spEak You're bRanes

Permanently Bewildered27 Apr 2009 12:30 pm

By Nelson

Thanks to Naomi and Rob who both sent this in.

This chap really made me think. I mean, they’re always on about viruses n bosons n shit but has anyone ever actually seen one?

I do not believe that there is a pig flu. I distrust all government.
I do not believe that a pig virus mutated and affects humans.

This a scare tactic used by government and it’s agencies to instill fear and gain greater control over the population.

The media does it part in this propanganda by sensationlizing the story and adding to it. They will use images of ignorant people wearing surgical or other nose coverings.
Jared Garrick, New York City, United States

78 Responses to “Other Nose Coverings”

on 27 Apr 2009 at 12:39 pm fucko the clown

I didn’t give permission to use my photo Nelson
on 27 Apr 2009 at 12:45 pm babe, pig in the city

try telling me that, i’ve got a right temperature. On the plus side, so has farmer giles since he stuck his cock in me.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 12:52 pm Bit Special

I blame pigfrottage. Where is his God now, eh?
on 27 Apr 2009 at 12:53 pm pigfrottage

Harsh! What did I do?
on 27 Apr 2009 at 12:54 pm Bit Special

PS – Fucko, I always imagine you as Wavy Gravy:
http://www.mendelsonarchives.com/Photos/Wavy-Gravy.jpg
on 27 Apr 2009 at 12:56 pm Bit Special

Pigfrottage – you know. And you know we know. Swineflu passing to humans? Don’t try and wriggle your way out of this one!
on 27 Apr 2009 at 1:05 pm Rod Wrongnob

If Jared wants to demonstrate that he really believes this, he should go round New York City deliberately coughing in the faces of strangers and asking them to spit back in his mouth. If he does that, flu will be the least of his worries. And he will have won.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 1:09 pm pigfrottage

Let’s get this right. A type of swine flu kills a few dozen people in Mexico, so we all have to wear clown faces of here or we’re all DEAD!

It is then declared that this is my fault and I have scary images of clowns in my head now…

How strange. Not how I imagined my day would turn out…
on 27 Apr 2009 at 1:09 pm pigfrottage

“over”, not “of” above. I’m rubbish today…
on 27 Apr 2009 at 1:10 pm Goodness Gracious Me, Sahib. Punjab, Not India!!!

To prevent the mutation of viruses govts must release themselves from the death grip of industry.

This human swine flu virus has been reported to easily mutate between humans, birds & pigs. Probably due to 2 factors:

>Battery farming with pigs and birds in close proximity with humans for extended periods of time,
AND/OR
>Poor farmers literally living IN the excrement of pigs & birds. Remember SARS in 2003!

We need to slow down on profit-making & focus a little on future consequences!

[MaxMaxmilianMaximusI], Indian Caesar in, Singapore

Recommended by 99 people

This Hindu Loon has been barking his insane head off at HYS for months now. I think it’s time SYB proves it can handle difficult multi-cultural issues on a strictly case-by-TWAT basis.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 1:14 pm pigfrottage

Anyway, I was in Chichester at the time, so my alibi is intact. I never went to Mexico. I blame Joy Pattinson.

The best repsonse so far:

Added: Monday, 27 April, 2009, 11:39 GMT 12:39 UK

Well at least it gives the doctors something to do rather than constantly badgering us to drink less and lose weight. There’s a certain irony in the fact that the 1918 epidemic killed the young and ‘healthy’ and left the sick and the old alone. This is one thing a strict diet regimen and hours in the gym can’t protect against. I am encouraged by the levels of scepticism on this thread, though I hope it doesn’t turn out to be the result of the authorities crying ‘Wolf’ once too often.

Richard Edwards, Mega City Four, Benighted Kingdom

Recommended by 1 person

It wins for the absence of any point whatsoever, the “Benighted Kingdom” and the fact the only recommendation was his own.

