Permanently Bewildered28 Apr 2009 02:35 pm

Marcus Marcuse Can’t Even Do Stupidity Right

By Alex

Now this was fascinating. You’d think a question like “Should people we like be allowed to do anything they want to people we don’t like?” would just end up funnelling angry cretins down the “terror suspect ≡ terrorist” tunnel, and you’d largely be right. But look at this, the most recommended comment has taken a wrong turn and come out the liberal end:

CIA agents who used harsh interrogation techniques on terrorism suspects such as sleep deprivation…

BBC

*****

Terrorism suspects use nice techniques such as beheading & blowing up markets.

Obama has got his priorities right.

marcus marcuse

I know it’s canny to cover your arse in ongoing legal cases, but I reckon if they’re actually blowing stuff up you can get away with calling them “terrorists” without hearing from their lawyers. You should have more confidence in your unsubstantiated prejudices. Take a tip from Paul, who went on holiday and learned from his experience:

First of all, this is purely a political move by the socialist Obama Presidency to attack the conservative former President Bush. There is no moral high ground here, purely politics.

Secondly, are these practices truly torture? You Brits should know; I’ve seen the implements in the Tower. Torture involves permenent bodily damage and is used for intimidation. All of these practices were psychological in nature and successfully extracted needed information that could not be obtained otherwise.

Paul Blase, Alexandria, Virginia, USA

I’ve not been actually. Is it good? I’ve heard the Beefeaters have to stand really still whatever you do to them, and if they even blink, all the ravens will fly away, the Queen will get hit by a red double-decker bus and London Bridge will fall down.

29 Responses to “Marcus Marcuse Can’t Even Do Stupidity Right”

  1. on 28 Apr 2009 at 2:46 pm   unfunnyyoungalex

    Can we have Nelson back please? Or even Kelvin.

    Thanks.

  2. on 28 Apr 2009 at 3:06 pm   Nostradamus VIII

    To be fair to Marcus, I once saw someone behead a market and then blow it up and I have to admit, I did think at the time it was pretty suspicious behaviour.

  3. on 28 Apr 2009 at 3:08 pm   NOMARKSONME

    I remember when the Kosovan Polish Security Agency stood me in a bucket of water and electrocuted me, then they suffocated me until I was unconcious, and repeated this for seven years, while making me listen to white noise in a pitch black cell. I tried to take them to the Hague for violating my Human Rights, but they reminded me that because they didn’t use torture devices out of the horrible history books that I read to my kids, and thus where I get all of my historical knowledge from, that they could not be prosecuted.

  4. on 28 Apr 2009 at 3:08 pm   pulp quango

    planned attacks successfully foiled as a result of torturing some schmo …..errr lots until the real questioning starts, when it’s apparently none.

    Well done considerable tax dollar spend + state operatives behaving as much like terrorists as the terrorists do….. Folks having their nipples chewed off by terrapins are likely to say whatever it takes to make the terrapins go away.

  5. on 28 Apr 2009 at 3:31 pm   Joe C

    Perhaps Marcus is right, and the Stasi and KGB were just a nice bunch of men trying to defend the farmers and workers from evil imperialists?

  6. on 28 Apr 2009 at 3:35 pm   Dolly's evil nemesis

    I for one am completely in agreement. With everything.

  7. on 28 Apr 2009 at 3:36 pm   Mal

    Seems like intellectual levels in the Marcuse family have tragically deteriorated since Herbert’s day.

  8. on 28 Apr 2009 at 3:41 pm   Felna

    I have come to the conclusion that Paul Blase thinks that the Tower is not a historical museum, but a display of ‘us Brits’ current security techniques…

  9. on 28 Apr 2009 at 3:55 pm   dirigible

    All of these practices were psychological in nature

    I can see why Paul wouldn’t appreciate the power of the mind to shape experience.

    Or the concepts “muscle failure” or “involuntary reflex”.

    and successfully extracted needed information that could not be obtained otherwise

    It’s just a shame that none of it was true or useful.

    Apart from that, great result.

  10. on 28 Apr 2009 at 4:11 pm   Dr Shade

    All of these practices were psychological in nature

    The problem here is that Paul grew up in a country which subjected him to programming like “The Price is Right”, “Celebrity Squares”, “Sex and the City”, “Friends”, “Joey”, “Fox News” and that awful American version of “Red Dwarf” so his definition and understanding of psychological torture is obviously a bit skewed. He probably spent the entirety of his visit to the Tower wondering where all the rides and 6 foot tall anthropomorhic cartoon animals were.

  11. on 28 Apr 2009 at 4:28 pm   Jenny

    Just because we’re British, it doesn’t mean we were born in 1512!

  12. on 28 Apr 2009 at 5:05 pm   Incontinentia

    I’ve been to Madame Tussauds’ House of Horrors. Some of the guys in there murdered literally dozens of actual people in the most horrific ways imaginable. Yet I do a bit of burglary, bugger a few horses and duff up a couple of Welshmen and suddenly they say I’m a criminal. Where’s the consistency?

  13. on 28 Apr 2009 at 5:18 pm   The Idle Johnson

    I love right wing Yanks. Obama throws a few trillion dollars at the financial crisis and he’s a “Socialist”!! Probably because our Gordo advised him. Just wait until he follows the rest of NiLiarBoreSanuNazi’s policies and the US becomes a truly Marxist state like us.

  14. on 28 Apr 2009 at 5:30 pm   Melliflouous

    If a bit of low level psychological torture is all that’s required to get reliable information from baddies then I suggest beaming Saturday night TV from the UK will do the trick in double quick time.

