Credulous Nincompoops and Delusions of Grandeur and Permanently Bewildered and The Regular Twats and Unfocused Rage13 Jul 2009 12:30 pm
By Nelson

Thanks to Thomas for finding this hilariously self-important tit commenting on Nick Robinson’s blog.

I hope that this whitewash is not connected with an email I sent this morning to a cross-party representation of the HOC about surprising monitoring of my PC with rather close links to Sky Sports, the Sun and the Daily Mail.

Perish the thought that FURTHER INFORMATION would lead to cases being dropped………..
rjaggar

This is a textbook example of the basic malfunction that drives these idiots to comment all over stuff. Obviously, many of them are also very, very thick and startlingly racist, but the thing that propels them to share this with the rest of us is the delusion that the world gives a freshly minted fuck what they think.

This theme leads me on nicely to these next comments which were posted on this very site. I love it when the disgruntled gnomes of Have Your Say venture out of their incredibly important world and arrive here, only to discover that everyone else has been pointing at them and howling with laughter. This time it was the turn of “1984ReturnsForReal” who is convinced that:

  1. He’s dangerously subversive
  2. That there’s some kind of librul conspiracy, hell-bent on destroying him
  3. That other people give a shit about any of this

Anyway. He’s mid-flow here:

Thanks for the text at 4.42 this morning.

I assume its only the owner or agent of this site who can trace an IP address.

[...]

Unfortunately whover texted made the mistake (& I assume its a mistake) of texting my wife who has newly announced (yesterday) she is pregnant. Now if you take that text & read it back it would somewhat have undeniable threatening tone to a pregnant woman, wouldnt it?

I would advise all posters that possibly either the site owner or agent cannot be trusted with your details & should you have jobs that depend on a certain degree of discreteness you stay well away from this site.

Feel free to text her back & apologise.

It seems some people are not as intelligent as they pretend to be. Idiot.
1984ReturnsForReal

The idea that I can somehow determine his wife’s mobile number is merely very, very stupid. The idea that I would give a fuck is pure comedy genius.

There’s plenty more though:

Just got my first ever email from a dating site.

On top of the text to my wife at 4.40 this morning.

Funny that you all seem to think that this website is run by the righteous.

Like I said if your job means you need to maintain discretion I wouldn’t touch this website with a bargepole.
1984ReturnsForReal

Spam you say? YOU GOT SOME SPAM? Fuck me. They really ARE out to get you.

Still reading? Are you ABSOLUTELY SURE you want to keep taking the risk? I might not be as righteous as I pretend. I could be clearing your bank account out right now using electrickery.

Ready for the grand finale?

[...]

As for the text at 4.40 this morning you have had the opportunity to reverse it & yet done nothing. Its publish or police time. No choice after you arranged the email. Wifes mobile & my email, where do you stop?

I hope for your sake its a throw away sim in a throw away phone.
1984ReturnsForReal

See? He REALLY believes it. I would pay SO much money to be there as he explains to the police that he wants them to do something about his spam problem and a text that woke his wife up.

Just in case he’s still reading, I should tell him that I know he has Sky Broadband. I also reckon I know his name and the county he lives in (it’s surprising how much info people leak through HTTP headers). So I could have a guess at his landline number, if he’s not ex-directory. But, as I explained to him at the time:

“Rather than a technical solution, I actually used magic instead. If you go to the police I’m going to use more magic to prevent them from being able to imprison me.

There’s literally nothing you can do against this kind of power.”

106 Responses to “Neo The Clown”

  1. on 13 Jul 2009 at 12:51 pm necroflange

    To be fair Nelson, you can’t blame him. You’ve seemed perfectly content to whisper threats through my walls and tell me to kill my pets ever since I made a comment last month, so it’s not too far fetched to think you would be sending other site visitors’ girlfriends texts. In fact I just wish you could have treated me so mercifully- why do you hate me so much more than 1984ReturnsForReal?

    (That poor unborn child).

  2. on 13 Jul 2009 at 12:51 pm 1984ReturnsForReal again

    It’s you that’s been putting catshit in my flowerbed as well, isn’t it?

    My wife could catch a nasty disease from that if she were to pick it up and then stick her finger up her nose or something, and I daren’t think of the consequences then. COME AND CLEAN IT UP NOW YOU BASTARD!!!!

  3. on 13 Jul 2009 at 1:28 pm offensive_mango

    I put this guy in the same category as those people who post comments on articles at entertainment websites, where they ask questions that are directed to the celebrity the article was written about (as if the celebrity in question (1) knows the article exists and (2) frequents the page regularly to make sure anyone who wants more information can get it from the horse’s mouth).

    This category is called, in my mind, THE INTERNETS: U R DOIN IT WRONG. You may have another name for it.

