spEak You're bRanes

Permanently Bewildered13 May 2009 01:15 pm

By Nelson

Thanks to Colin.

I’ve not got ‘good taste’, or ‘witty style’ or any other middle-class snobby pretensions. And I’ve cetainly NOT got a degree in architecture (thank god!).

But I know Prince Charles is absolutely right. Look at Buckingham Palace. It is beautiful and ‘right’. Now look at that Gherkin, it’s like a big, green, ‘ahem-hem’. You know. It’s stupid.

All modern buildings are clearly rubbish. Architects should all be sacked and we should just copy the old ones. Why does everything have to be new?
Beverley, Shipton

With the mating season fast approaching, Beverley is currently building her nest in a pile of abandoned spitfires.

68 Responses to “Qualified”

on 13 May 2009 at 1:22 pm Rod Wrongnob

Now look at that Gherkin, it’s like a big, green, ‘ahem-hem’.

A big green gherkin, right? Anything else is in the mind of the beholder.
on 13 May 2009 at 1:23 pm Rod Wrongnob

Bah.
on 13 May 2009 at 1:24 pm Obamooslim

WTF…you mean The Gherkin is GREEN?!

ARGH! Something must be wrong with my eyes!!!
on 13 May 2009 at 1:25 pm BifidusDigestivum

Mine’s purple.
on 13 May 2009 at 1:25 pm billyo

Beverley is a genius – what a great idea. Build palaces for all key workers!
on 13 May 2009 at 1:27 pm DonkeySquicker

Maybe he has been reading too much Jolly Green Giant porn?
on 13 May 2009 at 1:28 pm Obamooslim

Maybe she means a Gurka?

A big, green gurka shaped like a rampant rabbit.

That would make sense.
on 13 May 2009 at 1:29 pm Bit Special

I have it on good authority that Beverley’s blueprint for a to-scale Gherkin building-styled dildo was rejected by Ann Summers on health and safety grounds.
on 13 May 2009 at 1:32 pm Daley Mayle

Yes, Bev, who on earth would want to have wit, style, good taste, a comfortable middle-class lifestyle or a first degree in a lucrative subject? The horror, the horror!
on 13 May 2009 at 1:35 pm Bit Special

She’s not gone far enough for me – we should start building everything wattle and daub stylee from now on to avoid the risk of being criticised for being too hyper-modern (why can’t these cretins comprehend that the ‘old-style’ buildings were new buildings at the time they were built? Aaargh… oh, she’s from Shipton. I see).
on 13 May 2009 at 1:40 pm Funny Peculiar

Norman Foster’s COCK!

come on Beverley, spit it out woman!
on 13 May 2009 at 1:43 pm The Violent Majority

“I’ve not got ‘good taste’, or ‘witty style’”

This intro doesn’t eactly scream “keep reading and value my opinion”.

Incidentally, how do you do them quote box thingies. Eee, but they look dead flash.
on 13 May 2009 at 1:44 pm cerpintor

Really, there’s only one qualification that a modern architect needs, and that is the determination to ensure all buildings have gargoyles. I mean, what the hell is going through the mind of someone who designs a building without gargoyles. Clearly this is missing in almost all currently prolific architects, and so I must agree with Bev when she says “architects should all be sacked and we should just copy the old ones”. Let’s get gothic. Not Sisters Of Mercy type gothic, mind. Can still get plenty of that down Camden Market.
on 13 May 2009 at 1:44 pm Thatcher's Onanism

What the fuck is an ‘ahem-hem’? Say penis if that’s what you mean. I think Beverley has never actually seen a real penis…

Personally, I think we need more penis shaped buildings. Hell, why not have one shaped like a vag, too?
on 13 May 2009 at 1:47 pm Thatcher's Onanism

Yes, a tutorial on blockquoting please! I tried to quote someone in the previous thread, and ended up looking like a complete twatbasket.