P.S. I never touched a pig in Mexico.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 1:17 pm Daley Mayle

I’m rubbish today… – pigfrottage

Is your clown nose on too tight? It might be cutting off your blood supply a bit. Great HYS-esque interpretation of the pigflu situation, BTW.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 1:23 pm pigfrottage

Thanks Daley Mayle. I am very bored today. For an encore try this:

Added: Monday, 27 April, 2009, 11:39 GMT 12:39 UK

Did my comment about ” Natural Selection” deserve to be deleted??

Mike Moffat, Canvey Island

Recommended by 9 people

A close second to Richard Edwards, above. I would have to answer “probably”.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 1:25 pm pigfrottage

It’s Gordon Brown’s fault! Yay! I am cleared. Time for a biscuit.

Added: Monday, 27 April, 2009, 11:39 GMT 12:39 UK

Worried? No. I’m more worried about how Im going to pay my mortgage this month

But don’t be complacent, someone somewhere is burying bad news today.

Dont take your eye off Brown the Clown!!

Luca, West Sussex UK

Recommended by 9 people
on 27 Apr 2009 at 1:27 pm Philbert

To prevent the mutation of viruses govts must release themselves from the death grip of industry.

This human swine flu virus has been reported to easily mutate between humans, birds & pigs. Probably due to 2 factors:

>Battery farming with pigs and birds in close proximity with humans for extended periods of time,
AND/OR
>Poor farmers literally living IN the excrement of pigs & birds. Remember SARS in 2003!

We need to slow down on profit-making & focus a little on future consequences!

[MaxMaxmilianMaximusI], Indian Caesar in, Singapore

Recommended by 99 people

So, to paraphrase, the swine flu outbreak is the fault of:

1. Profiteering industrial farmers;
2. Impoverished shit-dwelling subsistence farmers.

Right. Just wanted to clear that up.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 1:31 pm Funny Peculiar

He’s right, did you notice that during the six months ‘respect’ for Jade Goody, while we were behaving like mature adults grieving for a lost saintess, that fuckhead Brown oh-so-quietly announced that we are in recession on page 11 of all the tabloids! The sly fuck.

Don’t take your eye off him! He’s like greased lightening! Look! There he goes! Behind that Hedge! Watch him now!
on 27 Apr 2009 at 2:05 pm Suicidal-Jihad-Lightning-Terrorist Man

some pigs have got flu?
on 27 Apr 2009 at 2:43 pm Schroduck

Come on, pity poor Jared. Clearly he once heard someone say “when pigs fly” as an impossible event – something he thought would never happen. Next thing, the news is yelling “pigs flew” and “pigs flew” that, and there’s just no certainty left in the world.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 3:19 pm Andrew

I think it’s safe to assume that Jared has a large number of guns in his house, so he can defend himself against the evil librul guvmint.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 3:21 pm Rich (MMath)(Oxon)

But don’t be complacent, someone somewhere is burying bad news today.

Dont take your eye off Brown the Clown!!

Wow. I heard that Gordon Brown staged and funded the BAFTA’s last night, just to divert our attention away from the 50p tax thing.

Come on guys, let’s go fuck him up.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 3:41 pm Mr Cat

I for one think that this is biological warfare, because it seems to have all too quickly traveled from Mexico City to New York and some places in Greenland. This could be because people traveling to Mexico have been infected, but it also just seemingly popped up from no where. I just hope that a vaccine will be quickly made and distributed, if it hasn’t been already.
Ethan Babin

There’s a ginger bloke on a round the world trip opening bottles in cities. Keep an eye out for him, before we all have to live underground.
The flu comes and it goes, season after season, year after year. Nobody dies from just the flu. Many people die from vaccines.
Mike B, Marion, AL
Flu ain’t never killed no-one.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 3:42 pm Mr Cat

why did my 2nd blockquote fail?
on 27 Apr 2009 at 3:42 pm Emma

The lunacy in the Swine Flu HYS has been astounding.

This is one of my “favourites” :-

A Kelly asked, quote: “Is this like the SARS or Bird Flu Pandemics which never arrived?”

Could be. More than likely they were just tests.
Could be this one is the result of those tests..

Six billion people at £10 per shot is a lotta cash to be made out of vaccinations.

Control by restricting travel and so on, which could only be maintained by military means, is a possibility.

Dare I mention deliberate population reduction?

Maybe I think too much.