  4. on 13 Jul 2009 at 1:31 pm Paranoid Mandroid

    I didn’t think this guy could actually be serious about these allegations, but then I saw this:

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?p=23059359

    But that was a week ago, so I guess it never became a “police thing”…

  5. on 13 Jul 2009 at 1:36 pm Bit Special AKA La Spesh

    I just want you to know that I appreciate your magic, Nelson. My life was really dull until your voice appeared in my head telling me I’m Jesus and I should go kill some prostitutes. Cheers, Fella.

  6. on 13 Jul 2009 at 1:39 pm GoSub

    When I threaten someone’s wife and unborn child I like to do it in person rather than by text. It’s that personal touch that makes killyourwifewithastanleyknife.com such a successful business.

  7. on 13 Jul 2009 at 1:46 pm GeorgeOrwellspinninginhisgrave

    Maybe your wife has a few other people on the side you don’t know about…

  8. on 13 Jul 2009 at 2:00 pm alt-f4

    He’d already written about what was, prior to last weekend, his “wierdest telephone call”:

    What is your date of birth and address please?
    Oh..no its alright, don’t bother….I’ll check you BBC profile…
    1984ReturnsForReal

    What’s with this guy and his association of telephones with web forums? It’s 1984 all over again I tell you!

  9. on 13 Jul 2009 at 2:02 pm Call of Davrodu

    Why, with his every move on the interwebs now open to scrutiny and potential retaliation 1984ReturnsForReal must have entered some kind of paranoid world where unfeeling eyes scrutinise him day and night through video screens. Why its rather like that book by George Orwell, you know the one, nineteen eighty four was it? returning, for, err, real.

    T to the ruefax.

  10. on 13 Jul 2009 at 2:02 pm Throbbe

    Oh dears. From his sig it appears that the MSE mods are out to get him too.

    I did find Haiku Pol on the Nick Robinson comments. I think she’s an amusing comic creation, but I can’t tell these days, the sheer twattery of people seems to make anything possible.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/profile/?userid=14038632

  11. on 13 Jul 2009 at 2:03 pm Hose

    Just read all the posts. May get into a lot of trouble re: newssniffer.com as I accessed it at work. Didn’t realise it might be a wind-up (misread the post). Hope not to get fired today.

  12. on 13 Jul 2009 at 2:07 pm Call of Davrodu

    How is it that your punchline was so close to mine, alt-F4. Have you been rinsing out my jape-data from the internets? This will become a police matter unless you phoneme to apologise. you must have my number as I have a phone.

  13. on 13 Jul 2009 at 2:15 pm alt-f4

    How is it that your punchline was so close to mine, alt-F4

    Internets Majick. I used a search engine that only indexes postings before they are made then deletes them after the original poster writes them so as to avoid duplication. But it’s only available for those of us who work in jobs that require discretion.

    Or possibly, it’s simply because we have both independantly surmised that 1984RFR is a paranoid parrot’s pube.

  14. on 13 Jul 2009 at 2:26 pm My Foot Hurts.

    Come on, own up – which one of you is Massive Ronald?

  15. on 13 Jul 2009 at 2:26 pm Philbert

    I would advise all posters that possibly either the site owner or agent cannot be trusted with your details & should you have jobs that depend on a certain degree of discreteness you stay well away from this site.

    On the other hand, if you and your colleagues form some sort of continuum then you’re golden.

  16. on 13 Jul 2009 at 2:27 pm My Foot Hurts.

    Sorry – to contextualise that, please see the link in Paranoid Mandroid’s post above!

  17. on 13 Jul 2009 at 2:28 pm My Foot Hurts.

    @Philbert

    Sorry, I was contextualising my comment, not yours. It’s like alt-f4 and Call of Davrodu all over again.

  18. on 13 Jul 2009 at 2:37 pm Ghostwoods

    Haha! I’m the one who made o2 send a marketing text to his wife at 4am, and he’s blaming you. I R MADE OF WIN!

  19. on 13 Jul 2009 at 3:01 pm alt-f4

    @ghostwoods – are you a powerful level 23 hacker?

    It probably was a marketing text though. No doubt she gave her mobile number as a contact along with the pregnancy test so that she’d get the news asap, and this along with all the other information identifying her as somebody about to begin purchasing pregnancy-related products was sold to a marketing company who entered her info into their DB and left the system to spam her for the next 8 months, when she will be auto-updated to a likely mark for childbirth-related products.

  20. on 13 Jul 2009 at 3:08 pm Set your faces to stunned

    I’d have thought she’d be receiving spam from abortion clinics.

    Relax – I’m a doctor.

  21. on 13 Jul 2009 at 3:33 pm RadiatorLizard

    Doesn’t actual Spam (as opposed to spam) come from abortion clinics? No. No, it doesn’t. Possibly from porcine abortion clinics, however….

    @ alt-f4
    The dating site spam he received could well be an extension of this marketing. Expectant fathers are surely a key demographic: wife up the duff = thoughts of infidelity = attempts to find someone who isn’t aware of his obvious status as a perwinkle’s prolapsed perineum.

