The Regular Twats23 Apr 2009 09:40 am
By Nelson

A couple from “Brothers or sisters – which are best?”. There’s only one way to find out… ask a bunch of rubbish twats.

Historically part of a woman’s social value was to have a good disposition which promoted happiness. Less so for men. It could be argued that it still seen as more damaging to portray one’s sister as a shrew and therefore failing in this social function than it is to portray one’s brother in equivilent fashion.

By apparently disregarding the social context within which their research is taking place (the above is just one example) the authors “results” are questionable.
Jojo, Portsmouth

Hi Jojo. This may seem a little random but after reading your comment I’ve decided to offer you the post of “Professor of Science ‘n’ Shit” here at SYB University. Your duties will involve sitting in a leather chair and writing sentences full of words like “consider”, “conversely” and “therefore”. You know, just like a real professor.

I was also pleased to find my favourite spite-filled banshee, Joy Pattinson, screeching her usual song of hate.

I have cut relations totally with my younger brother. Had he been older than me things would have been different as I believe older brothers tend to protect their sisters. I would have loved a sister. A younger brother tends to order you about as he has a problem being younger. So he makes this up by bossing you about in an effort to push you out of your position as the eldest. He always strives to be better. And in doing it just proves he is inferior. Boys have problems with older sisters.
Joy Pattinson, Switzerland

Yeah. You won that. Cut him off totally. I bet he’s gutted.

40 Responses to “Pissy Witch”

  1. on 23 Apr 2009 at 9:50 am Sarah

    I’m a bit shaken at the idea of Joy having family. I imagined her as a lone gorgon birthed from the dirt.

  2. on 23 Apr 2009 at 10:03 am Bit Special

    Bit Special is a Bit Worried now (hoho), as I too think my little brother is always being a twat trying to prove summat cos he’s got a chip on his shoulder about being the youngest. Also possibly about the fact that I refer to him as ‘The Usurper’ and ‘The Back Up Plan’. But I would never cut things off with him – there’s no-one else I can wind up as easily as him.

    But that’s all perfectly reasonable, whereas as Joy is a pure freak. That crone really had a Daddy complex, doesn’t she? I reckon she cut her brother off solely because he had the audacity to be born after her, thus not being some older male she can leach onto. I also think she’s being quite loose with the term ‘brother’ – Sarah has the right idea about Joy, only the truth is that she and this so-called ‘brother’ were crudely fashioned from the rotting body parts of Daily Mail readers, then reanimated in a top secret Swiss laboratory, deep underground.

    Trufax.

  3. on 23 Apr 2009 at 10:11 am HYSer

    My older sister had a problem with me too, it’s called jealousy.

    Over time I managed to beat it out of her though.

  4. on 23 Apr 2009 at 10:21 am Manly J. Panda

    Brothers or Sisters, which are better?

    Surely there’s only one way to find out…

    On another note, I didn’t watch Newswipe last night because the last one made me cry. Was last night’s one any less stomach-churningly sad/rage making?

    I have both a brother and a sister. I like them both and they get on well with each other, me and our parents. We all have long term relationships with nice people and all 3 of these get on well with the family and each other.

    Normal Person, didn’t post hatred on HYS, Pandashire, not China

  5. on 23 Apr 2009 at 10:51 am misanthrope

    All people are rubbish. Trufax.

  6. on 23 Apr 2009 at 10:55 am James

    Manly J. Panda – Charlie’s injured himself, so it was a ‘best of’ compilation for the series – the next proper episode’s next week.

    And egad, Joy’s possibly the least appropriately named person on the face of the planet, isn’t she?

  7. on 23 Apr 2009 at 10:57 am Joy Pattison's Little Brother

    Ding dong the witch is dead!!

    Which old witch ? The Wicked Witch!

    Ding dong the Wicked Witch is dead!!!!

    Aye fank yow!

  8. on 23 Apr 2009 at 10:59 am G Doggity Doggy Dogg

    I have three brothers. Two of them don’t get on very well but that’s a matter of personal dislike rather than relative age but I reckon, between us, we could journey to the mountains where Joy hides out, storm her Castle of Spite and vanquish the beast so it can no longer pollute the internet.

    So if one of her posts cuts out mid-sentence that’s probably what happened.

  9. on 23 Apr 2009 at 11:16 am Melliflouous

    This must have been mentioned before but I’m new rounds these parts so forgive me BUT, Mr and Mrs Pattinson Snr (whoever these souls are) must be cringing with the irony of having called such a bile ridden old harridan “Joy”

  10. on 23 Apr 2009 at 11:22 am Ceannair

    Is it me or is “storm her castle of spite” sounding vaguely like an innuendo of some kind ??!!

