Armchair Generals and Permanently Bewildered08 May 2009 09:35 am
By Alex
Thanks to Nathan. On pirates:
meet them with overwhelming force.thats the only thing they will understand invade somalia,turn the pirate bases to lava after giving a warning to the people to leave
donald bastle, grand rapids
Call me a hand-wringing liberal, but I’m still concerned about the effect of lava on members of the civilian population who may be unable to flee, not to mention the indigenous flora and fauna. It would also damage the local economy irreparably, most likely pushing more people into piracy as it becomes their only escape from poverty. Perhaps we should just use ice magic to freeze the pirates and then levitate the civilians to safety.
29 Responses to “Practical Solution”
errrr….. hasn’t that been tried ? Back in the nineties. The usual half arsed low budget nonesense resulting in many dead, but no change.
Offering to swap their weapons for ganja and pizza would make more sense.
I think we should meet them with underwhelming force. That’s the last thing they’ll expect!
Send Rear Admiral Topsy (or whatever military rank he’s currently claiming to have) out in a rubber dinghy brandishing a rolled up newspaper and shouting “jolly well stop it!”. That’ll fix the buggers. And their parrots.
Should Donald’s plan be put into action (in Bizarro World, or something) has he not considered that pirates may pretend to be civilians to escape the overwhelming force of lava?
Maybe he thinks they’re all eyepatch-wearing peg-legs with parrots on their shoulders.
I’ve found a possible snag. The pirates have recently developed a lava shield, protecting them from lava attacks in Somalia, and they’ve surrounded their boads with it.
I think it’s called water.
(I meant boats. How embarrassing.)
Forgive me for being churlish – but haven’t we done pirates quite a lot recently*?
I suspect this is a socialist conspiracy to deflect from the real issues of the day being debated on HYS.
*Now I’ll curl up into foetal position to await a good kicking.
SPELLCASTING!
L
A
V
A
Sorted!
Send Rear Admiral Topsy (or whatever military rank he’s currently claiming to have) out in a rubber dinghy brandishing a rolled up newspaper and shouting “jolly well stop it!”. That’ll fix the buggers. And their parrots.
You’re forgetting he’s also a pirate.
A BUTT PIRATE. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
(gay)
Hmmm, blockquote disappeared, fucking pirates have had it, I shouldn’t wonder.
These “pirate bases” that are going to be turned into lava, are they the same as “ports”?
I think pirate bases have more taverns.
and blockquotes.
I am hereby linking absolutely every idiot I meet to this post. Thank you, sir.
Wasn’t ice magic the liquid chocolatey stuff off of the ’80s that hardened when you put it on ice cream.
Does it work on pirates too? Cor!
Hasn’t anybody thought of carpet bombing them with woodworm?
If I remember rightly, insult-sword-fighting works pretty well against pirates.
“How appropriate – you fight like a cow!”
This pirate mullarkey in Somalia, I blame a 1980’s Adam Ant fixation. Things will improve when that country has moved past his ‘Dandy Highwayman’ phase and adopted a Village People look. I for one can’t wait until the Cameo Codpiece craze catches hold.
Self-assembly joke situation:
lava …
lava lamps …
donald bastle, grand rapids …
not very bright
oh whatever. Bloody trombonists.
I suggest using ninjas or perhaps even robots to combat the pirate problem.
If he’s right then I suggest dropping cattle grids and rum-soaked crackers over the area. That’ll stop them.
Damn you, Throbbe, you beat me to the ice magic joke (showing our age there *methinks*)!
Mind you, a condiment/sauce-based attack might just give us the winning element of suprise. We could use up all the salad cream we have left over now that lonely right-wing American mentals are boycotting it.
I say ‘we’ but I neither know nor care who sorts out pirates (is it the actor Tom Hollander in a periwig?).
Everyone is thrilled by pirates. If the people have been warned and allowed to leave, then why bomb the place to larva? The pirates would have left, unless you forbade people with cutlasses, scarves on their heads and thick Sindhi earrings to leave. So, that order has to be put in place too.
Woodworm – what a cunning idea. They’ll find it difficult to pirate when their wooden leg disintegrates.
Has this poor fool actually thought where they are going to get the volcanoes from to actually MAKE the lava? On the back of a low loader from Hawaii perhaps?
This fuckface clearly thinks Somalia is some form of pirate nation, governed, ran and populated purely by pirates.
Perhaps he should consider how fucking stupid a though that is and then stick his head even further up his own arse so he suffocates on intestine.
*thought
Fucking spelling.
I still believe that attaching lasers to the backs of sharks (suggested by someone else in another thread) is a fundamentally sound plan to combat piracy.
I don’t know what the big deal is. Pirates are lovable rogues. We should be looking to make friends not commit genocide.
Maybe a documentary featuring their big bottomed women? It would be quite sexy so worth a fair bit in royalties. Then they could use that money to do good and turn Somalia into an African Surrey.
I almost think there could be room for another tag: ‘Michael Bay Fantasists’