  22. on 13 Jul 2009 at 3:46 pm RadiatorLizard

    Ahem…perIwinkle.

  23. on 13 Jul 2009 at 4:38 pm tediouspedanticgit

    Do you mean periwinkle?

  24. on 13 Jul 2009 at 4:41 pm framlington

    Like I said if your job means you need to maintain
    discretion I wouldn’t touch this website with a bargepole

    For some strange reason I anticipated the words “an erection” rather than “discretion” when reading that. Probably reinforced by the bargepole reference on the end.

    I shall have to stop sending people those spam viagra emails at 4.42 in the morning. I’m becoming obsessed.

  25. on 13 Jul 2009 at 4:57 pm RadiatorLizard

    @ tediouspedanticgit

    I meant and wrote periwinkle (that’s a capital ‘i’ to highlight it as a change, rather than an ‘l’)

    I’ll have you shower of complete strangers know that I only buggered it up once, dammit!

  26. on 13 Jul 2009 at 4:59 pm Mr Cat

    No-one is asking the question why someone would go to money saving expert.com to ask people about whether IP addresses and mobile phone numbers can be lifted from teh internets?

  27. on 13 Jul 2009 at 5:06 pm please sir

    It’s really odd. I hope 1984 comes to his senses and realises that the ip address has nothing to do with the pho…

    …Alright – which one of you bastards just texted me a 2 for one trip to the cinema! I swear if I get my hands on you I’m going to break you! This country has gone down the drain while filth like you just do filth all day!

    Why are you all so paranoid?!? You don’t have jobs as important as mine!

    Grow up!

  28. on 13 Jul 2009 at 5:30 pm Dr Feelgood

    Why would someone go to money saving expert.com to ask people about whether IP addresses and mobile phone numbers can be lifted from teh internets?

    Happy now?

  29. on 13 Jul 2009 at 6:11 pm burnel

    1984ReturnsForReal pass the mescaline on da left hand side.

  30. on 13 Jul 2009 at 6:43 pm Mal

    So how did Nelson know I needed my penis enlarged and that I might want to see naked co-eds? Scary or what?

  31. on 13 Jul 2009 at 7:23 pm alt-f4

    Why would someone go to money saving expert.com to ask people about whether IP addresses and mobile phone numbers can be lifted from teh internets?

    He’s going to wish he hadn’t. The PC Brigade are on to him now.

  32. on 13 Jul 2009 at 7:50 pm That Bloke in the corner

    He’s back, he’s back, he really has retrurned for real-FACT

  33. on 13 Jul 2009 at 7:56 pm That Bloke in the corner

    Tee Hee, just found this on the divorce debate;
    “My wife asked me for a divorce less than 4 weeks ago (after being together for 12 years) because she had “fallen out of love with me” however she wouldn’t explain why, just that in her eyes we’d drifted apart, she didn’t want to try and fix it and her mind is made up.
    We have 2 small children and I hope they will be ok.
    I’m struggling to find somewhere to live while she’s excited about meeting her new man she met on FB 4 days ago.

    It has been too quick and conselling may have helped?!!??

    Anon, Dark Pit

    Mrs 1984RFR has seen the light

  34. on 13 Jul 2009 at 8:21 pm Scaryduck

    1984?

    He’s still outraged by Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s Relax. You are Mike Read and I claim my five pounds.

  35. on 13 Jul 2009 at 8:55 pm 1984ReturnsForReal

    Thanks for my very own article.

    Have you had the messages from the porn sites yet?

    You never know you may find the right guy from the advert.

  36. on 13 Jul 2009 at 9:02 pm Scaryduck

    1984RTR: Your wife does know you’re looking at gay porn, does she?

    Remember: Tools —> Internet Options —> Clear History or you’re on the sofa.

  37. on 13 Jul 2009 at 9:05 pm alt-f4

    Have you had the messages from the porn sites yet?

    Yes I have.

    One of them was sent to my wife’s mobile phone yesterday at 04:42. She’s just had a miscarriage which the doctors say was bought on by shock.

    This will be a police thing on Tuesday.

  38. on 13 Jul 2009 at 9:29 pm 1984ReturnsForReal

    Really.

    The only facts on here is what I have written.

    Dont use any traceable details on this site.

    The owner is not to be trusted.

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^

    See. Another fact.

  39. on 13 Jul 2009 at 9:44 pm Manly J. Panda

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1752691&page=14

    I was going to keep this quiet, but our friend 1984 is molto attivo on the old MSE site, and not just to ask about ISPs and tinfoil hats. So I was going to just troll him a bit, using the arcane power of the ‘display all posts from this user’ button.

    I was going to keep this quiet, until he called me a ****.

    My friend, no-one calls a Speak You’re Braneser a ****! I call upon all the latent power of the Speak You’re Branesers to annoy 1984 by pointing out poor grammar, spelling and hypocracy wherever he may post.

