spEak You're bRanes

Grief Athletes and Racists and Retired Colonels23 Jul 2009 01:22 pm

By Alex

I know I should leave Biased BBC alone, but to be honest, if you’re going to use painfully obvious song-title puns to complain about the ethnics on your telly, you’re pretty much asking for it.

If it “makes no difference if you’re black or white” why has the BBC wheeled one black artiste on after another to tell us how important MJ was?

As you no doubt guessed, we at SYB are in league with the BBC, and out of curiosity we forwarded your complaint to the Head of Leftist Activism. We received this statement by return of post:

Dear Speak Your Brains [sic],

Jackson does not dictate policy and, here at the BBC, impartiality guidelines are quite clear about just such controversial assertions. ‘Stand by Me’ must be put on alongside ‘Don’t Stand so Close to Me’, and ‘I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking for’ may not be played unless equal airtime is given to the skiffle standard ‘Blow Me Down, It Was in My Pocket All Along’. As such, the BBC gave, as required, equal consideration to the prospect that it does matter if you’re black or white.

Yours Faithfully,

Vladimir P.C. Al-Jihad

Controller of Political Bias, Broadcasting House, Londonistan

230 Responses to “Rage in Favour of the Machine”

on 23 Jul 2009 at 2:42 pm Hugo Chav

fiiirst
on 23 Jul 2009 at 2:49 pm chris

I noticed that at no point in the coverage of Jackson’s funeral did any BBC pundit condemn the actions of Pol Pot. For shame BBC for shame!
on 23 Jul 2009 at 2:51 pm Nelson

I noticed that too. They were also curiously silent on “women’s rights in Iran” and “crimes committed by Hamas members”.
on 23 Jul 2009 at 3:05 pm Funny Peculiar

and genocial nazi rape.
on 23 Jul 2009 at 3:07 pm sir jon dangerous

why has the BBC wheeled one black artiste on after another

How come they get wheeled on too? Bloody imagrunts, coming over here and demanding that good english (not british) people wheel them around on their bling-trolleys.
on 23 Jul 2009 at 3:07 pm db

the wrong questions are being asked, as Fonsette points out:

Fonsette Origo 5:11 PM, June 27, 2009

But the more important question is, if they still had segregation in the States, would he be buried in the black or white section of the cemetary?
on 23 Jul 2009 at 3:09 pm Pob

Perhaps if someone were to bump off Paul McCartney then we could combine the mourners into a more acceptable ethnic mix?
on 23 Jul 2009 at 3:24 pm That Bloke in the Corner

What do you expect from the Nuliabore communist BBC, although ‘it doesn’t matter if you are black or white’-what about ginger and yellow? yeah typical BBC pander to the darkies again-This would not have happened in Enoch’s day.
PS. Jacko wasn’t black or white, more a shiny creme brulee
on 23 Jul 2009 at 3:25 pm Hunter Hillman

I see that Biased BBC now has its own fansite, which does for B-BBC what speak you’re branes does for HYS.

The author of http://opinionbeyondeducation.blogspot.com/ has been tormenting Biased BBC for a little while now and has started putting the best bits into a blog…
on 23 Jul 2009 at 3:25 pm That Bloke in the Corner

@ Hugo Chav, well done sir,a fine achievement.
on 23 Jul 2009 at 3:26 pm Rotwatcher

Perhaps if someone were to bump off Paul McCartney

Works for me.
on 23 Jul 2009 at 3:27 pm Pirate Pete

Pob,if you can supply the means, I can supply the manpower. Then we’ll only have Ringo to deal with…
on 23 Jul 2009 at 3:29 pm Paranoid Mandroid

And even more importantly Fonsette, if they still had slavery in the States, would all these “black artistes” be rounded up and forced to work in the cotton fields?
I think we have a right to know.
on 23 Jul 2009 at 3:33 pm Funny Peculiar

Controller of Political Bias, Broadcasting House, Londonistan

Alex Alex Alex… Are you trying to shame us? As I have tried to point out to the lovely Miss John Adair on several occasions, in Hindi and Urdu the suffix ’stan’ is used to denote a country, not a city. ‘Stan’ means ‘land of’ (ie Hindustan – Land of the Hindus. Afghanistan – Land of the Afghans etc)

In the future, when we, The Liberal Elite, have achieved our mission to eradicate British culture and allowed out ethnic friends to install an Islamic theocracy, London will be renamed Londonabad. It will be the capital of Britainistan. Didn’t you get the memo from Gordon?
on 23 Jul 2009 at 3:38 pm Manly J. Panda