    Scary!

  11. on 23 Apr 2009 at 11:28 am Mike (age four and a half)

    Girls are smelly!

  12. on 23 Apr 2009 at 11:32 am TinyMind

    I have cut relations totally with my younger brother.

    I think what she really means is that – along with her younger brother (who goes by the name of Happy) – Joy has got her FUCKIN BIG CHOPPER out and slashed her mum and dad to death for giving her the most inappropriate name ever. After this deed, obviously a benefit to the rest of civic society, she then fell out with her younger brother over the division of the family estate and grassed him up to the police. As a result he won’t speak to her anymore.

  13. on 23 Apr 2009 at 11:44 am millie

    I have special relations with my younger brother.

  14. on 23 Apr 2009 at 11:45 am fail beetle

    @ James – I was just thinking the same thing. The woman’s parents must have had a real sense of irony.

    JoJo is liek soo clevar tho, she uses big words n stuff so the fact that she’s spouting drivel is irrelevant. Now that’s science!

  15. on 23 Apr 2009 at 11:46 am Dr Feelgood

    the irony of having called such a bile ridden old harridan “Joy”

    It’s actually the anglicised and shortened version of her given name, ‘Kraft durch Freude’.

  16. on 23 Apr 2009 at 12:10 pm G Doggity Doggy Dogg

    @Ceannair
    Yes, I was talking about her vagina…

  17. on 23 Apr 2009 at 12:11 pm dirigible

    I have special relations with my younger brother.

    You say that, but I bet on average he couldn’t pick you out on a map.

  18. on 23 Apr 2009 at 12:31 pm Rich (MMath)(Oxon)(Moderation Martyr)

    My comment on this thread was rejected by the moderators!

    Naked women are beautiful, men are obscene.

    [max_normal], Brighton, United Kingdom
    __________

    In a HYS about whether sisters ar brothers are better, I find this comment quite unsettling.

    And somehow max_normal’s wasn’t.

  19. on 23 Apr 2009 at 12:40 pm Grov

    I don’t think Joy ever had an actual sibling. I think what actually happened is that Joy was so very wrapped up in her own little world that she started talking to a tumor, imaging it to be a conjoined twin. When the tumor was removed she believed her dear brother had cut himself off. Obviously, the idea of rejection didn’t fit into her warped and twisted reality, so the the roles were reversed in her mind, her cutting off him.

    Which proves beyond any shadow of a doubt that Joy Pattinson is a cancerous growth.

  20. on 23 Apr 2009 at 12:40 pm Far-Q

    equivilent

    I find the use of polysyllabic words always looks better when the user can spell.

  21. on 23 Apr 2009 at 12:43 pm Mark

    I just love the idea that there’s any merit in a study of whether a brother or a sister is better. Next big debate – cheese or butter?

  22. on 23 Apr 2009 at 12:55 pm The Idle Johnson

    I’d love to have a night out with both JoJo and Joy.*

    Switzerland would be a handy location as I might require a Euthanasia clinic for afterwards.

    * We could start our own band: JoJo, Joy and Johnson.

  23. on 23 Apr 2009 at 1:24 pm funny peculiar

    Did Joy Pattison nick sweets from Nelson’s pram? Does she owe SYB money? What’s her special crime?

    I mean, yes, she’s a 5-star, heartless loon, but she’s clearly just a demented old biddy and this relentless attack on her is starting to feel a like a purposeful vendetta.

    Is Joy the only fuck-wit at HYS? Aren’t there more deserving targets of our endless scorn than a lonely, little old lady who never got over the death of her beloved dad (at only 56, *sniff*).

  24. on 23 Apr 2009 at 1:28 pm funny peculiar

    mind you, this…

    my favourite, spite-filled banshee.

    is inspired and today’s quote is possibly her best ever. So there are mitigating circumstances for having just a few more vicious well-aimed kicks at this fragile old Nazi, I suppose.

  25. on 23 Apr 2009 at 1:29 pm u⋅biq⋅ui⋅tous

    As Joy Pattinson’s brother, all I can say is that the cow deserved it. Mooo

  26. on 23 Apr 2009 at 1:41 pm Rod Wrongnob

    Nelson et al. (academic abbreviation there) don’t actually mention her that often. It’s usually the commenters who bring her up. And who wouldn’t?

