Delusions of Grandeur01 May 2009 11:55 am
By Nelson
Thanks to Xander and Andy for these from an article about vocabulary.
Unfortunately, one is considered elitist if one uses words which other people cannot understand. So, in a sense, one keeps one’s knowledge well under wraps.
Berenice Mortimer, Westlock, Canada
Crafty. Nobody would ever suspect that you’re actually very clever.
When I was about 4 my parents tried to make a list of the words I knew. I think my Mum still has it. I remember it included Abominable but they stopped on A because there were too many. But that was in the Sixties when erudition was not eschewed
Steve, London, UK
I started making a list of words to describe you Steve.
- Ass-whistle
I had to stop at “ass-whistle” because you’re an ass-whistle.
158 Responses to “Very Clever People”
Aaaaah Berenice, the most voluble member of her sub-retard colony.
I laughed so much at “ass-whistle” it actually made me fart a little bit.
I loved “reading” National Geographic too.
I’m betting he knew the word “abominable” because his dad was always calling him an abominable little prig.
What sort of a pity, Sandra?
“Erudition was not eschewed”? I was going to call him a fkn wanker but maybe a fornicating manustuprator would be more Steve’s style
Steve, cuntery will not be countenanced.
One might be keeping one’s knowlege under wraps but when one constantly refers to ones self as one, one lets other like minded people know that one is at the same level of genius
Which is probably because grammar pedants have for decades been telling people not to use adjectives. However, I extend this to the following style rule: DON’T USE WORDS.
Maybe HYS should introduce a word-a-day that everybody has to use in their posts.
Refering to oneself as one is enough for me. Cunt.
First they came for the dictionaries,
But I did not speak up, for I had memorised all the naughty words.
Then they came for the National Geographic “Topless Tribeswomen of The Gobi” and I was positively priapic.
Mum never came into my room again without knocking and saying “Kaytal, you’re not molesting the cat again?”
That thread is one of the most pompous things ever. Brilliant!
Hah hah hah You’re called David Hunt!
Mr Cat – you are the master of wit and repartee!
Hah. David. That is a funny name. Also, it seems like he’s really trying hard to come up with words like ‘necessary’ and ‘extensive’. Bless him.
I prefer straight Dutch to Dutch DVDs, the English (not British) to English ones are a bit tame in comparison.
Unfortunately, one is considered elitist if one uses words which other people cannot understand.
Ooh la-di-dah! Listen to Mr. can’t-explain-the-long-words-he-uses-because-he-doesn’t-actually-understand-them!
What a logorrheic troglodyte!
You forgot ‘Abominable’, Nelson. Oh… and Aardvark.
When you take away all the internet buzz-words and cyber-street-slang that you learn from your dubious Twitter friends, it’s clear you are part of the post-sixties generation who eschew (’scuse me) erudition.
When I was four my mum tried to make a list of all the words I knew. So I knifecrimed the bitch in the face.
But that was in the noughties when kids were aggressive stupid trolls and would never ever be able do do something as smart as post on an online message board.
That’s probably because using words the person you’re attempting to communicate with doesn’t understand serves no purpose whatsoever except to demonstrate how clever you are for knowing words. As an example, I will now insult you in several foreign languages (as I am very clever), and while you may marvel at my knowledge of (dirty words in) these languages, you won’t actually understand what I’m saying about you.
Du wichser. Im ernst, du Scheißkerl t’es conard, enculé d’ananas, dělaš sex s psy a jíš rad koní hovno. Chuj. Schmegeggeh. Fitta.
Moi, je’n parle pas les langues forrin – go on Alex, translate.
No! The awful little fucker, how dare an 11 year old not appreciate that they didn’t say ‘bling bling’ in the Middle Ages. Or in your parent’s house. God the kids today!
In my GCSE class, one smelly urban toe-rag said Juliet was “pro’bly well fit, an’ that”. I was simply appalled. I waited for him after school and ran him over. And I reversed over him a couple of times too, to make sure that everyone clearly understood the guardianship of the English language is the exclusive preserve of the middle class.
eschew!
i like sweary words teh best.
enculeur d’ananas surely, Alex
How about a poetry competition for children – the only requirement being that they start it with the line “Beowulf had a bling bling shield”. I know I’d like to see the results…
One is not considered elitist if one uses words which other people cannot understand. One is considered a cunt or an ass-whistle depending on whether one is a cunt or an ass-whistle.