    To arms!

    If I’m right.

  40. on 13 Jul 2009 at 9:51 pm Manly J. Panda

    Actually, he has struck back.

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1813577&highlight=

    I think we’ve been outflanked.

    He seems to think that we’re upper class on SYBs. Strangely, I had the feeling we were somewhat scummy.

    He also got the impression that we believe ourselves “to be far more superior to the general population of the UK”.

    Fair cop, gov. The Panda will come quietly.

  41. on 13 Jul 2009 at 10:15 pm Kelvin

    Really.

    The only facts on here is what I have written.

    Dont use any traceable details on this site.

    The owner is not to be trusted.

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^

    See. Another fact.

    Too late, Nelson left some magic lying around and I used it to do an invisible poo on your keyboard. I really smeared that fucker in, you’ll never clean it off.

  42. on 13 Jul 2009 at 10:22 pm Kelvin

    And while you’re around, 1984RFR, if you’re going to be so certain of your TRUE INTERNET FACTS you’ll probably want to stop posting about how you can’t work Microsoft Outlooks Internets & Emails & Internets by Microsoft because it might make you look like you’re throwing out random accusations like some sort of paranoid mad man. Or at least for the sake of accuracy, stop calling them “facts” and start calling them “ravings.”

  43. on 13 Jul 2009 at 10:23 pm 2010isActuallyComing

    Now I am being listened to by 13 Amp fuses.

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/8147534.stm

  44. on 13 Jul 2009 at 11:02 pm Littlejohn's Brane

    The only facts on here is what I have written.

    Dont use any traceable details on this site.

    The owner is not to be trusted

    Tch, call that a haiku?

  45. on 13 Jul 2009 at 11:06 pm Dr Feelgood

    The moneysavingexpert site design is enough to give a migraine, swiftly followed by shutdown of higher brain functions.

    Incidentally, is the objective to achieve the first SYB induced suicide, or just a ‘postal incident’?

    Not making a moral judgement – just want to be prepared.

  46. on 13 Jul 2009 at 11:08 pm That Bloke in the corner

    @Manly J. Panda, thank you for the link to that really anal site moneysavingexpert, I now have a picture of what a twatbasket 1984RFR is, if he spnds his time on there blowing his own (oooerr missus), then he deserves every viagra,big nob,gay,midget slapping,you have just one the lagos lottery, spam in exsitence. Using any leftover Nelson magic I would also like to enchant MI5 to bob round in a dawn raid and have him waterboarded for being such a weasels rectum, and yes I pride myself on being extremely scummy, I hope I can stay up till 4.42am to send a text, oh I can’t I have my very impotant job to go to-fuck it, worth the sack.

  47. on 13 Jul 2009 at 11:14 pm Felix Castor

    @1984ReturnsForReal – You do realise we’re all extremely liberal here and like looking at gay porn, preferably gay porn involving ethnic minorities?

    If you really want to piss Nelson off steal his identity and then join UKIP.

    Mind you, probably don’t as he has your IP address now and that’s like knowing Rumpelstiltskin’s true name.

  48. on 13 Jul 2009 at 11:28 pm That Bloke in the corner

    Hang on a minute, if this site is so bad and Nelson is the interwebs Uberlord and can cause magical things like IP’s into mobile numbers, and this site is not to be trusted blah blah blah blah blah-why does he keep coming back here? does he like the abuse? have we a HYSer sitting in the box room, after the wife has gone to bed, in his favourite red gimp mask, getting off on all the abuse? urrgh I feel really dirty now. Going to have to go and watch midget felching now to get over that image.

  49. on 13 Jul 2009 at 11:28 pm Bit Special AKA La Spesh

    I’m going to use the deep magic of middleclassness to fuck up 1984RFR’s mind and life. A plague of sundried tomatoes upon his house, his radio will only be able to play Radio 4 – even when it is turned off!11!!!1! – and I will be sending him spam containing a series of Posy Simmonds cartoons from the mid- to late 90s.

    If none of that breaks him, I will send my Mum round to tell him all about being at Greenham Common and the time she met Chinua Achebe. That should do the trick.

    PS Wasn’t Rumpelstiltskin’s real name, erm, Rumpelstiltskin?

  50. on 13 Jul 2009 at 11:29 pm That Bloke in the corner

    Sorry @Felix Castor, forgot my liebralism there, that will be gay,black midget felching-in Burkah’s

  51. on 13 Jul 2009 at 11:53 pm Pirate Pete

    I admit that I actually lol-led at Massive Ronald and PC Brigade’s posts in the moneysavingexpert forum. I was half-expecting to hear some muffled barking off in the distance…

  52. on 14 Jul 2009 at 12:03 am That Bloke in the corner

    Jesus fucking Dawkins, I’ve just spent the last half hour on moneysavingexpert, Whisky is now the only answer, it will haunt my dreams till the grave. If that is money saving I pray to what ever deity that shites on me daily to make me bankrupt. Please don’t let me end up there, the bowel cancer is a much more pleasant experience-trust me.