The violent majority has spoken!
on 13 May 2009 at 1:53 pm Sarah Ditum

Bev is on the lookout for any phallic structures and was last seen attempting to mount a steeple with her unpretentious fanny.
on 13 May 2009 at 1:53 pm simon hayes budgen

Ah, yes. Buckingham Palace. A tribute to leaving things as they are.

Apart from the wings added over the late 18th century, the new facade slapped on in the 19th, and the redesign of the front shortly before the first world war, it’s exactly as it would have been in 1703. When people complained about how they were using stone and roofs, and what was so wrong with the old ways of living in caves and tents.

But then I’ve got a whole load of middle-class snobby pretensions.
on 13 May 2009 at 1:53 pm dirigible

Violent Majority –

<blockquote&gt like this </blockquote>

Unless html is stripped, in which case -

less-than blockquote more-than like this less-than forward-slash bloackquote more-than
on 13 May 2009 at 1:55 pm dirigible

&gt was missing a semi colon which would have given > . But you get the idea.
on 13 May 2009 at 1:56 pm Melliflouous

Apparently good taste and witty style are middle class pretensions but a claim to superior views on architecture is somehow no big shakes? I can’t imagine she’s lady of the manor of anywhere otherwise she’d be asking for everything to look like her gaff which is unlikely…………on the other hand, what “working class” type would deride the gherkin for looking like a cock and consider old is best?

I’m puzzled.
on 13 May 2009 at 1:57 pm BifidusDigestivum

Actually mine looks more like the Lloyd’s Building. It’s got all the plumbing on the outside and little blue service cranes on the top.
on 13 May 2009 at 1:58 pm dirigible

I’ve not got ‘good taste’, or ‘witty style’

Nor do you understand what the fallacy of the excluded middle is.
on 13 May 2009 at 1:59 pm BTW

[blockquote] Is this question a joke?! Of course I dont. The property boom has effectively ended my life having only just turned 30. My partner and I are facing up to circa £40k of negative equity meaning we are effectively trapped from pursuing a life elsewhere (something we had planned to do). For people who are starting out in life, the property boom either means they cannot own their own home or they will cripple themselves trying to do so. Banks limiting lending criteria would soon bring a rebalance

Toby Adair, Leeds

[/blockquote]

hahah john adair’s spawn are doomed to stay in england. either that or adair is a more common surname then i previously thought.
on 13 May 2009 at 2:00 pm BTW

oh shit sorry to go offtopic. mind you it does involve buildings……
http://newsforums.bbc.co.uk/nol/thread.jspa?forumID=6420&edition=1&ttl=20090513135229
on 13 May 2009 at 2:02 pm Naich

Unless html is stripped, in which case…

alert(“Hello!”);
Sorry, just testing…
on 13 May 2009 at 2:06 pm The Violent Majority

Let’s have a go then:

<blockquote> My penis smels of aples
on 13 May 2009 at 2:06 pm The Violent Majority

bollocks
on 13 May 2009 at 2:15 pm Nicolai

Well I suppose it could look like a vibrator or something but it’s like no penis I’ve ever seen, what the hell is Bev fumbling around with dans le chambre?

Look frenchified stuff at the end, I’m terribly pretentious and middle class.
on 13 May 2009 at 2:21 pm Hose

Bev proves she doesn’t have good taste by saying Buck Pal’s lovely. It’s not. It’s a fucking dump.
on 13 May 2009 at 2:22 pm Hose

hey! It worked!
on 13 May 2009 at 2:23 pm Rod Wrongnob

If I understood YouTube better, maybe I could find the Not the 9 o’clock News sketch where Rowan Atkinson plays a frenchman complaining that all London’s famous landmarks are obviously sexual: St Paul’s Cathedral, a titty; Nelson’s Column, a big willy; etc. It was quite amusing at the time.

And here’s a word for Toby Adair:
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaa-hah.
on 13 May 2009 at 2:26 pm The Violent Majority

Hopefully I won’t fuck it up this time
on 13 May 2009 at 2:30 pm The Violent Majority

Also, is the Gherkin really what my “ahem-hem” is supposed to look like?

