No time to sift through the shit this week, so thanks to John for finding this comment about glow-in-the-dark monkeys or something over at CiF. Quality.
This sort of thing is the future. I’m still more worried about a race of super human overlords than the possible cruelty to a variety of glow in the dark animals. Russian oligarch offspring capable of completely filling the screen on the original Nokia snake. The children of bank bosses with a genetically ‘enhanced’ sense of responsibility. How many of Richard Branson’s children will we have to see cluttering up the night sky, after having arrived in space without the need for a spaceship, before we say enough is enough? 10? 300 million? It is already too late.
jimmylazers
50 Responses to “Straight Up”
If an infinite number of glow in the dark monkeys sat in front of an infinite number of keyboards and had an infinite number of time they’d still be to smart to type the drivel that jimmy just spouted.
We’re fucked if he ever stops taking his meds!
I like Jimmy – he clearly has a fantastic imagination. He might be a little paranoid, but c’mon – give him some respect for the creativity!
There is maybe the possibility that he is joking?
He’s not that creative. It’s widely accepted that it is already too late to stop Richard Branson’s 300 million space-faring children.
I’m not sure Richard Branson has 300 million children, but even if he did we wouldn’t be able to see them cluttering up the night sky, on account of it being night time.
They’re not monkeys, for goodness sake.
I meant “for goodness’ sake.” I’ll be posting on HYS next…
When he says Richard Branson’s “children”, does he really mean his sperm????
I don’t care if all of Richard Branson’s 300 million children go self propelling into the night sky (although it sounds pleasingly carbon neutral and fairly hazard free if they have spacesuits or at least little catheter bags for life.)
However it would take about 100 billion of his progeny just to cover each star.
So it’s obviously not too late.
Duh!
Yeah, that’s how it starts: one misplaced apostrophe and before you know it, you’re posting twatbasketry with RANDOM UPPER-CASE on HYS.
People. He’s taking the piss. And he’s actually quite funny. You are all looking a bit knobby right now.
And I’m guessing Nelson agrees with me. He’s filed this ane under ‘Ordinary people’. And as we know, Nelson’s word is hewn from a big fuck-off boulder of godlike truth.
‘Normal people’, rather. Shit.
cough… Mighty Boosh… cough…
“How many of Richard Branson’s children will we have to see cluttering up the night sky, after having arrived in space without the need for a spaceship, before we say enough is enough?”
I thought we had all agreed it was exactly 215? Did you not get the memo?
Ar, I thought it was pretty obvious he was trying to be funny… mainly cos he succeeded.
Hahahaha, of course, i knew he was being funny thats why I never tooked the piss. Honest. Er, hahahhahahhahhha
Trouble is, HE might be joking but there’ll be plenty of people reading it and thinking he’s being a bit too libbrul and PC (gone mad) about it all…
Maybe the low-IQ muttering on HYS is proof that the science of genetically modifying vegetables is far more advanced than ‘they’ are willing to let on. The rise of the BNP may be because stray mutant vegetable genes are entering the human genome.
Perhaps all those workers in Indian callcenters are actually mangoes spliced with the human-voice box gene.
Look at James Corden, surely that is a modified mutant turnip-human with proto-AI. It is already too late.
I do love the bit about snake on Nokia phones.
It’s not often I openly laugh at people… But I had to this time.
This is a work of absolute GENIUS!
I’d vote for him.
This incident proves that this site is becoming more and more like the HYS sites it mercilessly ridicules.
Methinks, if I’m right.
I’d vote for him
—————–
Campaign slogan of the day – “No we can’t – it’s already too late”
It’s clearly a joke and a pretty funny one at that. People who have mocked him on here are as bad as the people on HYS – self-important and unable to understand the issue (ie that he is taking the piss).
So there.
Unlike people who are unable to understand the irony of of this site, you mean?
There does seem to be a slightly sanctimonious edge to some of the posts here: most of the earlier posts (including mine) ignored the issue of whether Jimmy was serious, and concentrated on the subtext of his post. As for those who did assume he was serious, so what? Weirder shit than his gets posted on HYS every day, in all seriousness.
Of course, I realise I am in no position to defend anyone, having missed an apostrophe from my earlier post. Still, someone has to stand up for the underdog’s.
Damn, now I’m overcompensating.
I, for one, welcome our new super human overlords.
“People. He’s taking the piss. And he’s actually quite funny. You are all looking a bit knobby right now.”
Stop ruining our fun.
Next you’ll be telling us his name isn’t really “Jimmy Lazers”.
FACT was being serious instead of taking the piss, and should be mocked.
Sorry, sorry, sorry but I’m in a tizzy. This ‘getting that he’s taking the piss’ is a becoming serious and I don’t know which way to turn. I don’t want to stray from the ‘smart’ herd and accidently blunder into the ‘common’ herd, that would be awful. I think you think Jimmylazers is taking the piss and, if I’m right, that means we must all make remarks that reassure the group we are supportive of this ESTABLISHED FACT and knew it all along. But to ensure my conformity with peer group consensus, should I be
a)Sanctimonious
b)Using lots of LOL statments
c)Aloof yet amused
d)None of the above
And what about heresy? Am I meant to mercilessly attack anyone who deviates from the common consent in order to cement my place in the ‘right-thinking’ camp?