  53. on 14 Jul 2009 at 12:41 am Ed

    @Manly J. Panda

    My friend, no-one calls a Speak You’re Braneser a ****! I call upon all the latent power of the Speak You’re Branesers to annoy 1984 by pointing out poor grammar, spelling and hypocracy wherever he may post.

    That’s “hypocrisy”.

    You’re welcome.

  54. on 14 Jul 2009 at 1:07 am Manly J. Panda

    @Ed

    It most certainly is.

  55. on 14 Jul 2009 at 1:18 am Nelson

    1984RTR: Still no comments or emails from your (many?) friends at MSE. And (sorry) no messages from porn sites either. I don’t get spam any more. I suggest you use gmail if you’re still suffering with it.

    You’re welcome to attempt further internet based vengeance but you should probably be aware that, given the obvious disparity in our respective abilities to pull that kind of thing off, it would be a bit like Jimmy Krankie attacking Gandalf. With a plastic light-sabre.

  56. on 14 Jul 2009 at 2:03 am Nelson

    Can’t get that image out of my head. “Judge me by me size d’ye?”. Which is something Gandalf would never do, of course. He’s mad for hobbits.

  57. on 14 Jul 2009 at 2:38 am Queen of Pigheadedness

    This has to be one of the most entertaining SYB threads for a while. Just read ThePCBrigade’s post on MSE and fair near wet myself laughing, especially when someone reported it as spam. hahahah… Someone with a bit of sense on MSE is telling 1984RTR to stop being so paranoid, and the tosspot is still not letting it go – fantastico.

    Wonder if he wears a tinfoil hat?

  58. on 14 Jul 2009 at 2:43 am Orwell Pedant

    Not sure if this point has been made before in other threads but I have just noticed that 1984RFR actually has a copyright statement at the bottom of all his posts on MSE- the quality of his writing, grammar and his ability to engage in intellectual discourse makes him an obvious target for journalists, students and other plagiarists to pilfer his valued contributions to discourse so I am sure we all agree that this is a very sensible course of action for him to take…certainly scuppers my plans to copy and paste such pearls of wisdom and pass them off in my own blog or as my status update on Facebook in a vain attempt to make myself look more intelligent and humourous.

  59. on 14 Jul 2009 at 3:00 am Theodore

    1984RFR…what a fucking arsehole. I’m sure he spends hours trying to catch out the light switch goblins by casually walking past a light switch then suddenly flicking it or by throwing items at a switch in a darkened room. He probably hasn’t sussed that they are the ones who have been passing his details onto a 3rd party – the dimmer switch goblins have a particularly vengeful streak.

  60. on 14 Jul 2009 at 3:20 am James (the other one, no not him, the other one)

    I know where you live….

    Oh yes….

    Right where you live….

    It would be so much better if I knew where I lived….

    Can’t somebody help me?….

    Wibble.

  61. on 14 Jul 2009 at 6:10 am TomTom

    I’m really confused by this guy. Part of his behaviour (running off to MSE to ask for help) indicates that he genuinely believes you’re pestering his wife, while another part (repeatedly posting on this site) indicates that he knows such a thing is impossible. The only conclusion I can come to is that it’s actually two people. Maybe Mrs 1984RFR is a bit of a shit-stirrer, while the man himself is a paranoid possum’s poontang.

  62. on 14 Jul 2009 at 6:36 am Theodore

    The guy is obviously as thick as pig-shit. He can’t spell, has awful grammar and judging from his membership of MSE, I would hazard a guess that although he has had a piss-poor education he has managed to get some kind of bullshit sales job and suddenly he thinks he’s Richard Branson. This is the profile of somebody who probably comes from Feltham, reads the Daily Mail and supports Arsenal.

  63. on 14 Jul 2009 at 8:47 am Rotwatcher

    It’s hardly surprising that someone so clueless about configuring Outlook that they’d seek for help on MSE (when I’m ill I find the best diagnosis can be found at the local fish and chip shop) is convinced that all their personal details are contained in their IP address. Why, I heard the other day that ZaNuLiabore are passing a law to encode biometric data in SMS messages. And that’s a fact.

  64. on 14 Jul 2009 at 8:58 am Flying Aspidistra

    The panda coming quietly:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QlHS04-oa-0

  65. on 14 Jul 2009 at 9:03 am alt-f4

    Well they deleted my pcbrigade post already, but it was worth it while it lasted, and I kept a copy for posterity.

    Glad you enjoyed it ;-)

    As for 1984RFR, you do realise that boasting about spamming people’s mailboxes coupled with your outmoded assumption that gay porn is in any way worse than any other kind of spam has totally destroyed any last vestiges of credibility still attached to your Orwellian alias. A change of name may be in order. Please allow me to suggest a temporary solution, “2009ContinuesUnabated” which will give you five and a half months to think of something for yourself.

