Permanently Bewildered29 May 2009 03:23 pm

Bloody Cassetteboy Again

By Nelson

Been way too busy for SYB this week. I expect you’re all starting to regain your faith in humanity. Don’t worry, I’ll demolish it again next week.

In the meantime, have a link to something else instead. Bloody Cassetteboy are at it again.
http://cassetteboy.wordpress.com/

5 Responses to “Bloody Cassetteboy Again”

  1. on 29 May 2009 at 5:08 pm   773 (metric)

    Marvellous. The Football Bit remains, for me, the pinnacle of post-Jurassic achievement.

    Meanwhile, my dad sent me this hilarious email yesterday. He normally sends me 9Mb powerpoint presentations containing overcompressed jpgs of Chinese people being eaten by crocodiles, or dogs dressed as bumblebees, but this one is text only:

    Title: HOW TO FIX THE ECONOMY
    (residue of multiple mass-mailing forwards, e.g. CHECK THIS OUT,, MAKES YOU THINK!!!! removed)

    Dear
    Mr. Darling,

    Please find below my suggestion for fixing Britain ‘s economy. Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks
    that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the
    Patriotic Retirement Plan:

    There are about 20 million people over 50 in the work force. – Pay them £1 million apiece severance for
    early retirement with the following stipulations:

    1) They MUST retire. Twenty million job openings – Unemployment fixed .

    2) They MUST buy a new British CAR. Twenty million cars ordered – Auto Industry fixed .

    3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage – Housing Crisis fixed .

    4) They must send their kids to school / college /university – Crime rate fixed

    5) Buy £50 of alcohol / tobacco / fuel a week there’s your money back in duty / tax etc

    It can’t get any easier than that!

    P.S. If more money is needed , have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and
    second home allowances

    If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know. If not, please disregard.

    I started to reply, aiming to point out some of the more obvious flaws in the plan, but was overwhelmed with a great tiredness and decided instead to simply add a filter that routed all subsequent emails from him straight into my trash.

  2. on 29 May 2009 at 5:22 pm   hrhpod

    Can we see the chinese people being eaten by crocodiles?

  3. on 29 May 2009 at 7:11 pm   Danivon

    Wow. So all it would cost to solve all of our problems is about £20Trillion.

    Which is only about 10 times as much as our entire GDP. And roughly 20 times the current national debt. I bet the morons who wrote this also think that national debt is way too high at the moment. The interest payments would be about £1 trillion a year – that’s an extra £16,700 per person to find in taxes every year or we go further in debt.

    We’d be selling our livers by the end of a week.

    (oh the sound card on my laptop died half an hour ago so cassetteboy is frankly useless to me, hence the response to 773′s dad’s spam email).

  4. on 30 May 2009 at 12:40 am   773 (metric)

    My favourite bit is the bit where there are going to be 20 million job openings. Given that unemployment is currently around 2 million, it means we’ll have to ship in 18 million immigrants (not British). Not to mention the fact that we’ll suddenly have chavvy dolescum filling every senior position in the UK.

    But since we’re supposed to be talking about Cassetteboy stuff, here’s a half-arsed attempt to make my dad’s email more interesting, Cassetteboy style:

    Darling,

    Please find billions of lavish parties.
    You can disregard British people over 50.

    Everyone you know falsely claimed college expenses to fuel the Crime Crisis in school.

    all members of parliament MUST buy their kids £50 of alcohol a week – If more tobacco is needed, tax the work force.

    If you think It can’t get any easier than that, retire!

  5. on 31 May 2009 at 3:59 pm   john Adair's Gerbil

    I’d do all that for half a million.