And even even more importantly, Paranoid Mandroid, if the Americas were still unknown to Europeans, and MJ fell down dead in a forest, would he get a decent Christian burial. Would he? Eh?
on 23 Jul 2009 at 3:46 pm Rotwatcher

Holy fuck, I’ve just clicked on the Biased BBC site by mistake. Christ on a velocipede, I suppose I’d always known that such a pit of shit would be likely to exist – after all, this is a world where Melanie Philipps is regarded as sane by some people and permitted to write in a newspaper (well, it’s not a proper newspaper, but you know what I mean) – but will nobody think of the children? My sons (12 and 10) are regular viewers of SYB (they like the swearing best) but I dread the day they find out about B BBC.
on 23 Jul 2009 at 3:49 pm framlington

And Michael Jackson never did any moonwalking. It was all done by CGI in a studio. You can tell because the shadows on his nose aren’t quite right.
on 23 Jul 2009 at 3:52 pm Fugitive

“Perhaps if someone were to bump off Paul McCartney”

It wasn’t me, it was the one-legged woman!
on 23 Jul 2009 at 4:05 pm Mr Cat

Blimey

Biased BBC makes HYS look like something that is remarkably left wing… I saw this being linked to from that blog Hunter Hillman ponted us to:

Anonymous 11:58 PM, July 22, 2009
The promoters of homosexualism have nothing but innuendo’s and ad-hominems. Because they can’t win the argument with facts and logic and stuff.

CAN YOU?

And yes bug chasing is a confirmed phenomenon in the “gay community”. You know what that means? They deliberately infect themselves with HIV.

The word “faggot” as applied to homosexual men basically compares the homosexual to a bundle of sticks used to fire fuel. It is an accurate comparison. It means the “faggot” is fuel for fire. The faggot incinerates himself in the fire of his own lust. Is is logical and reasonable to call a gay man a “faggot”. It is irrefutable. One must be an irrational bigot to say it is wrong to call gays faggots.

That man Nigel Wrench is a faggot.

Words fail me. Engaging with these people, even for purposes of baiting gives them far too much airtime/feeling of self justification for comfort.
on 23 Jul 2009 at 4:06 pm db

@ manly J Panda

if MJ fell down in a forest, would anybody hear it?
on 23 Jul 2009 at 4:13 pm Paranoid Mandroid

@db

Maybe if he hurt himself and went “owwwwww!”

hur hur hur

I’ll get my coat…
on 23 Jul 2009 at 4:17 pm Clovis Sangrail

Biased BBC – wow. Why do so many of the examples posted there complain about draconian ZaNuLiaBore policies but then in the same breath propose execution for illegal parkers, castration for knife carriers and national service for any one in a hoody? One man’s draconian, totalitarian police state is another’s Merrie Englande (not Brytaine).
on 23 Jul 2009 at 4:17 pm burnel

“Education is dangerous – Every educated person is a future enemy”

“Whenever I hear the word culture, I reach for my gun”

Hermann Goering

That cunt had the views that those deranged fuckers aspire to.
on 23 Jul 2009 at 4:24 pm The Masked Magician

if MJ fell down in a forest

Not likely; his shoes were pegged to the floor. He’d just sort of lean a bit.
on 23 Jul 2009 at 4:57 pm That Bloke in the Corner

Biased BBC-whoooeeee this is going to keep me occupied for a while. so this is where all the moderated HYS’ers go.love this one about Paul Gambuccini,

‘Robert S. McNamara 3:18 PM, June 27, 2009

‘…then Paul Gambaccini got some attention…’

I’d like to give him some attention. With a tyre iron.’

Don’t mince your words there Robert, say what you mean.
on 23 Jul 2009 at 5:07 pm Alex

Funny Peculiar:
I think you’ll find the suffix -stan is more ‘home’ than ‘land’ and is of Persian rather than Hindustani origin. Furthermore, it is a direct cognate to the German ‘Stadt’, meaning ‘town’ or ‘city’, as well as the English ‘(home)stead’, ’state’, ’stay’, ’state’ and ’stand’, coming from a Proto-Indo-European root meaning ‘to remain in one place’.

Besides, Londoner Bad is a spa town in Germany.

