Thanks to Nathan and Liam for this comment on a terrifying vision of wind-powered Britain. I like it, it makes me think of World of Goo.
I am very concerned that these wind farms will affect the natural wind patterns thereby affecting weather patterns. A consensus of my friends who are scientists believe that a wind farm of this scale will shift the earth off its rotational axis and send it hurtling toward the sun in a matter of decades. Who stupid are these Brits? Don’t they realize that human actions on such a scale have worldwide consequences? Such an attempt to destroy the planet should be considered an act against humanity and declaration of war. Where is the condemnation from the UN?
— Lyle Vos
It’s fine. We’ve got a pact with Australia. We build one, they build one, sorted. Better still, by 2035 we hope to have a system in place whereby they shut two or three of theirs off in July to give us a hotter summer, and we do the same in December and have a white Christmas. It’ll be great.
100 Responses to “Millions of Tiny Propellors”
He raises a valid point, though. Just who stupid are these Brits?
This fellow appears to have a soupçon of Graham Lister about him. “I know doctors, dentists and architects. Important people.”
“Awesome! By replacing coal, gas and nuclear and all the jobs asociated with those energy forms, with extremely expensive and subsidized wind power, Britian will become an economic powerhouse! I, for one, welcome the coming of our British overlords. Maybe now, they’ll be able to afford toothpaste and braces.”
— Eric F.
Piss taking ponce. Why not borrow a propeller and come and visit some knife crime?
What if we build windfarms blowing both ways to cancel out the orbital meddling?
I suspect Lyle Vos is taking the piss – and he’s getting ripped a new one by some lower down the thread (but presumably higher up in the food chain).
Best place for it.
Yeah. Lets force nick from welwyn garden city’s grandfather to build all the windmills. If he refuses, we can put him in a giant hamster wheel to generate the power himself.
They should ban recognition of downsides altogether. I see no possible downside.
I thought he was joking until “who stupid”.
Now I can only cry. And slowly, inevitably, dial Ben Goldacre.
I am not usually compelled to comment but this post is so perfect in its beauty that it almost made me shed a little tear. The wonderful line “a consensus of my friends who are scientists” followed by a scornful belittling of anyone who fails to see that his lunatic ravings are correct would be good enough in itself, but combined with an apparent belief that wind farms are in fact an ‘attempt to destroy the planet’ and a suggestion that we start a war this becomes too good to be true.
This is the platonic ideal of a HYS post. Discuss.
In order to conduct some scientific research into this, I propose that we attach Lyle to a wind turbine and send him hurtling towards the sun.
I’m not sure what this will prove, but I think it’s worth a try.
I thought this must be a pisstake, so I looked for him in the googles and discovered that Lyle Vos is all over the NYT blogs and is, clearly and without reservation, a total pine marten’s poontang.
relax, I consulted my scientist friend(PHD in recreational pharmaceuticals) , he said you could just run them backwards like motors and undo the damage. He also recommended lining all cattle up facing into the wind to used the combined farting power of the country’s 2 million cows would act as stabalising thrust.
problem solved
who indeed
Grov: i think nick from welwyn garden city (is that like tom from finland?) is suggesting we use boats and submarines as windmills. it makes perfect sense when you think about it. why else do you think they fit those little windmills at the back?
My uncle genuinely believes that aeroplanes affect the windstreams in the Earth’s upper atmosphere.
Luckily he doesn’t have access to the Internet, or I think he and Lyle would be great friends.
Well, I have a friend who nearly passed his electrical engineering degree, and his consensus is that Lyle’s mates are talking bollocks. The Earth’s rotational axis and the Earth’s orbit are completely different things, if he’s right.
And if Lyle’s mates want to take it outside, my mate is more than happy to demonstrate Newton’s second Law of Motion, Liverpudlian style.
I like this response.
gah… block … quote
oi fucko
is your friend ferris bueller?
Fuck block quotes, they are the work of sorcery, magic and text messages in the early hours.
Wrong.
One of the moon missions in 1960’s left behind a couple of mirror on different “edges” of the moon (as seen from Earth). Lasers are fired at these each day and the time that the reflection arrives back on Earth gives a precise measure of the Earth’s rotation.
It was found that, over time, it is slowing (confirming the existing theories) but also that the rate of slowdown is not constant, and sometimes a one day is slightly longer (or slightly shorter) than the average. The difference in day length is attributed to wind friction. So wind farm’s certainly would have an effect, if miniscule, on day length.
