This chap definitely doesn’t want an MBE. He thinks the whole honours thing is totally shit and pointless. If you offered him a CBE he’d probably sick up in your face. He really wouldn’t ever want one. They’re for losers. Massive rubbish losers. OK?
I feel very honoured because I’m not on the list. It means that I’ve spent my time doing the job I’m paid for instead of spending my time trying to get recognised.
I’m very happy where I am in life and the only pieces of paper which helped me get there are my indentures and my degree – and I earned both by hard work.
Leave the honours system to massage the egos of actors and sports people with delicate constitutions and inferiority complexes – for the healthier among us we don’t need them.
[jackmaxsam]
There’s always next year, eh?
56 Responses to “Never Even Wanted One Anyway”
I want a knighthood. ’bout time I got some fucking respect. And I’m dead sickly, so it would probably make me feel loads better. Yeah!
I think you need a new category for this one, ‘Delusions of Humility’.
jackmaxsam is rightly proud of the fact he’s done nothing for his fellow humans. Clearly anyone that does waste their time trying to make the world a slightly nicer place pales into insignificane beside the fact jackmaxsam managed to get a fucking degree.
I hate that whole honours system thread. Christopher Lee deserves to be made a Duke, at the very least, and anyone bemoaning his knighthood needs to check into Dignitas for some therapy.
It’s terribly important that I let the world know all about my indifference…
…oh bollocks
His false teeth are made out of paper?!????!1
Pearls of wisdom from Sam who jacks off to the max.
I would quite like a knighthood, but then my name would sound a bit silly.
Surely such profound wisdom deserves immediate public recognition. He should be made a Duke of the Internet.
Good to see that he’s so confident in himself that he doesn’t need to tell the world about the BSc (without honours) in woodwork he earned through HARD WORK at the University of Cirencester.
I’m not on the list and I’ve spent my time arsing about. I think I got the better deal than ol’ Sam up there.
Really I think it’s more dignified just not to talk about this. Those of us who have declined, perhaps more than once, these tawdry baubles could tell you, were it not for our innate modesty, that …
ah shit.
Yeah, fair point, that’s a bit hopeless. I like to hang around outside the National Gallery and go up to tourists and go “hey, do you know who I am?”
It never bloody works.
Invite him to be the real Admiral Lord Bumservant, I bet he’d bite yer hand off!! I wouldn’t want it of course, I got to where I am today by toadying and being the bloke on his own at the office party…………..even with that cool signature I don’t want it………..honest.
No really…………..
Ha ha ha ha
C… B… E…
Cooked… Boiled… Egg…
Hah ha ha.
Must.tell.world.about.funny.joke.I.made.up.
Thanks Derek.
Fat lot of fucking good that did me. You smug twunt jackmaxsam. I’ve a good mind to come round and invade your Sudetenland.
Cooked Boiled Egg? Cunt Ballsack Enema, I think you’ll find.
Canary Bollocksed during End-change?
“Let’s be ‘avin’ youuuuuuuuuu.”
Actually I got it for my services to Captain Birds Eye
Massive Bloody Ego?
PS Loving the Delia references. Almost as funny as the relegation.
For services to nagging and gossiping over the garden dence, of course.
Fence. Dence is I word I just made up.
Oh, fuck it…
That’s right, you decide what the unworthy will have done for our country.
For singing, text SING to 80001
For acting, text ACT to 80001
For speaking sweet nothings in front of autocues, text SPEAKSWEETNOTHINGS to 80001
Remember, each text is charged at premium network rate and be sure to get permission from the bill payer.
Pah! MBE? Tis a mere trifle.
I was made a Viscount.
So ner.
CBE? MBE? Closest I’ve ever got is my CRB check, and I failed that. Honestly, you set up one camera in the female changing rooms in a swimming pool…
People seem to get honours these days simply for outstanding achievement in their chosen field, or for tireless unpaid effort for some worthy cause. Cunts.
Viscount Biscuit eh? Nice.
From the “Should the power of the Royals be re-examined?” thread:
http://newsforums.bbc.co.uk/nol/thread.jspa?sortBy=2&forumID=6605&edition=1&ttl=20090616143020&#paginator
Own up, which one of you was it?
Someone ought to tell jackmaxsam that I got my various, and distinguished, elevations for just doing my job.
It is the job of fluffer-in-chief to his royal highness the Prince of Edinburgh, and minge-moistener of the garter to Lizzy, and the pay’s crap, so quite frankly there had to be some other incentive scheme with the post.
Buggers can’t be choosers.
I came across some early-SpeakYourBranes-ers in the Ian Fleming book “Thrilling Cities PartII”, 1960, Geneva chapter.