Now I’m trying to shame you.
on 23 Jul 2009 at 5:21 pm Bit Special AKA La Spesh

@Rotwatcher – good to know you’re bringing your children up right. As for them finding b-bbc, well, you can only hope the stirling work you’ve put in here will show them The Truth and The Way…

Is the main rule to posting on b-bbc coming up with something that would make Hitler think ‘woah, now’? Or just being a fucktarded mental?

Both?
on 23 Jul 2009 at 5:25 pm pigfrottage

Surely Vladimir P.C. Al-Jihad would want London to be renamed something -grad. My vote is for Pigfrottagegrad. It has a nice ring to it.

England would become part of the People’s Republic of Porcelain or something.
on 23 Jul 2009 at 5:25 pm pigfrottage

…or the People’s Republic of Porkloin.

Coat being got as I am writing this…
on 23 Jul 2009 at 5:35 pm Simon

The author of http://opinionbeyondeducation.blogspot.com/ has been tormenting Biased BBC for a little while now

Don’t these meat-heads torment themselves?
I wonder what percentage of their Regular Twats believe literally that the Earth/Universe took 6 days to make. How do you measure a day length before the Sun was created? Is it 86400 seconds?

I think I’d get depressed by returning regularly to B-BBC. I don’t know how the author of opinionbeyondeducation will keep his sanity in the long run
on 23 Jul 2009 at 5:37 pm Simon

You can laugh at HYSers, but B-BBCers are just too depressing.

Never mind my coat, I’m reaching for the sleeping pills.
on 23 Jul 2009 at 5:42 pm sigmund freud in sarcastic mode

“Robert S. McNamara 3:18 PM, June 27, 2009

‘…then Paul Gambaccini got some attention…’

I’d like to give him some attention. With a tyre iron.”

Nothing repressed there Robert. Nothing at all..

Such a shame you died 9 days after you posted this comment Robert.

I’m grieving. Really, really grieving.
on 23 Jul 2009 at 5:50 pm 773 (metric)

…or the People’s Republic of Porkloin

Anti-Imperialist Metricland
on 23 Jul 2009 at 5:52 pm Hunter Hillman

Not sure about that, Siggy.

Only yesterday, he was holed up behind boarded windows in his own home, afraid of swine flu.

“when I hear the government telling us we’re best-placed to handle a swine flu epidemic, I barricade myself in my house and smash in the skull of anything that tries to get in with a tyre iron.”

Let’s hope it’s not the urbane Mr Gambaccini who’s next through Robert’s door.
on 23 Jul 2009 at 6:05 pm Funny Peculiar

Now I’m trying to shame you. – Alex.

I have shamed myself. I just reread the memo from Gordon… of course Londonabad won’t be the capital of Britainistan. Bradfordabad will be the administrative capital while Leicster will be renamed New Mecca and become the seat of The Supreme Prime Mullah. Have we decided on Keith Vaz yet? There surely must be someone more hardline and pro-Iran we could find?

and those guys at Biased BBC will find it hard to type their hate rants with two bloody stumps.
on 23 Jul 2009 at 7:21 pm Alex

Yeah! Big up Leicester! Suck that Bradford! Suck that London!
on 23 Jul 2009 at 7:22 pm Alex

PS you owe me and the good citizens of my hometown an ‘e’.
on 23 Jul 2009 at 7:25 pm Clovis Sangrail

Robert likes his tyre iron. He probably uses it all the time. Bumped into on street? – tyre iron the clumsy fker. Only plain crisps and no cheese and onion in the pub? Tyre iron in the FACE, landlord. His mother disagrees with his loony right wing nuttiness? Tyre iron in the KNEES, commie cow. I miss Neil Craig.
on 23 Jul 2009 at 7:36 pm Pirate Pete

I love the phrase “promoting homosexualism” because the poster clearly can’t bring himself to use one of the proper phrases

That means some of us on here must be ‘homosexualists’ lol
on 23 Jul 2009 at 7:53 pm Gay Goy

I know we’re not meant to discuss the issue raised by posters, but the derivation of “faggot” has nothing to do with flammable sticks. It’s thought to be from the Yiddish “faygel”, which means effeminate (or a bit bufty, at least).

