Thanks to Phil and Rich for these.
Your Royal Highness Queen Elizibeth. As a loyal servent, I see your Parlimentarians have disgraced themselves and i would recomend they are all removed forthwith and new directions made to their succesors, clensing the filth that has gone unchecked for many years. I regret to inform you all,that its now time the monarchy impose their will on its subjects, in the best interests of the country/subjects towards the men who impose on you and made accountable for their self protected thieving actions
Spitfire Pilot, Low Over, United Kingdom
TO HRM Queen Elizabeth II
Please I beg you as a loyal subject of this once great nation please intervene on the behalf of your loyal citizens and end this era of greed and corruption. We need to be able to draw a line under this whole episode and move forward with confidence. The only way to achieve this is for you to dissolve parliament and order a full audit of the countries finances.
Its time for you to prove your un-doubted worth to the nation, be bold be strong be true to your people help us in our hour of need. If you act we will support you.Love and Loyalty
WEP
WhiteEnglishProud
58 Responses to “Dear Jim’ll”
I’d like to see those two fuckers dissolved. Love and loyalty….sounds like an oath of allegiance to the fuhrer….probably is.
That was almost sexual.
Almost sexual? They were typing one handed.
My time machine’s crashed.
Where am I, what year is it?
London, 1642 you say?
Oh my Gaaaaaad…
I’m going to spend the afternoon figuring out how to incorporate a spunking cock and tits into my signature.
WEP probably has a picture of Her Maj above the headboard of his bed so he can look her in the eye whilst he finishes off into his plastic dolly.
What they don’t know is that I have sent in the Screaming Queen’s Brigade to eliminate these two subjects who don’t even know to address Her Majesty as Her Majesty. By calling Her Majesty Her Highness they are committing high treason and will be strung up in the Tower with ravens pecking out their eyes and intestines for ever.
Seriously, Nelson: did you put the misspellings into the Spitfire Pilot’s entry? He is really too too wonderful to be real.
PS: I have become a camp Panda with unintentional innuendo just seeping out of me.
How would we decide which set of people to replace the MPs with? Why don’t we divide the country up into sections, and then have a day where people in each section can choose someone they want to represent that section. Those people could go to London and represent the interests of that section. I think this method would clearly prevent the sort of abuses we’ve seen under the former system.
“be bold be strong be true”? This reminded me out of the BaaRamEwe song the little pig sings in Babe to calm the sheep down. Is WEP calling our beloved monarch a fucking sheep?
The only reason the Queen hasn’t dissolved parliament is because she’s scared the public will find out she charged the Duke of Edinburgh’s jewel encrusted gimp suit to expenses from the public purse.
But I BET Phillip laps shit like this up. I bet he prints them out and waves them at HRH over the breakfast table shouting, “You see? You see?” in between scowling at the Daily Mail and generally doing a creditable fascist version of Victor Meldrew.
And at dinner, when he’s had half a bot of Chateau Priceless 1957, he starts proding the butlers and barking, “C’mon, you, whats-y-name, your a pleb, you hate the nig-nogs, don’t you? Course you do. You’d like to send ‘em all back to Bongo-bloody-Bongo land, wouldn’t you?”
If these cretins can’t are upset at our MPs, err, overzealous claiming of expenses then what do they make of the handouts we give to the House of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha?
Isn’t the whole reason you have parliament so that the king/queen don’t rule the country and can’t dissolve it?
Hate and Dishonesty
BIA
Black Inuit and Ashamed
Making a claim for “moat maintenance” is wholly, necessarily and exclusively for the purposes of your employment if, and only if you are employed as “Queen”. Anybody else making such a claim is clearly guilty of treason.
In which case a claim for axes and executioner’s disbursements will surely follow.
TO HRM Queen Elizabeth II,
Please I beg you as a loyal subject of this once great nation please intervene on the behalf of your loyal citizens and see to it that Sunderland don’t go down this season.
Thank You, Your Majesticness
Your Loyal Servant
Baz
Much in the vein of Funny Peculiar I couldn’t help but think of Phil The Greek in his best Spitting Image styley crashing into the House of Commons with a “what the blazes are you nincompoops playing at, sort ya bally selves out” and so on. This image, despite the simpering and fawning of the HYS folk cheered me right up!
Cheers Mister Nelson sir, you have made my day a little more better.
Jah Bless
JBD
Are these from HYS? WEP over-uses the word ‘loyal’ like a grade-A twatbasket. Oh wait, he is
Irie!