I’m just contemplatin’ …

[intbel]

Recommended by 38 people
on 27 Apr 2009 at 3:46 pm swinedo

My fav comment so far is below (i have no idea how to do blockquote), clearly Paranoid?

“Most don’t know that this virus was bio-engineered in a US lab & was being planned to be released for months now. Its part of the bigger plan to depopulate the planet, and since Bird Flu didn’t do the trick, ‘they’ are now trying this. One should be extremely wary of taking vaccinations, as this is part of the strategy – they may well be ‘tainted’ with the virus itself! And did you notice the number of chemical trails all over London skies in the last few weeks? Well, what were ‘they’ spraying?”
James, Warm
on 27 Apr 2009 at 3:52 pm pigfrottage

Not America, but the UK Parliament, killing dozens of mexicans to get us a bit panicy and easier to control. Obviously. Come on people, WAKE UP!

Added: Monday, 27 April, 2009, 08:18 GMT 09:18 UK

Are they sure this flu originated in Mexico and not in the UK parliament?

Jelly Bean

Recommended by 7 people
on 27 Apr 2009 at 4:00 pm annie fratellini

Does this clown really have a low IQ? Or are you being ironicle?
on 27 Apr 2009 at 4:03 pm Petpete

This is all very scary. I haven’t heard such scare-mongering in the UK press since…oh, yeah…that’s right.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 4:13 pm wringhim

Am I the only person who connects this Jared in New York with another collapse-of-civilisation-obsessed Jared in the New Yorker, who’s currently being sued for libel by a bunch of New Guinean tribesmen? I smell a conspiracy!
on 27 Apr 2009 at 4:24 pm Dr Shade

And did you notice the number of chemical trails all over London skies in the last few weeks? Well, what were ‘they’ spraying?
James, Warm

Glad you asked James.

‘They’ were spraying spunk.

All over your Mum.

And she fucking loved it.

You sad, deluded polychaete worm’s bumhole.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 4:28 pm Dolly's evil nemesis

I for one think that this is biological warfare

I love that “I for one” sooooo much! I just LOVE it. I am going to try to say “I for one” instead of “I” every single fargling time I write it from now on. It’s … God, I can’t explain it … I am simply in love with this utterly shit, utterly trivial and yet quintessentially HYS expression. It’s just … too perfect.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 4:29 pm Sisemen Live Syllod

And I for one agree with you.

Oh stop it stop it stop me now it’s too much.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 4:29 pm Henry's Cat

One should be extremely wary of taking vaccinations, as this is part of the strategy – they may well be ‘tainted’ with the virus itself!

Um, isn’t that how vaccines work?
on 27 Apr 2009 at 4:31 pm Bernie

It just goes to show, you can’t be too careful.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 4:32 pm Dr Feelgood

One should be extremely wary of taking vaccinations, as this is part of the strategy – they may well be ‘tainted’ with the virus itself!

A statement of unsurpassable stupidity.

That bastard Edward Jenner has been deceiving us too long. Seize him!
on 27 Apr 2009 at 4:35 pm Dr Feelgood

Arse. Got beaten to it by Henry’s Cat.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 4:38 pm Dolly's evil nemesis

This is possibly the best SYB thread ever. It’s got everything. Even if I were to die in the next 10 minutes from UK Parliament Swine Fever (or indeed from a biotoxin-spraying aircraft crashing on us) I have to report that I would die happy having read this thread. Thank you Nelson for making my day with this absolute prime-grade smoky yet crispy nonsense.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 4:42 pm dirigible

I’ve just spotted a chair I designed in the background. I can sue for design infringement and that’ll slow this down a bit.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 4:43 pm Henry's Cat

My apologies Dr Feelgood. Yours was far more erudite

I shall now return to my previous plans to defeat Rum Baa Baa. Perhaps through biological warfare. Time for a scrapie outbreak methinks.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 4:56 pm Dolly's evil nemesis

I’ve just spotted a chair I designed in the background.

@dirigible: a boson’s chair, right?
on 27 Apr 2009 at 4:59 pm Rich(MMath)(Oxon)

Don’t mean to scare Monger, but has anyone thought about the countries affected ( With the exception of Mexico ) and found a link to reasons such as terrorism ? Could be just me.!!