Beowulf had a bling bling shield
It’s fleece was white as snow.
AndyS
Ouch!
Head of English, you are hereby demoted to being the navel of English, or perhaps as low as the hips of English.
not so if you use tinned chunks.
the cocktail sticks and lumps of cheddar make it tricky though.
there’s a market for this out there, i’m sure of it
Yeas, but the acidity would still smart…
I think you’re acting a bit harsh, head of english. Obviously, Kate’s problem was that ‘bling bling’ is a noun, IE ‘that’s a nice bit of bling bling you’ve got there,’ not an adjective. The child should have said something along the lines of ‘Beowulf had a bitchin’ shield and ting’.
Speaking of poetry, I feel obliged to warn fellow SYBers about the dark turn HYS has taken today. Brace yourselves:
“If you’d like to record yourself reciting your own or others’ poetry please send us the details, we’d love to see it.”
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/talking_point/8028652.stm
We’d love to see it.
No doubt typed by HYS galley slaves, through gritted teeth and between mouthfuls of absinthe.
(Yes, you can type through gritted teeth. I can anyway. Fuck off.)
Has one seen the spelling in Beowulf? It seems to be written in some kind of pidgin German or Dutch, rather than the Queen’s English. Simply frightful.
No wonder the author wishes to remain anonymous.
Of course, Juliet was only 14, so the kid was obviously a paedo and therefore deserved it.
Missing full stop, after eschewed Steven. Dismayed to see your English is as abominable as ever, you little ass-whistle.
Hey Mum!
You forgot to captialise my name. !?ONE!! Still eschewing erudition I see…
Plus, I am thinking of changing my email address from steve@asswhistle.com. Can you think of any ideas?
“Hark, eorlingas, to the tale of B-dog and his well bling bling shield. Innit. Random”.
I’d just like to say that this is a top thread – Head of English managed to make me do a tiny widdle or, since we’re being so fucking sesquipedalian today, made one enmicturate oneself.
I’ve done the math and the chance of either of these twat excretions being half as smart as they think they are is around 2%… repeating, of course.
Done the maths, surely.
I assume that the dirty Amrican vernacular still counts as forrin’ speaking? Just becasue they look like us doesn’t mean we can’t find some flimsy reason to hatecrime them in the face.
What Steve neglected to inform us is that he also stopped learning any more words after his fifth birthday, because he thought he had more than enough to get by with.
“If you’d like to record yourself reciting your own or others’ poetry please send us the details, we’d love to see it.”
Gaah! An image of a mob of Pythonesque Gumbies all bellowing “Mary Had a Little Lamb” has popped into my head.
I wish I could eschew it, but I lack sufficient erudition. Darnit.
There’s no way “Berenice Mortimer” is Berenice Mortimer’s real name and not the handle she used for her historically inaccurate Victorian romance manuscript. The real targets of her passive-aggressive HYS comment are the publishing companies. Fucking illiterate swine, they wouldn’t know good writing if it sexually assaulted them in the wine cellar and then proposed to them on the next page.
Beowulf had a bling bling shield
which he brandished too and fro’
he came to help Hroðgar
with his bling bling all on show
he killed both Grendel’s mother
and Grendel he killed too
became a great big ruler
but trod in dragon’s poo
The poo made Beowulf angry
so much he shouted out with glee
I’ll kill that bloody dragon
then get buried out at sea
“…erudition was not eschewed” – what an kernob. I’m dead clever and I never talk like that. Well, only when there’s nobody around.
And if he’s so fucking erudite why did he start a sentence with a coordinating conjunction? Did he learn nothing when he was four? I mean 4?
Berenice I take it all back – no ‘Hrothgar’ for you – that’s a proper ‘thorn’ in there. Wait a miniiiiit! You’re not Berenice!
Is there any way I can personally tell Steve he’s a cunt?
See, my objection to ‘bling bling’ is that my mum (white, middle-class, in her fifties) uses it to describe shoes after learning it from the Independent. The fact that this kid wasn’t too embarrassed to use an adjective that has now been co-opted by the least hip and street demographic there is, middle-aged broadsheet readers, shows he has not paid attention to the development and nuances of his own native language, which should earn him the contempt of any competent teacher.
It’s almost as bad as hearing portly middle-aged German accountants with bushy white moustaches use the phrase “to chill out” all the time.