But just because prat #2 is wrong, does not imply that prat #1 is right. Day length has nothing to do with Earth’s distance from the sun, which would not change regardless of how fast or how slowly the planet rotates.
What they are both overlooking is the danger than if the windmills are pointing the wrong way (blowing Eastwards) the Earth’s period of rotation will increase, days and nights will get shorter, until the Earth spins so fast we are all flung off by centripetal acceleration. Fact.
I’m having trouble believing this is real, it’s too perfect. I suspect there is the equivalent of an easter egg hunt going on in order to bait us (please don’t let that start another easter debate), is there a website taking the piss out of us taking the piss out of fake HYS submissions??
Feeling paranoid again……….pass my pills Mummy……..and my blanket.
For some reason that comment made me think of this.
@Dave – for some reason the whole of HYS makes me think of that. Can’t think why…
Come on… this needs to be properly studied before Lyle Vos and his American mates declare war on us. Someone should a kids seaside windmill up the lah-lah of a gerbil… If it spins off into space I say he might well have a point.
By the way… did his name come off a Star Wars name generator? Enquiring minds want to know.
If that isn’t a pisstake, then God help us all.
Perhaps Lyle doesn’t realize that the Earth is surrounded by a vacuum* and instead it’s like in Flash Gordon where one can fly from planet to planet with wings.
In space you can only hear Brian Blessed scream.
*Can an idle pedant please check if nothing can surround things – I can’t be arsed.
These windfarms are a total waste of money.
Most of the time it’s quite windy enough already.
I humbly submit that you can be “arsed”. It’s all a matter of the correct application of pressure to the necessary regions of your anatomy.
Hmmm. Some HYS tosser starts posting here and only a few days later I find I can’t access SYB for several hours leaving me disturbed and traumatised. I think the police should be called in to investigate this so-called ‘coincidence’.
Hang on…wind farms don’t actually create wind, do they? So surely they cannot possibly have any effect on the Earth’s rotation. As far as I’m aware they just make use of the wind that is already there.
Yeah, but they block wind, innit. Same as with tower blocks, tall trees, caravans, and women in large hats.
Why don’t they just invent really powerful electric fans to blow air at the wind farms, and put the whole lot underground?
I know Lyle sounds like a mad fuck but he does comes down pretty strongly against countries that mess with mother Earth.
“Don’t they realize that human actions on such a scale have worldwide consequences?” He says. Presumably Lyle’s scientist friends have yet to inform him about climate change, and that the worst polluters by miles and miles are the Americans.
His following brave words can now be seen in a new light. They are nothing short of a call to arms to us. “Such an attempt to destroy the planet should be considered an act against humanity and declaration of war.”
Sure and Uncle Sam has it coming. Break out the machine guns, Mr Clown! Last one to shit on the White House lawn is a leftist liberal gypsy-lover.
I agree with Violetta. I suggest we get a petition together to ban Ascot. These so-called “ladies” with their hats will be the death of us all.
If I’m right.
@Mal – it’s not just me, then? This site has been fucked for hours – on my laptop at least – clear proof 1984 Returns For Real has, well, returned for real, hellbent on revenge!
Quite possibly. The clincher is in the suggestion that the earth could be shifted from its own axis of rotation. This is clearly a pisstake and we’re missing the irony.
Where’s Kelvin!?
Now, I’m not a scientist, but I did get a B in my GCSE physics. Didn’t Newton say something about things not going nowhere* unless acted upon by an external force?
Lyle’s suggestion is a bit like saying that you can make a car full of water move if you sit in it and paddle really hard. Methinks.
*He was a bugger for his double negatives.
Apparently you can’t survive a lift plummet by jumping at exactly the wrong time… which is the only reason I ever willingly entered one of the death traps in the first place
@Bit Special AKA La Spesh
Phew! I thought it was just me. lots of gibberish on the screen. It was almost like a daily mail opinion page.
My sourc of sanity gone forever….and noow it’s back. Horray!
” it is a shame that the wind turbines erected at walney near barrow in furness were made in denmark. many great ships and subs have been built in barrow, some by my grandfather !
