God knows why, maybe Bob Jackson made me want to up the stakes, but one day, I found myself wondering how our old friend [mugged_as_mp_laughs] lives, and what he actually does for a living. It wasn’t difficult, as he’s rather forthcoming about his lifestyle. In fact I think he wants us to praise and emulate him.
Thats the problem fellas.
You LET them have too much.
A womans place is looking after the home, being there for the children and pleasing her husband.
Shame they took out the bit of the marriage vows “Love, Honour and OBEY”
[mugged_as_mp_laughs]
You know he’s single ladies.
I have lived on my own for 8 years now since I was 44.
Lonely ???? I LOVE IT.
ALL the time in the world to do what I want to do now I’m retired.
I suppose I am anti-social, but I find, that if you talk to anyone, you cannot help but take on their problems or end up moaning about things.
I suppose I am what you call a hermit or recluse. Who cares ? I have no interest in other human beings and their self centred problems.
Jack is alright I suppose but our ‘free’ society made me like it.
[mugged_as_mp_laughs]
You know I never had you down as the sociopath type. Still, it’s good you have all this time to enjoy life’s simpler pleasures, like sitting on the internet moaning about things, wanking and moaning about things some more. Do you use social networking sites by the way? I hear they’re very popular.
150 Million ?????
These children really should get out and meet real people !!!!!
Good grief !
[mugged_as_mp_laughs]
If only they could see you, hunched in a fraying dressing gown and egg-stained underpants over a glowing monitor, rattling out anonymous anger to people who wouldn’t care a jot if you keeled over right now. (I mean Have Your Sayers, I for one would be grinning like a chimp for days). One look at your empty eyes, your grim frown and the self-satisfied smirk as you hit ‘Post’, and they’d be out down the Youth Club before you could say “paid mourners”. Anyway, what’s your favourite food?
I have tried them once but I still think Pizza is cheese on toast with leftovers from our dinner plates sprinkled on !!!!
Still, if you want to waste money, go right ahead.
[mugged_as_mp_laughs]
I shouldn’t be telling anyone this in a recession as it could destroy the last remnants of the British food industry, but cheese is actually mouldy milk and toast is just cooked bread. There, I’ve fucked the country, but it’s worth it just to sap another tiny bit of colour from your drab, grey and miserable life.
49 Responses to “More Laughter”
This guy really is an otter’s minge of the highest order.
I wonder who Jack is. He sounds alright, I suppose.
All I’ve ever wanted is a man to rule my life for me, impregnating me with his beautiful spawn while I do my damndest to ensure our house is kept as a perfect homage to the Stepford Wives. Unfortunately I regard pizza as being a valid food group. Oh, Mugged, if only you weren’t so principled and noble! Your finest traits were our downfall!
He’s single, lives on his own, spends all day on his PC pointlessly moaning, and he doesn’t eat pizza? He must be a crisps and vodka man.
So, reading between the lines, his missus refused to obey him and ran off with the pizza delivery boy, the police have been investigating his use of certain social networking sites so he needs the kids to get out more and it’s apparently down to “society” whoever they are.
God bless him. It’s not his fault he is such a pasty faced old salmon really is it!!
This is wonderful. He’s actually Pure Distilled Quintessence of Thatcherism! He even more or less says it. She’d be so pleased, can we tell her, is she still alive or anything?
Ooh, and do we know why his “interweb username” is “mugged_as_mp_laughs”. My word, I bet there’s a tale to be told there! (Winks roguishly.) Any chance of getting him to tell us? Pleeease??
Cheers,
falls_off_chair_laughing_at_the_sheer_sadness
(If I’m right.)
She is still alive, but she’s turned into Lady Gaga.
Holy fuck. Leftovers on cheese on toast? If I were an eye-tie…
Surely that’s two meals anyway? MAMPL is clearly doing alright, like that Jack fellow he mentions.
“I for one would be grinning like a chimp…”
I think that should be “grinning like a wanking chimp…” Sorry to be pedantic.
I suspect ‘Jack’ is the man who sits in the threadbare paisley armchair next to MWMPL’s own chair, agreeing wholeheartedly with everything MWMPL says.
Until a real person turns up, when he mysteriously vanishes…
Yeah, that’s a great idea. In fact, I’m going to do this straight away. Of course, I’ll need some way to keep in touch with these real people. Some sort of “social” “network” if you will. Say, one with 150 million members?
Sadly the HYS crash has lost of most this guy’s words of wisdom, but even of his 3 remaining comments, an image of sheer fuckwankery emerges.
Yes, why don’t the politicians ever stand up for us battleship-dwelling commonfolk?
Looks as though Jack didn’t like the HMS Belfast idea.
“egg-stained underpants”
Fucking classic.
MAMPL is single, you say? I can’t see how or why.
I fucking love Pizza. I fucking hate this bloke.
Yeah, what sort of person hates pizza? How is it even possible to dislike pizza… oh yeah, I forget, he’s a proper mental.
I think his ex wife was an inflatable doll, who divorced him for being a complete cunt.
I am MAMPL’s cold rejected Pizza.
Am I alright, Jack?
From the BBC? Yeah, I knew him… Are you filming? Yeah?… OK, Well, he seemed such an ordinary bloke, you know, he kept himself to himself and that. But, he was polite enough, he was no bother like. He was a perfect nieghbour to be honest. Well, we thought he was. I remember we heard a lot of drilling and banging from his cellar in late 2001, it was about the time his wife left, but he said she’d gone back to her mothers, well, you just don’t expect it, do you? I was chatting to the sargeant yesterday and he said that all the 27 bodies they’ve uncovered so far are of women of the same age and physical description to his ex-wife.
