spEak You're bRanes

32 Responses to “Who You Gonna Call?”

1. on 01 Jun 2009 at 5:48 pm   fogbat
   
   

   I have only just noticed Lord Chief Admiral Bumservant’s signature.

   Awesome.

2. on 01 Jun 2009 at 6:02 pm   James
   
   

   ‘such a move would be popular, not least among disabled people,their families and carers.’

   Truer words have never been spoken.

3. on 01 Jun 2009 at 6:03 pm   Dr Feelgood
   
   

   According to http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/tv/britain_got_talent/2458062/Susan-Boyle-checks-into-The-Priory-Britains-Got-Talent.html the PM has already got this covered.

   And Prime Minister Gordon Brown has now lent the drained star his support, revealing to GMTV this morning that he phoned Simon Cowell last night to check on her condition.

   He said: “I hope Susan Boyle is OK because she is a really, really nice person and I think she will do well.

   “I spoke to Simon Cowell last night and to Piers Morgan and wanted to be sure that she was OK.”

   Thank goodness we live in a Constitutional Monarchy where the role of Head of State and Executive is separate.

4. on 01 Jun 2009 at 6:06 pm   Bit Special
   
   

   I’d like to know how forcing a sheltered, confused, educationally subnormal woman to sing when she’s traumatised and overwhelmed would be popular amongst disabled people. Surely it would just make them think, ‘shit, will I be subjected to this kind of hell if I show any promise or improvement? Think I’m just going to sit here and drool and keep them off my back. Fuck ‘em, the patronising bastards’.

   On the other hand, a live ITV broadcast where the Queen gets her guards to train their guns on a bewildered and hysterical ‘Su-Bo’ to force her to sing through tears of sheer terror could be just what we anti-Monarchists have been waiting for to tip the balance of public opinion in our favour. Vive la revolution!

5. on 01 Jun 2009 at 6:52 pm   Darth Fantazmaraz
   
   

   I can’t even be bothered to write a string of question marks. Why???

6. on 01 Jun 2009 at 7:13 pm   Susan Boyle FanLOALZZZZZZZz!!!!11111!!!11!!1
   
   

   Susan Byoel rocks my sokcs, diversity shuld b da lozers, da queen shuld dq dem or sumthink LOLZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!!1111111111111111111111!111111111!!111111

7. on 01 Jun 2009 at 8:17 pm   Tin Foil Hatter
   
   

   Somehow,She found the courage to face a mirror &despite what she saw she stood in front of 1000s who laughed at her.

   Yeah, how dare someone so grotesquely ugly have the temerity to ruin my evening’s telly by FORCING ME to look at their vile hideousness. Fair play to her though.

8. on 01 Jun 2009 at 8:58 pm   YeGods
   
   

   Does our beloved Prime Monster, Gordon McBroon [etc etc etc] cast around of an evening for a totally inappropriate way to waste his time ["I'll phone Simon & Piers and ask em how Susan is?"] or have I missed something here?

   Methinks.

9. on 01 Jun 2009 at 9:28 pm   Rebel MC
   
   

   If the Queen commands SuBo to sing can we shoot at her feet and make her dance too?

10. on 01 Jun 2009 at 9:30 pm   wringhim
    
    

    Typical! The multicultural police imposing their concept of Diversity on poor Susan Boyle, beyond a doubt driving her into an early grave with their murderous PC passions. Yet again you lie to us ITV with your evil socialist Piers Moron! Boils 4ever!!!

11. on 01 Jun 2009 at 10:17 pm   Felix Castor
    
    

    As a well-loved monarchist myself I just want to say how glad I am that HYS regulars appear so enthusiastic for Her Majesty to assume absolute power.

    I am presently suggesting a new discussion topic 100-150 times a day entitled “The Doctrine of The Divine Right of Kings – spot on or fucking what?”. Hopefully the sheer volume of my requests will force the BBC to give in, although as Pinko Commies presumably they want President Scargill and not our beloved immortal God-Empress.

12. on 01 Jun 2009 at 11:01 pm   Susan's representative
    
    

    Now Susan is the new queen of disabled peoples hearts shouldn’t she be awarded her rightful place in the Royal Box?

    We could watch her watch herself.

13. on 01 Jun 2009 at 11:41 pm   poster child
    
    

    Susan Boil shud be Pri Ministir. She is untuched by the self-serviced pigs of Westminstuh. She cud be are Sarah Palin. She is inocent and pur and sings lik an angle. I think, if are queen werent so grate she shud be queen. Maybe we shud abandone Parlimint and have two queens in sted, Lizabeth and Boyle. Together at last. Lik Ant and dECK, but Regal. No, aktuly, three queens cos theres Diana aswell. Like God, three in one. Lizabet, Boil and Diana. They are what make this country grate. Diana is Jesus. Lizabeth is God. Boil is the holy spirit. Cant you see???

14. on 02 Jun 2009 at 12:08 am   Julie Zimmerman
    
    

    She’s really ugly and a bit mental, but she can sing in tune. It’s very very special and touches everyone’s herat. Don’t judge a book by its cover. We are all guilty of this!!??