— nick from welwyn garden city”
nick sounds like a bit of a simpleton, but he actually raises a very valid point: why is a technology pioneered by british researchers having to be manufactured in denmark because of a lack on investment in r&d in what will become a major sector of the economy and where dying shipyards, mostly in unemployment blackspots, could be retooled for the work?
shit, wait, that’s not funny at all…
The wind turbine industry is well aware of the fact that their satanic mills are slowing the rotation of the earth and reducing the gyroscopic force that keeps it in orbit. They know that the earth will inexorably be drawn to the sun and hence increase temperatures. They know that we will blame it on CO2 emissions and that we will buy more wind turbines. It’s a damn conspiracy!
Luckily I have created an army of human-spider hybrids that are under my will and I will put a stop to their darstadly plans. Ha ha ha ha ha ha !
@pigfrottage – I know! My life was an aching void. I actually had to do something productive with my day off – it’s an outrage!
(Were you getting the cold sweats of withdrawal too?)
One visit to Barrow would explain why the turbines are being made in Denmark.
I went to the doctor and I asked him if he’d got anything for persistent wind… he gave me a kite.
@Cissie – I went to Lyle Vos’ Scientist friends to ask about my Bert’s turbine, but they said he shouldn’t have one because we’re not Seikhs.
(nudges breast)
Why is it that completely inadequate useless little tossers always convince themselves they are the shining uberlords of the human race?
a 43 year old alcoholic loner, still living with his parents, unemployed for ten years, ugly as fuck, weird, VERY single and lacking even basic social graces believes he’ll single handedly lead the white race to its true destiny.
Didn’t he have a mirror?
and… if ‘the weaklings’ are so fucking weak, how did the far superior white man up being ‘ruled’ by them?
I guess The Heroic White Man failed to spot the sneaky darkies taking over the world because he was too busy showing his love for the white race by strongly and honestly drinking special brew and staggering about on train platforms with his dribbling cock out, going, “Wha’ y’ lukinat? uh? UH? Goan… FUCKOFF ya shtupi’ fukusherssss. S’a bomb thish isss.”
‘end’ up… scabby ball-sacks!
Hurrah, SYB hasn’t died, I had nothing to read at work yesterday and had to converse with the family last night as the site was spurting gibberish all over my interwebs machines. Right then, Windmills and Neo Nazi losers,ummm no nothing comes to mind, but all previous comments very funny, keep it up chaps.
Was the gibberish just an elaborate smokescreen while some evil hacker changed the title of this particular thread in order to make Nelson look as if he can’t spell “propeller”? Or was it like that before?
This all goes to show that you shouldn’t watch ‘The Day The Earth Caught Fire’ when posting on the Internet.
Besides, I have a real solution to his concerns about the windmills. Simply place them side on and the wind can go straight past without impediment.
It’s like those sci-fi movies when they plummet out of orbit. Aliens, for example, in the scene “One Express Elevator to Hell”. Apparantly a new star trek film is out which has a similar scene (transporter room closed for repairs or something). Some tit was telling me all about it over lunch so, out of sheer boredom, I asked him what made the transport ship fall out of orbit?
“Gravity”, he says.
“It’s gravity that keeps it in orbit.”
What’s with these people?
I’m not a scientist either but I do have a grade B ‘O’ level in physics. A proper ‘O’ level, not a poncy GCSE and I know for a science fact that Newton didn’t not never use double negatives.
Didn’t Lyle post this on Viz Letterbocks?
I suspect that we might all be tilting at windmills in this thread…
Listen, those butterflies have been having it their own way with our weather system for far too long, leaving chaos in their wake. It’s time for the humans to hit back by whatever means possible. If that means hurtling into the sun, so be it. Bastard butterflies.
Actuellement they’re not wind turbines, they ARE propellors. We’re trying to push England away from the Taffs and the Jocks. That way we can sail closer to France and Tony Blair, Gordumb Broon and their ZaNuLabour clones can have cheaper holidays in the Dordogne and Provence. All while claiming it on expenses.
The big plus is that they’ll be able to flee to Zurich a lot eaiser when the Hague comes knocking on their doors about that little bit of a scuffle in Iraq and Afghanistan.
An if we get closer to the sun it’ll be warmer innit and they can have alfresco lunches and street cafes and all that shizznizz in Islington without getting their expensively coiffed tresses or twitter linked iPhones damp.
Yo couldn’t make it up!!!!!!!!!!!
If we send everyone in the world an oar, they can stick it out of the window and row together, in the correct direction of course, and push the planet back to where it should be (which is near Luton by the way).
They would need to be nice proper wooden oars mind you, not your white plastic rubbish. They’d melt as we swooped past the Sun. I know I certainly would.
If I’m right.