Mick Mac, Leeds U.K

I think the only Monger you’re scaring is yourself.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 5:00 pm Ellie

I don’t know how to do blockquotes I’m afraid, but I found this one quite amazingly paraniod and incoherant. Its also by another James, so I wonder if it is the same person just cunningly disguising himself by changing the place he’s from each time.

Of course we should be worried about the spread of bird flu in the UK; don’t you think that it’s already here and that this information is being suppressed?

We should worry about anything that needs immediate, intelligent action from this government, especially if that action needs funding because being bankrupt, all they will do is talk about how serious it is until it’s too late and they are then forced to do something!

This is their way and a few deaths won’t make any difference.
James, Southminster
on 27 Apr 2009 at 5:07 pm Bernie

There’s a comment I saw (but sadly lost) which went along the lines of:

“This could reside in the AC of commercial passenger liners for decades. Why is no-one thinking of this?”

I sense a Snakes On A Plane sequel on the way…
on 27 Apr 2009 at 5:14 pm Simon

I for one think that this is biological warfare, because it seems to have all too quickly traveled from Mexico City to New York and some places in Greenland.
==================================

of course biological warfare. that way al qaeda can knock out the all the hubs of the war on terror. once new york and greenland are down, they’ll infect London and the maldives mark my words
on 27 Apr 2009 at 5:20 pm Mr Cat

scare Monger

Genius. It’s the next nonce sense
on 27 Apr 2009 at 5:21 pm Tonymac

I don’t mean to be offensive, but there are some really stupid opinions here – ‘The government created the virus’, ‘God created the virus’, ‘People who eat meat created the virus’, ‘The disease only targets people with STRONG immune systems’.

I mean do you people even think before spurting your opinion?

*Do you people even think?

Matthew, Dundee

In some ways, I feel amazingly sad for Matthew. Railing against the mighty scientific ignorance of HYS is a bit like trying to stop all nuclear fusion within the sun using a water pistol.

In another way, I’m hoping he continues to post increasingly exasperated messages, illustrating his increasingly fragile state of mind as he slowly realises that, yes, people really ARE that stupid.

Does anyone know if it’s still safe to bum pigs?
on 27 Apr 2009 at 5:34 pm Bit Special

Great. Just found out that everyone at work has flu, so I’m bound to be infected when I return tomorrow. What’s worse, I eat healthily, go to the gym and don’t read the Daily Mail so I will no doubt come down with Spicy Mexican Gordon Clown Zombie Pig Death-Flu the second I step through the door AND if that’s not bad enough, James of Southminster now informs me that the Government actually wants me to die. You couldn’t make it up, you really couldn’t.

Well, you couldn’t if you’re not abso-fucking-lutely pigflu mental, that is.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 5:39 pm TFH

Most don’t know that this virus was bio-engineered in a US lab & was being planned to be released for months now.

It’s part of the bigger plan to depopulate the planet, and since Bird Flu didn’t do the trick, ‘they’ are now trying this. One should be extremely wary of taking vaccinations, as this is part of the strategy – they may well be ‘tainted’ with the virus itself!

This man has land to sell in Montana, I think.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 5:39 pm TFH

Drat.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 6:40 pm Flash Ah haaaaa

“I’m not worried. If a vaccine that works is developed, I’ll get the shot. Otherwise, I can’t stop it so why worry? Humanity survived multiple bouts of the plague and the influenza epidemic in the early 1900s, so we’ll get through this too. If I die, c’est la guerre. Besides, if I worried about every catastrophic what-if scenario that the media drums up, I’d be a gibbering lunatic by now, sealed in an underground bunker somewhere.

Kirsten, Dallas, TX”

My Favourite bit is:

“If I die, c’est la guerre.” which roughly translates as “if I Die, it’s War”; so that’s Plague, Death, War; why do I get the feeling Kirsten’s anorexic?
on 27 Apr 2009 at 7:17 pm Vlad the inhaler

We really need to contact Matthew from Dundee and tell him about SYB. A safe haven where like minded people can go to escape the madness around them.