  66. on 14 Jul 2009 at 9:24 am blahblah

    Oh no, I’ve come to the party late and PC Brigades post appears to have been removed from MSE. Any chance of a re-post on here where it will be safe for posterity.

    I’m sure the legend that is 1984RFR will also be chuffed that this article is sitting pretty at no. 3 when you search for him on Googe.

  67. on 14 Jul 2009 at 9:25 am blahblah

    Brigade’s – bum

  68. on 14 Jul 2009 at 9:45 am alt-f4

    Any chance of a re-post on here

    It’ll have to be from memory as my copy is at home:

    ThePCBrigade
    moneysavingnewbie
    posts 1

    Evening all.

    Inspector Blake of the Netcop Division here. We take infantile cross-blog hot-pursuit harrassment very seriously here at the PC Brigade. I have to warn you that under section 14 paragraph 2i of the HEFA Act your IP addresses and mobile telephone numbers have been logged and may become a police thing.

    Those of you with jobs that depend on a certain degree of discreteness be warned.

    Good night all. Stay safe.
    Blakey
    ===========================================
    Have you received odd messages by SMS? Do you have a totally legit reason for asking? Don’t know where to turn for help?

    Try our investigations department. Send you mobile phone to the address below and our experienced team of triple-digit level hackers will find out who did it.

    The PC Brigade
    Room 101
    Bobmonk House
    London HYS 455

  69. on 14 Jul 2009 at 10:10 am Felna

    So someone who is a regular on a site that actively promotes hawking your details across the interweb in order to get 10p off your next Tesco bill, seems to believe that SYB is responsible for the spam he’s getting.

    Man is truly a Cookoo’s cavity.

  70. on 14 Jul 2009 at 10:14 am Nelson

    That’s probably enough harassing him all over the internet now.

  71. on 14 Jul 2009 at 1:18 pm Tom

    Poe’s Law.

    http://rationalwiki.com/wiki/Poe’s_Law

    I honestly can’t tell.

  72. on 14 Jul 2009 at 1:42 pm Shin

    From his posts on MSE –

    “Hi, we’ve had to remove your signature. If you’re not sure why please read the forum rules or email the forum team if you’re still unsure – MSE Forum Team ”

    I’m dying to know, now….

  73. on 14 Jul 2009 at 2:26 pm 1968returnsnotreally

    How do you decide on where to tag someone like the 1984delusionist? You have been very kind. He could be catalogued under all of them

    e.g.

    Animal Fannies (he’s “a cuckoo’s cavity” -priceless)

    Armchair Generals (he’s summoning the police)

    Credulous Nincompoops (he thinks 1984 is here)

    Curtain Twitchers (he popped into SYB to tell us it was pointless)

    Delusions of Grandeur (He’s a “Let Me Tell You, Idiot” idiot.

    Grief Athletes (his made-up wife had a made-up trauma because of us)

    I really could go on…..

  74. on 14 Jul 2009 at 3:06 pm Calamity

    actualy he is probably just ill :(

    … dont send the spammers after me, please?

  75. on 14 Jul 2009 at 5:14 pm Received Opinion

    Does it ever occur to you that mocking 1984RFR, and the people like him, is rather like mocking the Irish for being a bit thick, the Welsh for shagging sheep, or the Muslims for exploding? Guys, we should show a bit of cultural sensitivity for people like him!

    Not everyone has gone through University, the ZaNu liberal brainwashing machine for “intellectuals”, and not everyone spends all their time glued to Eastenders, the ZaNu brainwashing machine for thickos. So *of course* they don’t understand that (1) 1984 hasn’t returned for real, and (2) even if it had, that would be a good thing anyway, because at last social justice would be achieved and everyone would be equal. So stop it! His sort will die out in a few years, and we’re all far too clever to listen to them anyway, so the least we can do is nod, smile and lie about texting his wife.

  76. on 14 Jul 2009 at 6:22 pm alt-f4

    Does it ever occur to you that mocking 1984RFR, and the people like him, is rather like mocking the Irish for being a bit thick, the Welsh for shagging sheep, or the Muslims for exploding?

    On the contrary, his boasting about subscribing us to gay porn is pure homophobia and a generalisation as equally odious as any of the examples you provide.

    Are we supposed to be doubly offended by his revelation that gay people have sex, and may even like to occasionaly masturbate – alone or in groups – over video recordings of it? Well I never!

    I don’t who, but it is statisticaly inevitable that some of the regulars here never went to university, and some of them do watch Eastenders. But on the whole they seem to know the difference between generalisations and mocking of poor character and/or lifestyle choices.

    It is of course possible that 1984RFR is mentally ill, in which case he should go see a doctor.

  77. on 14 Jul 2009 at 7:59 pm 1968returnsnotreally

    Lack of self-awareness is not a mental illness.