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Lyle could probably save petrol money by leaning really really hard on the dashboard of his mum’s car to make it go when she gives him his weekly lift to the shops and back.
Why aren’t there wind farms in London? I want Wind Farms in London! GIVE ME WIND FARMS IN LONDON!
Fine, fuck you then! Just send all the politicians to the moon to photograph them for wave power! Invisible wave power! Generated by the moon! Invisibly! Around the coast! By waves! FROM THE MOON!
Like all good HYSers I am deeply deeply suspicious of turbines.
Turbines, geddit?
Oh never mind.
“funny how all the Olympic venues are around London”
I’m a Northener*, but given that the 2012 Olympics are being held in London, even I have to accept that it seems reasonable to put the Olympic venues there.
* by gum, where’s me whippet.
Like the sailing in Dorset? Or the football at stadiums all over the UK?
To be fair to him, it does look like a heavily veiled piss take of global warmists – consensus of scientists, man affecting climate, UN condemnation etc etc
> A consensus of my friends who are scientists
Can imaginary friends form a consensus? I suppose so.
woof woof woof
pant pant pant
whine whine whine?7
Nelson closed the Neil Craig comments.
Booo. It’s 1984 and political correctness gone mad.
@Bit Special
You rule.
8)! (no space after bracket)
! (space after bracket)
Simples.
Nelson,
I understand that this is not really a debating forum, but please, I want another 24 hours with the Guru’s Guru Of Everything that is Neil Craig.
I don’t want to debate MMCC with him (that’s got dull), I want to toy with his nasty racist/misoginist side (”Half-blood prince / aging spinster music teachers”). It’s fun, and we really haven’t even touched on it.
C’mon, it’ll be fun, and I reckon Mr. Craig will be well up for it. It’s a fucking goldmine. This guy really does have issues with his mental health:
So Neil, tell me about how your parents treated you …
C’mon Nelson !!
@simon
Neil C has his own blog:
http://a-place-to-stand.blogspot.com/
He might appreciate the company. The only person who seems to post there (up until recently that is) is a race obsessed american called Ronduck who believes “Civil War 2″ is imminent. Nice.
@Mincer.
I know about his blog.
I don’t want to post there. I prefer to leave it mad and lonely. I’ve had a look round his blog; he really is mentalist of the first order, and a know-it-all mentalist at that.
Nelson, I hereby withdraw my request.
Neil Craig is mad and boring. Should that be a new Tag for this site?
Honestly, in the last few minutes I’ve come to a realisation about Neil. I think it’s his coping mechanism to cast himself as the underdog in all things and it’s starting to feel a bit like winding him up is just being an enabler for him. I’m actually feeling something I’m not used to. What’s that feeling you get when you kick a dog? No, not an erection, after that. Remorse?
What I’m saying is, I agree with Nelson that it might be time to lay off the mad old fruit.
You young people were having a lovely talk about propellers before you got into all this silly chitchat about Mr Craig. Why don’t you go back to that, it was much nicer?
Shut up you old bat, you’re dead, I killed you.
Sorry dear, I forgot. Will you be home for tea tonight?
Mummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! For chrissakes!
Ahem.
Well, it certainly was VERY SILLY, that goshdarned old threadorigin concerning wind turbines, wasn’t it? I think we should concentrate on taking the piss out of that for a while.
Yes, indeed.
If I’m right.
Haha, what a silly twunt eh? Cripes this silly chap’s silliness will provide a rich vein for ontopic pisstaking, nicht wahr?
Signed,
Some Random Commenter who Just Happened to Drop In just now. And is nothing to do with anyone else. And does not work for the BBC (except on Thursday afternoons).
Yes indeed.
(Nelson can I stop this now and send you the invoice in please?)
I’d just like to say I’m shocked at the blatant use of multiple identities here.
Yes, it’s shocking. We should have a Sockpuppet Investigation.
Indeed Mr Wall. But just before we convene the Star Chamber: given that we were originally on a science topic, I’d like to recommend the HYS thread on the moon landings. It might be at http://newsforums.bbc.co.uk/nol/thread.jspa?forumID=6750&edition=1&ttl=20090720190554 or, er, not. As you might expect quite a lot of the contributors are a fair way, ah, “out there” although there are some people actually making sense (why do they bother trying??). However, my very favourite so far is this:
Ehhhhhhhhhhh … you what? IS it a trick question, or Spot The Missing Words, or WHAT???
grrrrrrrrrrrrr
bite bite bite
chew chew chew mangle
shit, no, really? They were all round Berlin last time I looked. Fuckit.