Damn! I invented the term ‘twatbasket’ a few years ago but I think ‘asswhistle’ tops it.
If these asswhistling twatbaskets think their language is so fucking clever, they should try doing a PhD in Critical Theory liek wot i duz. But like all HYSers, they have no sense of self-ideated societal performativity. The cunts.
@Berenice Mortimer
Superb. Much more succinct than Seamus Heaney too.
When I was 28 I made a list of all the rude words I knew.
I had to stop at “Y” because I couldn’t think of a rude word beginning with “Y”.
Plus, I cheated on X and allowed “x-rated”.
“Z” would probably have been difficult to, although “zoology” turns me on if it includes pictures of naked zebras (zebrae?).
Notice how I kept my knowledge under wraps by using “to” instead of “too”.
I feel it my noble duty to add twatbasket to normal conversation as much as possible.
I experimented with tosswipe some time ago but it didn’t really catch on.
Yahoo
Xanthippean
Zoophile
Xenophile would be an insult on HYS…
@Ceannair – I think you’ll enjoy how versatile twatbasket can be. Just give me full credit ;p
Dirigible tried to help Obamooslim finish his list of rude words but failed on account of not knowing that the English (not latin) alphabet actually finishes X, Y, Z.
Steve’s parents really did stop counting because he knew too many words. Or to be more precise, they stopped counting because they didn’t know enough numbers, on account of being siblings – a family tradition going back centuries, at least.
Thanks anyway dirigible, that was a noble attempt.
I had to look up “Xanthippean”. Turns out it’s something to do with a “Phaedo”.
I am very comfortable with your “Zoophile”.
How astonishing, that a 4-year-old would know a word most commonly used to describe a snowman.
God, people thinking they’re sooo clever just cos they know long words really makes me floccinaucinihilipilificate them!
The latest on the seismically disruptive HYS technical fault:
“We’re working hard to fix the fault, as we recognise that for many Have Your Say is an extremely important platform that allows them to voice their views and opinions on the most important issues of the day. And for the BBC it is a highly valued way to listen to what matters to our audience and to find out what they are thinking about key stories, which we then feed into our journalism.”
Christ alive. I dare ‘the editors’ to read that out with a straight face. And if they can I, at the risk of sounding like a Daily Mail reader, demand my licence fee back.
i’m not erudite enough to know how to do block quotes but look:
“When (a) I was about 4 (b) my parents tried to make a list of the words I knew. I think (c) my Mum (d) still has it. I remember (e) it included Abominable (f) but they stopped on A (g) because there were too many (h). But (i) that was in the Sixties when erudition was not eschewed (j) (k)”
this is how erudite you are steve:
(a) never start a sentence with ‘when’. see My Food Hurts above.
(b) numbers below 10 should be spelled out like this – four.
(c) ‘i think’ is redundant. either she still has it or she doesn’t – if you’re not sure don’t mention it.
(d) don’t cap up mum here. you were nouning her not naming her. stupid boy.
(e) ‘i remember’ is also redundant.
(f) why cap up abominable? why? give a reason. you can’t can you. i’ll tell you why – it’s because you’re a twatbrain.
(g) this floating capital A is confusing to the eye without quote marks around it, idiot.
(h) too many what? you are so tedious i have forgotten what you were on about.
(i) we don’t start sentences with ‘but’ do we?
(j) clunky, cunty, crappy, wanky, woeful and wearing choice of words and a fucking feeble attempt at alliteration. i hate you. and that’s being kind.
(k) full stop?
i realise some of these points could be classed as nitpicking but i was enjoying myself. i would like to refer you all to this delightful page on wiki:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning-Kruger_effect
ta ta x
‘my food hurts’. fucking fantastic. i’m going to bed.
I think that “bling-bling” is a remarkably succinct and accurate description and weep at the stifling of that child’s imagination.
Incidentally, I think that “bling-bling” is probably the adjective and “bling bling” the noun, but I am not too bothered by difference of opinion on that because there are limits to how much of a wanker I can be without special training from the mid-range press.
Also, I saw “Xanthippean” and my brain immediately fumed about misogyny. I think that my woolly liberalism may be incurable.
G’day
I resent the assertion that my town’s demonym is a rude word. Almost.
Well I just swallowed/choked down an insufficiently chewed lump of biscuit while laughing at ‘look at the pretty lights’ post, so now my food really does hurt. It was one of them big S.African rusks too – what a twat basket.