But why are we surprised to find ignorance on HYS, B-BBC or anywhere else…?
on 23 Jul 2009 at 8:17 pm Funny Peculiar

It’s like Littlejohn with his constant use of the word ‘poovery’ in his homophobic rants, unable to face the hated, dark, dark door in his pshyche labelled, “homosexual urges” and so only using vocab that makes glancing references to ‘their sort’. Richard’s not a poof. Richard’s NOT a poof. No no no no no no no no not not not not Poovery ugh ugh ugh happily married man happily married man there’s no place like home there’s no place like home
on 23 Jul 2009 at 8:57 pm Manly J. Panda

I followed a link trail from B-BBC, and came up with this.

http://roissy.wordpress.com/

La Spesh will love it!
on 23 Jul 2009 at 9:25 pm sm

I see the twats at the Biassed BBC blog link to Sky News from the home page just above the post complaining about the BBC coverage of the mad paedo’s death

Presumably that’s a different Sky News from the one that had the Jackson ’story’ as breaking news all day Friday.

(And it was on in the bloody office rather than through choice).
on 23 Jul 2009 at 10:06 pm Mal

So not only are they a bunch of twatbaskety fucktarded mentalist cunts but they’re a bunch of hypocritical twatbaskety fucktarded mentalist cunts. Who’d have thunk it?
on 23 Jul 2009 at 11:01 pm Bit Special AKA La Spesh

@Manly J. Panda – I didn’t. Now excuse whilst I go roll around on the floor screaming and growling incoherently with incandescent rage and hysterical fury.

Then I will go and sit on TYF’s knee whilst I have a cry about nasty, nasty mens.
on 23 Jul 2009 at 11:46 pm Chris

I was impressed by Biased BBC, because of all the impressive quotes it had down the side from Andrew Marr and Paxo, but I couldn’t find the one where Paxo went mental at M&S over his undercrackers. I think that’s just as valid.
on 23 Jul 2009 at 11:53 pm Pirate Pete

Re that really ugly Roissy blog, this line stood out for me

women… examining them like a disassembled timepiece

I shit you not, this guy is a serial killer :\
on 24 Jul 2009 at 12:32 am Theodore

Ooohh. They are arseholes on that site. First time I have looked at it.
I posted an ermm… post which won’t get published roughly saying that it was amazing that they chose black artists above paraplegic leopards and fishermen to comment upon his passing. I’m noy a piss-taker…but
on 24 Jul 2009 at 12:34 am Catherine Oliver, Crawley

i dont know because i am not black or musical and not have been on TV
on 24 Jul 2009 at 12:45 am Dawn

It seems almost bad to make fun of catherine oliver when shes coming up with gems like this ( the topic was:Is Smiling Important?)

‘i think that smiling is very important as it shows our feelings and moods.’

bless.
on 24 Jul 2009 at 1:10 am Received Opinion

It shocks me to the core to think that anyone might say the BBC is biased. What are they on? It is totally obvious to me that they give equal airtime to all sides of the debate. Why, on any issue, they have a “Leftist Opinion That You Agree With” and an “Evil Racist Opinion That Is Obviously Completely Wrong And You Should Go To Prison For Even Thinking It”. It’s fair and balanced. Exactly what I pay my licence fee for.
on 24 Jul 2009 at 1:41 am Mother Teresa

Thanks to following a link on the Roissy blog I just spent the last hour or so trying to figure out whether Wendy is or isn’t Lady Rain.
on 24 Jul 2009 at 1:49 am Mother Teresa

Then thankfully came across this: http://www.slate.com/id/2222481/
on 24 Jul 2009 at 8:11 am kenwestmoreland

Try the Spectator -

http://www.spectator.co.uk/the-magazine/features/5200068/will-the-tories-attack-the-bloated-bbc.thtml

“Adrian
July 23rd, 2009 5:44pm
I think the license fee is doomed anyway.”

‘License fee’, Adrian? The US has never had a ‘license fee’, whatever that is…
on 24 Jul 2009 at 10:20 am alt-f4

in Hindi and Urdu the suffix ’stan’ is used to denote a country, not a city. ‘Stan’ means ‘land of’ (ie Hindustan – Land of the Hindus. Afghanistan – Land of the Afghans etc)

Interjection.

The comment was in English and the suffix was used with its English meaning. One of the aspects of English language is that it can absorb foriegn word’s and phrases and ascribe new meanings to them (”Cul de sac” for example, specially chosen to confuse the fuck out of French motorists). The particular meaning of “stan” in this context is irrelevent.

Second. London is similar enough to a foriegn country wrt the rest of England 8not UK) as to be desribed as one. “London is not England” is, I believe the cockney expression).

