When You’ve Wanked ‘Nineteen Eighty-Four’ Dry…
By AlexThanks to Alex. A different Alex. On the government imprisoning kids. It’s just darky kids though, so don’t worry your pretty little head about it.
Isenhorn
This poem is one of the most exploited and is used whether or not it is actually suitable to the topic at hand. How about an updated version:
First they came from India
And I did not speak out
Because we owed it to the IndiansThen they came from Pakistan
And I did not speak out
Because we had alredy let the Indians inThen they came from Somalia
And I did not speak out
Even though I wanted toThen they came from Poland
And I did not speak out
Because I was called a racistThen they came from everywhere
And event though I tried to speak
Nobody listened
It takes a great deal of imagination to link a poem about the Nazis to something as unrelated as race relations or political asylum. Hats off, Isenhorn. In fact, I’m so impressed, I’m going to share Martin Niemoller’s secret last verse with you, which he dictated to me from his deathbed:
Finally I got fed up with them coming for this that and the other all the time
And instead of all that crap about speaking out
I dangled my clackerbag in a deep-fat fryer
THEN they listened
A trivial platitude, I know, but perhaps there’s some guidance there somewhere.
57 Responses to “When You’ve Wanked ‘Nineteen Eighty-Four’ Dry…”
Then I got sick and tired of listening to a racist fuckwit cunt and so I hit him in the face with a brick
“What’s that there?”
“Oh, it’s a poem about how if you sit back idly, not caring because it’s other people getting oppressed and not you, there’ll be no-one there to protect you when they run out of everyone else to persecute and turn on you.”
“Brilliant. Reckon we can use it to attack all them coons?”
I haven’t laughed so much for ages. Thanks Alex.
Yeaaah a poetry thread…
tin-foil rhyming hats on, folks.
And then the islams came for Isenhorn,
And beheaded him with a jagged knife shouting “Allah! Allah!”,
And we all cheered and laughed til we were sick.
Here’s my version especially for Isenhorn:
First they came for the total fucking cunts
And I did not speak out
Because I was first to be loaded onto the truck.
Someone guffed on the bus
And I did not speak out
Because it was me
I hate/love the missappropriation of that poem. hate because it gets bandied around so much that its losing a lot of its original meaning/power and love because the stupids who bandy it about are laughable.
Someone called armagediontimes used the it on the same thread but for the opposite viewpoint. Only poor armagediontimes doesn’t have a sense of continuity so he ended up looking stupider (but at least not racist) than Isenhorn
That’s a lot of firsts. He could have just googled it and copied the real text.
Then they came for the Jews and I said ‘Ace! Can we get those racial forigens next?
Then they came for the Muslims, and I said ‘Nice one! Can we get rid of The Polish?’
Then they came for the Polish, and I said ‘brilliant, can we get rid of those Africans?’
Then they came for the Africans, and there were no ethnic minorities to scape goat, so I had a cheese sandwich and a wank.
Hmmmm, Isenhorn – clearly a foreign name. Into the truck he goes.
He’s inspired me to rewrite similar classics:
Imagine there’s no immigration
Not bloody likely under Labour
Imagine your neighbours were English
And not a bunch of smelly Pakis
Imagine all the foreigners
Living in their own countries
(yoo-hoo)
You may say I’m a racist
But some of my friends are dark
I’ve got nothing against muslims
I just wish they’d all fuck off
I’d have thought the last verse of I’m a horn’s poem would have read:
LOL – that ‘poem’ doesn’t even rhyme.
Has anyone else noticed that the HYS servers are down? They’ve replaced it with one of their comment forms. They must’ve been overloaded with so much bile that the servers just melted!
“stinking SHIT”
“beneFITS”
Anyway, don’t you go projecting your fascist rhyming regulations on me, man! I’m a creative free spirit like Isenhorn and Lily Allen and my poems don’t need to rhyme with your authoritarian NuLiarBore words because they already rhyme in the hearts of every true, pure soul who reads them, man.
Aw. Now you’ve gone and harshed my mellow, man.
Bummer.