Mine looks like a Wotsit that’s been left on the windowsill.

That’s fine though, right?
on 13 May 2009 at 2:31 pm chris

Beverly can suck my ‘ahem-hem’

because she’s a useless cunt
on 13 May 2009 at 3:02 pm Mr Cat

Why does everything have to be new?

Yeah – why? All these “new” housing developments. Why can’t they be hundreds of years old when they’re completed instead of new. Why can’t we manipulate time to our whim?
on 13 May 2009 at 3:08 pm Throbbe

Well, I have level 3 ‘Good Taste’, level 4 ‘Witty Style’ and a reusable ‘Hemp Bag of Containment’. Does anyone know how the hell to defeat the ‘Harpy of Stupidity’ at the end of the Shipton level?
on 13 May 2009 at 3:34 pm Moe

It’s the perfect straw man. State up front that your opinion is worth twat-all, and then confirm it by spouting cock.
on 13 May 2009 at 3:35 pm Le Corbusier

I have a degree in architecture! I am dead though but so is Sir Christopher Wren.
on 13 May 2009 at 3:41 pm Obamooslim

Ah, poor little “I got a 125% mortgage and now I’m in negative equity!!” Toby.

If only you had bought a house shaped like a cock, then you would now have a massive asset (snigger).
on 13 May 2009 at 3:48 pm Loztralia

This site was funnier when it took the piss out of HYS comments that weren’t obviously themselves jokes.
on 13 May 2009 at 3:48 pm The Idle Johnson

I would like to see all buildings built using cardboard boxes and lego like when I was a child in the golden age, when Britain was Great and there were no immigrints and everyone was white and spitfires flew overhead everyday and art was pretty pictures, not this modern rubbish, and the Queen was the ruler and all the MPs were Conservative and also buildings were made out of chocolate and we could eat them without the pc brigade locking us up and, and
on 13 May 2009 at 4:19 pm Call of Davrodu

If you look at Buckingham palace from above, the palace and victoria memorial look surprisingly like a stubby “ahem hem”, with the mall taking the place of a powerfull jet of royal semen blasting laser-like towards the admiralty arch.

I do not have good taste or witty style.
on 13 May 2009 at 4:55 pm Dr Feelgood

I’ve not got ‘good taste’, or ‘witty style’ or any other middle-class snobby pretensions. And I’ve cetainly NOT got a degree in architecture (thank god!).

and that’s not going to stop you vomiting your ignorant opinions all over us, is it?

It’s funny how all skyscrapers are tall and pointy isn’t it? Perhaps they should be built on their sides?

As she’s probably never seen a real one, I suspect she just sees things that she thinks look like willies everywhere.

PS. She didn’t capitalise ‘God’. Burn the heretic!
on 13 May 2009 at 8:40 pm Felix Castor

This site has turned into a republican mouthpiece.
on 13 May 2009 at 9:07 pm Mim

Felix, you say it like it’s a bad thing.
on 13 May 2009 at 10:42 pm Herman Hessian

Nor do you understand what the fallacy of the excluded middle is.

phallusy, surely ?
on 13 May 2009 at 11:44 pm Toast

Better than it turning into a Republican ringpiece.

relax I’m drunk
on 14 May 2009 at 12:33 am Percy Filth

Ignore Felix; he’s also left a message on the Dear Jim’ll thread defending the fuckwit racist monarchists.
on 14 May 2009 at 9:27 am john Adair's Gerbil

Moe,

then confirm it by spouting
cock.

]

It’s patently clear she’s never[1] seen a cock, spouting or otherwise.

[1] If she has, the owner died shortly thereafter.
on 14 May 2009 at 9:33 am pigfrottage

This site has turned into a republican mouthpiece.