Third. The name Londonistan is generally used in the context of the Middle East, whereas in the given context the Russian variant, “Respublika Chavistan” would be more appropriate.
on 24 Jul 2009 at 10:41 am pigfrottage

More humour required. Should we revert to the bad sandwich challenge?

To kick off: chicken kiev and jam
on 24 Jul 2009 at 10:48 am Rotwatcher

‘License fee’, Adrian? The US has never had a ‘license fee’, whatever that is…

I think kenwestmoreland is taking Adrian to task for using the verb “license” when Adrian actually meant the noun “licence”. It’s an easy and quite common spelling mistake. However, in the raging tsunami of stupid that is The Spectator, it seems odd to fasten onto this one wee raindrop of dim.
on 24 Jul 2009 at 11:07 am My Foot Hurts.

“chicken kiev and jam”

Call me weird, but I think that sounds quite nice.
on 24 Jul 2009 at 11:13 am Mr Cat

Dawn – I think Catherine Oliver is my favourite ever contributor on HYS. Or perhaps my joint favourite with Ian Cheese.

I think she’s better than Joy Pattinson (too depressing), Catherine Cave (too strange), LA Odicean (too contrived)and Topsy Turvy (too old hat).

I would like to see a book published of all her comments. like this one:

DEBATE:Is daydreaming good for you?
COMMENT:I think that daydreaminhg isn’t good for you as you can easily get distracted from what we doing.

It’s like an endless episode of “kids say the funniest things” but with an edge of Tao mysticism.
on 24 Jul 2009 at 11:28 am Melliflouous

Catherine rocks, if she ever stumbles onto here we must convince her to do the book.

Sandwich of the day for me – Cottage cheese and swarfega
on 24 Jul 2009 at 11:32 am Funny Peculiar

I believe “Respublika Chavistan”, after its recent internecine turmoil, is now split. Those areas north of the river have aligned themselves with the American-backed Free Poles based in the city state of Piotrboroughcow Solidarność in the Voivodeship of Cambrigzszire while the areas saff of the river are refusing to accept this breakaway region, insisting it is still part of the Respublika Chavistan.
on 24 Jul 2009 at 11:32 am alt-f4

DEBATE:Is daydreaming good for you?

Wasn’t there a saying about ask a silly question? Anybody who feels that such a question is worthy of discussion, let alone “debate” ffs, has by their nature nothing worth contributing. Not that that will stop them.

Question. Is daydreaming good for you?
Need to think about that. What should I say here? What will they think of me? What would my boss think? Will the moderators censor me? Now, let’s get this right….

Next question: Is wasting your time having mock “debates” about idiotic and pointless questions involving terms that haven’t even been adequately defined good for you?
Answer: If it gets my name on the BBC yes.
on 24 Jul 2009 at 11:46 am Neil Craig

The thread seems to suggest Michael jackson was black. Shome mishtake surely.

Magician – Goering never made the remark about culture & his gun though it is widely atributed to him. He considered himself a cultured intellectual & stole lots of painting to prove it.
on 24 Jul 2009 at 12:03 pm -273

Yes, Goering definately stole those paintings because of his immpeccable esthetic sense, definately not because they were valuable and that he thought that by owning them they would impart some of the beauty and human achievement would be transferred to him and thereby somewhat validate his worthless life. I mean nothing else that he did would indicate that he was a lier and a crook!
on 24 Jul 2009 at 12:05 pm -273

I appear to be missing a ‘that’, I can only assume that I am being censored as I am absolute.
on 24 Jul 2009 at 12:09 pm -273

Actually I appear to be missing any sense of sentence construction. Balls!
on 24 Jul 2009 at 1:23 pm Funny Peculiar

Whoooooah!

Apologies if everyone else has picked up on this, but Neil Craig until relatively recently was an active member of… wait for it… The Liberal Democrats!

He would appear to have altered his political stance somewhat. (btw this wasn’t internet snooping or BBC secret files, It came up in one of his spats with Norman on A Place To Stand. It seems that NC and the Glasgow branch of the Lib Dems did not part on very friendly terms.)
on 24 Jul 2009 at 1:52 pm My Foot Hurts.

@ FP

Yeah, apparently kicked out because he refused to toe the party line, which is to support genocidal Nazi child rape. I must have missed that bit on their manifesto.

Incidentally (and my apologies in turn if everyone’s already noticed this) but another HYSer made an appearance on the ‘real doctor’ thread – none other than Votaire reason himself.

