From the debate about British soldiers’ human rights. Some background:
“The Ministry of Defence said the convention could not be guaranteed in certain situations but the new ruling means the European Convention on Human Rights applies to UK forces abroad – even in battle.
But the family of Pte Smith had argued that soldiers should be covered by the Human Rights Act wherever they are in the world at all times.
The Court of Appeal said the ‘right to life’ meant the MoD had a legal duty to provide adequate equipment.”
However, read through the eyes of an angry yet patriotic halfwit who dare not waste a second lest his own, ready-formed opinion be unnecessarily delayed, it clearly states:
“The Ministry of Defence blah blah thingummy blah blah blah thingummy blah wotsit yaddayadda blah blah blah thingy blah blah European thingummy blah Human Rights something blah UK forces yewhat – thingy blah battle.
Blah blah family blah thingy-face blah soldiers blah blah thingy blah blah Human Rights Act thingummy blah blah blah blah probably muslims blah blah blah blah.
Blah Court of Appeal blah ‘right blah blah’ blah blah MoD blah blah legal thingy blah yewhat thingummy whatsitcalled.”
What a nonsense. Bring all the troops back home and send the lawyers and judges out in their place. Let them make informed and effectively-debated decisions about safety and conditions on the battlefield, with deference to due process and precedent, naturally.
What a tragic shambles of a country we are becoming, where there is no such thing as an accident, and every single decision made in public life must stand up to scrutiny by a courtroom filled with parasitic lawyers and journalists.
David, Stockport
nonsense. troops home lawyers and judges. on the battlefield, naturally (due process). tragic shambles of a country filled with parasitic lawyers and journalists.
See, I managed to say exactly the same thing as you in much less time, and with even less thought. And it sounds like Radiohead. Try it.
Presumably a ‘elf n safety’ assessment will have to be done whenever we next enter a war zone.
The Rev Oik, Reading
That’s a bit better. Cut it down. Don’t bother thinking about the actual story, just hammer in your vague, raging scepticism at the key words and chuck in someone else’s catchphrase. You can get a lot more comments in that way.
No! and nor should anyone else. Revoke the act immediatley and deal with those who hind behind it
Alf Moores, Stockport
Too far the other way Alf. You missed out the all-important bit where you exempt your own rights. Otherwise people can just knee you in the nuts every time you express an opinion. And believe me, they will. Maybe add a quick “indigenous population” or a “law-abiding citizens”. Or recategorise soldiers as useless, overpaid public sector employees and rant about “hard-working taxpayers”. But don’t go painting yourself into a corner by forgetting that rights are for you and rules are for other people.
The world has gone mad!
Out of Europe NOW!
[Pizzey]
Brilliant [Pizzey], you’ve got the hang of it perfectly. Now listen carefully. Highlight the text, click on ‘Edit’ at the top of the screen and select ‘Copy’. Now go to another debate, click ‘Add Your Comment’, and then bellow “En-ger-laaand!” while holding down the key marked ‘Ctrl’ and pressing ‘V’. Do the same with all the other debates. Repeat twice every hour and we’ll be out of the EU in no time.
32 Responses to “Skim Reading”
Run it through Macintalk for the full effect.
I think it raises an important anthropological question – can squaddies be considered “human”?
The world has gone mad! Out of Europe NOW!
Me like war. War go boom! Me like fings what go Boom. Me no like forrins. Dirty Forrins. Make forrins go Boom!
Get Engerlund out of Europe – then we will have more forrins to make go Boom.
It’s historical innit. Brits have a birthright to waste froggies and krauts and dagos. Me Nana said Grandad made forrins go boom and he didnt have no hooman rights act or risk assessments.
Get us out of Europe. We cant looose.
if we get out of Europe, where shall we go oh wise one, for beyond our fair shores, there be darkies and forruns.