He’s completely buggered the value of my house, that’s for sure. You never can tell, can you? You never can tell. Fred West eat your heart out.
This is the Most Recommended Post for an HYS thread.
For Sale. 3 bed semi. X reg, some damp, 50,000 meals, 750 shags and 2.5 kids on the clock. May part exchange. No time wasters please.
or maybe you have a “/” missing?
If toast is “just cooked bread”, does that mean that bread is actually raw bread and if so what does that make dough, raw, raw bread?
I like that plan too, Up Syndrome.
Totally fvcks the National Trust though – their whole portfolio would be worthless.
Bread is just cooked dough dummy.
Although the serial killer scenario has a certain appeal, as soon as MAMPL’s missus got enough money to complete the operation he/she, went back to Club Jigajig in Manila.
While I respect him for doing us all a favour by being a recluse, I wish I knew his address. I want to phone up Domino’s and send him pizza he hasn’t ordered.
Think about the coginitive dissonance! He’d be caught in an existential trap between receiving heretical foodstuff, or interacting with the delivery boy.
Actually fuck it, let him starve.
/
He makes me ashamed to be a reclusive misfit. I have social anxiety not misanthropy, honest! I’m not that sort of reclusive misfit!
Also, he has failed to notice that the tomato bit of pizza goes under the cheese. Ha ha! What an idiot!
Mrs Thatcher:
Really? Oh no, what a shame. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer person.
You mean she’s an incompetent parody of misremembered 80s fuckwittery?
Actually now that you mention it…
“Club Jigajig in Manila.” Dr Feelgood
One of my most truly treasured moments is the time I was in a rather scruffy bar in Bombay and, apropos of nothing, the rather scruffy Maitre D’ sidled up to me and asked if I would like “a spot of Jiggy Jiggy.” and indicated a couple of large, surly, powdered women in the corner. I felt like the chuffing Raj! I told him, regrettably the Memsahib was shortly expecting me to caddy for her on a shopping expedition on Chowpatty Road and ordered a pink gin… what what.
Alex,
I’m glad you occasionally miss off the / too. I feel like I’m in good company.
millie,
Hilarious, but I don’t want to imagine Mrs T dressed like this:
http://westsidewill.com/newblog/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/lady-gaga1.jpg
Not good…
> is she still alive or anything?
[/Glances out at street]
[/Sees no parties]
Yes.
Don’t worry Mim, you’re the GOOD sort of reclusive misfit. As a misanthropic recluse myself (I chose to work part-time as I’d rather be skint but have time to myself than have to deal with other-bastard-people five days a week, Jeeeesus), I despair at how generally cunty and HYS-prone most other misanthropic recluses are. They give us other reclusive misfits such a bad name. My parents must have done something right to not make me like MAMPL and his ilk… apart from whatever it was they did wrong to make me like this, that is.
As regards Thatcher still being alive, her death will make for some VERY difficult news reporting – how will they square the whole sombre, tragic state funeral thang with the ecstatic street parties and festivities and outpourings of joy from the general public? A friend of mine already has a whole ‘ding dong, the witch is dead’-style party planned already, I kid you not. Whereas I favour a fancy-dress affair where everyone has to dress up as one of the terrible things she did. I’m thinking a big dress fashioned into the prow of the Belgrano…
Good call. I’m dressing up as a non-existent glass of milk!
Basically, I’m going to crash your party naked.
It’s the only reason I’m throwing the damn thing. ;p
Well, that attempt at a smiley failed miserably
Other way round not good either. Mind you… combining the Mrs T look with Lady G lyrics could be interesting
Do I really have to be the one who makes a cheap pun about Baroness Thatcher being senile = Lady Gaga for real?
@Funny Peculiar
How simply frightful, there’s a different code east of Suez with Johnny colonial. Good chaps to have at your side in scrap with the Pathans though.
I do hope the memsahib with her sensitive European nerves wasn’t shocked, and trust you took your frustration out on the houseboy later.
No, Daley Mayle, you get to be the one who publicly fails to notice the pun was already made.
Mind you, if you get a time machine and go back to post your pun before millie does, you’ll look like a comedy genius!
Bollocks! Perhaps if I didn’t suffer from chronic insomnia, I might only be slow on the uptake, instead of positively retarded.
I feel ashamed now. I’m going to pretend none of it ever happened, lalalala.
He’s encouraging paedo-ism! GET HIM!
@ Bit Special – yes, HYS helps me to appreciate my parents except for those brief moments when I envy bastards their apparent lack of self-awareness. But then obviously as a recluse I have a lot of time to brood.
Being Northern, I would probably have to come as a closed mine. I’m not exactly sure how that would work. Rusty Meccano and the stench of despair, mainly.
Did you say “love, honour and eBay”?! I think marriage vows were there before the internet, even though Noah used to surface. Sir, face the music!
If pizza is just cheese on toast…
and cheese is just mouldy milk while toast is just cooked bread…
then milk is just grass that’s been passed through some of a cow, and bread is just grass seed that’s been powdered and fermented with yeast…
So instead of a pizza, I might as well cut out all the middle men and eat the lawn. What could possibly go wrong?