I’m glad that Admiral Sir Lord Nelson closed that other thread because I was getting bored – I can always tell when that happens because I start toying idly with the vast array of torture instruments in my cabin…
And of course while I was thus distracted I left Funny Peculiar, Hitler’s Penis *and* Gobbler stranded on the quayside, at the mercy of any passing randy sailor. I’ll have to send the “Minging Mermaid”, the ship’s launch, back for them. Bugger!
I really must be a bit special because it’s only just occurred to me that everyone would just come on here in lieu of a new thread and the Neil Craig-hijacked one being closed. BOH! (I wish there was a ‘BOH!’ emoticon… ‘BOH!’ being, of course, the official word for the ‘Spasmo’ face, if anyone’s interested. I truly am ALL class).
@Pirate Pete, I don’t know if pigfrottage got aboard The Cormorant’s Clunge, so make sure he’s on The Minging Mermaid before it leaves the quayside. And Ceannair – he’s been a bit quiet. Must’ve been busy making us all tin foil tricorns.
PS don’t you mean any passing randy sailor at the mercy of Gobbler? Mind you, he could earn good money using his *special abilities* down the docks whilst they wait…
@pigfrottage – cheers!
And how about another one from the moon landing thread – not because its factually incorrect, but to this day as a nation they are such utterly smug bastards…
woof woof woof
… doggie smirks …
woof woof woof
@Mr Shredder (how’s Mr Bin these days??)
Heheheheh! Ruggy has clearly not heard the saying Quit While You’re Ahead. I’d have stopped after the first sentence quoted and walked away whistling – the second one, if you look too closely at it, starts to reek a little of desperation and playground logic. You feel that if he’d hung around for a third line it would have been And Your Mum Smells Of Poo or words to that effect.
If I’m right.
@Pirate Pete
WOOF!!
Cumming aboard Cap’n. Would you like me to stiffen y’ mainbrace, Arh-HARARGH!
from HYS’s latest ‘education’ thread…
(engage dreadful pedant mode) They could be called grammer schools, Neil from Hull. They could, but the thing about a top education is, you see, that… oh nevermind.
I’m only getting on the “Minging Mermaid” if millie is also invited.
@Bit Special AKA La Spesh
You’re most welcome.
“Do you remember the first Moon landing? What did it mean to you? What is the legacy of man’s first flight to the Moon?”
The constant interrogation of HYS is getting to this one.
I can picture him sweating in the glare of his computer screen as you BBCistas barrage him with questions. Eventually he’s going to crack and hand over his wife’s mobile number. You bastards!
Oh my goodness yes. Simply too wonderful. If I’m right.
And from the HYS thread on swine flu today:
Well, poor Angie clearly hasn’t been paying close attention – according to all of the advice that doesn’t consist of “Run for the hills – we’re all going to die”, what makes swine flu unusual is that young and healthy people are at the greatest risk after people with chronic health problems… better get your facemask on, love
It took me a few seconds ….
In the spirit of community-mindedness, and not because I’d rather be doing anything else now other than the work I’m supposed to be doing, I’d like to give SYB the following because getting blockquotes wrong is annoying:
Add the following to your Bookmarks:
function surroundAtCursor(){var ta=document.getElementById(”comment”),sel,tagChoice;if(!ta){return;}tagChoice=prompt(”Which tag?”,”blockquote”);if(!tagChoice){return;}if(document.selection){ta.focus();sel=document.selection.createRange();sel.text=”+sel.text+”;}else if(!ta.selectionStart||!ta.selectionStart){var startPos=ta.selectionStart;var endPos=ta.selectionEnd;ta.value=ta.value.substring(0,startPos)+”+ta.value.substring(endPos,ta.value.length)+”;}else{ta.value+=myValue;}};
When you add it to your Bookmarks, stick “javascript:”, but without the quotes at the beginning, and “surroundAtCursor();” at the end.
“By bringing back the grammer school system, the grammer school system, the grammer school system.
Ron C, Northwest, United Kingdom”
These grammer schools are very populer among HYSers, aren’t they?
Clearly none of them ever attended one though – perhaps they picture them as some delightful mixture of Billy Bunter and the school room scene from The Meaning of Life, complete with grubby knees and ink-stained fingers
I know I do (having attended a comp)
WINDMILLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! GOODNIGHT!