I for one agree wholeheartedly, send them to war with nothing more than strongly knitted jumpers and a floppy hat. They knew what they were getting into when they joined up, they joined up to get killed after all. Europe should keep their noses out and allow us to preserve our once great Eng-er-land by ravenous protestation against front line conditions from the comfort of my bedsit in my crusty pants and soiled copies of Survival Monthly.
And have the troops doing the lawyers’ and judges’ jobs. Proper justice.
If you love war so much, why don’t you fucking marry it.
And
I
how
do
it
be
From http://www.dearjacqui.co.uk
Brilliant
So which one is the thickest fuckwit:
Oik, Pizzey, Alf from Stockport or David from Stockport?
When “Cameruin” doesn’t
*revoke the Human Rights Act
*leave the EU
*abolish “elf & safety”
we’re actually going to have to defend the expedient smarmy cunt against these fuckwits aren’t we?
I feel ill already
Just looking through the HYS topic on this subject, and came across this terrific image from John Ratcliff in Bromley:
“…MPs were proving that pigs can fly by lining their own nests while at the same time digging their snouts further into the trough.”
And who said pigs can’t multi-task?
Anyway, being a parasitic librul pc gone mad lawyer myself, I’d just like to say for the record that David, Stockport smells of poo.
Allegedly.
Melliflouous,
How about we send the lawyers and judges into battle in nothing but woolens?
Blah blah blah inadequate armour blah my mat e had to give away his flak jacket to someone else and then got his face blown off blah none of our stuff works in the desert blah shouldn’t be in Iraq in the first place blah the US army calls us brits “the borrowers” blah all the officers are public school idiots with no clue blah Blackadder blah blah blah send the clowns into battle blah blah Nelson
Stockport does smell of poo, particularly during the manuring season.
1) What act? Elucidation is your friend. Unlike real people.
2) Spellchecker makes you look less of a numpty when entertaining the interwebs with your wit.
2) Don’t mention the Deer. If you mention the deer they hear you and coming looking. You have been warned.
THE’RE ARE BEHINE YOU!!!1!11!
Does anyone else read
as
Must get my eyes tested.
I think we really need to get back to the central point that these ultra-”patroits” are frothing at the mouth raging AGAINST their own country having to supply its soldiers with body armour in a war zone.
Essex Assizes, Lance Corporal Normington presiding.
Usher: Well Corporal, sorry I meant Your Honour, Mr Wilkinson is charged with two counts of grievous bodily harm and one count of occasioning actual bodily harm contrary to the Offences Against the Person Act 1861.
Walton. J. Corporal: Right Wilko, do you plead guilty or not guilty.
The Accused: Guilty. Your Honour.
Walton. J. Corporal: Right – so you think you gave these three cunts a right twatting do you?
The Accused: Erm…
Walton. J. Corporal: Show me your war face Wilko.
The Accused: What?
Walton. J. Corporal: You deaf or summink?
Show me your fucking war face!
The Accused: Raa!
Walton. J. Corporal: Fuckin shit you pussy! SHOW ME YOUR WAR FACE!
The Accused: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Walton. J. Corporal: Better. You. Yes, you. The numpty with the batman cape on. Get this lad 24 Stellas and tell him to fuck off home. The boy done good.
Usher: I’m sorry Your Honour?
Walton. J. Corporal. You are. Wilko, trot on lad. Next time I see you in here I want to see attempted murder or better, not some nancy boy’s ABH charge.
I reckon this is just a cunning scheme to get rid of all the gurkhas we’d otherwise have to put up with.
tiscali are such utter utter useless cunts that i’ve not been able to spout my bile all day
-orderly queue from you lot congratulating the technologically incompetant fucktards though – v funny in advance
I’ve just found an amazing bit of drivel on a Guardian thread (about feminism, not that that seems particularly relevant to this incoherent tripe), by someone calling himself ‘expiredlefties’. Sorry, I don’t know how to do the block quotes, but here it is:
”
Part of the present day “process” in the gratuitously handing out of university grades PHDs MSCs should be a WRITTEN MULTIPLE CHOICE exam on basic logic and maths skills. 70%+ score OBLIGATORY.