(He has just explained how many fugitive royals had moved to Swiss hotels). “There are many cranks attached to this fusty world of ex-kings and queens, including, in Lausanne, one bizarre sect, about thirty strong, that worships our queen. The members believe that Queen Elizabeth is a descendant of the biblical King David, and that she will reign over the world and bring about the millennium. This world rule will have its headquarters in Lausanne where the sect has set up a ‘temple’ over a garage and decorated it with bright rainbow-coloured draperies and a large red-leather armchair which is to be her throne. A similar but smaller chair awaits Prince Charles. Members of the sect take it in turns to fast for twenty-four hours at a time while awaiting Her Majesty’s arrival. The leader, a certain Frederick Bussy, is a bearded gentleman in his late forties who wears white robes embroidered with the British royal coat of arms, and records the prophecies of the sect on a dictaphone for typing and posting to world leaders. Monsieur Bussy is particularly proud that Her Majesty appears to take note of his requests. He told a reporter, ‘We suggested Her Majesty should choose King Edward’s throne for her coronation and she did so.’”
A relative of our old Swiss friend?
That Fleming extract is genius! You couldn’t make it up (unless you did). Mind you ‘thrilling’ isn’t a word I’d useto describe anywhere in swissland…
Oh, me too, me too. That’s why I am wasting precious minutes of the said life writing rubbish on teh interwebs.
Can I have me gong now?
To be fair, they got that bit right, because as far as I recall the date did indeed increment by a year or so around then.
And yet these people are dismissed as if they were lunatics!! You couldn’t make it up.
Best thing ever (collapses laughing and dies – but happy).
Relax, I’m on holiday.
alt-f4, Ossetia not Georgia.
The original whining statement works very well if you imagine the voice of the person who wrote it getting higher and higher as they strangle themselves with their own bitterness.
One doesn’t honour cunts anyway
HRH the Queen
One doesn’t honour cunts anyway
———-
Then why is Jeffrey Archer a Lord ?
NB The Queen is actually HM, not a mere HRH…
you would think HM the Queen would be aware of this. But no.
That’s my mum you’re talking about.
She is. Of course she is. She was just checking to see if we, her loyal subjects, were paying attention. I for one certainly was. Those of us who have demonstrated our loyalty in this may well be up for a little something in the New Year’s list. If I’m right.
Bollocks. Forgot to close the blockquote.
As you were.
Remember our old friend Catherine Oliver?
She’s back with a couple of corkers!
———————————–
1. Are you feeling the pinch ?
I am not feeling the pinch so far
Catherine Oliver, Crawley, United Kingdom
2. Do you shop like a celebrity ?
yes i do shop like a celebrity.on occasions i struggle with the money issue
Catherine Oliver, Crawley, United Kingdom
———————————
She’s just genius isn’t she ?
one thinks you are an impertenant fucker, I can be HRH HM or HM fucking V if I want and one doesn’t honour cunts, Archer is a minge bag, which is not the same as a cunt.
Now where is one’s Gin, I need a large dose incase Philip tries to take me up the arse again
What a revolting image…
@HRH The Queen
Shouldn’t be ‘we’ don’t honour when Your Royalness is using first person?
Honestly, if you can’t get the Queen’s English (not British) right, what chance have the poor sods on HYS got? Your Majestic Worship.
True. True. But Phil does like a bit of “the Greek”.
He’s merely celebrating his heritage by perpetuating an ancient cultural tradition practised for thousands of years in his homeland. He also served in the Royal Navy.
Stands to reason.
Still made me boke though.
One tries to have a sensible discussion about a very modest gentlemen who was highlighting his own pious devotion to not achieving anything, and we end up with Red-top newspaper rantings about HRMTQoE drinking gin and indulging in vigorous buggery with a racist greek.
It’s PC gone mad! You couldn’t make it up.
http://blahyourbranes.invisionplus.net/?mforum=blahyourbranes&showtopic=744
She’s 9 years old.
That’s funny, I earned my degree by sitting on my arse smoking dope. It takes all sorts I guess.
She’s 9 years old.
———-
Well then she should be out knifecriming on WKD like any other self respecting 9 year old!
My Chantelle is!
@Go-nutteer
I have never smoked dope (in my profession such a thing would be Frowned Upon – and it only sends me to sleep anyway) but I agree uni wasn’t really that much hard work.
Of course, being male and not having large breasts I did have to spend a few frantic weeks cramming at the end of every year and actually pass.*
And ‘indentures’? Where does he work, a nineteenth century counting house?
*the views expressed in this comment are not necessarily those of the author and if Bit Special is reading this, he’s Very Sorry.
How do you know it sends you to sleep?
@alt-f4
Ah. Er, yes, well, maybe I did try it just the once. But I didn’t inhale.
And I was so far off my head with coke that I couldn’t possibly be held responsible for my actions anyway.