Given that I’m missing my regular outpourings of put upon, rambling, deluded conspiracy theorists I thought I’d come up with my own. Is this HYS “fault” a deliberate attempt by the fascist BBC to starve Nelson out of existence by taking away the lifeblood of this website? I’m already worried about what I will do when I have to do my job every day rather than regularly calling in to read the incontinence inducing comments (only slight incontinence now and again, I promise).
We should be told!! I need somebody to blame. HELP!!
The winner of the 2007 Ignobel prize for literature:
“Consequences of Erudite Vernacular Utilized Irrespective of Necessity: Problems with Using Long Words Needlessly.”
Not to be eschewed, methinks.
Surely the HYS Mods come here for succour and sanctuary from their hurculean battle with the British public’s anger wanking addiction. I truly hope so. So, Dear Mods, your use of euphemism is spectacular. Your phrasing is truly vast in it’s simpering asininity (is that a word?). You have my deepest sympathy that you must wade through all those terrible posts. I realise this is ‘pushing the envelope’ and open to easy fraud, but could a BBC HYS Mod please translate the above quote into ‘what we’d actually say if we could’ under the moniker of “Nice Guy Eddy”. No one will ever know. go on…. vent a little
“[I]ncompetent
individuals have more difficulty recognizing their true level of
ability than do more competent individuals and … a lack of
metacognitive skills may underlie this deficiency. Thus, we made
four specific predictions about the links between competence,
metacognitive ability, and inflated self-assessment.
Prediction 1. Incompetent individuals, compared with their more competent peers, will dramatically overestimate their ability and performance relative to objective criteria.
Prediction 2. Incompetent individuals will suffer from deficient metacognitive skills, in that they will be less able than their more competent peers to recognize competence when they see it — be it their own or anyone else’s.
Prediction 3. Incompetent individuals will be less able than their more competent peers to gain insight into their true level of performance by means of social comparison information. In particular, because of their difficulty recognizing competence in others, incompetent individuals will be unable to use information about the choices and performances of others to form more accurate impressions of their own ability.
Prediction 4. The incompetent can gain insight about their shortcomings, but this comes (paradoxically) by making them more competent, thus providing them the metacognitive skills necessary to be able to realize that they have performed poorly. (Justin Kruger and David Dunning (1999), “Unskilled and Unaware of It: How Difficulties in Recognizing One’s Own Incompetence Lead to Inflated Self-Assessments”, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology Vol. 77: 6, p. 1122).
I would contend that this phenomenon sounds very fucking familiar indeed
Of course, that was during the swinging sixties, when awkward alliterative phrases were not eschewed! The Fab Four!!!!!!!!!!
“Unskilled and Unaware of It: How Difficulties in Recognizing One’s Own Incompetence Lead to Inflated Self-Assessments”
Thnak fuck thats not me!!1! Loooozers!
my objection to ‘bling bling’ is that my mum uses it to describe shoes.
Alex
Does she eschew shoes with bling?
The shades of night were falling fast,
As through an Alpine village passed
A youth, who bore, ‘mid snow and ice,
A banner with the strange device;
Bling Bling!
“O stay,” the maiden said, “and rest
Thy weary head upon this breast!”
A tear stood in his bright blue eye,
But still he answered, with a sigh,
Bling Bling!
…
A traveller, by the faithful hound,
Half-buried in the snow was found,
Still grasping in his hand of ice
That banner with the strange device,
Bling Bling!
There in the twilight cold and gray,
Lifeless, but beautiful, he lay,
And from the sky, serene and far,
A voice fell, like a falling star,
Bling Bling!
Er…
I could say: I fear for the metacognition of some of the contributors to this comment page.
Or I could say: Fuckin wankers can’t write English properly like wot I can when I’m not being ironic and that.
Or I could say: Fuck off you middle class twats and go back to wanking.
Instead I will say: This thread is filled with as much hate-filled bile and pompous shit as HYS. What the hell’s going on?
You appear to be adding to it.
This implies I’d stopped???
… with a reasonable amount of metacognition and a modicum of public school arrogance, any chap can toss off a post and a cock at the same time. Can’t you? Are you one of these Unskilled and Unaware people who have Difficulties in Recognizing One’s Own Incompetence Leading to Inflated Self-Assessment?