SYB’s getting very popular, isn’t it?
on 24 Jul 2009 at 1:58 pm slc

i have a feeling this won’t go down well with you know who, but look at the information i’ve got…

It didn’t. Just because Neil is horrible and stupid, there’s no need to publish his address here. It’s easy enough to find online, but posting it here looks like some kind of exhortation to use it to harrass the poor old fool. Don’t be a rubbish cunt on my blog please.

Nelson.
on 24 Jul 2009 at 2:00 pm Mr Cat

Nice spot FP – I’m assuming Volatire reason chose such a silly name so he could google himself to see if his nuggets of wittery were ever championed by masters of industry and world leaders.

Imagine his intense disappointment when he got that all important “hit” and then discovered it was people mocking his ramblings.
on 24 Jul 2009 at 2:06 pm Mr Cat

sorry meant my foot hurts
on 24 Jul 2009 at 2:22 pm blah blah

No, I just googled him and he doesn’t appear (I got bored after the first 5 pages.)

Someone must have tipped him off…NEIL!

On a mildy related note (and at risk of playing devil’s advocate and getting a right kicking) if I hadn’t witnessed the fun that has been Neil Craig Week on SYB, his comment above almost enters into the spirit of things. Can’t we all just get along people *sob*?
on 24 Jul 2009 at 2:42 pm kenwestmoreland

“It’s an easy and quite common spelling mistake.”

Only if you can’t tell the difference between British and American spelling.

“The Idle Johnson on 20 May 2009 at 4:56 pm

Firstly, it’s a ‘centre’ not a fucking ‘center’ – unless it’s run by New York Borough fucking council!”
on 24 Jul 2009 at 2:53 pm Alf Ramsey's Sex Dungeon

What’s the betting that this guy in court is a HYSer?

http://www.thisisbristol.co.uk/homepage/Blunderbuss-puts-neighbour-dock/article-1191867-detail/article.html

“Inspector Collins said that Mr Gray had accused him of being a “New Labour fascist colluding with blacks to stitch me up” and was rude and abusive all the way to Trinity Road police station.”
on 24 Jul 2009 at 2:55 pm Rotwatcher

Only if you can’t tell the difference between British and American spelling.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/License

Next you’ll be telling me that words that end -ize are American spellings too.
on 24 Jul 2009 at 2:57 pm My Foot Hurts.

@slc

Is it Sci-Fi bookshop, do you know?

I wonder if he’s got a copy of Niven and Pournelle’s ‘Inferno’ – been trying to track that down for years…
on 24 Jul 2009 at 2:58 pm My Foot Hurts.

Damn, dropped an indefinite article. Bloody Fridays.
on 24 Jul 2009 at 3:15 pm slc

@ My Foot Hurts

I’d bet my favourite mug on it.
I suppose there’s an easy way to find out but I can’t quite put my finger on it…
on 24 Jul 2009 at 3:23 pm slc

Or maybe I can…

ERASED EMAIL AND PHONE NUMBER

better than ME, Neil, better than me.

See above, also, please fuck off.

Nelson
on 24 Jul 2009 at 3:31 pm Melliflouous

Oh please Voltaire Reason, hang around, join in the fun…..I’ll bet you’re hanging around, don’t lurk any longer, you’re welcome to join us. Come over to the dark side!!!

It could be soooooo much fun…………..
on 24 Jul 2009 at 3:43 pm Neil Craig

Afraid not My Foot – but since the sequel is out in hardcover in the US I’m sure it will be.

All those who were foaming at the mouth about me mentioning Norman’s address will be equally rude about posters here. Well all the ones whose outrage was sincere.
=============================================================================================== Yep looks like all of them.
on 24 Jul 2009 at 3:56 pm Ceannair

Oh don’t mention Cabaret Voltaire or whatever his name is!

Had a run in with him on HYS.

He was defending yer knifecrimers and saying “if they had big houses and cars they’d be okay”.

I mentioned that I’m from a long line of poor people who done good. Not great, but okay. Good “hard working people”.

His reponse was that Fred West, Josef Fritzl and Hitler were all hard workers so what was my point.

After that I’m not sure I have shit you know ?!
on 24 Jul 2009 at 3:58 pm Ceannair

Yeah kind of dropped my own point there – it being that apart from the odd drunken bar fight we’re good knifecrime free people.

Fucksticks.
on 24 Jul 2009 at 3:58 pm Ceannair

Oh and “gave a shit” obviously.

I need a drink. Work doesn’t suit me.
on 24 Jul 2009 at 4:06 pm My Foot Hurts.