Good. Blummin stuck-up leeches…

I think all buildings should be forced to look like Chartres Cathedral

http://www.greatdreams.com/sacred/chartres.jpg
on 14 May 2009 at 10:22 am Throbbe

I’d like to see Barretts knocking out copies of the Duomo di Milano, but of course that will mean bringing in a load of forrin stonemasons.
on 14 May 2009 at 11:02 am Very Tenables

When Frank L Baum wrote about the Emerald City, what he really meant was “Big Green Cockville”.

Typical PC madness. You couldn’t make it up.
on 14 May 2009 at 11:13 am Dolly's evil nemesis

This site has turned into a republican mouthpiece.

Aaaargh TROMBONIST ALERT!!!!!!!
on 14 May 2009 at 1:18 pm Funny Peculiar

This site has turned into a republican mouthpiece. Felix Castor

I’m sure Comrade Castor is sincere in his concerns, and none of us would like to oppress his desire to guard our beloved SYB against the creeping threat of fascism, but I’d be grateful if he could adhere to correct party procedure in future and only raise issues of this nature through the nominated rotating-chairperson of the bi-annual directional SYB sub-commitee, in writing, with at least three working days notice. Or he may voice his concerns at the SYB AGM from the floor.

Comrades! What would happen if we all allowed ourselves the luxury of shouting out wild accusations without due respect for party procedure? Anarchy, Comrades, that’s what. Wretched Anarchy.
on 14 May 2009 at 1:23 pm Oof

This is the least useful html tutorial in the history of the world inter highweb:

<blockquote&gt like this

Unless html is stripped, in which case -

less-than blockquote more-than like this less-than forward-slash bloackquote more-than
on 14 May 2009 at 1:57 pm Like This

like this

like this

like this

like this
on 14 May 2009 at 2:01 pm Like That

like that
on 14 May 2009 at 2:01 pm Rotwatcher

I’m loving the metablockquotes.

Relax, I’m a monarchist.
on 14 May 2009 at 2:19 pm Red Andy

I’d like to see Barretts knocking out copies of the Duomo di Milano, but of course that will mean bringing in a load of forrin stonemasons.

It took centuries to build the first one! And English (not British) workmanship is hardly any better than Milanese….
on 14 May 2009 at 3:22 pm JUST FOR ALAUGH REALLY

B

L

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C

K

Q

U

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on 14 May 2009 at 4:59 pm Olde Worldee

New stuff IS shit

Every single week we go to buy NEW food – EVERY SINGLE week

It’s a farce – we should sack all the supermarkets and just eat metal

If I’m right
on 15 May 2009 at 1:30 pm mejoff

Translated: “I spit in the face of education and intelligence, and I’m a massive conservative.”
Yes, the two do tend to go hand in hand Beverly, thanks for reminding us.
on 16 May 2009 at 1:37 pm Felix Castor

SYB does equate any vaguely reactionary opinion with being an utter twat.

I love the Queen. I’m under 40 and everything. I even vote Green. Sorry.
on 16 May 2009 at 2:53 pm Daley Mayle

Loving someone who literally owns you in law and lives in incomprehensible luxury at our expense and who is supposed to be superior to everyone else just cos of (inbred) birth is a belief system generally compatible with being a twat…

(Or at least a shameful lack of not thinking about things logically and intelligently enough)
on 16 May 2009 at 7:07 pm Mim

You love what about her exactly? No really, I’m interested.
on 17 May 2009 at 12:40 am The Crushinator

What if he, y’know, LOVES the Queen? Is there a such a thing as the Royal Gigalo? Ewwwww!
on 18 May 2009 at 11:07 am kowalski

Well, rumour has it she has a very tight ringpiece, gawd bless her
on 21 May 2009 at 2:55 pm Homer

Hmmmmmm……..block quote

"If you love North Korea so much..
why don't you go live there?"

68 Responses to “Qualified”

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spEak You're bRanes

"If you love North Korea so much.. why don't you go live there?"

68 Responses to “Qualified”

About

Search

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"If you love North Korea so much..
why don't you go live there?"