Probably the only thing I learnt at Charterhouse was how to pull my dick while translating Herodotus. ‘course, nowadays, all I do is sit at the back of the house of commons, wanking furiously while groaning ‘here here’ or ’shame’.
In fact, all the lads on my row spend the whole time screwing the working man while simultaneously masturbating each other frantically. But that’s cos we really are all identical, flabby, repressed, middle class, public school stereotypes.
not a unique, gritty Working Class Hero like yourself.
But I only come here for the hate-filled bile and pompous shit! Well, it passes the time until I’ve saved up enough money to get Working Class Hero for PS3…
At least middle-class hate-filled bile and pompous shit is spelt and punctuated correctly and isn’t just a load of thick, illogical, resentful paranoia basically fuelled by an obsession with *nignogs*…
Crushinator, shurely as a redeeming feature the spelling here is secondary to the Not Being Hateful Racists? Or is that terribly latte-liberal of me? (Actually I’m mocha-militant but, like, whatever.)
But yes, you are right. Our bile is better than their bile. (Please add a hilarious and erudite joke about imbalance of humours here, I am too melancholic at the moment for the effort of disguising Googling as erudition.)
hate-filled bile and pompous shit? Twatbasket
I’m assuming that Kate Jones was strictly adhering to the original Old English when teaching Beowulf and didn’t allow any more nasty modern words to pollute the lesson – certainly nothing coined after about 1000AD.
This being the case, I think it’s extraordinary that one of her pupils was so engaged with the material that the blingitude of Beowulf’s shield was even recognised, let alone given a modern vernacular translation.
Don’t worry, Mr JK, I think any sparks of interest were extinguished on sight.
Should they really be teaching Beowulf? It basically promotes knifecriming forrins and diffrunts.
Clovis, you’re right. A total twatbasket (ahh, so proud that my legacy is the addition of that fine swearword to the English lexicon…).
Mim, of course you’re right that Not Being A Hateful Racist is more important than being able to spell and punctuate well (note to self: revise plans for concentration camps for people unable to know the difference between there/their/they’re; some people might think they are a tad harsh and unnecessary). Just venting my spleen (is that enough on the ‘humours’ front?)…
Mim, re: ‘latte-liberal’/'mocha-militant’. I’m a Grauniad-reading, middle-class librull/loony leftie, but I hate coffee (and tea) – where does this leave ME?!
I am pretty sure that proper tea is theft, anyway. And yes, I did just say that in cold blood.
Bit Special – Twatbasket works well – just used it in a bit of road rage (happens a lot to me, should lay off the leftyloony coffee)and it rolls off the tongue, still sounds good at high volume etc. Your creation lives.
That “proper thorn” isn’t a thorn, it’s an eð. Thorn looks is this one: þ.
Bugger – “looks is this one”? I started to say “looks like this” and changed it to “is this one” and fucked it up. I will have to hand in my Pedants / Pedants’ / Definitely Not Pedant’s Society card…
Twatbasket has the strong plosives needed for barking your rage at people who have incurred your wrath. “David Cameron is a complete fucking TWATBASKET!”
Whereas Ass-whistle has a resigned, disspointed feeling more appropriate for when you lose your keys or forget to buy milk. “Oooh ass-whistles.”
Revolting Pedant – you’re right and once I had posted it I realised that it wasn’t a thorn at all. The shame of it. Still, what do I know, I’m a blimmin’ zoologist, not a linguist.
Talking of twatbaskets, my mate just emailed me a link to the biggest twatbasket of all’s latest ass-whistling (works well as a verb, *methinks*):
http://hitchensblog.mailonsunday.co.uk/
He’s a proper mental.
PS Shame on you Mim, shame on you.
You know how there are internet symbols for various sounds, feelings and reactions? Eg. LOL or
or :headdesk: or *sigh* etc. Well, I wish there was a symbol for the sound you get on children’s TV that lets you know they just did a funny joke, you know the sound I mean, the huge loud ‘glissando’ Trombone noise that goes Parp!slide-down:slide-up:Parp!! all in one quick sound.
‘Cos your immaculate pun really needs a “Parp!slide-down:slide-up:Parp!” symbol.
On the truck with all the other lefties.
Note to those having difficulty with blockquotes: achieve it by writing this:
<blockquote>quoted text</blockquote>
That Hitchens, what a crazy dude. He writes this on his interblog:
An authentic armchair hero.