No excuses like : “I passed -ish, luckily I had a good talk with the mentor where my real interests were expressed: i am very good with colours and with mingling with people he said. So he passed me for maths..”
Such exam would cull 90% of the “hard earned” women degrees.
Earned with big tits maybe but that is about it.
The fun should go out of high school / university education.
To see the BBC “pathetical man” participate in “training sessions” where letters turnips in spe are exercising being chained, all at taxpayers expense with bambi’s blessing, laughing and giggling and hooting, is simply DISGUSTING to watch in a time where say Woolworths closes and 20K people have to find a new job overnight.”
Yep. They will fight the EU BUREAUCRATS until their dying breaths for the right of BRITISH generals to send OUR BRAVE LADS into war zones wearing nowt but sacking and carrying nothing more deadly than a week-old cucumber. It’s OUR NATIVE-BORN RIGHT to volunteer to defend ONCE GREAT BRITAIN with inadequate equipment, and what’s more it shows how much harder OUR BRAVE LADS are than these forruns in their armour plated tanks and full body armour and working automatic guns.
Of course, none of these brave keyboard warriors would dare join up and serve, even if this ruling did make it safer.
When you go to the recruiting office, and the sargeant asks why you want to join the army, don’t say, “its cos I wanna gun and kill forruns.” It’s unlikely to be found acceptable.
Instead say, “it’s because I want learn a trade and see the world.” You are then much more likely to be accepted.
Let us know how you get on.
We need an army of killer robots.
Also we need to make sure none of the aforementioned mecha-commandos ever saves the life of Joanna Lumley or any other member of the Lumley clan.
Damn you, expiredlefties, damn you to hell! You’ve seen through me and all my brainy wimminz ilk. I didn’t get any of my qualifications through being intelligent and working hard (actually, that last bit is fairly true), I just threw on a low-cut dress and went and sat on the Dean’s lap, twirling my hair around my finger as I breathily asked him to ‘give me a stickyfoot, pwease; I’ve been ever such a good girl’, whilst thrusting my chest towards his face*.
If I only it were that simple. I will never get back that month where I had to study Lesbian Continuum Theory (yes, there is such a thing and no, it has nothing to do with those scary-looking double-enders). Mind you, I probably wouldn’t get 70%+ in a maths test, so maybe he has a point.
Or maybe he is a colossal twatbasket who’s too thick to get into university and too cunty to get a woman.
*I apologise for any inadvertent titillation this image might provoke. At least I didn’t mention the bit where I knocked his pen off the desk then bent ove… sorry!
Bit Special,
“Lesbian Continuum Theory” sounds awful, and would never make it into a full Star Trek episode.
THe stuff with the Dean might though…
Oooer Bit Special, I’ve just had lewdish thoughts when I should really be fiddling my expenses.
Does that mean double sinning Vicar?
I love the way for every 10 random chunks of far-right ballcrap on HYS there is one comment about something totally unrelated that degrades into far-right ballcrap, for example, I made this one up by the way. I went to the supermarket to buy my groceries, and what I found was shocking, an advert for thrush Cream that wa’s descreit, so descreit that There were boxes of it. If this advert wasn,t there, it would be descreit but IT WAS SO NOW I CANT BY CREAM FOR FEAR OF BEINNING DESCUVERD DESPITE BEING A MAN.! DARKIE EU OUT OF UK.! A. Retard, Idiottown, England not Britain!
Can I just remind SYBers that, in regard to Alf Moore of Stockport’s mention of ‘hinds’ above, under no cirumstances must the discussion be allowed to stray in the direction of ‘harts’, because , frankly, we’ve exhausted all the possibilities regarding Jade/Diana etc etc
I’m a bit confused (must be because I only have big-titted woman degrees)as to why my history PhD would be assessed with a multiple choice test on maths and physics. It sounds awesome compared to three years of archival research and a hundred thousand word thesis, where do I sign up?
Is no-one paying attention?
The world has gone mad!
Out of Europe NOW!