  78. on 14 Jul 2009 at 9:19 pm Nelson

    IMO, there’s a big difference between taking the piss out of his bluster on here and hounding him round his other internet haunts. That makes me feel rather uncomfortable. After all, I was originally laughing at his idea that, given the ability to do so, anyone WOULD bother to harass him. Yeah, I know, I started it. I’m full of contradictions.

  79. on 14 Jul 2009 at 11:41 pm Kelvin

    I think it’ll be interesting to see what happens when he finally plucks up the courage to call back whoever did text him at 4:42 and realises it had nothing to do with SYB. Will he come back and apologise for his accusations?

  80. on 15 Jul 2009 at 12:09 am Nelson

    Hehehe. No. He’ll just weave it into his fantasy like all good conspiracy theorists :)

  81. on 15 Jul 2009 at 12:10 am Marcus

    You’re assuming that he will ever accept that it has nothing to do with SYB. I suspect he’s irredeemably convinced that Nelson personally sent the text. After all, if he believes it despite knowing it’s impossible, why should he stop just because he discovers the truth to be utterly different?

    Oh, and:

    > Does it ever occur to you that mocking 1984RFR, and the people like him, is rather like mocking the Irish for being a bit thick, the Welsh for shagging sheep, or the Muslims for exploding?

    No. It’s like mocking idiots for being thick, sheepshaggers for shagging sheep, and Hamas for exploding. See the difference?

  82. on 15 Jul 2009 at 9:27 am Kelvin

    I suppose you’re right. If 1984RFR believes we have the internet goblins to track down his wife’s mobile number, he’ll believe we have the internet goblins to track down that bloke in the pub who’s always a bit fancied his wife and can’t stand the way he dominates every conversation with his bitter polemic against Broken Britain and peruade him to do it for us.

    I’d love to know what was in the text that contained all this personal information. My guess is “Glad 2 hear ur carryin my child now divorce that prick before he gets a DNA test.”

  83. on 15 Jul 2009 at 3:18 pm alt-f4

    My guess on the contents of the text is:

    “Congratulations on your happy news! Do you know that Babycare stores are open from 9-5 Mon-Sat on every High St, where you can find many bargains at low, low, low, rates of interest. Save ££££££££s at Babycare”

  84. on 15 Jul 2009 at 4:19 pm Ugly Newt

    “Hi, we’ve had to remove your signature. If you’re not sure why
    please read the forum rules or email the forum team if you’re still
    unsure – MSE Forum Team ”

    I’m dying to know, now….

    Some messageboards/forums claim copyright on everything posted to them. If 1984RFR’s self-important signature was also claiming copyright on his own work, that could be a (very boring) violation of the forum rules.

  85. on 15 Jul 2009 at 4:34 pm millie

    or perhaps he copied Nelson’s cock & balls one…

  86. on 15 Jul 2009 at 5:24 pm Kelvin

    It was removed because it was a whinge about his previous sig being removed. Obviously we’re in cahoots with the MSE moderators along with the mobile phone companies and his ISP.

  87. on 15 Jul 2009 at 7:01 pm Nelson

    According to google’s cache, the old sig continued his theme of “blaming someone else for everything”. It’s the most weasely crap I’ve read in a while, which, given that I spend a fair amount of time on HYS, is saying something.

    Hi, I have had my signature removed by MSE because it broke the rules.

    As it was a quote from another user I would suggest it was them who broke the rules about bullying & I just broke the copyright.

    © 2009 1984ReturnsForReal

  88. on 15 Jul 2009 at 7:46 pm Violetta

    I’ve arrived late to this and don’t want to poke too hard at a dry turd, but I don’t get his point here:

    The only facts on here is what I have written.

    This is a site which presents a rubbish comment then ridicules it in an almost exclusively fact-free manner. Or have I been missing the encyclopedia side of the project?

  89. on 15 Jul 2009 at 7:55 pm Nelson

    You missed the fact-chicken. Laying fact-eggs. Massive fact-eggs.

  90. on 15 Jul 2009 at 7:57 pm alt-f4

    As it was a quote from another user I would suggest it was them who broke the rules about bullying & I just broke the copyright.

    It is in keeping with the mentality of someone who will respond to allegedly receiving spam by threatening to call the police, get people fired, disrupt blogs, and ultimately, gloat about sending revenge-spam himself.

    In short, pathetic.

  91. on 16 Jul 2009 at 12:18 am Funny Peculiar

    Holy Crapola! You had a 1984 raiding party without me.
    .
    .
    *fume*
    .
    .
    *sulk*
    .
    .
    S’not FAIR!!!!

    It wuz me that spotted 1984’s original SYB post and me that hit the ‘red alert’ button… an’ it wuz me that found MSE. And then, right, just cos I go on holiday for three days to a place where they don’t have interwebs, you all get together and invade 1984’s forum without me.