By the way, I tried to email both “submission@ifyoulikeitetc”, as directed by the “Contact” page, and “submissions@”, and they both bounced. Fix this immediately.
Ah, if only it were that easy.
Not sure I hold with all these new-fangled coinages, what was wrong with the good-ol’, traditional ‘fucktard’?
As for Peter Hitchens, surely the time-honoured ‘cunt’ is perfectly adequate, though, on second thoughts, as he now views the Tories as a ‘liberal party’ maybe ‘fucking mentalist cunt’ might be more appropriate.
There are no swearwords adequate to ever sufficiently describe Peter Hitchens’ cuntymental fucktarded twatbasketry, but I keep working on it…
(How can two brothers be on such drastically different ends of the cunt scale?)
Oooh, now I LIKE cuntymental. It definitely describes most of HYS. Is it to be my lot in life that my one *skill* is coining adequately amusing profanities? Hmmm.
Shurely you shouldn’t call it a *skill* but a “skill”.
Methinks.
If you’re right.
Surely you shouldn’t spell ’surely’ ’shurely’?
(You’re not in Private Eye, dearie)
Using asterisks to quote stuff is used for ironic emphasis. But I think you knew that.
Daley,
The whole world is the Private Eye.
If I’m thinking.
That’s Mr Mayle to you, Hislop.
Do you think the Hitchens bros. spend awkward Xmasses together, twitching at opposite ends of the table while family members desperately keep up inane, bright family chatter, as to stop would allow a sudden upsurge in matter meets antimatter type ideological, twatbasketish, cuntymental bellowing? I like to think they do. Go Chris! Whoo hoo!
I like “shurely” and believe it contains a pleasing balance of whimsy and sheer unjustifiable awfulness.
I have a trombone somewhere but haven’t emoticonned it yet so it isn’t much use on the internet.
Clovis, that’s a comedy sketch (or, indeed, hidden camera footage) I would LOVE to see. Do you think if Chris accepts Xmas pressies, Peter starts getting all self-righteous and rants about Chris not totally denying all aspects of a Christian festival, culminating with him screaming about the top of his lungs about traditional values being eroded by NuLiarBore destroying all jobs except for paying communist feminists and homosexuals to put paedophilia and Islam into the water supply to make us all brown, forrin and pervy-wrong, whereupon their Mum sends him to his old room to calm down and when Christopher sits on the sofa smirking, she tells him off too then goes into the kitchen for a cry and a sneaky sherry and then their Dad says, ‘look at what you two are doing to your mother, after everything she’s done to make this Christmas nice for us all’ and then he makes Chris promise to be nice to Peter and the two have to say sorry to each other and hug awkwardly in front of their mother and then the family play Charades with an air of palpably brittle forced jollity. Then they watch the Dr Who special. And it’s crap.
I’ve put waaaaaaaaay too much effort into imagining that, haven’t I?
(Incidentally, this does NOT resemble my own Wintervals spent in the bosom of my family. That much)
A very strange arsehole it must be to emit a whistling sound. Or is it perchance a donkey reference?
Not just Xmas Bit Special – what about long trips to summer hols at Butlins with les freres Hitchins in the back of the car complaining about who was on whos side of the seat? – I would imagine it’s Chris as I can’t see Peter moving towards the centre (see what I did there?) Arguments about who dealt it and who smelt it etc, all the while mum Hitch desperately pointing out cows or trains, while dad’s knuckles whiten on the steering wheel. Eventually Chris will get car sick from all his surreptitious whisky swigging from his Batman flask, and Pete will sit there sobbing how Chris has ’spooooooilllllled it aaaall – agaaaaaain’.
Then they watch the Dr Who special. And it’s crap.
That made me cackle slightly too hard, but then I am the Doctor Who equivalent of a lapsed Catholic. Sort of. I like to think that the brothers Hitchens could at least agree on the pantsness of a Doctor Who special, but then I picture Doctor Who fandom and doubt it.
You just know they gave him the extra-special rubber glove treatment, the one they reserve only for a) drug mules and b) real proper cunts.
Mum Hitch tries to lighten the mood with some funny stories, but Christopher spoils it by informing her that women can’t tell jokes*. Peter then tries to smarm up to her by trying to teach her a few racist gags he’s heard at school and then the two brothers start to fist-fight. “It’s six of one and half a dozen of the other”, roars their father before pulling over to thrash them both with his belt.