  15. on 28 Apr 2009 at 5:49 pm   burnel

    I’d suggest Italian TV from any time or day would be more effective.

  16. on 28 Apr 2009 at 5:55 pm   Funny Peculiar

    And that Guy Fawkes guy! He was a Brit AND a terrorist. Did we water-board him? Did we fuck. I saw him strolling in Harrods last week, burnt to a cinder. Brits are terrorists and torturers. God, we’re a disgrace.

    We should just open the Thames Barrier and sink ourselves like The Mary Rose or burn Britain down like Jack The Ripper did in Pudding Lane when Sherlock Holmes killed Charles the Second for burning the cakes cos he’d got an arrow in his eye off one of Robin Hood’s eight wives.

    It’s a good job Timothy McVeigh didn’t plant that bomb and that Obama approves of water-boarding, otherwise America might be fucked just like us.

  17. on 28 Apr 2009 at 6:03 pm   lauren

    paul blase probably thinks waterboarding is a sport.

  18. on 28 Apr 2009 at 6:13 pm   Ros

    To paraphrase Charlie Brooker – “Paul Blase leans further to the right than a man whose just had his right leg blown off!”

  19. on 28 Apr 2009 at 6:16 pm   Funny Peculiar

    unfunnyyoungalex

    Can we have Nelson back please? Or even Kelvin.

    Thanks.

    Can we waterboard this rude and churlish nob to find out if he’s concealing a sense of humour? If we find he’s been secretly keeping one in reserve without declaring it, can we shatter his funny bone with a tent-peg mallet? Just for laughs, you understand.

    I think Obama prioritised tent-peg mallets as an approved CIA tactic, didn’t he? I would.

  20. on 28 Apr 2009 at 6:41 pm   Dr Shade

    If your country had just sustained a devatating terrorist attack and was under the threat of more attacks what would you do? Oh that’s right, you would call the U.S. as usual.

    Rich P, Milwaukee

    Well, if I remember correctly when we over here in In-Ger-Land were sustaining several devastating terrorist attacks a year from those cheeky IRA types it was you Yanks that were giving them the money to buy the bombs and bullets you sanctimonious, ill-informed sack of bonobo-shit.

    Honestly, a bunch of rowdy Muslimians on a stag do just happen to accidentally crash a few airliners into a couple of buildings and you buggers think you invented the phrase “victims of terrorism”.

  21. on 28 Apr 2009 at 8:27 pm   JackP

    Torture involves permenent bodily damage

    Bollocks does it. I did an Economics GCSE, and, to quote Scott Adams:

    I learned two things from economics. 1 – something about supply and demand 2 – boredom can’t kill you but you might wish it could

    Although to be honest, economics GCSE probably wasn’t as bad as waterboarding. But either way, they got no useful information out of me for two years…

  22. on 28 Apr 2009 at 9:35 pm   Alex

    I love right wing Yanks. Obama throws a few trillion dollars at the financial crisis and he’s a “Socialist”!!

    I love the ones that assume that “us Brits”, by which they mean “the BBC (who is asking them the question” will have gone to all the same tourist attractions and so drawn all the same conclusions from them as they did on human rights issues.

    Can we have Nelson back please? Or even Kelvin.

    Nelson did both the posts yesterday. Whiny cunt.

  23. on 28 Apr 2009 at 10:41 pm   Daley Mayle

    If they didn’t want to be arbitrarily tortured then they shouldn’t have been born non-white. They bring it on themselves, they really do.

  24. on 28 Apr 2009 at 10:46 pm   Hitler's penis

    marcus marcuse: cunt

    Paul Blase: cunt

    There we go, sorted.

  25. on 29 Apr 2009 at 11:35 am   Steve

    Saint Nelson never gave in to torture.
    Those garlic munchers shot off his arm and poked out his eye with a blunt stick and he hardly even broke stoke on the job with that Hamilton bird.

    That’s what England expects.

  26. on 29 Apr 2009 at 12:51 pm   Throbbe

    If England expects me to have a go on Christine Hamilton while being disfigured by forrins I’m packing my bags tonight.

  27. on 29 Apr 2009 at 3:33 pm   pigfrottage

    I believe her name was legally changed to “Mrs British Battleaxe”.

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/4583953/Christine-Hamilton-changes-name-to-Mrs-British-Battleaxe.html

    I’m in the queue out of here behind Throbbe if that’s what England expects

  28. on 30 Apr 2009 at 12:40 am   Connor MacLeod

    I WAS born in 1512. Whenever I look at Dick Cheney I really miss Cardinal Wolsey.

    BTW, “needed information” doesn’t have to mean “facts”. Extracting *accurate* information has never been the purpose of torture. By “needed information”, Paul Blase means “admissions that Saddam was behind 9/11″. Which shows just how reliable torture is.

    Though the US right does have another card up its sleeve to prove the effectiveness of torture. Their killer example of an attack thwarted by information gained through torture is the Library Tower plot, broken up in February 2002 as a direct result of waterboarding Khalid Sheikh Mohammed. So suck on that, libruls! This is especially clever when one considers that Khalid Sheikh Mohammed was captured in March 2003…

  29. on 30 Apr 2009 at 9:53 am   pigfrottage

    Torture has never been a reliable method of getting information, and is ultimately self defeating as a means of control. One wonders that it is practiced at all.

    Jean-Luc Picard, Chain of Command Pt II.

    Therefore the Presindent of the US needs to watch more Star Trek or we’re all screwed…