Permanently Bewildered27 Apr 2009 09:01 am

Rug Abuse

By Nelson

Thanks to Catherine. A rare inclusion from the all-too-easy Daily Mail site. I think it’s about last week’s exciting science result which proved that, the more girls there are in a class, the worse the boys do at English.

did the research look into who was teaching?

its well known that female teachers give better treatment to girls….

on the other hand …having alcass full of KEVINS…

and with such wondefful additions to language such as “MEH” aka the SIMPSONS is it any wonder…

finally if girls are better at english…how come they dont have a grasp of the part that includes
NO…to teenage pregnancies, alcohol and rug abuse etc.
john, leicester

I’m guessing John went to an all-girls school.

40 Responses to “Rug Abuse”

  1. on 27 Apr 2009 at 9:06 am   Ellie

    Im not sure how it would help to say NO to teenage pregnancies…also correct me if Im wrong (i never had a good grasp on biology) but dont you need boys to make babies too?

  2. on 27 Apr 2009 at 9:17 am   Andrew

    I can see John walking down the street with teenage girls mocking his obvious hairpiece.

  3. on 27 Apr 2009 at 9:28 am   James

    The word ‘Meh’ is, undoubtedly, fantastic and absolutely the cause of societal breakdown, but it’s not as great an addition to the English language as ‘Wondefful’.

    If only they’d looked at a class (or ‘alcass’) full of Johns instead of Kevins.

  4. on 27 Apr 2009 at 9:34 am   Nelson

    dont you need boys to make babies too?

    I heard something along these lines too. From science.

  5. on 27 Apr 2009 at 9:35 am   umlaut

    At which point is a HYS beyond parody?

    I think this one is perilously close.

  6. on 27 Apr 2009 at 9:35 am   Alex

    Clearly our friend John was in a class with many, many girls in it, with English like that.

  7. on 27 Apr 2009 at 9:39 am   Rich(MMath)(Oxon)

    “MEH” aka the SIMPSONS

    Back in my day, “aka” was an acronym for “also known as”. Fuck knows what the kids are using it for these days.

  8. on 27 Apr 2009 at 9:42 am   Felna

    So the word ‘Meh’ is also known as ‘The Simpsons’

    Does this mean that whenever anyone was using that word they were in fact making a post-modern reference to a cartoon family?

    I’m guessing that his female English teacher quickly realised he was a possums flange of the first order and started focussing on those who were actually capable of learning in his class.

  9. on 27 Apr 2009 at 9:47 am   pigfrottage

    A bit like shooting fish in a barrel. Only half of the words in his post are spelt correctly.

    And it’s raining. Meh! (or “the Simpsons!” for the uninitiated)

  10. on 27 Apr 2009 at 10:11 am   RJ

    Rug abuse? As in, not wiping one’s feet? Kids these days are out of control.

    Alternatively he may be concerned by the rise in lesbianism.

  11. on 27 Apr 2009 at 10:11 am   dirigible

    “it’s raining. Meh! ”

    Hallelujah!

  12. on 27 Apr 2009 at 10:21 am   millie

    Methinks John would secretly like to be a girl.

  13. on 27 Apr 2009 at 10:26 am   Dai

    Rug abuse = munching?

    I concur with Nelson’s “girls school” diagnosis.

    Though when “Meh” became a synonym for the Simpsons I am not sure. Though I agree it is not as funny as it used to be.

  14. on 27 Apr 2009 at 10:26 am   AndyS

    he probably is on sundays, when his mum has gone to church

  15. on 27 Apr 2009 at 10:28 am   Col John Matrix

    ““it’s raining. Meh! ”

    Hallelujah!”

    Genius. I do love a nice play on words.

  16. on 27 Apr 2009 at 10:35 am   Bit Special

    Loving this post – John is a classic loser – but we need one about the HYS ‘Are you worried about swine flu?’ thread. I’m particularly fond of this gem:

    Oh great something else to panic about, now we will have panic in the supermarkets, anyway I take offence to the term for this illness ie swine flu as this is offensive to Muslims.

    Malsi Etahi

    Wow, what a lovely forrin-sounding name. No-one at all will notice that you’ve just written ‘I hate Islam’ back-to-front. It’s just such a shame it’s so subtle, because no-one’s going to notice what a comic genius you are (especially with you also doing that devilishly original comment about swine flu)…

  17. on 27 Apr 2009 at 10:37 am   Rich(MMath)(Oxon)

    its well known that female teachers give better treatment to girls….

    It’s also well established that teenage boys get no work done because they’re fantasising about boning their female teachers.

    It’s true. I read it in a Busted song.

  18. on 27 Apr 2009 at 10:56 am   Ceannair

    I’m assuming John was reaching for “D’oh” there as his Simpsons-influenced word.

    Either that or he’s a vampire bat’s rug.

    I’m never sure.

  19. on 27 Apr 2009 at 11:06 am   pc millie

    It’s also well established that teenage boys get no work done because they’re fantasising about boning their female teachers.

    Or female teachers fantasising about teenage boys? Or teenage girls fantasising about male teachers? Or male teachers etc etc

  20. on 27 Apr 2009 at 11:16 am   Bernie

    My favourite Swine flu comment from the Daily Mail website:

    “Oh for goodness sake. First a global economic crisis, now a pandemic argh

    - Geraldine, London, 27/4/2009 2:51″

  21. on 27 Apr 2009 at 11:17 am   pigfrottage

    on 27 Apr 2009 at 10:28 am Col John Matrix

    ““it’s raining. Meh! ”

    Hallelujah!”