*Lovelovelove God Is Not Good, but WTF with the sexism, C-Hitch (as we call him in our house)?
PS, Mim – I am a martyr to Dr Who geekdom; the Young Fella has to avidly watch every single episode/special then rant on about how it’s not as good as it was ‘back in the day’ (despite not even being born when most of it was on). Sigh….
I hope when they fight it’s with faces averted and grimacing while wildly slapping at each other and shrieking ‘muuuUUUUUuuuuuUUUM!’ Yis – getting off topic a bit.
Does one’s passport allow one unconditional reentry to Blighty? Doesn’t the passport merely exhort officials to help the bearer? OOOooooH, get me, with my ‘one’ and my ‘exhort’. Still, would like to know.
If you’re a British Citizen they can’t refuse you entry. They can arrest you and stick an alsatian up your arse, but they can’t eschew you away.
UK Mate o’ mine got a 5 year ban from Oz for visa infingments. Later, he flew London to New Zealand via Sydney but the plane had some sort of problem at Sydney and they were delayed 24 hours there. Everyone else got a room in a 4star hotel and a night out in Sydney. My mate got locked in a cell ’til the plane was ready!
Kyak Kyak Kyak!
I stopped watching Doctor Who after Season 3 of the New Thing because it had reached the point where I knew I’d be doing the same rant every bloody week and it reached the point where it really wasn’t worth it and my family were probably going to have to have me killed. I now mostly watch Hartnell episodes because the gender politics are less awful.
Hmm. I should try to make this comment a bit relevant but I’m not sure how. Twatbasket?
(No idea what happened there, I think I listed them in the order I found them.)
Don’t use twatbasket in vain. Although we have gone awfully off topic, dearie dearie me. Roll on the new postings about the next load of asswhistles we can rip the shit out of (that accidentally creates a mental image I could do without).
Let me see if I can help:
Arseywankfuckpigcuntlycuntlycuntlyknobsplatter.
Like that you mean?
PS: Twatbasket.
Balsamic.
Jus.
Legacy.
Rehoming.
Twat.
Carburettor.
Rejection.
Panacea.
Middlesbrough.
Go on admit it Stevey boy, I got them all didn’t I?
1. woof
2. slurp
Gobbler, do you perform all types of oral sex or just one in particular?
Yes! Thank goodness. Brilliant, isn’t it?? I love it.
Woof woof woof, woof woof woof woof! Grr. Woof woof right-wing twats woof, woof grrrr HYS posters! Woof, woof woof woof WOO WOO WOOF WOOF woof grrrrrr BNP cockheads.
Woof?
>Arseywankfuckpigcuntlycuntlycuntlyknobsplatter.
>Like that you mean?
No, I understood that perfectly. In fact it’s about as clear as language gets.
“We need to stay strong on this one. There are several billion people who would come to Britain if we let them it is as simple as that. Any sign of weakness will be seen as an open invitation.
Dave, Southampton”
Completely off topic, but I love how Dave from Southampton thinks that as long as we all keep posting shite on HYS, THE ENTIRE WORLD will come to the country.
I completely fucked up that above post.
Gordon Clowns fault.
@Bit Special
I’ve used the term “Twat Bucket” for a number of years. Every time I hear “basket” as part of an insult/euphamism, I think of 1950s B&W films using it as a substitute for “bastard”.
“… Bucket” is just better than “… Basket”!
‘Cause I said so.
@Simon – nah, you’re mad. Bet you’re a Southerner. You stick to your paltry twatbucket, I’ll keep the twatbasket flame alive.
@Bit Special
I’ve never knowingly rhymed “Pass” with “Arse”, and twatbuckets that do should learn to talk proper like what I does and think before inserting an “R” into words.
@Bit Special
Anyway, enough of this flirting (probably just me, eh!?). I’m off to have a barth and go to bed.
Vain twatbaskets are the worst sort.
For fuck’s sake do NOT make trombonists’ mental health problems and delusions of significance any worse by capitalizing “trombone” like that. It’s all lower case, very much lower, all the way, believe me. And if it could be printed in a smaller font, and greyed out a bit too, it should be. If you capitalize it they will start to think they have civil rights and stuff. Just leave it, in fact eschew it. I for one certainly will. Fact. Twatbasket.
@Simon – it’s just you.
