Put an End to This NOW Google!
By AlexSlightly woolly from Glastonbury still. Alex has been busy though, so I’ll start publishing his fine work. Here’s one about the fucking internet.
- Nelson
Thanks to Matthew. How may the internet change to please you?
They also need to keep porn or a well known auction site out of my every search. If I want these I can search for them.
[jackmaxsam]
Exactly. Then they should make it so the words I type into the search engine mean what I meant them to mean and not the other meanings, so I only get results I want. And close down sites I don’t use to make more room. And make sure the ones I do use offer premium subscriptions for free and get updated as often as I look at them. But not too often so I have time to reread ones I like and don’t fall behind and end up confused. And put my TV programmes on when I’m IN, fuckdammit.
I would like the web to be free of pornography, specifically child pornography.
[nicebeeblebum], East Riding, United Kingdom
Odd. Most people just want pornography to be free. Though I suppose then perverts could still have wanks, so maybe your way’s better.
Are there applications that can be built on the web that you would like to see? Get rid of all Porn. Child Porn, adult porn the lot.
We The People
Google should write an application that just abolishes fucking altogether. Problem solved.
Thank God there’s a voice of reason, someone who saw that episode of Coupling with the speech about technology and women’s bottoms and learned from it:
There is a filter in google to stop you getting porn. But don’t dis the porn! If it wasn’t for porn not only would there be no interent, there would be no written word.
Sam
It’s true. The earliest known sample of writing, a tablet of Etruscan cuneiform dating back to fifteen thousand BC, translates roughly as “chubby russian teen (donkey OR goat) anal”.
38 Responses to “Put an End to This NOW Google!”
I wouldn’t mind there not being any interent.
There’s a cave painting in North Africa that depicts a man fucking a goat. Or maybe it’s a gazelle, I’m not too sure.
Fucking neanderthals.
What’s the betting these HYS’ers spend a lot of their time “investigating” the porn they’ve found “accidentally” with just one hand on the keyboard?
Makes a change to them thinking Google are inventing new, scary products just to watch them watching porn through the window.
Damn you interent!
Perhaps Jackmaxsam’s issue here is that, Mrs Jackmaxsam (should this mythical beast exist)keeps questioning his search history and he is trying to shift the blame, when really he just uses the internet to buy his DVD’s, from well known auction sites,of moaning keyboard tapping tossers in fantasy orgies with nubile Neanderthals
And this ‘WE THE PEOPLE’ bod, I am a people and I haven’t been consulted here, get rid of porn, what would be the point of the internet then?
Why did this post not show up completely in the Reader? Bring back full posts!
What a disgusting admission. I don’t come here for that sort of filth. We’ve got your number now, you sicko.
Fact.
Having electrocuted myself TO DEATH last weekend, I looked on the internet, and yes, there IS electrocution porn.
The sick fucks.
I didn’t know there was an interent… Is there more porn on that one?
Perhaps the inte-rent is a pay as you go version, with a lot more specialised porn.
I’m just faintly disillusioned Alex watches ‘Coupling’.
Some interesting capitalisation there suggests that Child Porn is rather more interesting to this We The People chap than mere adult porn. Assuming that he’s not referring to porn for adults and porn for children. Surprised no one’s got into the porn4kids market just yet. There’s gold in them thar hills…
Feh, all last week I was gagging (oo-er) for a new post but now it’s here, the temp is so fucking hot that my brain has melted and I just can’t handle the length of this one (fnar, fnar). I was kinda hoping for something along the lines of ‘Wacko Paedo Jacko is dead, boo-fucking-hoo. Discuss’ underneath some hysterical and/or unfortunately-worded HYS twatbasketry, but heyho.
I wouldn’t have this problem on the interent. FACT.
Inter-ent pron? Fucking trees, man!
“I’m just faintly disillusioned Alex watches ‘Coupling’.”
Not without a prolonged fight over the remote, and a lot of emotional blackmail.
“there IS electrocution porn”
Rule 34 of The Internet: if it exists, there is porn of it. No exceptions.
How curious that, according to Sam, that most pictorial of pastimes should apparently be responsible for the written word, and by extension surely LANGUAGE more generally. You can just imagine two cavemen wanking, going “y’know what? we ought to write this down…”
1/10 Sam.
Isn’t porn4kids just big spurting cocks with hairy balls drawn on every picture in school textbooks? Or is that child porn? Wait, I’m getting confused now…
I think Sam has a very good point here – after all, didn’t many alphabets start as pictograms?
You can still see evidence of this in our Latin characters:
l – so firm and erect, cheeky!
m – you saucy minx with your two heaving mounds, ooh…
o – soft, round and receptive, ah ah, oh God! Sorry.
Every word we type on the interewb is just propagating pornography – all writing is filth, ban it! Ban everything!
NOW you’re talking!
Jawohl, mein – ah – mich selbst!
woof woof woof
slurp slurp slurp
woof tasty! woof
I’m ashamed to say it, but when A Bit Special said “the temp is so hot” my first thought was, “hey, there must be some sexy new bloke in her office” – and then I noticed that my brains were also dribbling out of my ears, due to the absurdly high temperature that we are currently having to endure :\
Oh, and I’m also getting my coat – that’ll be the one with the ice cubes in the pockets…
@Pirate Pete – I don’t work in an office, ye scurvy dog! That would require me to dress in smart-but-dull clothes, be polite and vaguely or openly subservient to a boss (or bosses) and do repetitive work, all of which I am genetically incapable of. Neither am I a vet, as Grov seemed to be asking on the previous thread, unless that was a joke I didn’t get.
It’s too hot to get even a metaphorical coat. Phew, worra scorcher, etc.
You seem to have fucked over RSS reader users. Why not put ads in your RSS feed instead of truncating and making us visit this site? EH?
I hear it might rain.
Yo Bit Spesh, youza teacha and me claims me ten quid prize.
I reckon BS is a children’s entertainer, i.e., A CLOWN. Probably one of those female mime artist ones that dress as Charlie fucking Chaplin.
Oh, and the Book of Genesis – Filth!
Piss off, you cheeky buggers, you’re all wrong!
Aaargh, I added an unnecessary comma – must stop reading SYB and start brutal self-flagellation in penance.
Yeah, penance. That’s the reason. Uunngh.
I dunno — the imperative case can happily accommodate a comma between verb and noun. You would definitely be better served with a semicolon instead of that second comma, though, so self-flagellation may be called for anyway.
> Surprised no one’s got into the porn4kids market just yet
I’m willing to bet they have, but I’m NOT going to Google it.
And of course there’s an interent. How else do you think the Ents share their porn? When an Ent’s got wood… (fill in your own joke here, I can’t be arsed)
You know, if the Internet was cleared of porn then I might finally get some work done.
Is there really that much porn on the interent? How does one actually measure it? I surf the web all the time and seldom come across hanky panky.
You don’t come across hanky panky, you come across your keyboard. Unless the aforementioned hanky is used, in which case the correct preposition is ‘in’, viz “to come in a hanky”. Usage of a sock in this manner is also acceptable.
It was indeed a joke but, looking back, I don’t get it either.
I hear it might be sunny