Permanently Bewildered and Self-appointed Sages and Slow Readers13 Jul 2009 09:16 am
By Alex

Thanks to James. There must be another thread up on knifecriming or something. I guess these things go in cycles. One week it’s “What, specifically, do you hate most about Muslims?”, and then a bit of “On a scale of nine to ten, how terrified are you of the under-35s?” for balance.

How about this for a radical idea, we quickly pass the relevant legislation all over the UK and for one month no police leave. Every officer spends every day and night on the streets. They stop every young person and remove every weapon and charge every one with carrying an offensive weapon. If they did this regularly and did not listen to all the silly people who say we must respect the human rights of people who are carrying offensive weapons we may again clean up our streets. We need sense
LYDIA REID, EDINBURGH Don’t mention Christianity or the HEFA Bill

Lydia has obviously misunderstood something about the term ’sleeping policemen’, but I can’t quite put my finger on what.

29 Responses to “Lydia Needs Sense”

  1. on 13 Jul 2009 at 9:38 am Philbert

    Why not just cut out the middleman and swear in a load of homeless people as special constables?

  2. on 13 Jul 2009 at 9:49 am westbootle baptist chrch

    “EVERY officer spends EVERY day and night on the streets. They stop EVERY young person and remove EVERY weapon and charge EVERY one with carrying an offensive weapon.”

    perhaps it might be a little more christian and tolerant to charge the ones who’ve lost or forgotten their weapons with wasting police time and lock them up for that.

  3. on 13 Jul 2009 at 10:36 am Oaf

    They stop every young person

    So at what age is it acceptable to carry a knife?

  4. on 13 Jul 2009 at 10:40 am Hobgoblin

    So at what age is it acceptable to carry a knife?

    Lydia’s age, naturally. What a fucktarded cuntbasket.

  5. on 13 Jul 2009 at 10:45 am Briantist

    I hope LYDIA REID doesn’t enjoy eating out, or takeaway food, or meat … or fishing.

    Quite hard for these to work when no-one can carry a knife.

    Not sure how I could have removed a fishing wire from a puppy’s paw the other day if I didn’t have a knife on me…

  6. on 13 Jul 2009 at 10:59 am GiveItAGo

    Not sure how I could have removed a fishing wire from a puppy’s paw the other day if I didn’t have a knife on me…

    Exactly. And I saved 30 kittens from a burning building the other day, helped some ducklings across the road, and performed lifesaving surgery on a wounded lickle bunny rabbit, all with the help of my trusty stabbing knife.

  7. on 13 Jul 2009 at 11:05 am Nelson

    If I hadn’t been carrying my scalpel, that Giraffe would still be anatomically correct.

  8. on 13 Jul 2009 at 11:31 am wringhim

    What the hell’s the HEFA Bill? He sounds like some sort of cow-related children’s character. “Look kids it’s Hefa Bill! And he’s got a knife! Shoot him quick!”

    Also, a knife-wielding kid-crim might be more than a match for an unshaven, unwashed, dishevelled policeman who’d not slept, eaten, or had a change of clothes in a month.

  9. on 13 Jul 2009 at 12:15 pm Martian

    I really like the idea of police roaming the streets, twitching and muttering paranoia to themselves as they’re off their faces on stimulants to keep them awake. We’ll have to make sure they have internet access so they can add to the HYS debates while on patrol/rampage.

  10. on 13 Jul 2009 at 12:48 pm Cowboy

    The HFEA bill is the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Bill, which was passed by Parliament a few years back. Quite what the HEFA Bill is, though, is anybody’s guess. I’m also not sure from the context whether LYDIA REID is in favour or against it, as she seems to bracket it with Christianity, which, from her spittle-flecked rant, you would assume she would be all for.

  11. on 13 Jul 2009 at 12:51 pm Stirring Up Apathy

    Why don’t we just lock every new-born baby in a basement until they’re 18, I heard of this guy of Austria who tried it, no downsides as far as I can see.

  12. on 13 Jul 2009 at 1:19 pm alt-f4

    What the hell’s the HEFA Bill?

    Here’s the first clue, from Lydia’s posting record on HYS:

    Ironic that we spend so much money on embryos, and now the creation of sperm and just as much if not more when we destroy a classroom full of children every day through abortion.

    She believes that embryo research has nothing to do with curing disease and improving people’s lives, but is intended solely for the creation of made-to-order designer children. She gets a little incoherent on this point though, no doubt due to righteous apoplexy at the mere thought:

    Let’s not kid ourselves this has nothing to do with infertility it is about the quest of scientists to one completely create a human child. Two create another species. [...] Scientist will not stop until they do and remember it is your money they are using instead of finding a cure for diseases that effect us

    and she attempts a dialogue scene…

    Ring ring
    Good morning Bio-children
    May I order a girl child
    Certainly, at what age would you like delivery.
    Age 14 please
    That will take approx four months to deliver
    That’s OK but I do want a blond haired blue eyed girl. No defects and with a good work ethic.