@ Neil Craig

Cheers, I’ll keep my eyes open.

Incidentally, your shop name, address and telephone number are all listed on your profile page on your blog…
on 24 Jul 2009 at 4:06 pm Simon

Has anyone on here published someone else’s *home* address, ’cause all I can see is a directory entry (a la Yellow Pages) and a (edited) copy of an already public forum post that’s in the public domain.

Gobbler may be foaming at the mouth, but I reckon that’s rabies. Don’t look him in the eye, he doesn’t like it! Good boy, good boy, shhhhhhhhhh
on 24 Jul 2009 at 4:18 pm Simon

Nelson/Alex/Whoever,

Who’s the guest “Sayer” for next week.
No-one expects Topsey ’till a Winterval treat. How about RightyRightRight?

Is there a “SendEmBack” on HYS?
on 24 Jul 2009 at 4:21 pm Ire

Please make it Joyce!
on 24 Jul 2009 at 4:49 pm Funny Peculiar

@My foot hurts.

None of my B, but you’re foot’s been hurting for a while now. You need a proper medical opinion, I reckon. I’d get one the HYSers to take a shuftie at it, if I were you.
on 24 Jul 2009 at 4:50 pm Funny Peculiar

you’re – Galloping Gonads!
on 24 Jul 2009 at 6:05 pm Manly J. Panda

Has anyone on here published someone else’s *home* address, ’cause all I can see is a directory entry (a la Yellow Pages) and a (edited) copy of an already public forum post that’s in the public domain.

I think Nelson posted Rear Admiral Bumservant’s address once.

By the way, is he the same Admiral Bumservant that does the car insurance ads?
on 24 Jul 2009 at 7:45 pm My Foot Hurts.

@ FP

You know, ironically, not long after I picked my pseudonym my foot stopped hurting (about 20 minutes later in fact – it wasn’t a VERY heavy book).

I thought of changing it to My Foot Was Hurting Quite Badly For A While But It’s Alright Now, but thought that sounded a bit silly.

I keep hoping I’ll stub my toe or something, but you know what it’s like when you WANT something to happen…
on 24 Jul 2009 at 8:25 pm History Crow

Currently, it’s playtime over at HYS, where there’s a “What now for Labour?” topic.
on 24 Jul 2009 at 8:27 pm Gobbler The Oral Sex Alsatian

Gobbler … Don’t look him in the eye,

woof woof woof
wag wag wag!
woofff!
on 24 Jul 2009 at 8:29 pm Jamie

I heard a man on LBC the other night inveighing against the Beeb. Having first admitted he never watched it, he then went through the standard canards, before citing Big Brother as an example of why the licence fee should be revoked. What a stupid cunt, I thought (and indeed said), but then it’s my fault for listening to talk radio.
on 24 Jul 2009 at 8:30 pm Gobbler The Oral Sex Alsatian

aaaaaargn

blockquote death!

(woof dammit)
on 24 Jul 2009 at 8:36 pm Hitler's Penis

my nice doggie would like me to point out that if you thought you saw him or her “foaming at the mouth”, you may perhaps have misread things a little. just a thought …
on 24 Jul 2009 at 8:40 pm Hitler's Penis

this edit contains no bad language.
on 24 Jul 2009 at 8:42 pm Hitler's Penis

fuck arse nazi twatcunt fuckmonkeys !
on 24 Jul 2009 at 8:44 pm Pirate Pete

I admit that I do listen to LBC late at night sometimes, as it helps me nod off (terrible insomnia sufferer here).

I can’t remember which presenter it is (think he was on That’s Life) but when he gets complete knob-ends wittering on brainlessly he tends to give them a put down and cuts them off… can be quite funny
on 24 Jul 2009 at 10:06 pm blah blah

@PP

Somehow I always pictured you as more of a Radio Caroline listener…

I’ll get my coat and book a taxi while that one slowly sinks in.
on 25 Jul 2009 at 12:16 am brothergert

Mr Neil Craig’s shop is about ten minutes walk from my work so I went to see it and can confirm the following:

1. The shop exists
2. It is the size of a w.c.
3. It has a really shit sign
4. There is a nice fruit & veg shop called Hakim’s round the corner

Mr Neil Craig wasn’t there at the time and neither were any customers although to be fair to him the dual attractions of the Halt Bar and the local methodist church were open.
on 25 Jul 2009 at 1:19 am Pirate Pete

