Miscellaneous Prats13 May 2009 11:13 am
By Nelson

Thanks to Sarah for this comment from a times article about yet another clergyman who’s more scared of homosexuality than he is of God.

Homosexuality is to most folk unnatural and ought not be considered an alternative lifestyle, nor be viewed in any way as a normal or desirable mode of sexuality. Having said that, nobody should be barred from holding office just because they are homosexual. Can’t gays use another word than gay?
David Griffin, Ilfracombe, Devon

Sarah says:

Clearly it is the word David has a problem with, I might suggest something more exciting like “he is sparkly” or “those two women are total sparkles”. Then you can imagine pretty fireworks and colours as opposed to this unnatural image David keeps thinking about.

44 Responses to “Tolerator”

  1. on 13 May 2009 at 11:39 am john Adair's Gerbil

    David, they’re only using the word “gay” to increase your blood pressure.

    Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay.

    Is that little vein at your temple throbbing yet?

    Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay.

    Now, have some gay fatty food.

  2. on 13 May 2009 at 11:49 am Silent majority

    And then they took the word “sparkly” from us…

  3. on 13 May 2009 at 11:54 am Daley Mayle

    Keep sparkling in that closet, David. Ilfracombe isn’t ready for ‘alternative lifestyles’. Or indeed the latter half of the 20th Century.

  4. on 13 May 2009 at 11:57 am Ellie

    I like the way David assumes that Homosexuality is to most folk unnatural. I dont know anyone who thinks that, maybe because I work in “the arts” and them gayers always want to dress up in pink, sing, dance and generaly make a ‘sparkly’ kerfuffle.

    Anyway he is definately gay himself and has clearly made the ‘alternative lifestyle’ choice to live as a ‘normal’ and attack anyone who’s having bum fun without him.

  5. on 13 May 2009 at 11:58 am Set your faces to stunned

    To use a well known phrase, I think David may be so far in the closet that he is having Adventures in Narnia.

  6. on 13 May 2009 at 12:04 pm Bit Special

    A little peek into David’s mind:

    ‘Curse those homosexual gays and their sick practices. I just can’t stop thinking about two toned, tanned, muscular, smooth-chested Adonises writhing about on their silky sheets, their chiselled bodies glistening with sweat as they pleasure each other for hours, firm, manly hands wrapped around the other’s huge, throbbing, veiny cock, before they start to take turns fucking each other hard in the a… oh, I’ve come again. Time to write another stern letter to The Times. These perverts must stop making good, God-fearing straight men like myself think about them sucking my co… oh sweet Christ, not AGAIN’.

    Ad infinitum.

  7. on 13 May 2009 at 12:25 pm YeGods

    “Can’t gays use another word than gays?”

    In my experience gays use lots of words – telephone, shop, bus, wrench, left, right, humus, human …

    The odd thing is, you see, they’re just like everybody else!!!!

  8. on 13 May 2009 at 12:28 pm Alex

    Why can’t words just mean what they meant when I was at school? Is that too much to ask for? It’s just ghastly to be giving a sermon, say I feel gay or queer and hear some utter cad tittering. What BEASTS! No ginger beer for them!

  9. on 13 May 2009 at 12:33 pm Johnny Fartpants

    Fudge-nudgers, batty boys, uphill gardeners, pole smokers, arse bandits, knob jockeys, Marmite miners, turd burglars, doormat bashers… they go by many names. Doesn’t David Griffin read Viz?

  10. on 13 May 2009 at 12:35 pm Dr Feelgood

    David Griffin (any relation to you know who?) might be onto something here with his proposal to use another word than ‘gay’.

    How about this?

    griffin, n. 1. A homosexual
    griffin, v.t. 1. To perform sexual intercourse with another person of the same gender

    One day in the future imagine old ladies saying, “Ooh, it used to be a lovely word, griffin. in my day it only meant that chap in charge of the BNP. Now it’s been stolen by all those…blah, blah…”.

  11. on 13 May 2009 at 12:39 pm Puteshestvennik

    YeGods, were you by any chance crossing a street while posting that comment? That, or you’re a murderer with a very succinct to-do list.

  12. on 13 May 2009 at 12:50 pm Throbbe

    Of course I’ve nothing against gay men, as long as they’re not shoving it down my throat.

  13. on 13 May 2009 at 12:54 pm Serotonin

    “Sin is not a subject talked much about in churches anymore, it’s not lucrative, I guess.

