Permanently Bewildered29 Apr 2009 11:59 am

Saharan Rain Forests

By Wellington

I think this one is a very, very old one my brother wrote. I forgot to publish it. Oops
– Nelson

Instead of wasting taxpayers money on failed projects that will achieve nothing why not create a forestation program for the Sahara desert. It is a useless piece of territory, hardly inhabited and is increasing southwards at a rapid rate. This would provide a means of maintaining forest area and soak up carbon emmissions. It would also provide a livelihood for many who currently live in the region.
Paul, Sapcote, England

You’ve obviously not thought this one through Paul. Where the hell would all the camels live? Up a tree? Fool.

45 Responses to “Saharan Rain Forests”

  1. on 29 Apr 2009 at 12:05 pm   Gonna get flamed

    wow, great idea. next we should put a windmill on the moon

  2. on 29 Apr 2009 at 12:07 pm   Billyo

    I’ve a much better idea. We could move the polar ice-caps there. Away from that pesky hole in the ozone layer.

  3. on 29 Apr 2009 at 12:09 pm   Col John Matrix

    So the Sahara is an area that is ‘hardly inhabited’, but the area needs jobs for the ‘many who currently live in the region’.

    Right. Got ya.

  4. on 29 Apr 2009 at 12:14 pm   harry portsmouth - HYS 'expert' on everything

    Idiot. 98% of carbon emission are from natural sources, more trees will mean more carbon emissions.

  5. on 29 Apr 2009 at 12:31 pm   Moe

    I’ve got a better idea. Instead of burning the Amazon and reforesting the Sahara, why don’t we rename the Amazon the Sahara and vice versa? The Saharans could get jobs planting trees in Brazil, and Brazilian loggers can burn the Sudanese desert instead. Everyone’s happy.

  6. on 29 Apr 2009 at 12:31 pm   Timmo

    Surely the point of building something in the desert (Dubai for example) is we can fill it full of shit we don’t want? If it’s chocka with trees, where the fuck are all the cockendian oily-fingered chauvinistic expats gonna go?

  7. on 29 Apr 2009 at 12:31 pm   fucko the clown

    paul is indeed a lady camel’s front pocket.

  8. on 29 Apr 2009 at 12:41 pm   burnel

    “where the fuck are all the cockendian oily-fingered chauvinistic expats gonna go?”

    North Korea? You could probably sell the deluded fuckers timeshares for it…..Come to beautiful Pyongyang..

  9. on 29 Apr 2009 at 12:43 pm   Dr Shade

    How the fuck are you supposed to grow trees in a fucking DESERT?

    It’s a fucking DESERT!

    If trees could grow there the place would already be full of trees and it wouldn’t be a fucking DESERT!!!

    At least we know Sapcote, England isn’t a fucking DESERT.

    It’s a haven for BRAIN-DAMAGED MORONIC FUCKWITS WITH THE IQ OF A SYPHILITIC HAMSTER ON ACID.

  10. on 29 Apr 2009 at 1:05 pm   pigfrottage

    Calm down Dr Shade. Take your medication and relax…

    Let Paul dream his silly dreams. It gives him something to do in the asylum.

  11. on 29 Apr 2009 at 1:09 pm   dirigible

    And how would people get to the desert to plant the trees? There are oceans between here and there.

    Honestly!

  12. on 29 Apr 2009 at 1:48 pm   pigfrottage

    Indeed. What sort of trees would the people plant anyway? I don’t think he’s thought this through…

    [Link to highly technical paper on reversing soil salination and halting desertification]

    Nah, can’t be bothered…

  13. on 29 Apr 2009 at 1:54 pm   funny peculiar

    From the Daily Heil’s comments board about GB’s Utube vid…

    I submitted a petition to no. 10 asking for the PM to call a General Election, it was rejected on the grounds that the subject was party political !!!???
    - Peter B, Hants, 29/4/2009 13:07

    You… Stupid… Fucking… Nob.

  14. on 29 Apr 2009 at 2:02 pm   EIMA

    this is a great idea! while they are at it the sahara has been screaming out for running water and a few luxury apartment complexes

  15. on 29 Apr 2009 at 2:07 pm   Melliflouous

    Holy cow, this is a spectacular day of skull fuckingly stupid cuntish buffoonery even for HYS (or am I just in a bad mood??)

    Bring back Joy and Topsy, voices of reason amongst all this turdery………..hmmm, maybe not.

  16. on 29 Apr 2009 at 2:09 pm   Suicidal-Jihad-Lightning-Terrorist Man

    i think conifers would be the tree of choice for a desert, or giant redwoods. or sea kelp. i hear there are lots of sea kelp forests knocking about, why dont we uproot one of them and wack it in the desert.

    or we could…..oh i dont know, plant trees in places that can suport life

  17. on 29 Apr 2009 at 2:11 pm   pigfrottage

    How about some beers and some steak as well?

    They should all have rolls royces and champagne on tap.

    It’s all possible, just gOrDon CloWn is stashing the means to do it somewhere in Scotland (not UK)

  18. on 29 Apr 2009 at 2:17 pm   Dolly's evil nemesis

    I for one am of the opinion that Paul, Sapcote, England probably has difficulty getting his trousers on the right way round for at least four days a week. Methinks.

  19. on 29 Apr 2009 at 2:32 pm   Daley Mayle

    next we should put a windmill on the moon

    Nah, that would interfere with the moon whaling industry.

    (Can’t be the only Futurama geek on here, surely?)

  20. on 29 Apr 2009 at 2:52 pm   dirigible

    Nah, that would interfere with the moon whaling industry.

    That’s nothing. Mars has giant sandworms. Don’t believe me? Aks Google.