The best argument I have heard for keeping the royals going is “they bring in the tourists”, closely followed by “they are cheaper than a president would be” and rounded off with a “they don’t have any real power anyway”.
Such royalistic crud by the tossers “Spitfire Pilot” and “WEP” think we should rid ourselves of the royal family (bloodlessly, obviously) just because it would REALLY annoy them.
I hope it is not just class envy, but i resent people being heads of state through accident of birth. Grr.
A day early, but a really bad sandwich would be banana, garlic and tofu in a curry paste. Hits all the reactionary immigrunt buttons though…
I have this image of Prince Charles poking one of his two new organic droids and a holographic message is displayed by SP-LO
But WEP-Freely denies ever having seen the wizened old bat.
Too much coffee at lunchtime, if I’m right.
Pigfrottage, you have spoken the secret truth in the heart of every anti-monarchist: it’s not just the illogical immorality and inequality of people being
given superiority over others by dent of birth that makes us take that stance but also the thought of really pissing off mental old twatbaskets like these two…
Bit Special
Oh yes. I hate the irrational arguments also. “She’s uncorruptable” is one. So, just because she is distantly descended from robber barons and ‘owns’ large swathes of the country and the riches of the country by dint of this, her opinion should be valued. Other sill arguments are welcome and should be confined to the “all well and good, but she didn’t earn her position and she can’t be removed” section.
Bleh.
Spitfire Pilot cannot be real, no way.
At least, hes not a real spitfure pilot.
“Spitfire Pilot.low over. uk.” For fks sake. What a fkn twat. Sorry, nothing witty, not even by my meagre standards. Just astonishment at that name.
Sometimes I forget that I’m foamingly anti-monarchist because I’m distracted by tea or shiny things, but it’s nice to be reminded every now and then that I am still quite capable of an enraged rant on the subject at a moment’s notice. It’s also nice to know that her fans are so often completely rubbish.
I’m even more offended by her position as head of an established Church, but that may just be me with my weird priorities. I am still bitter that I wasn’t allowed to miss school assembly in the name of freedom of conscience.
Thanks Mim, I was so busy fuming over legally being the chattel of the crown that I’d forgotten about the head of the church guff as well. Shame we weren’t friends as kids – you could’ve come along to pantos with me and my brother, so my parents could encourage us to sit for the national anthem. Golden, golden memories. One of my Dad’s proudest moments was when I got bollocked at my MA ceremony for not standing for the n. anth. The MA he can take or leave.
This Queen Elizibith, she had a good education I take it? I bet she’s well proud of having these two twatknackers in her fan club.
How can you be “White And Proud?” Do you have to apply paint to your erect nozzle every morning?
One thing that makes me scratch the top of the old coconut is that if you go to the leafy bits of this country, you notice a lack of Union Jacks and English flags. Drop into a pub or golf club in the Home Counties and you find those who have benefited most from this country’s inequalities rarely have any patriotism or feelings of loyaty to Ze Qveen.
But head on down the rough end and look at the shambling high rise blocks; you invariably see the St George Cross flapping feebly. And don’t bad mouth the queen down the local if you like your teeth.
Why are those who have been most fucked over by this country the ones who display the most loyalty?
Is it cos they is thick? Or is it cos they shore up their feelings of marginalisation and cultural disenfranchisment by conforming to feudalistic tradition and so feel connected to an ancient heritage in order to put some cutlural value in their god-awful, empty lives?
Or both.
Ooh, glad I’m not the only one with anti monarchist dad, Bit Spesh. Lord, the profanities during the Xmas day speech. The whole religion thing got him more though – as his brood grew older it became obvious that he had been restraining himself for the sake of my mother – and then one day the atheist rants started, Happy, HAPPY day. Sigh. And my uncle actually did fly a spitfire. And could fkn spell
Ha, that sounds good stuff, Clovis. Occasionally, we used to watch a bit of the Queen’s Speech to rip the shit out of the old hag en famille, but generally, we never watched it. However, I go to the Young Fella’s parental home for Xmas and they put it on ‘for his Gran’ and watch it fervently. He still laughs at the memory of my face that first year with them when it dawned on me that people actually love it and watch it with pride. He says he didn’t know the human eyebrows were capable of the shapes mine made that day.
My parents were/are the most right-on of right-ons. Apparently, when giving birth to my brother, my Mum had a massive screamy argument whilst in the last stages of labour with a hospital flunky because they refused to put ‘Militant Atheist’ in the ‘Religion’ section of her admittance form. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, I guess.