    However God warns: “ur preachers had nothing 2 tell u but lies; their preaching deceived u by never exposing ur sin; they made u think u did not need 2 repent” (Lamentations 2:14) same in 2nd Timothy 3:12 – 4

    carmine cicchiello, adelaide, australia

    Is this some new edition of the bible i was not aware of? Jesus & hiz Massif.

  14. on 13 May 2009 at 1:17 pm funny peculiar

    It’s not the bumming, rimming and endless cock-gobbling that I mind, it’s the complete subjugation of light televisual entertainment that I find deeply suspicious.

    The only one left who doesn’t get ‘on the other bus’ is that has-been Ross and he so painfully wishes he were “GAY!” that it’s just cringingly embarassing.

  15. on 13 May 2009 at 1:21 pm funny peculiar

    Can’t gays use another word than gay?
    David Griffin, Ilfracombe, Devon

    Siiiiiiiiing if your glad to be plangent,
    Sing if you like it that way.

    naaah, that’s not going to fly.

  16. on 13 May 2009 at 1:28 pm Carbon Neutral

    I blame that fat tosspot from the telly. Corden. All that half pretending to be a friend of Dorothy….

  17. on 13 May 2009 at 1:30 pm Offa's Dyke

    from Times article…
    The Rev Ian Watson railed against homosexual lifestyles, declaring that such people would not “inherit the kingdom of God”

    How do you inherit the kingdom of God? Surely God has to die first? Can you imgine the will being read after the last trumpet? The entire collected human race, past, present and future, gathers at God’s solicitors to hear that God leaves his entire estate to his beloved cats Mitsy and Frolic, except for his golf clubs, which go to Satan with fond memories.

  18. on 13 May 2009 at 1:41 pm The Violent Majority

    Offa’s Dyke – not to mention all the inheritance tax you’d have to pay Gordon Clown to inherit the actual kingdom of heaven. I had to pay enough to get hold of my uncle Enoch’s riverside cottage in Hertfordshire; for the actual divine seat of the Lord it must be ridiculous.

  19. on 13 May 2009 at 2:01 pm Not a Gay Man

    I am not a Gay Man, but I know lots of people who are Gay Men. Actually, I don’t, but I do know lots of people who claim to know Gay Men. Well, one person, and she assures me that the Gay Men (alright, Gay Man) she knows is sometimes quite grumpy, so not only is the word Gay upsetting for poor David Not Gay Honest Griffiths, but it is in fact sometimes Not True and should not be tolerated. It is policitical correctness gone wrong. Not that I have anything against politicial correctness.

  20. on 13 May 2009 at 2:04 pm dirigible

    Somebody clearly isn’t getting enough cock.

    I’m not sure about the new word, in “Twilight” it’s the vampires that are sparkly. I’m told.

  21. on 13 May 2009 at 2:13 pm Col John Matrix

    He seems to be following the Catholic Church’s stance on homosexuality – God doesn’t mind if you’re gay, as long as you don’t actually have any homosexual thoughts or do any homosexual “acts”.

    Or, in other words “We don’t like gays, but we don’t want to be seen as out of touch, so I suppose we’ll pretend tolerate gays if they stop being so gay all the time.”

  22. on 13 May 2009 at 2:24 pm Charles Exford, Oxton

    While we’re at it, what’s all this stuff about the meek inheriting the earth?

  23. on 13 May 2009 at 2:39 pm Manly J. Panda

    The meek? That’s fucking me! I’m the fucking meekest of the lot of you!

  24. on 13 May 2009 at 3:43 pm The Pope

    If you’re a Roman Catholic (like vat I am) even thinking about doing a sin is as bad as actually doing it. And I should know. So you may as well do it anyway! Simples!

  25. on 13 May 2009 at 3:44 pm dirigible

    The Mekon shall inherit the Earth, surely?

  26. on 13 May 2009 at 5:50 pm Mim

    Ah, Presbyterianism. Where it is an intrinsic part of the basic actual concept that congregations get to choose their own minister. It’s in the actual name even. Nice to know that one gay man can’t undermine that.

    Mr Griffin seems confused about the difference between public office, where basic rules of equality apply, and religious office, where they don’t because God might not like it. But then Mr Griffin seems quite, erm, confused anyway.

  27. on 13 May 2009 at 6:16 pm YeGods

    No significance to the length of the list – just the point that gays use lots (really, really lots) of words.

    Oh, and I’m not a murderer.

  28. on 13 May 2009 at 6:44 pm markie126

    I’m sorry the meek? Well bugger that I thought the meerkats were getting the earth. I have lent them money on that basis.

  29. on 13 May 2009 at 7:49 pm Black Lesbian In A WheelChair

    I’m sorry, YeGods, but prostitutes DO count.