  21. on 29 Apr 2009 at 3:04 pm   pigfrottage

    No, That’s Arrakis

  22. on 29 Apr 2009 at 3:48 pm   dirigible

    No, it’s Mars.

    Work with me here…

  23. on 29 Apr 2009 at 4:09 pm   Boredom Clown

    Hold on, you mock this guy but I think he’s on to something here. The desert wouldn’t be a desert if you grew trees on it.

    We need this man in charge of world ecological policy. Too many trees being chopped down in the Amazon? No problem, just TAKE AWAY THE TREES – then they can’t be chopped down.

    Monsoons a problem? Of course not – just build a BIG TENT over the entire country!

    It’s no wonder this country’s going to the dogs when people aren’t listening to this genius.

  24. on 29 Apr 2009 at 4:43 pm   pigfrottage

    dirigible,

    Mars has giant sandworms. Scary, that they are so close.

    What about Tremors? They’re here on earth too, unless Kevin Bacon got them all.

  25. on 29 Apr 2009 at 4:57 pm   Ire

    Oh I get it he’s one of these PC nanny-state type people trying to fight the “obesity epidemic” by stopping us from being allowed to choose what we eat. Well I’ve got new for you Paul as an ENGLISHMAN it is none of your business if I choose to eat pudding every night and you can’t stop me by TRYING TO GROW TREES IN IT.

  26. on 29 Apr 2009 at 5:49 pm   King Emily

    I intitially thought he’d written ‘firestation programme’, which is actually no less reatarded.
    If a tree falls in the Sahara, and hits Paul, does anybody care?

  27. on 29 Apr 2009 at 5:49 pm   King Emily

    I spelt retarded wrong…oh dear

  28. on 29 Apr 2009 at 6:58 pm   marc

    tesco own brand bottled water is well cheap, we can just pour some all over the Sahara…

  29. on 29 Apr 2009 at 7:15 pm   The Idle Johnson

    Trees in the Desert?!?!??!!101001!! No!11)??! You can’t fuck with nature! Just look at what happened to Mr and Mrs Paul of Sapcote, England!!!

  30. on 29 Apr 2009 at 8:29 pm   Felix Castor

    What that Sahara needs is a good drop of rain. I expect that would be easily arranged if only the nomads weren’t so damn foreign.

  31. on 29 Apr 2009 at 9:55 pm   Hitler's Penis

    Foreigners. The blight of all our lives. I for one would be a lot better off were it not for foreigners.

  32. on 29 Apr 2009 at 9:58 pm   Hitler's Penis

    I think this one is a very, very old one my brother wrote. I forgot to publish it. Oops
    – Nelson

    God that’s awful. Imagine him crying himself to sleep every night for three years. The rejection, the humiliation. Wanting to play with the big kids, but his little bike won’t keep up. Poor little tyke.

    You heartless bastard Nelson. You could at least apologize and buy him a Fry’s Peppermint Cream bar. Sheesh.

  33. on 29 Apr 2009 at 11:36 pm   Black Lesbian In A WheelChair

    Nelson treats his brother far worse than Joy Pattison treats hers. Fact.

  34. on 30 Apr 2009 at 12:00 am   PotatoHat

    Sahara? Useless piece of territory? Clearly he hasn’t heard the ingeneous plan to send all all those pesky foreigners there by renaming it Great Britain. That’d teach them.

  35. on 30 Apr 2009 at 12:53 am   We Carry A Harpoon

    Hey – if the Chinese can stop it raining on the Olympics, why can’t they make it rain on the desert?

  36. on 30 Apr 2009 at 4:34 am   Monarch

    How about we take Paul of Sapcote, plant him in the Sahara Desert and see if he grows into a tree?

    After all, he seems to have the same intelligence as a tree – so maybe he really is one.

    If he doesn’t – it’s no loss to the human gene pool.

  37. on 30 Apr 2009 at 8:50 am   millie

    I bet he spells ’3′ as ‘tree’.

  38. on 30 Apr 2009 at 10:30 am   Steve

    Hey – if the Chinese can stop it raining on the Olympics, why can’t they make it rain on the desert?

    Those Chinese don’t fuck about like our Public sector PC lot.

    Over here there’s a desert forest coordinator to help the trees feel good about growing in sand.

    Beijing just say “One drop of rain in our pollution cloud, and we’ll off 1000 Tibetan Monks”.

    You couldn’t, – mandelson take note – make it up – methinks.

  39. on 30 Apr 2009 at 11:22 am   Wellington

    “God that’s awful. Imagine him crying himself to sleep every night for three years. The rejection, the humiliation. Wanting to play with the big kids, but his little bike won’t keep up. Poor little tyke.”

    Piss off. I didn’t want to play with them anyway. Bastards.

  40. on 30 Apr 2009 at 11:44 am   pigfrottage

    So are you Nelson’s little brother then Wellington?

    I’m confused now..

  41. on 30 Apr 2009 at 11:55 am   GiveItAGo

    So are you Nelson’s little brother then Wellington?

    I’m confused now..

    Saharan Rain Forests
    By Wellington

    I think this one is a very, very old one my brother wrote. I forgot to publish it. Oops
    - Nelson

    Do keep up, dear.

  42. on 30 Apr 2009 at 12:49 pm   pigfrottage

    :headdesk:

  43. on 02 May 2009 at 10:44 am   Another Futurama Geek

    (8) we…’re Whalers on the moon, we carry a harpoon…
    but there ain’t no whales
    so we tell tall tales
    (all)and sing our whaling tune…
    All together now…!

  44. on 06 May 2009 at 11:51 pm   BIgger Futurama Geek

    Its the owls you have to watch out for.

  45. on 10 May 2009 at 3:55 pm   Neil

    Weirdly, he may be onto something: http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2008/sep/02/alternativeenergy.solarpower?gusrc=rss&feed=environment