    Genius. I do love a nice play on words.

    Seconded. I found that people got no work done at school because they were idle. Some could get away with it.Never mind.

  22. on 27 Apr 2009 at 11:22 am   Rich(MMath)(Oxon)

    Oh for goodness sake. First a global economic crisis, now a pandemic argh

    I love that “argh” at the end. It’s like the swine flu has just started dragging her away.

  23. on 27 Apr 2009 at 11:32 am   Mr Cat

    The swine flu thread is one of the most entertaining things on HYS I’ve seen for awhile. Am hoping that something will appear on here soon enough so people can start posting funny stuff instead of debating star trek or whatever.

  24. on 27 Apr 2009 at 11:34 am   pigfrottage

    Mr Cat,

    Chill out. no one has mentioned Star Trek for ages. However, since you brought it up…

  25. on 27 Apr 2009 at 11:43 am   The 6th Earl of Cheltenham

    I always found that rug abuse gave me carpet burns. Hey ho!

  26. on 27 Apr 2009 at 11:48 am   Rod Wrongnob

    on the other hand …having alcass full of KEVINS…

    ALCASS is presumably Al Cass, the jazz musician and inventor (sez wikipedia). Kevins must be missing an apostrophe, so what John is saying here is that he wants to see the rotted corpse of a long-deceased trumpeter being filled with the unspecified Kevin’s unspoken thing. At least there’s no risk of teenage pregnancy there.

    And what is it with people who use ellipses instead of full stops? Why the extra effort in otherwise slapdash drivelling? Is there a special button that does it, or did John’s female teachers tell him that’s the correct way to punctuate just because they despised him?

  27. on 27 Apr 2009 at 11:51 am   prostak

    If we’re going to be pedants, ‘aka’ isn’t an acronym – it’s just initials.

    I’ll let you all get back to the rugs.

  28. on 27 Apr 2009 at 12:27 pm   Rod Wrongnob

    ALCASS

    A touch of premature capitalisation there. This has never happened to me before, honest.

  29. on 27 Apr 2009 at 12:40 pm   Egbs Smelly Sox

    _a pandemic argh_

    HYS in a nutshell.

  30. on 27 Apr 2009 at 12:42 pm   millie

    Speaking of premature capitalisation…

    (Not really, just showing you how ellipses and full stops are very different things.)

  31. on 27 Apr 2009 at 1:33 pm   one trick cyclist

    swine flu, oh bollocks, snot is it? wtf are we going to drink with our gammon steaks now?

  32. on 27 Apr 2009 at 1:35 pm   Rotwatcher

    If we’re going to be pedants, ‘aka’ isn’t an acronym – it’s just initials.

    It is an acronym if you pronounce it “acker”.

  33. on 27 Apr 2009 at 2:13 pm   Suicidal-Jihad-Lightning-Terrorist Man

    i have a flying carpet, i dont abuse it though.

  34. on 27 Apr 2009 at 2:27 pm   Nelson

    Clearly our friend John was in a class with many, many girls in it, with English like that.

    Wish I’d thought of that.

  35. on 27 Apr 2009 at 4:22 pm   Dolly's evil nemesis

    This is all very troubling. HYS is getting funnier and funnier and more and more unlikely. Just look at this and some other recent classics. Is it, in fact, ALL written by holidaying SYB readers nowadays? Or are there still some genuine, confused, ranting dickheads like John the Leicester Rug Specialist still contributing their very special brand of, er, rubbish? I think we should be told. Or not. Or I don’t really care. Or I do, but it’s a double bluff. Or not. Or it is.

  36. on 27 Apr 2009 at 5:42 pm   Egbs Smelly Sox

    -ALCASS is presumably Al Cass, the jazz musician and inventor (sez wikipedia)-

    I thought Al Cass was the fat woman from Al Mamas Wa Al Papas, the Dubai tribute band singing the songs of the classic 60s close harmony hippie singers The Mamas and The Papas.

  37. on 27 Apr 2009 at 6:36 pm   Funny Peculiar

    Never mind this epidemic of KEVINS. What’s happened to KELVIN? Has he become an elephant in the room?

    I miss his fiendishly clever, tragic attempts to be a disparaging Evil Genius. :-(

    I wish this post were in Comic Sans Font, for his sake. And this smiley goes out to him, :-) , because I know how much he loved smileys and comic sans font. Hugs, Big Kelv.

  38. on 27 Apr 2009 at 9:31 pm   Sweet Jesus

    Oh but this man is a moron: one of the first uses of ‘Meh’ is in that most delightful exchange

    Bart: Nothing you say can hurt us. We’re the MTV generation.
    Lisa: We feel neither highs nor lows.
    Homer: Really? What’s it like?
    Lisa: Meh.

    I fucking hate people who don’t get anything about anthing that’s in the world. And then they start their praying: I’ve already said it, pretty fucking clearly, in the FUCKING Gospel. If you happen to be a rich bastard, and by that I mean preeeety much everyone with a computer, you can FUCK RIGHT OFF.

    If I’m right. And I am ‘cos I’m the Son of Man.

  39. on 30 Apr 2009 at 12:12 am   beezy

    used ctrl + f to discover noone has yet used the word cunt

    john you’re a cunt

  40. on 01 May 2009 at 5:35 am   JimmyD

    I thought season three of Meh was best. Mind you, I’ve been too busy abusing rugs to keep up with it really, so I could be wrong.