  30. on 13 May 2009 at 8:46 pm rubberglover

    first they took the word faggot off us, such tasty meaty balls

    then they took gay off us, we all used to be so gay and carefree

    then they took fisting off us, it was a beautiful cross stitch, I used to love sitting by the fire of an evening fisting with my sisters

  31. on 14 May 2009 at 1:31 am Monarch

    David Griffin needs to change his last name.

    Every time I see his post I imagine a giant griffin tapping impatiently with its beak at its keyboard, desperate to express its opinion on the word ‘gay’, and getting frustrated that keyboards weren’t designed for griffins in mind. The poor, discriminated chap.

    You can’t argue with this logic (but you can be stunned with incredulity).

  32. on 14 May 2009 at 2:30 am Mim

    Monarch, you just ruined my indignation and I am now doing an utterly shaming oh-look-a-basket-of-kittens face. David Not-A-Real-Griffin deserves worse than that!

  33. on 14 May 2009 at 6:09 am Monarch

    Aww, Mim, it’s alright.

    I’m in complete agreement with you, though; a possible fitting punishment for David Not-A-Real-Griffin would be to made to run through Ilfracombe for an hour. Naked. And being made to yell “There’s a griffin chasing me!” all the while through.

  34. on 14 May 2009 at 6:49 am oliver

    @rubberglover

    i think faggots were actually a bundle of sticks – “on many a winter night we’d gather around and throw another faggot on the fire”

    ps i’m crushing your head

  35. on 14 May 2009 at 12:28 pm fucko the clown

    i bet he is the inverse of the only gay in the village, protesting about how disgusting it all is whilst spending 3 nights a week with an open mouth at the glory hole in the public toilets!

  36. on 14 May 2009 at 1:42 pm funny peculiar

    I know to be cool at SYB you should only link to incredibly cool, obscure and unknown links. But what the fuck? These ‘people’ may not be so obscure nowadays, but they score big on Incredibly Vicious Hatred on behalf of The Sweet Baby Jesus

    Religion can be a force for good in this troubled world… but these people probably aren’t the best example.

    http://www.godhatesfags.com

  37. on 14 May 2009 at 2:22 pm Mal

    Give ‘em their due though, the WBC do have a good line in fucking with the heads of religious monarchist nutters.

    Heir to the throne, Prince Charles of Wales, will certainly carry on his wicked mother’s tradition of pandering to the fags and any other filthy, vile cause. The famous adulterer (who carried on an affair before the entire country while married to the great whore, Princess Diana) has no authority to do otherwise. The same God who said it was an abomination to be a fag also said “thou shalt not commit adultery”.

  38. on 14 May 2009 at 4:23 pm pigfrottage

    funny peculiar,

    You should watch the Louis Theroux’s weird weekend with the Phelps family. Scary.

    http://www.godhatesfags.com is just plain nasty, and I wish to disassociate myself from Phelps and his ilk. Ugh!

  39. on 14 May 2009 at 4:37 pm pigfrottage

    link for the phelps thing:

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2007/mar/31/tvandradio.usnews

  40. on 14 May 2009 at 5:27 pm Dayley Mayle

    God hates fags? I never knew Teh Big G took such a harsh anti-smoking stance.

    Badum-tsh!

    I’ll get me coat.

  41. on 14 May 2009 at 5:38 pm The Idle Johnson

    From the Guardian link on the family phelps:

    [The Phelps daughters] listened to indie bands like the Killers and the Kooks

    Say no more.

  42. on 14 May 2009 at 5:39 pm Funny Peculair

    married to the great whore, Princess Diana

    tch! She wasn’t that great. She didn’t push back or reach round or anything. She just lay their like a plank of wood, yakking about Elton John parties. Moody Fag Hag.

  43. on 15 May 2009 at 1:31 am David Griffin, Ilfracombe, Devon

    First they came for the Faggots,
    And I didn’t speak up,
    Because I was a vegetarian.
    Then they came for the Dykes,
    and I didn’t speak up,
    because I was a because I don’t live near any significant bodies of water.
    Then they came for the Gays,
    and I didn’t speak up,
    because I was a miserable, solitary, compulsively masturbating hate filled internet bile spewer.
    Then they came for the homosexuals,
    and they beat the living shit out of me
    but I still don’t know how they could tell I suffered from a deeply repressed desire for rough bum sex.

  44. on 15 May 2009 at 1:34 am Sparklehorse

    I lived with a guy from Ilfracombe for a bit. He was a gayer who also liked women. You couldn’t make it up!