Nelson, if you ever stop running this site I WILL kill myself. I mean it.

Nelson. I think I love you.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 7:19 pm dirigible

Nelson, if you ever stop running this site I WILL kill myself. I mean it.

I don’t think you’ve thought this one through…
on 27 Apr 2009 at 8:00 pm YeGods

“Cough! Cough! Oink! Oink!”

Got me a seat on the 17.22 from Cannon Street tonight.
on 27 Apr 2009 at 9:00 pm sharon

I dunno, some of that lot made Jared sound almost sane…
on 27 Apr 2009 at 9:03 pm jimbobmcdraw

Sounds like he should write for MediaLens…
on 27 Apr 2009 at 9:55 pm Col John Matrix

“Does anyone know if it’s still safe to bum pigs?”

Only if you rubber up. Wear wellies.

Anyway, pigs spreading dirty filthy diseases, eh? Maybe those pesky Muslims were right after all. I better go chuck my bacon into the bin. (That’s not a euphimism, by the way).
on 27 Apr 2009 at 10:17 pm Bit Special

Nah, you’ve got it the wrong way round – more bacon = less sneezing deadly piggywigs. All yumyum, no plague. Just try not to grease up your protective clown mask too much.

Incidentally, I think bumming a pig is still okay so long as the pig doesn’t bum you. I mean ‘okay’ as in ‘not spreading swineflu’; it’s still otherwise morally reprehensible. Not as morally reprehensible as bumming a HYSer, mind (pigs are highly intelligent creatures, after all).
on 27 Apr 2009 at 10:51 pm GoSub

Fuck! I had a Burrito earlier…it looked sick. Does that mean I’m going to die?
on 27 Apr 2009 at 10:59 pm Black Lesbian In A WheelChair

Only if you bummed it first.
on 28 Apr 2009 at 6:03 am Clovis Sangrail

PLEASE don’t put up pics like that. I’m a coulrophobe and will have to visit this site carefully until the pic is far far down the screen
on 28 Apr 2009 at 8:07 am Bernie

Apparently, the Mexican government are trying to create a race of flu-resistant zombies:

I live in Mexico City and i have fear to live here, because i have flu i went to the hospital and i haven’t been treated well, gouvernement is hiding the drugs “tamiflu” as well as “relenza”. only administrate them to people that is already falling dead.

Arturo Sala, Mexico City
on 28 Apr 2009 at 8:17 am pc millie

I think bumming a pig is still okay so long as the pig doesn’t bum you. I mean ‘okay’ as in ‘not spreading swineflu’; it’s still otherwise morally reprehensible.

Personally I think interbreeding is fine as long as it’s consensual.
on 28 Apr 2009 at 8:19 am millie

(Clovis don’t click on my pc red name above.)
on 28 Apr 2009 at 9:12 am Clovis Sangrail

Millie, I won’t
on 28 Apr 2009 at 9:31 am pigfrottage

Hey! Leave my pigs alone. I only gently rub them…
on 28 Apr 2009 at 9:37 am Bit Special

That defence didn’t work last time you were in court, though, did it?
on 28 Apr 2009 at 10:35 am pigfrottage

My lawyer let me down. I was framed!
on 28 Apr 2009 at 11:40 am Steve

> Did my comment about ” Natural
> Selection” deserve to be deleted??

> Mike Moffat, Canvey Island
> Recommended by 9 people

You know how it is Mike, survival of the fittest comments ‘n’ all that.
on 28 Apr 2009 at 11:42 am Steve

I’ll be the furniture restorer guy with the smelly clothes (See wanking a sad pig thread) is bricking it now.
on 28 Apr 2009 at 1:17 pm pigfrottage

I am not bricking it. I have never been to Mexico, and have not been to Falkirk ofr 12 years.
on 28 Apr 2009 at 10:11 pm Moe

Given the apparent seriousness of the situation and framed with all we know about pandemics.

Why has air travel not been restricted?

Are our leaders desperate to ensure that as many parts of the World are infected as possible?

If this is a pandemic, then the failure of our leaders to prevent its spread via air travel is criminal negligence at best, mass murder is the only other option to conclude.

