Been way too busy for SYB this week. I expect you’re all starting to regain your faith in humanity. Don’t worry, I’ll demolish it again next week.
In the meantime, have a link to something else instead. Bloody Cassetteboy are at it again.
http://cassetteboy.wordpress.com/
No time to sift through the shit this week, so thanks to John for finding this comment about glow-in-the-dark monkeys or something over at CiF. Quality.
This sort of thing is the future. I’m still more worried about a race of super human overlords than the possible cruelty to a variety of glow in the dark animals. Russian oligarch offspring capable of completely filling the screen on the original Nokia snake. The children of bank bosses with a genetically ‘enhanced’ sense of responsibility. How many of Richard Branson’s children will we have to see cluttering up the night sky, after having arrived in space without the need for a spaceship, before we say enough is enough? 10? 300 million? It is already too late.
jimmylazers
Thanks to Ellie for finding the amazing Catherine Oliver.
“Have you been forced to move back home?”
I havent forced to move back home because i havent been in that situation
Catherine Oliver, Crawley, United Kingdom
“Will you trade in your old banger for a new car?”
I think that cash for banger is a good idea. i cant trade my old car because i dont have a car.
Catherine Oliver, Crawley, United Kingdom
Do you think Catherine ever wonders why the computer is asking her these things? Maybe she’s fundamentally misunderstood the term “online dating” and is sat in Pizza Express right now with her laptop, dutifully answering all its stupid questions and hoping the boring little shit will stop bleating on about MPs’ expenses and the Ghurkas.
Thanks to Stu. Another valiant effort to combine all society’s ills into one perverted, swarthy, benefit-guzzling scapegoat. It’s also divided into handy paragraphs, moving neatly from “largely sensible”, through “scared, angry skinflint”, to “conspiracy theory and free association”.
Posted by: ion | May 15, 2009 7:20 PM
It is obvious to see that things are very wrong at the highest level but isn’t time to start denouncing expenses and waste at a local authority level too? We pay council taxes and business rates and instead of seeing these taxes being injected into policing and infrastructure, things are degrading.
I have recently seen the most infuriating act of unjustified expenditure in my borough. A whole refugee therapy center in the center of London that not only cost approximately £2 million but also is planted right next to a school (nursery, primary). Needless to say that this very therapy center has windows overlooking the schools.
So not only money was spent by the council like there’s no tomorrow but rules must have been bent in terms of protecting children, very young children, from people that need therapy.
Thing is, if these refugees have had to leave their own children behind, the temptation to peer at photogenic, blue-eyed white kids through council-funded paedoscopes will be simply too much. And, as everyone knows, the psychological effects of torture include manic bummermania and compulsive sneakiness. As if this wasn’t bad enough, their (taxpayer funded) X-Ray Molesting Glasses have been known to cause face-cancer in normal people.
Best not take the risk and just spend the cash on “ion” next time, eh?
Thanks to Mark for pointing me at the CiF profile of fantazamaraz. Fantazamaraz is a “Writer-Director,Critic-Commentator,Former top British radio broadcaster US” and a fucking embarrassment.
fantazamaraz
17 May 09, 4:32amYES WEV’E LOST FACE IN DEMOCRACY
THANKS TO THE WAYS OF THE LABOUR PARTY
THANKS TO THOSE PILFERING MP’s
THEY MAKE GREAT BRITAIN LOOK LIKE SLEAZE
WE NEED SOME POWER BALANCE DON’T YOU SEE
SO IT CAN’T HURT TO VOTE FOR A SOME BNP.!
IT’S THE OTHER WHO HAVE CREATED THIS MESS
NICK GRIFFIN HAS REMAINED QUITE SCANDALESS
CHARACTER ASSASSINATION PUT ASIDE
TO KNOW FOR SURE IS WHN THEYV’E BEEN TRIED
WEV’E NOTHING TO LOSE AND A LOT TO GAIN
TO LET BNP MAKE US GREAT AGAIN.!
I’m almost starting to feel sorry for the BNP, but I guess a voter is still a voter. So what if he has a few bits of mashed up banana on his face?
Having said that, it might take a few hours coaching to prevent him spoiling his ballot. Without a bit of training, he’s fairly likely to write “HA HA HEE! CAN’T YOU SEE? I WANT TO VOTE FOR THE BNP!!!” on it before waggling his eyebrows and dancing off merrily into the woods, playing the theme tune from Wizbit on a recorder.
Shockingly, a court has ruled that soldiers are humans.
why dont we just bring all the troops home, and keep out of all conflicts.seems now people can join the forces so long as they dont get hurt.I have never heard anything so ridiculous in my life,and I am ex RN.Soon they wont be able to shoot anybody as it will be against the enemies human rights
trev devenish, grantham
Who on earth would want to live in a world like that? This human rights legislation certainly has a lot to answer for.