  27. on 23 Apr 2009 at 1:47 pm cowardly shit-stirrer who wishes to remain anonymous

    Nelson et al don’t actually mention her that often. Wrongnob.

    my favourite, spite-filled banshee, screeching her usual song of hate. Nelson.

    Sorry, I couldn’t resist that.

  28. on 23 Apr 2009 at 1:48 pm Walton Twald

    Please tell me the HYSers know about this website. Is it sadistic that nothing would give me more pleasure than watching them read comments about posts that they consider to be intellectual, reasonable and interesting

  29. on 23 Apr 2009 at 3:18 pm Dr Shade

    @ funny peculiar

    Relax. It’s not like Joy’s a real person with real feelings or anything. She’s just a mad old bint with an Electra complex who believes she has a God-given right to inflict her repugnant brainspew on the interwubs.

    I feel sorry for her brother though…

    He always strives to be better. And in doing it just proves he is inferior.

    Which tells you that even if said sibling had the physique of Jason Statham, the looks of George Clooney, the intellectual capacity of Stephen Hawking and had just invented the cure for cancer and posted it free on the internet she’d still regard him as a repellent, jumped up little turd who stole her Daddy’s affection from her.

  30. on 23 Apr 2009 at 3:29 pm om nom nom

    Joy didn’t cut all ties with her brother, she ate him. What else are you supposed to do when someone smiles near you?

  31. on 23 Apr 2009 at 4:55 pm Suicidal-Jihad-Lightning-Terrorist Man

    “I find the use of polysyllabic words always looks better when the user can spell.”

    I find spelling nazis like you to be the worst scum of all. cant you stay on topic, wich is the systematic bashing of those members of society that reduce the average iq by 50 points. those that should have died in 1945. those that….oh hang on, your one of them arnt you?

  32. on 23 Apr 2009 at 5:11 pm Anasaurus

    Once again, what has 1945 got to do with anything? Especially spelling. Mmmmm, tasty tasty spelling.

  33. on 23 Apr 2009 at 5:13 pm Anasaurus

    Also, ‘arnt’ is incorrect. You meant ‘aren’t’. Even in 1945, this was common knowledge.

  34. on 23 Apr 2009 at 6:01 pm funny peculiar

    Also, ‘arnt’ is incorrect. You meant ‘aren’t’. Even in 1945, this was common knowledge.

    talking of grammar nazis, you remind me of the apocraphal, but highly insightful, little anecdote of Englishness in wartime…

    WWII, A posh lady on a train is reading a newspaper and turns to her husband and says in clipped, polished tones, “apparently 18 planes were shot down last night.”

    Concerned, a lesser member of the carriage cuts into their conversation, “ours?”

    “No,” she replies, at sub-zero temperature, “ours.”

  35. on 23 Apr 2009 at 7:05 pm Quentin the Slaughterer

    I’m sorry to complain about an otherwise excellent site, but this particular post just stinks of snobbery.
    Jojo *might* just be able to justify her comments, but doesn’t have the space to do so. And can’t you just assume Joy (probably) has decent reasons for cutting off her brother that she doesn’t go into? Come on… there’s got to be some more REAL idiots out there, calling for Jade Goody remembrance day and the like. This is just nitpicking.

  36. on 23 Apr 2009 at 10:31 pm pigfrottage

    Quentin,

    “Nostril soup” sounds horrid. Joy has earned the wrath of all fro every word she spews out onto HYS. She is not only ignorant and racist and vile, but proud of it.

    REAL idiots out there, calling for Jade Goody remembrance day and the like also deserve a slap, but Joy, Topsy and Jon Adair deserve repeated slapping with spiky things, or the repeated vitriol of SYB. P.S. Nelson, by his own admission, is very lazy and she is a very easy yet appropriate target since she posts on every thread, whether she has an opinion or not. She is a blue whale’s vadge and that is being nice to her…

    As you were.

  37. on 24 Apr 2009 at 5:59 pm Far-Q

    oh hang on, your one of them arnt you?

    Ve haff vays of making you use ze English grammar correctly

  38. on 24 Apr 2009 at 6:23 pm Quentin the Slaughterer

    @pigfrottage – fair do’s; thanks for the explanation.

    As I was.

  39. on 24 Apr 2009 at 9:47 pm pigfrottage

    Quentin,

    Yo’re welcome. It was a welcome break from a tedious job. Hey ho…

    If you have been, I wonder why…

  40. on 24 Apr 2009 at 9:48 pm pigfrottage

    You’re above. Sorry.