Afternoon pop-pickers, a few more of your HYS favourites:
10. All we are saying is give war a chance
9. Ivory & Ivory
8. Peace! What is it good for?
7. This land is our land (so move your caravans, you effing pikeys)
6. They won’t overcome
5. I won’t employ you, you’re part of the union
4. Strange Fruit (that’s that Mandelson that is)
3. The times they aren’t a-changin’
2. Let your people go? (you’re ‘avin’ a larf)
1. Das Horst Wessel Lied
My poetic contribution:
There was a bloke called Isenhorn
A tosser, true bred and born
He talks like a tit
His poetry’s shit
And, er, he’s a twat.
I actually lolled out loud for this one. Really funny. And that’s my opinion as a professional.
Quality.
The thick fuckers misuse this poem on every conceivable topic. “First they came for the smokers/drivers/racist murderers” etc etc.
“Ivory and Ivory” caused me to spit coffee all over my desk.
I suspect many Spaniards had a similar problem at the time with FUCKING IDIOTIC BRITISH IMMIGRANTS COMING OVER THERE AND DENOUNCING THEIR COUNTRY AS NOT AS GOOD AS THE UK WITHOUT ACTUALLY FUCKING OFF BACK WHERE THEY CAME FROM.
In fairness, Eddie did have the self awareness to recognise that following his departure the UK was a slightly nicer place to live.
The cunt.
as long as they don’t come for the clowns, that would be a bad day.
This is brilliant. I look forward to HYSers identifying themselves with Anne Frank. Well, fair enough, as I reckon a good chunk of them live locked away in attics, afraid that at any moment they may attract the attention of the authorities. I’m also sure quite a lot of them spend a large amount of time on the internet pretending to be 13 year old girls, so you would think they have plenty of room to empathise….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDJ5tCF3VVE found this, some of my early tv work, but unrelated to the post, enjoy
This Is Just To Say
I have strangled
the racists
that were on
the internet
and which
you were probably
saving
for cheap laughs.
Forgive me
they were cunts
so deluded
and so thick.
By the way, would it really fucking kill you lot to put these things up while they’re still topical, rather than days or even weeks afterwards?
i’ve had enough of all this social comment, here’s my version
first they had all the mars bars,
that was fine, i don’t like mars bars
when they came for the twix i said,
‘meh’.
then they finished the maltezers!
fuck that i love maltezers!
greedy cunts
Done!
From “what’s our favourite children’s book”
My favourite childrens book is Mein Kampf.
Closely followed by The Turner Diaries. We did that one in Infants, with Miss Finalsolution.
@Dr. Feelgood.
This land is our land (so move your caravans, you effing pikeys)
Awesome.
Can you play, “I’d Like To Teach The World To Sing but not in my country.” for me mam, please?
and can someone ask Alan Bennett to record
“If… you can keep your head when all about you,
Are Hindoo immygrunts who’re claiming tax off you.
If you can let yourself to feel superior,
For knowing only Red and White and Blue.
etc
Fuck me, if you’re going to use that sort of logic then I want “The Gates of Janus: Serial Killing & It’s Analysis” by Moors Murderer Ian Brady put on the primary school curriculum on the basis that it’ll teach the little brats not to go to fucking Lancashire because the place is full of psychotic paedophile murderous bum-rapists.
I’d also make them watch the first Hellraiser movie to teach them that good writers make fuck-awful film directors and they shouldn’t play with Rubik’s Cubes.
I always thought anne frank was a historian’s Euphamism for a hearty wank
First they came for the HYSers
and I thought – seems fair enough to me!
In fairness why should non-fuckwits get all the good poetry?
Come friendly bombs and fall on Mexico
For it is not fit for holidays now
Clive Barker a good writer, you say? Well, he’s an excellent typist, so that’s a start I suppose.
Relax, I’m Dan Brown.
Yessss … this is all going a bit wrong already, isn’t it? Words difficult make say right thing? YEs.
I don’t know – is that a question? Perhaps you mean this:
Now THAT’S a question, see. And here is the answer:
On no, no no no no no no. No, don’t update it, you fucking idiot. You’ll make a complete twat out of yourself, because you haven’t got a clue what you’re on about or what it means or … well, anything, really. You’re just horribly, horribly fucking hopeless and clueless and inadequate. You’re shit.
Please, I beg of you, Isenhorn the Cunt: throw the computer keyboard in the bin, smash the monitor. Give the PC to the neighbours. Shove the mouse, sideways, up your horrible deranged racist arse. But just don’t fuck around with other people’s writing like that because, you see, you are a shit-thick moron, and not allowed to.
Alles klar? Gut!
PS Did I mention, Isenhorn, that you are shit?