(Soz)
“How I wish something random and alarmingly vehement would be posted on sYb to cheer up my fluey day,” thought Mim, clicking feebly on the top post to check the comments in obsessive fashion. An interventionist God in whom she had no belief must have been smiling upon her because sure enough there at the foot of the page was an exquisite work of anti-trombonist polemic for the like of which she had dared not hope. Perverting her use of English in keeping with the theme of the thread, she wrote an irksome third-person narrative to express her joy, and reassured herself that having played the trombone badly at the age of about eleven did not place her in the category being denounced.
If she’s right.
No, you mean four.
And since I posted that, Bit Special has ruined my future bestselling romance novel They spOke They’re bRanes. The world will never know what it missed.
Pigfrottage, speaking of himself in the third person which is not at all pompous or silly, would still love millie, even if she was a professional trombonist. Their forbidden love and mutual contempt for Topsy and Adair would unite them and lead to Nirvana for all. (But only the “Nevermind” album, after that they were crap.)
Mim, “They spOke They’re bRanes” may resume….
Surely Aaaaardvark’s anus comes before Ass-whistle, alphabetically at least. Still, at least Steve’s not a trombonist.
@Freddy 2 Trousers
You’re right, I did mean four.
How do you do italics??? Is it as hard as block quotes (which I also can’t do)?
Alex – 13:25, is that what you wanted the curse translation for those months ago?
Mim, ‘They spOke They’re bRanes’ made me laugh at loud on the bus (’luckily’, that still made me the least weird person on there). If I can be ‘proud and haughty’ with ‘glossy, flowing locks’ and ‘a chest that makes grown men weep’ (keeping it true to life, like), can I still be in it?
(Pigfrottage, your expansion on the theme caused yet more public chortling – shouldn’t it be you ‘n’ Mim who get it aaaaahn?)
I think the proper sYb way would be the sort of orgiastic excess that would make HYSers explode in horror/repressed arousal. Nelson will look a lot like whatever actor will annoy him most, and will lead an Exciting Life As A Spy because that is the only way that someone who can work a computer can be cool in popular fiction. I know that sounds a lot less romance novel and a lot more bad thriller, but we should cover as many lucrative markets as possible here.
Now to work out which of us is secretly Topsy.
It’s gotta be Fucko.
If we’re covering as many markets as possible, I have dibs on being a sexy ‘n’ mysterious vampire who has an ethical dilemma with drinking human blood (yes, I was a depressed Goth in my teens. Why do you ask?). But not a sexy, mysterious, troubled vampire Joy Pattison. She should be a crazed Dr Frankenstein figure, slaving away in her top secret Alpine lab, trying to reanimate the corpse of her beloved dead father.
I say ’should’, but mean ‘is’. You up for adopting a slightly teutonic accent?
You do surprise me.
Shaddap! You don’t understand me! NO-ONE understands me!
Ah, the misanthropy and self-loathing remains, but the desire to wear black lipstick and ridiculous footwear ended a long, long time ago.
Depressed Goths have it worst because the level of effort you have to put into normal non-clothing is quite bad enough. Black lipstick would probably push me over the edge.
Joy Pattistein sounds entirely too plausible. I shall think of her whenever Joy posts, and snigger childishly.
Normal non-Goth clothing I think I meant. Even I could probably manage naked except for black lipstick, although I’m not entirely sure what scenario could require it.
I’m not sure either, but I find I can’t get the image out of my head. Hmmm. That’s got to be a scene in the book. Write it now!
‘Joy Pattistein’ is genius, Mim – I salute you. Shame no-one’s reading this thread apart from us now (probably).
God, how I laugh at today’s young Goths; laugh with a bitterness bordering on insanity at how pointlessly boohoo they are about everything when in fact life is only going to get shitter for them from here on in.
It’s my cheerfulness that keeps me going.
I remember when Goth girls wore nice dresses and Goth boys looked all smart and well-dressed. Not like the sloppy Goths you get these days.
Prostak – no, that was for another post that Nelson didn’t like. It was great. But I still learned a swear (or rather that a swear I already knew could be used in another language with no effort whatsoever because Slavs are so immensely samey).
Twatbasket and asswhistle are both notable constructions, thank you.
I also find that a judicious ‘fuckrash’ explains matters.
Mim,
I used to like the way goth girls looked, with their stripey leggings and purple scarves. Now everything is pierced and they look daft. I’m getting old.