It’s all so tricky, isn’t it? BTW, I knew all along that Jimmylazers was taking the piss, honest, it was the others, not me.
The irony of this site? Look, this site basically takes the piss out of the idiots that post on HYS. Nothing more, nothing less. It’s often quite funny as well.
Maybe you are taking it too seriously – have a bit of perspective and it becomes clear that this (and several others recently) are an ironic sending up of the type of post seen on HYS. If the posts are clearly meant as a joke, then surely it’s a bit foolish to take the piss out of them?
@FP
I’ll go for e)Haunted by the image of Branson firing his spunk into space and the question of why he can’t use a tissue like the rest of us.
There are rules to taking the piss? I didn’t know that. You learn something everyday.
Anyone who can’t see this as a rather excellent parody shouldn’t be on this site.
JimmyLazers? A fictional Mighty Boosh actor talked about in the radio shows. Howard Moon was a fan ‘of the Lazers’.
The Nokia snake comment is hysterical and people here are not as clever as they think they are.
No – no rules, but you have spectacularly missed the point so well done anyway.
If someone is making a joke, and you take it seriously and mock them, then you look a bit silly. That’s all. If you can’t recognise this, I would suggest that you are a little slow on the uptake, struggle to understand nuance and subtlety and fail comprehend the issue. Does that remind you of anyone? I hope that the irony is not lost on you.
@Like This
It seems to me that just saying ‘jimmylazer’s post is quite funny’ would grow a little dull, and fairly quickly. Would you kindly make an entertaining and/or humorous comment about jimmylazer’s post, to show us all how it should be done in future?
@My Foot Hurts
People have made funny comments on this post. Some people have understood the joke and replied in kind.
I’m not trying to be entertaining or funny (it’s just as well), but merely pointing out the irony of mocking something that is clearly a pisstake.
There have been quite a few posts on here recently which have clearly been a joke. It’s made me wonder if Nelson (and the others that put stuff up on this website) are actually creating a new website, which mocks SYBers who (sarcastically and smugly) fail to get the jokes.
@ Like This – there’s been some great recent advances in treatment for Asperger’s; you should check them out.
But in the meantime, thanks for telling us all how and when to comment correctly. I for one welcome such pedantic, unnecessary and self-righteous lecturing. Why, at one stage reading your stuff I almost gave a living shit!
Well don’t. Lead by example, not by sixth-form common-room quibbling. This thread has become a catastrophic porrdge-swamp of well-meaningness and fartery.
I blame that fucking Thatcher.
In my original hand-written script I’d scripted, “porridge” not “Porrdge”. I’m just off to horse-whip my secreatary and to within a 2.5cm of his life and then firmly bugger some sense into him sans vaseline. While I’m gone, argue about wanking or fannies or something. Anything but this tawdry pseudo-bollocks.
And there was me thinking it was tawdry real bollocks.
Of course it isn’t. He’s just calling himself that to sound cool. His real name is Cedric Lazers. (badabom-tish)
Isn’t this sort of thing the reason why everything got turned into ‘blah’ for a few weeks a while back? I seem to recall people got really cheesed off and still spent the whole few weeks relentlessly posting comments saying… well, ‘blah’ was all I could really be sure of.
Last night, Chiptheduck came second in Britain’s Got Wankers when his display of choreographed keyboard-slamming failed to impress the judges. He is still smarting at being beaten by a diverse dance ensemble featuring Joy Pattison, Nick Griffin, Prince Phillip, Richard Littlejohn and Mel Gibson called Race-Is-Ace. Rejection of this comment proves my point.
From an HYS thread called “Should bloggers behave responsibly?”…
I have met concrete with more self-awareness than this prick. He points out that the trouble with the internet is know-nothing dicks spouting shite and obscuring expert opinion. Then he denies global warming and berates the BBC IT dept for bad practice and the loss of his back-catalogue of HYS posts… sheesh, what a proper blind loon.
Science blog Pharyngula (Don’t ask me to pronounce that) has Poe’s Law: ( http://tinyurl.com/wotispoe )
Looks like we need an HYS versh. You just need to replace “Fundamentalism” with “twatdom” or suchlike, and give it a funky name.
Speaking of glow in the dark monkeys*, the BBC have foolishly asked HYSers which subjects should be taught in schools. My personal favourite is from A Kelly:
“English** History (in the correct order of events without side tracks into ‘ethnic’ events) would be a good starter. If you don’t understand your past, you can’t understand your present.” ***
I fully agree with him – all those ethnic events ruined history for me. Can’t we have a proper history, without all this unnecessary rubbish about Saxons and Romans and Normans and furrin tea companies and holocausts and suchlike?
Also, my mum gave me some cue tip adhesive for my birthday, and I don’t understand why (I hardly ever play pool). Perhaps if I understood my past it would make sense.
* a tenuous link to the current thread, I know, but better than nothing…
** not British
*** I also think we should be taught blockquotes in school