Wake up sheeple, wake up now!

Andy, Aberdeen

Yeah! If you catch flu from now on it’s your government’s fault for not stopping the world. Wake up sheeple!!!11!

Planes are especially risky places for catching germs and viruses and maybe it would be a good idea for all airline passengers to wear face masks and use anti bacterial gel when boarding and embarking from planes? These precautions might well be adopted until we have more detailed knowledge of how serious this latest Mexican swine flu really is. Obviously the face masks would have to be temporarily removed whilst eating and drinking but it is surely better to minimise risk as far as possible?
Alfred Penderel Bright, Harrogate

Rather more conservative, but spectacularly missing the point of the air travel problem.
on 29 Apr 2009 at 1:13 am Black Lesbian In A WheelChair

Why don’t people just stay in their own homes, never leave their tiny village and breed with their own family? It’s stood Norfolk in good stead for the last thousand years or so.
on 29 Apr 2009 at 1:22 am Bit Special

Why do I suspect that the very same people who think our Government WANT us all to die of *piggy sniffles* by not banning all flights in and out of the UK would be the first to rant about political correctness gone mad, 1984 & Animal Farm-style regimes, the nanny state and all that crap if all flights/holidays WERE actually banned?

When will psychologists recognise HYSing as a significant mental illness? Surely a more terrifying prospective pandemic than a nasty cold…
on 29 Apr 2009 at 4:17 am rory

Why did 40 govt microbiologists die strangely between 2001-5? All worked on projects related to bio-terrorism, flu pandemics, anthrax. Why were 1918 Flu victims’ exhumed, and the virus genetically modified? Why has FEMA got 500,000 plastic coffins stored outside Atlanta?
The illuminati elites are out to cull the population, via general mayhem and misery from which only a World Government can save us. We’ll be so worn down by death and depression we’ll offer little resistance to the new order.
Pete Reid, Sittingbourne, United Kingdom

genius. fucking genius.
on 29 Apr 2009 at 4:31 am Mim

Trouble with recognising HYSage as a mental illness would be that some poor bastard would then have to treat them. And that just isn’t kind. It’d be a bit like the way I always picture Purgatory, with rows of comfy chairs where some seriously unlucky angels sit with their heads tilted slightly to one side and try to persuade their clients that those things they did really were awfully bad and wrong and they’ll have to appreciate that before they can go to Heaven to be with baby Jesus. Except that as far as I’m aware, angels don’t have the sort of limited patience that would lead HYS Alleviation therapists to have the sort of turnover rate usually associated with, um, something amusing with a really high turnover rate.

Anyway, HYS would just end up full of posts whining about how junkie immigrants get seen straight away while the indigenous WHITE bigot has to wait for two years.
on 29 Apr 2009 at 7:55 am millie

I’d call HYS a memetic malignancy. Brushing my teeth the other day I looked in the mirror and saw a strange creature staring back at me, I’d never seen my complexion that colour before. The first thought that popped uninvited into my brain was an HYS comment about the Govt. spraying chemicals over the land. Of course I quickly woke up to the fact that it was a self-administered chemical called ethanol which was the culprit, but that’s how it starts…
on 29 Apr 2009 at 11:47 am Charles Exford, Oxton

I tried ringing the swine flu hotline today, but I just got a lot of crackling.
on 29 Apr 2009 at 2:22 pm Dolly's evil nemesis

ZK, Singapore says:

This hasn’t affect me by anyway but I’m putting additional efforts towards my personal hygiene.

I am deeply troubled by this. Can I sue?
on 29 Apr 2009 at 4:34 pm Dr Shade

Just a thought – but I bet ever since the World Health Organisation stated that the quickest way to catch deadly swine flu is through contact with an infected pig Jack Tweed’s been shitting himself…

"If you love Commies so much..
why don't you go live there?"

78 Responses to “Other Nose Coverings”

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spEak You're bRanes

"If you love Commies so much.. why don't you go live there?"

78 Responses to “Other Nose Coverings”

About

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Contributors

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"If you love Commies so much..
why don't you go live there?"