PPS You’re shit. I just want to make that clear.
woof woof
slurp slurp
Isenhorn!
@funny peculiar
Radio Daily Mail will play that for you on the next Rush Limbaugh show.
Enjoy!
After the HYSing of the 17th of June
The Secretary of the Labour Party
Had leaflets distributed by the BBC
Stating that the people
Had thrown away the confidence of the government
And could win it back only
By redoubled efforts. Would it not be easier
In that case for the government
To dissolve the people
And elect another?
Fuck yeah!
Fuck Duffy, I think we’ve just found the new poet laureate.
Ahem. How about Larkin’s ‘This be the verse’, channelled through HYS?
They fuck you up these foreign types
They definitely mean to and they do
They fill your country with smelly food
And add some terrorists, just for you
But they certainly weren’t fucked up in their time,
by well-meaning white folk in old-style frocks and coats,
who half the time were just too damn lenient with the darkies.
HYSers hand on misery to man
It deepens like a coastal shelf
Get off the thread as early as you can
And pray they don’t have kids themselves.
That’s possibly better than the original.
“Then they came from Poland
And I did not speak out
Because I was called a racist”
They knew he was a racist before he’d even said anything. I wonder how.
Slightly off-topic but a good way to start mayday:
aka white bird
dancing.
“And when they came for Richard Littlejohn
I said
The cunt’s over there, behind the wardrobe”
Now THAT’S poetry
Scaryduck, I read your blog and saw, to my delight, that at last I’ve found another person who describes sickness as ‘bowking rich brown vomit’. Your *pome* was pretty good too!
Has anyone noticed that ‘Fucko the Clown’ shares the HYSers’ love of self-promotion and Unnecessary capitalisation?
@Look up my YouTube. You are Fucko the Clown and I claim my obscene animal balloon.
@Bit Special – you been hanging out ar Mr Kipplin’s place again? How’s Mrs Kipplin?
AAAAAargh! The fucking BNP have got hold of my email address because I signed up for the Unite Against Facism newsletter. It’s their revenge for the BNP member lists being published (not by me). I am so sick of the pathetic whining emails I get, not to mention the spam. Started back in November but gets a boost every time someone else posts them. I told blogger to take down the blog posts but nothing has been done. Just wanted to get that off my chest. I don’t want to hate people but those racists really make it hard sometimes.
They came for the palmists, but I wasn’t a palmist so I did nothing.
They came for the bungee jumpers, but I wasn’t a bungee jumper so I did nothing.
They came for the players’ agents, but I wasn’t a players’ agent so I did nothing.
They came for the Charles Manson fans, but I wasn’t a Charles Manson fan so I did nothing.
They came for the reflexologists, but I wasn’t a reflexologist so I did nothing.
They came for the camp TV chefs, but I wasn’t a camp TV chef so I did nothing.
They came for the RoMos, I laughed.
They came for the martial arts enthusiasts, but I wasn’t a martial arts enthusiast so I did nothing.
They came for Eamonn Holmes and I think I’m right in saying I applauded.
They came for the fire-eaters, but I wasn’t a fire-eater so I did nothing.
They came for Dani Behr, I said she’s over there, behind the wardrobe.
Turn a blind eye, sometimes it’s best to.
Turn a blind eye, sometimes it’s best to.
Turn a blind eye, sometimes it’s best to.
Turn a blind eye, sometimes it’s best to.
Turn a blind eye, sometimes it’s best to.
Turn a blind eye, sometimes it’s best to.
Turn a blind eye, sometimes it’s best to.
Don’t make me do a cake joke…
I came for Dani Behr once, got 100 hours community service… wasn’t worth it.
I just love the irony of twisting poor Mr Niemöller’s work in this argument.
And right after complaining about how often poor Mr Niemöller’s work is twisted. Genius, innit?
Is it wrong to discriminate against racists?
Nope.
First they came for the Communists
But I did not speak out
Because I had throat cancer
Then they came for the Jews
But I did not speak out
Because I was reading something at the time, and it’s hard to do two things at once
Then they came for the gypsies
But I did not speak out
Because I was eating a Mars Bar
Then they came for the crippled
But I did not speak out
Because I was too busy chuckling to myself at a man falling over
Then they came for me
But I did not speak out
Because I was covered in spunk and one of them was trying really hard to shove his cock in my mouth