    *hiss* You knew I was going away. You’ve been peeking at my emails, haven’t. 1984 was right about you lot. I hate you all now. That’s it, I’m going to MSE and I’m NOT coming back…

    *STOMP* *STOMP* *STOMP* *STOMP*
    *SLAM*

  92. on 16 Jul 2009 at 2:06 am Mr Tickle

    As if I didn’t have enough twatbasketry from HYS, thanks to SYB I’ve seen MSE… where Strider 590 has posted “Winning on the internet is like winning the special olympics…. You won, great, but who did you beat?”

    I’m just guessing here, but I think he means cripples. Or spastics. Possibly “the retarded”.

    Hardly a challenge, eh? I won the internet once, but when I clicked on the button to collect my $1m prize, my computer went wrong and all I got was cascading windows with all animal porn on it. And not the good kind.

  93. on 16 Jul 2009 at 10:59 am Sodium

    To be fair to fucknuts, it used to be true that if you visited a webpage from a branded phone from one of the UK mobile phone providers, it put your phone number in the http headers.

    I think it was the Orange SPV series phones, but I may be wrong.

    I’d take a look through the code of one of my old websites, but I can’t be arsed…

  94. on 16 Jul 2009 at 11:45 am Kelvin

    I checked Howardforums and I suppose he could have hacked the ROM and toggled the $INCLUDE_MY_WIFES_NUMBER_TOO flag. But I can’t find any reference to a flag called $MAKE_NELSON_GIVE_ENOUGH_OF_A_SHIT_TO_DO_ANYTHING

  95. on 16 Jul 2009 at 11:48 am Nelson

    To be fair to fucknuts, it used to be true that if you visited a webpage from a branded phone from one of the UK mobile phone providers, it put your phone number in the http headers.

    Rilly? Fuck’s sake. That’s pretty fiercely idiotic.

    I’m not actually logging much in the way of headers. He was just leaking his google query through the referrer :)

    Of course, with powers like mine, this is enough information for me to have genetically modified his wife’s unborn child. I’m pretty fucking unscrupulous like that.

  96. on 16 Jul 2009 at 12:07 pm Sodium

    Looks like it wasn’t just Orange… http://www.google.co.uk/search?q=http+header+msisdn (msisdn is the industry speak for your phone number)

  97. on 16 Jul 2009 at 1:24 pm Black Bag

    Just wandered a little off-topic, but from wondering whether 1984RFR proves Poes law, a little wiki-wandering took me here – http://www.fstdt.com/fundies/top100.aspx?archive=1
    (The top 100 entries from ‘Fundamentalists Say the Damndest Things’)
    A little gem to whet your appetite;
    “To say the Bible was written by men and may contain inaccuracies completely contradicts the word of the Bible. “

  98. on 16 Jul 2009 at 1:51 pm stuartpturner

    Man, I’ve been reading this blog on and off for ages and but never have I come across such a paranoid character – this is hilarious!

    The posts on Money Saving Expert cracked me up even more – genius!

  99. on 17 Jul 2009 at 12:51 am Icarus Smicarus

    I’m crushingly (read: mildly) disappointed I fell behind on the SYB updates and missed the chance to make fun of this ludicrous cunt. I hope he becomes a regular.

  100. on 19 Jul 2009 at 2:35 am 1984ReturnsForReal

    Nice.

    Dont you all look like a bunch of knobs?

  101. on 19 Jul 2009 at 8:38 am Kelvin

    Oh bugger off, 1984RFR. We’re all about Neil Craig now. His insanity makes your paranoia look like small beans.

  102. on 19 Jul 2009 at 8:29 pm Icarus Smicarus

    Nice.

    Dont you all look like a bunch of knobs?

    YAY! I want you to stay here forever and ever.

  103. on 20 Jul 2009 at 1:38 pm Throbbe

    I prefer 1984rfr. The more I see of Neil the more I think he needs specialised care rather than ridicule.

    1984rfr is just your common or garden dim windbag, and is therefore fair game, especially as the sleights he imagines are so much better than anything we could come up with.

  104. on 21 Jul 2009 at 11:17 pm rhys jagger

    Phew, 1984rfr, what a loony. But… you can look up, if you can be arsed, and have the inclination, and the software, mobile numbers from IP addresses. I worked with SOCA on something similar.

    Show me your IP and I’ll send you a text of my wife’s tits.

  105. on 22 Jul 2009 at 1:00 am Ed aka Kelvin

    Reality check: getting a phone number from an IP address is a question of data access (to the ISP), not software. Don’t get confused, easily-confused people.

  106. on 22 Jul 2009 at 1:23 am Funny Peculiar

    Oh bugger off, 1984RFR. We’re all about Neil Craig now. His insanity makes your paranoia look like small beans. Kelvin

    Whooooooo Kelvin, Kelvin, Kelvin… Your haitus certainly didn’t dull the edge of your savage wit. A hit, a very palpable hit.