    But to fully experience her true class, you’ve got to get her on the unwashed knifecrimers:

    The blitz on carrying a knife seems to be doing something as it seems people are now using dogs as a deterrent and for protection. How do we stop this culture, the only way forward is to make our detergent stronger than theirs

    That way, we’d be able to smell ‘em coming. Clever, eh?

  13. on 13 Jul 2009 at 2:49 pm Bit Special AKA La Spesh

    we destroy a classroom full of children every day through abortion

    She’s making a valid point. Ever since Gordon Clown’s imaginary Ministry of Bonkers Horseshit implemented the new and compulsory form of abortion, children up the age of 10 – smiley, ruddy-faced little scamps, with full, busy, happy, productive lives – are sat fully clothed in their school uniforms whilst in their mothers’ wombs, doing their maths homework, blissfully unaware that at any moment, their mothers could be snatched off the street by a sinister NuLiarBore crack squad of elite abortionists and be FORCED to have a Doctor injected up their vaginas (having first been shrunk like Dennis Quaid was in Inner Space), where they will travel through the cervix and end up in the womb, where they will then mercilessly torture and kill the child to death. All the while filming it to make lucrative cash on the snuff movie circuit at a later date.

    You couldn’t make it up! Won’t SOMEBODY think of the bundles of cells!

  14. on 13 Jul 2009 at 3:42 pm alt-f4

    I like her idea for cleaning up the streets though.

    STREETOX – KILLS 99% OF KNIFECRIMERS DEAD.

  15. on 13 Jul 2009 at 3:54 pm Mesostim

    What does not respecting the human rights of knife crimers actually involve? We can diregard the due process of law and help ourselves to their microwaves and they can’t do owt?

  16. on 13 Jul 2009 at 4:53 pm kenwestmoreland

    Ring ring
    Good morning Bio-children
    May I order a girl child
    Certainly, at what age would you like delivery.
    Age 14 please
    That will take approx four months to deliver
    That’s OK but I do want a blond haired blue eyed girl. No defects and with a good work ethic.

    What a bloody good idea! What’s Bio-children’s phone number?

  17. on 13 Jul 2009 at 5:11 pm Littlejohn's Brane

    Paedo.

  18. on 13 Jul 2009 at 5:49 pm Dawn

    I would have thought lydia would enjoy bio- children as she could have her kids engineered to be as big a vaquitas vile vagina…

  19. on 13 Jul 2009 at 5:49 pm Dawn

    fuck .. as big a vaquitas vile vagina as she is !

  20. on 13 Jul 2009 at 6:04 pm 2010iscoming

    I thought Hefa Bill was one of them dangerous cows that are killing people all over the country

  21. on 13 Jul 2009 at 8:04 pm Bit Special AKA La Spesh

    OMG, 1984 RFR was RIGHT all along!

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/8147534.stm

    Sort of. Okay, not at all. What a fucktard.

  22. on 13 Jul 2009 at 8:05 pm Bit Special AKA La Spesh

    That was a satirical OMG, by the way. I’m not one of those women who pepper their online comments and conversations with lol-spea…. oooh, a kitten!

  23. on 13 Jul 2009 at 9:33 pm Icarus Smicarus

    I destroyed a classroom full of children the other day. It’s ok though, I assume they all had knives so they didn’t have any human rights.

  24. on 13 Jul 2009 at 10:08 pm Bit Special AKA La Spesh

    FUCKSOCKS, posted on the wrong thread. Oh, the shame!

  25. on 13 Jul 2009 at 10:17 pm kenwestmoreland

    @Littlejohn’s Brane – wanting children that are toilet trained on day one and want to work hard doesn’t make me a paedo. It might make me a Nazi, though!

  26. on 13 Jul 2009 at 10:48 pm Littlejohn's Brane

    @kenwestmoreland

    Nazi Paedo! We should all be taking heed from Lydia’s incisive piece of speculative fiction. Just think – every paedo in Britain could one day be ordering children over the phone. You couldn’t make it up – FACT!

  27. on 13 Jul 2009 at 11:36 pm El Prof.

    one completely create a human child. Two create another species

    Wow. Uncanny. As a scientist, I’d just like to point out that this is the first time someone has come this close to really understanding me. This whole thing is a ray of hope for me – my previous attempts at new species have only got as far as putting hamsters and gerbils in centrifuges. I’ve got the essential separation of traits thing down to a fine art with that, but putting the resulting solution back in to a new hambil has proven tricky so far. This whole sperm thing sounds much easier.

    She really gets me. I wonder if she’s single?

  28. on 13 Jul 2009 at 11:50 pm Hell In A Handcart

    I cant believe that 1984rfr actually has a wife, pregnant at that (didnt know inflatable sheep could conceive) which leads to a greater question as to how turd-collectors such as 1984 are allowed to spread their seed.

  29. on 14 Jul 2009 at 10:02 am alt-f4

    Let’s not kid ourselves this has nothing to do with infertility

    Some of us would consider the purpose of infertility research precisely to be all about “kidding ourselves”. But not our Lydia.