Armchair Generals and Outsiders and Racists23 Apr 2009 01:52 pm

Just Desserts

By Alex

Found this on the Telegraph website. Do you ever fantasise about power? Do you ever picture yourself as a God, life and death at your fingertips, as you pour boiling water on an anthill and then sprinkle a bounty of sugar for the lucky survivors? Do you imagine puny little beings cowering before your brutal justice, but not ants this time, not ants but human beings screaming with terrified awe? And then do you ever think that’s not nearly enough?

debunker
At the end of WW2 the A bomb was dropped on two japanese cities to avoid a land invasion that could have taken ww2 another 5 years or more and killed millions of soldiers in the process. It worked, and we never heard a peep out of the japanese ever again.

If ever there was a place in the world that deserved the same treatment it’s the middle east.

This got me thinking about what other regions of the world deserve what. I mean, who could argue that Latin America really deserved the strife, the death squads, the coups, the kidnappings and the union busting? On the other hand, Eastern Europe surely deserves a medal for the past sixty years. Should East Anglia get a bonus this quarter? What are we going to do about Belgium? And of course there’s – wait, just a second – HEY YOU! YES YOU! HORN OF AFRICA! Listen to me young lady, if you think you’re going out dressed like that. Jesus woman. Look at the state of you, your ass all hanging out. Put some clothes on it if you respect yourself! No I’m not joking. Look at my face, do I look like I’m joking? And you won’t get any pudding, Bavaria, unless you eat your vegetables.

35 Responses to “Just Desserts”

  1. on 23 Apr 2009 at 2:04 pm   dirigible

    Should East Anglia get a bonus this quarter?

    If that bonus is measured in megatonnes then yes.

  2. on 23 Apr 2009 at 2:04 pm   James

    I like that he doesn’t specify a country – just the middle east in general. What, some them are allies? Ah, screw it, bomb them all anyway, I can never tell the difference.

  3. on 23 Apr 2009 at 2:09 pm   Cross Chris

    Two Ss in deserts. It’s an old(e) form of deserve and nothing to do with pudding.

  4. on 23 Apr 2009 at 2:12 pm   Nelson

    facedesk

  5. on 23 Apr 2009 at 2:12 pm   Lord Monkton's Butler

    I think the BBC should start a ‘Have Your Genocide’ webpage where users nominate a location to be nuked. The location with the most recommendations then gets zapped.

  6. on 23 Apr 2009 at 2:17 pm   Melliflouous

    I’m glad somebody has finally raised this topic, I’ve been itching to get this off my chest but for my money, the Aussies, Kiwis, Bokkes can get some, the Brazilians, Argentians…….in fact most of South America…..Sri Lanka, West Indies, India, Pakistan……….they’ve been annoying me for ages. Bomb them all then hopefully we can start winning at sports we invented again soon………probably.

    Pesky blighters spoiling my Sky Sports viewing of a weekend, it’s got to stop!!

  7. on 23 Apr 2009 at 2:17 pm   Menendo

    @ James -

    The ‘Middle East’ is a small city-state-cum-fortified-bunker that lies between the immense banana-straightening factory called Europe and the vast but unremarkable Paki-Land continent, which stretches from anywhere east of Cyprus right across to Australia.

  8. on 23 Apr 2009 at 2:27 pm   G Doggity Doggy Dogg

    I’m going to suggest Wales. I just don’t like them. Some welsh people are ok but in general they’re an ugly, petty, bitter people. I’d rather nuke a million people than go to the effort of assessing which ones are worthy of life.

    I don’t see there being any problems for England in this strategy, whatever the, what’s the word, “fallout” may be.

  9. on 23 Apr 2009 at 2:28 pm   Grov

    It worked, and we never heard a peep out of the japanese ever again.

    Are you sure? The Japs are crazy voyeurs, whether you hear them peeping or not. At least if you hear them you can close the curtains or something. If we nuke the middle east it’s only a matter of time before we’re flooded with burqa fetishes and bizarre, incomprehensible animations.

    Alex, that Horn of Africa bit is magic.

  10. on 23 Apr 2009 at 3:15 pm   coffeebucks

    Jingoistic racists reading the Telegraph? You couldn’t make it up!

  11. on 23 Apr 2009 at 3:20 pm   The Idle Johnson

    What is it about Nasty Fuckas and their WW2 obsession? Don’t they realise it was like 200 years ago and we’re all Nazis now anyway. The Vietnam war was much cooler: it had protests and hippy music and shit and we weren’t involved! Get over the fucking War you miserable old cunts AND stop reading the Daily Fucking Telegraph!!!

  12. on 23 Apr 2009 at 3:21 pm   Dr Shade

    It worked, and we never heard a peep out of the japanese ever again

    Well, apart from them eclipsing our car and electronics industries with their superior, cheaper products and inventing bukkake porn obviously.

  13. on 23 Apr 2009 at 3:22 pm   Dr Feelgood

    Please let’s do Rolle, Switzerland. That should put a stop to their euthanasia clinics (plus their cuckoo clocks, Nazi gold, banks and chocolate – of which I have recently been informed). Pretty please.

  14. on 23 Apr 2009 at 3:34 pm   Alex

    Alex, that Horn of Africa bit is magic

    Joint effort I should point out. The stuff about hemlines was mostly Nelson’s input.

  15. on 23 Apr 2009 at 3:55 pm   Gez

    Mmmm I like the sound of those Middle Eastern desserts. That’s at least one reason not to nuke them into oblivion.

    That thread on the telegraph site has evolved into a monster. Check out Winston Smith and his bonkers views.