Thanks to Robert. From a Guardian CiF thing about the war on drugs.
You will never stop this evil trade until you bring in a death sentence for dealers.These animals dont just destroy young people,they also destroy economies and finance other crimes and foster terrorism.The countries who supply should be nuked,as should those that give the dealers free passage through their territories,none of this will happen because there’s too much money in it and it’s encouraged by politicians,organised crime and all the other crap that has risen to the top of the dung heap.One other way is to legalise it and control it,taking the criminal element out of the equation then you could tax it to help those damaged by it,I know all this sounds crazy,but you have to try anything rather than do nothing but jail the victims.
We are all victims and because of this the crime should be classed as treason against the country and all dealers as traitors who aid and abett the enemies of our society.
ht2020 – 18 May 09, 12:51pm
Yeah, that “legalise it” shit does sound a little crazy. Still, I wouldn’t want to just dismiss it. Let’s write it down, keep it on file and maybe give it a pop if the whole “nuclear armageddon” thing doesn’t work out.
Thanks to Rob. Unusually for the internet, someone’s angry about MPs’ expenses.
Jericoa wrote:
All we need isJoanna Lumley dressed as oliver Cromwell to deliver his famous speech when he dismissed parliament
A battle re-enactment society in full English civil war dress
A regiment of retired Gurkhas
An internet petition
A date sometime in the summer
Financial backing
A couple of famous rock bandsNext thing you know a lot of people are converging on parliament in the first instance then buckingham palace in the second instance to petition the Queen to use her powers to disolve parliament.
It could be done if people stop winging about it on here and do something about it. I have already tried to contact abattle re-enactment socisty and Rahere has kindly provided a list of influential people who may be interested in organising a re-enactment of 1643.
We get a lot of unconvincing sarky pisstakes submitted and at first I thought this was one, but by the end Jericoa actually seems to be serious. A look through further posts reveals a bit of a one-track mind, with further suggestions such as:
We could issue medals to all those willing to participate.
But then I read this:
Unfortunately I have to report I have failed in pursuading a 17th century Cromwellian battle re-enacment society to march on Westminster, then read out the roll of dishonour as sugested in post 17 followed by Cromwells famous speech when he kicked out the corrupt parlaiment ‘no longer can you be allowed to defile this sacred place’ etc.
They expressed a great deal of sympathy for the cause and gave a long list of reasons why they could not.
I felt so bad for Jericoa I decided to help. I’ve already got £160 out of the bank and bought some stick-on warts for Joanna. But I’ve been having trouble booking a band. For instance Bob Geldof didn’t consider “dissolving Parliament” a good enough cause and George Clinton told me he’d done it already in 1980. Courtney Love was very rude to me when I asked to speak to Kurt, NONE of Gorillaz are answering their mobiles and when I mentioned expenses to Bono he put me through to his tax adviser. BUT Paul McCartney said he’d ring John and get back to me, so as soon as we hear from him we’re good to go.
Oh, and Coldplay are on board of course.
Thanks to Poppy. From an article about workplace benefits.
It is not only totally wrong to steal stationery form your employer just as much as it would be wrong to steal from any other source. Theft is theft no matter what criteria you offer as any explanation, however when I asked if I could buy \ pay for the use of photocopy paper the boss laughed and thought I was being awkward, it was an easier and less embarrassing option to go the the stationers and purchase paper direct from that source and leave with a clear un-tarnished conscience.
Frances Lawrence, Chobham, Woking, Surrey, England
I had a very similar experience buying cutlery from Pizza Hut. I mean, you try and do the right thing, and they look at you like you’ve just flopped your cock out and asked them to draw a picture of a rollerskating dog on it.
Got my cutlery from Argos in the end.
I have literally no idea what this man is trying to say. Even by Have Your Say’s pisspoor standards, this is special. What makes it worse is that he obviously thinks he’s ramming home some kind of inescapable conclusion. Like he had a good long think, maybe drew a quick truth table, and worked it all out.
“Why is it that arab & islamic “public opinion” is never inflamed by the absolute horror hell 30-a-cell situation in most arab prisons?
marcus marcuse“Could one of the 113 people recommending that tell me how inflaming Arab sentiment by US atrocities is equated to inflaming Arab sentiment by Arab atrocities?
You should be asking about US inflamed by Arab atrocities.
And why do you think the people in the army did this? Inflamed by Arab atrocities.
Mark, Exeter
Right you are. Maybe get some ointment for that.