Fucking amazing. Best signature in history of ever.
Agreed.
My father is a religious monarchist. I sometimes forget and insult his beliefs by mistake. That said, the monarchy in question is the Jordanian one and they have a much more attractive queen. And he quite detests the monarch to whom he has actually sworn allegiance. Still, it’s a bit weird.
I got through TV coverage of a whole papal visit without argument this week. Which was either respecting his beliefs or betraying mine, I’m not sure which. It does a bit depress me to know that one of my parents believes me to have no ethical framework because I don’t believe in a magic bloke in the sky, but then most things depress me so maybe I’m being a bit wangsty on that one.
I wonder what the opiate of the atheist anti-monarchist masses is? I suspect buying fairly traded organic jeans features somewhere. And handwringing. And feeling better than Daily Mail readers. Although that last one is probably just a feature of basic mental health, given that when I doubt it people tend to contradict me using words like “pathologically self-loathing” and “that’s a bit mad though”.
Waitrose Ready Meals? Ordering obscure titles from Guardian Books? Buying a village a donkey from Oxfam in lieu of a birthday gift for a friend? Box set of The Wire? Having a crush on A C Grayling? Getting little-known arthouse flicks from Lovefilm? Having every edition of ‘If…’ by Steve Bell/and or everything by Posy Simmonds? Pomegranate juice? More4 documentaries? Correcting people when they say ‘added bonus’ (etc.)? Charlie Brooker, full stop?
And that’s my birthday list, ta. You’ve got till the end of October.
(Mim, what HAS gone wrong in your life that you would doubt for a minute that you’re better than a Mail reader? Daft bugger!)
Judging by the number of comments attached to each and every post, I’d hazard a guess that the opiate of at least some of the atheist anti-monarchist masses is this place.
Red Andy, you are depressingly right. As is Bit Special although obviously I read the Independent because it makes me feel slightly less as though it can’t believe I could possibly be a real poor person reading it. And I used to buy ActionAid gifts as an attempt to look as though I put any thought into it at all, until my brother started working for Oxfam and I felt I should probably display clan loyalty. Or something.
Gosh it’s difficult trying to plaster over the guilt isn’t it? How we all suffer!
The first 2 posts made me laugh. Lord Chief Admiral Bumservant’s reply made my day.
Opium?
I’d just like to say that I find “Spitfire Pilot” a very insensitive and hurtful nom de plume/nom de twat. Do these people have no idea what I’ve been through?
Hitler’s Penis, Up Me Bunker, Somewhere in Germany.
Woof woof
Slurp Slurp
Spitfire Pilot?
Bite bite!
As always, Gobbler sums up the issue perfectly. Who’s a good boy then?
‘towards the men who impose on you’?
What? Spitfire Pilot shouldn’t give Ben Dover any ideas. ‘Lizzie does Parliament’, Vols: I-IV’
The masses are the opium of socialists.
Mim’s right about the Heshamite Queen, Rania.
Phrooaaaww!
She could open my parliament anyday.
Is it just me. Or does it sound like a euphemism for cracking one off?
Bleugh! I shall now go and rinse my mind out with soap and water.
@ dirgible, Good work sir, thats going in the file.
[blockquote]I’m going to spend the afternoon figuring out how to incorporate a spunking cock and tits into my signature.[/blockquote]
Damn you swine.
Another perfectly good day, ruined.
Neither of those HYS posts were racist. I doubt either of them were meant seriously either.
I meant to abuse Felix but the blockquotes went bollocksed
Thank you. He will be most flattered by your kind words which I will point out to him this evening. From a safe distance.
What wonderful nicknames…
Since when has the LABOUR prime minister been a Nazi and Nick Clegg been a pirate? Except for in loucypher’s barely functioning mind, that is (loucypher. Possibly the shittest and unfunniest nickname ever. And I say that as a pun on a crap newspaper!). I eagerly await his ideas on how we’ll sort out the anarchy that would ensue from getting rid of the government and all major political parties. Why do I just KNOW that his solution will involve the letters B, N and P… ?
Oh, it’s the signatures!
I get it now. Duh.
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2434097.ece
The Sun appears to agree with our posters above. Yeah, I’m sure the queen would ignore hundreds of years of convention and dissolve a democratically elected parliament. Hell, why not just have a military coup and get it all over and done with!
Reminds me of my favourite cunt – I give you…
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/principleismymottonotexpediency/message/293
I used to have to serve this fucker in the library. Every day.