  16. on 23 Apr 2009 at 4:11 pm   Chubba

    USA used the atom bomb because they thought they were going to unintentionally lose the war.

    Every war they have fought in since has gone pretty much exactly to plan, including Vietnam and both Gulf wars, so there has never been a need to use nuclear weapons.

  17. on 23 Apr 2009 at 4:29 pm   Suicidal-Jihad-Lightning-Terrorist Man

    lol, in fairness the atom bomb did save alot of people, the japanise are a fanatical people. they only way to get them to give in was to make the emporer commit harry karri and save face for the whole country, or they would have fought to a man.

    anyway, back on topic…….bomb the fucking ruskies. and “mehicans” i dont like the accent

  18. on 23 Apr 2009 at 4:54 pm   Dr Feelgood

    If you can’t get your hands on some fissile material and a delivery system, try this instead: Carlos Labs

  19. on 23 Apr 2009 at 4:56 pm   Dr Feelgood

    Major apologies; wrong link:

    Carlos Labs

    Sorry, sorry.

  20. on 23 Apr 2009 at 9:14 pm   DisgustedOfTunbridgeWells

    Every war they have fought in since has gone pretty much exactly to plan, including Vietnam and both Gulf wars, so there has never been a need to use nuclear weapons.

    Depends what you mean by ‘war’ and ‘to plan’ doesn’t it.

    They haven’t been involved in any actual wars since ww2, there’s been a mixture of police actions (Vietnam, though the tonkin gulf resolution now appears to be based on a fiction) and terrorism (Nicaragua, most recent invasion of Iraq, possibly others.)

    Nicaragua didn’t really pan out for them, Ortega is back in charge and they were done by the world court for the unlawful use of force.

    Iraq has largely turned out the way the elite consensus expected/wanted it to, dead brown people, private contracts, lots of money and weapons ‘disappearing’.

  21. on 23 Apr 2009 at 10:22 pm   pigfrottage

    I like to combination of politics,Red Alert 2: Yuri’s revenge and Risk that has gone on here. I don’t understand them, so lets shut them all up, permanently. Has an elegant simplicty. Maybe debunker should be the next Bond villan.

  22. on 23 Apr 2009 at 10:39 pm   Dave

    Sweet shitting Christ- there’s a HYS Twitter blog.

  23. on 23 Apr 2009 at 10:47 pm   Hitler's penis

    Debunker? Dumbcunter more like!

    Ahahaha. Sorry, I’m just a cock.

  24. on 23 Apr 2009 at 11:26 pm   millie

    Sweet shitting Christ- there’s a HYS Twitter blog.

    I’ll see your sweet shitting Christ and raise it by a fuckin Nora – have you seen a href=”http://seesmic.com/bbchaveyoursay”>bbchaveyoursay on seesmic?

  25. on 23 Apr 2009 at 11:34 pm   millie

    I think it was a missing arrow pointing left wot dunnit. I’ll try again.

    Anyone posted here yet?

  26. on 23 Apr 2009 at 11:34 pm   millie

    That’s better.

  27. on 24 Apr 2009 at 12:14 am   Hitler's penis

    Shittering shittly shitty shite. It’s an twatting internet twatting nightmare of a twatfest of arswewanking cluelessness. If you see roughly what I mean.

  28. on 24 Apr 2009 at 8:29 am   Rogue_Leader

    Sweet shitting Christ- there’s a HYS Twitter blog.

    I am also delighted to discover that there’s a plan for an HYS video community

  29. on 24 Apr 2009 at 8:48 am   Dolly's evil nemesis

    I am also delighted to discover that there’s a plan for an HYS video community

    Hahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh.

    Seriously, just shoot me now. Really. Please. Thank you.

  30. on 24 Apr 2009 at 8:52 am   Dolly's evil nemesis

    oh G*d.

    Would you like the opportunity to share you video opinions on the BBC news website and on TV?

    The BBC Have Your Say team is looking for readers who would be interested in joining us to talk about the issues of the day.

    This will be your opportunity to contribute your video comments about the main stories that are debated on our forums.

    No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no please no.

    Oh and look, they even got the you/your thing – trying to make HYSers feel at home, presumably.

  31. on 24 Apr 2009 at 8:58 am   Dolly's evil nemesis

    Minor rewrite:

    Would you like the opportunity to share your moronic bigoted video opinions on the BBC news website and on TV?

    The BBC Have Your Say team is looking for paranoiac right-wingers with tinfoil hats who would be interested in joining us to spew their bile, bitterness and stupidity all over the interwebnet (version 2).

    This will be your opportunity to delight viewers with your strangely stained clothes and strangely stained soul and the strange stains on the lens of your webcam as you gruntingly upload your video comments about immigrants and Jade and that other woman who died, I forget her name but she was the Queen of All Our Hearts for a while.

    Yes. That’s better. I am just going off to slam my head in a door for two hours now. Fact.

  32. on 24 Apr 2009 at 10:01 am   The 6th Earl of Cheltenham

    They should get that Joy bird on video. She might just be a bit tasty. Mad women often are – particularly those of a “better” class.

  33. on 24 Apr 2009 at 10:32 am   Ellie

    Im quite excited by the idea of the video link….Most of them are stupid enough to post their full names and towns of residence, by knowing what they look like it will make it all the easier to find them and pelt them with rotten eggs

  34. on 24 Apr 2009 at 2:49 pm   Rotwatcher

    They should get that Joy bird on video. She might just be a bit tasty. Mad women often are – particularly those of a “better” class.

    You mean like Sarah Miles?

  35. on 28 Apr 2009 at 2:49 am   Les

    I’m against all jingoistic ranting and nuclear bomb threats . . . except when it comes to Belgium.