid they belive that human beings can choose not to conform to nature and evolution. that because they are westerners they are better than any other human living in third world countries who will die if they are expected to live on restricted diets.

makes me sick that people cant just take the stance that “we are fucking animals” the idea is to be as nice as possible about the death of other animals. its a nessesity that we eat meat, not a privalage.

aposable thumbs were an evolutionary privalegde, so use yourse and stick it up your fucking arse
on 24 Apr 2009 at 7:24 am grammanazi

“aposable thumbs were an evolutionary privalegde, so use yourse and stick it up your fucking arse”

Or do like Suicidal does and type with them..
on 24 Apr 2009 at 9:10 am Dolly's evil nemesis

Bob. Bob, Bob, Bob. Ah Bob. What it must be to have the light of true meanness in your life like that. Sure, Mummy taught you to be Careful With Money, but You have Gone Beyond, Bob, way Beyond, my friend, and I salute you. You GIT.
on 24 Apr 2009 at 1:35 pm Gonna get flamed

am i the only one that noticed

“we are fucking animals”
on 25 Apr 2009 at 1:54 pm Dubya's evil twin

I’d like to put my thanks on record for the sound advice from Bob. I have a large collection of CDs of various genres which I have built up over many years by spending money.

No more!

My hope is that by saving this frivolous expenditure, I’ll soon have enough money to buy a CD player.
on 25 Apr 2009 at 3:14 pm Mim

Vegans will often feed their cats on free range organic cat food to minimise its negative impact, as cats don’t manage on vegan diets regardless of what a scary fringe may attempt. Dogs can be vegan if you’re careful and can resist the sad eyes of a dog that really really misses nice food and if you really really must, but with cats it’s a question of choosing between forms of cruelty.

The vast majority of humans are completely fine as vegans, though, and any but-we-need-meat arguments are mainly designed to avoid responsibility for making an active decision to eat it. Fair enough, but don’t bludgeon me with your denial ta very much.

I shall now get off my tofu high horse before I turn into an awful hypocrite, and talk to my evilly-dietted cat who will not eat anything but Whiskas.

PS To pre-empt any risk of having to discuss the vegetarian/vegan divide, I do not approve of my own dairy consumption but I really like cheese.
on 26 Apr 2009 at 8:54 pm All of the cats. All of them.

You can try to “bring us up” any way you please, but it is only a matter of time before we develop opposable thumbs, and then it is WE who will rule you with an iron paw!
on 29 Apr 2009 at 1:53 pm everything causes cancer

This guy seems a bit like the Viz character “Major Misunderstanding”.

"If you love Nazis so much..
why don't you go live there?"

59 Responses to “Bob Jackson, Dementor”

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spEak You're bRanes

"If you love Nazis so much.. why don't you go live there?"

59 Responses to “Bob Jackson, Dementor”

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"If you love Nazis so much..
why don't you go live there?"