15. on 02 Jun 2009 at 12:38 am   Nick Robinson
    
    

    Endemol TV Productions have announced they are currently in negotiations with Channel Five to record a 12 week season of SuBo Wrestling to be screened in the autumn. They have already signed Jordan (aka Katie Price), Christopher Biggins, Big Daddy (aka Shirley Crabtree) Liam Gallagher and Topsy Turvy (aka Useless Cunt). Each week a different celeb will attempt to pin Boyle to the canvas in the time it takes her to sing her heart-melting ballad, “I Dreamed a Dream.” This evening, Max Cliford has said that his client, Susan Boyle, is “well up for it” and he said her full-body splash-down is a devastating thing of split-second beauty. The bookies are offering 4 to 1 for a Boyle victory. Her Majesty The Queen has indicated that were Boyle to win the series, she, The Queen, would be happy to take Boyle on in a no-holds-barrred, 10 round bare-knuckle contest as a finale to this year’s Royal Variety Performance.

16. on 02 Jun 2009 at 3:31 am   ey
    
    

    “SUZIE BOYLE HAS THE TALENT AND SHOULD HAVE WON !! YES THE KIDS WERE TALLENTED BUT SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN SECOND PLACE………..GOD SPEED SUZIE TO RECOVERY !!DONT LET ANYONE,JUDGES OR ETC DOWNPLAY YOUR WONDERFUL TALENTED VOICE !!!”

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2009/jun/01/susan-boyle-britains-got-talent

    It’s not o.t.t. loony, but the use of CAPS lock and the punctuation are just great.

17. on 02 Jun 2009 at 8:14 am   Melliflouous
    
    

    Ahhhh, we’re back on track again!

    The logic is just amazing. Ugly singing bird = disabled peoples’ saviour = the Queen (gawd bless her) should honour her immediately AND I should post these thoughts on the interweb as soon as possible.

    Makes you wonder if the luddites were right, if only they could have known it would lead to this……………erm, if I’m right…..methinks………!!!??!!

18. on 02 Jun 2009 at 8:15 am   jbd
    
    

    fire pon dem…Nelson you just have to be half rasta. I for one support it.

19. on 02 Jun 2009 at 8:29 am   jbd
    
    

    Though I’m sure The Queen will appreciate some teenagers dancing. I heard she is right into that kind of thing.

    The best thing about not being head of state is you don’t have to watch Royal Variety Performance, instead you can stay indoors just wearing your pants whilst drinking cough medicine.

20. on 02 Jun 2009 at 9:17 am   Rich(Mmath)(Oxon)
    
    

    looks to Kurt Cobain (listening to him now). fantastic singer & band….shot himself. also the guy from manic street preachers, killed himself. Micheal Hutchison, as well as the guy from 1980′s band.

    liam, aberdeen, scotland

    I’m still in mourning for that guy from the manics, or whats-his-face from 1980′s band too. Not a day goes by when I don’t try and remember their names.

21. on 02 Jun 2009 at 9:55 am   Incontinentia
    
    

    Now SuBo has proved ugly people can all sing, the Queen should think big and use her powers to round them all up and force them to sing for us. It is what Diana would have wanted.

22. on 02 Jun 2009 at 10:47 am   Mr Cat
    
    

    Perhaps the time has come for the Queen to use what power she has to command that Susan sings.

    Yeah – with a gun to her head – and make her dance with those clumsy ugly feet til she cries too. Then make her fight a lion for our entertainment.

23. on 02 Jun 2009 at 12:33 pm   Susan Boyle
    
    

    I demand to see the Queen (gawd bless) to hear me sing, not only would Diana have wanted it, the mad people demand it, just think, fantasmaraz, Catherine Oliver, jimmylasers, [mugged_as_mp_laughs] and the voices I hear demand it!!!!11eleven1!!!!!1111onethousandonehundredandone!!!!1one!!!!

24. on 02 Jun 2009 at 12:36 pm   Rod Wrongnob
    
    

    Is it just me hearing the second of those posts in William Shatner’s voice?

25. on 02 Jun 2009 at 2:42 pm   Shrimpy Walsh
    
    

    I would humbly suggest the next freak audition show hosted by the reanimated corpse that is Simon Cowl ought to replace buzzers with stun guns.
    Poor SuBo’s insane hystrionics could easily have been prevented by a merciful squeeze of a trigger. A little spasming and urine never hurt anyone.

26. on 02 Jun 2009 at 3:11 pm   Catherine Oliver
    
    

    I dont know if susan boyle should sing for the queen because i didnt watch it

27. on 02 Jun 2009 at 3:43 pm   susan Boyd fan club
    
    

    is this where you write stuff about susan? Hello?

    Is this thing on?

    hello?

    bv

28. on 02 Jun 2009 at 11:53 pm   Mim
    
    

    Rod: Not any more it isn’t. That is slightly uncanny and has made my day. Well, my hour. My fifteen minutes maybe. [Insert smug on-topic obvious Warhol reference.]

29. on 03 Jun 2009 at 6:35 pm   eric cantona
    
    

    the queen and tony blair should get subbo to fire ping pong balls from her clunge whilst singing. a sure fire vote winner for retards everywhere

30. on 04 Jun 2009 at 10:32 am   Steve
    
    

    I think the queen should use her powers to make Simon Clown and Piss Morgan dress up as little girls in nappies and then fight to the death (Like Curtis and Douglass in Spartacus).

31. on 05 Jun 2009 at 1:35 am   west-bootle baptist church
    
    

    personally, i think the queen should he powers to fly faster than a speeding locomotive and leap tall buildings at a single bound.

    not many commoners can do that and i bet that susan boyle can’t.

    love & kisses,
    a well-wisher

32. on 07 Jun 2009 at 3:05 pm   radishey
    
    

    Bumservant, I love you. Never leave.