@blah blah – I’m peering into my magic crystal ball and something’s coming through – a name… Blackbird? No, Blackburn. And something else, a beard, yes that’s it. And a feather boa, and a bloke with enormous hands. Kennie something…?
on 25 Jul 2009 at 5:35 am amused lurker

Aww, I like NC! Of course, that’s because I imagine him to be Neil from The Young Ones. “Neil, your bedroom’s on fire!” Poor soggy hippie…
on 25 Jul 2009 at 8:17 am Chris

Oh no! We’re going to hell on a bandwagon!

http://a-place-to-stand.blogspot.com/2009/07/bandwagon-effect.html

I thought it was less a bandwagon and more a general consensus of what constitutes a complete and utter cuntbubble.
on 25 Jul 2009 at 10:38 am Alex

All those who were foaming at the mouth about me mentioning Norman’s address will be equally rude about posters here. Well all the ones whose outrage was sincere.
=============================================================================================== Yep looks like all of them.

Well, you didn’t exactly give us much time, did you? I don’t actually have the power to delete comments, though if I did I wouldn’t have given a moment’s thought to removing your work address and private contact details from the thread.

On the other hand Neil, slc only has this information because he found it on the internet. It probably took him less than ten minutes. Hopefully ten minutes that will haunt him on his deathbed as stupidly wasted. Yes, he is a dick, and a sad busybodying one at that, but the bottom line is this. He only did what anyone else could have done in just as much time and you’ve been immensely stupid in putting that kind of information online in the first place.

In fact, if I could be arsed going all the way to your town, I’d have half a mind to waltz into your shop and thumb through your merchandise without buying anything*, just to teach you a lesson. And don’t think I’d stop short an egg mayonnaise sandwich first.

To everyone else, please leave Neil alone. He’s angry, delusional and doesn’t seem to understand the basic concept of jokes, sarcasm or saying something that is clearly untrue for humorous effect, but putting his real-life details on a website people will actually read is below the belt. And besides that, he’s largely harmless and actually rather endearing in a way.

*Unless you’ve got ‘Stray Bullets’ issues #41 onwards
on 25 Jul 2009 at 10:39 am Gobbler The Oral Sex Alsatian

Oh no! We’re going to hell on a bandwagon!

Woof woof woof woof woof woof woofbasket??
I(paws over eyes)
hoooooooooooowwwwwwwwllllllllllll!
arrrrrroooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
arrrrrroooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
on 25 Jul 2009 at 10:42 am Hitler's Penis

I think my theory’s fucked.
on 25 Jul 2009 at 10:42 am Hitler's Penis

Fuck. Is my theory fucked? Cunt!!
on 25 Jul 2009 at 10:43 am Hitler's Penis

Sorry about that. I’m rubbish at the Interwebs. It comes from being an ex-nazi cock.

PS Did someone frighten my dog? He or she is behaving quite strangely.
on 25 Jul 2009 at 11:09 am alt-f4

It has a really shit sign

He probably designed it himself then.
on 25 Jul 2009 at 11:40 am Neil Craig

Alex I admit I assumed nobody here would prove not to be a hypocrit. As I said in an earlier instant it saves time & as you can see i was right.

If I had to be somebody from the Young Ones I suppose it would be Neil. All us hippies are notorious for catastrophic warming scepticism.
on 25 Jul 2009 at 12:33 pm Alex

Fuck, I broke the internet. Help Neslon!
on 25 Jul 2009 at 12:49 pm Lurker - is considering becoming "sqrt(-1)" but knows it's a bit geeky

I assumed nobody here would prove not to be a hypocrit.

You see, the problem is that nobody can ever prove themselves not to be hypocritical. They can only prove that in a certain set of circumstances, and at a definite point in time they behaved in a manner that was honest and truthful. It’s much the same as the way we can’t prove you to be an idiot – all we can do is draw the conclusion that in certain circumstances (e.g. virtually every time you’ve said/typed anything here or on your own blog) and at specific points in time (ditto) that you have come across as a dyed-in-the-wool, class A loony.

If I’m right.
on 25 Jul 2009 at 12:51 pm Lurker - is considering becoming "sqrt(-1)" but knows it's a bit geeky

But now I grow weary of your mental health issues. I’m going to find a barrel full of fish to shoot at – it’s more of a challenge.
on 25 Jul 2009 at 12:57 pm Knows people with medical qualifications

I’m not a doctor, but I use the same brand of washing powder preferred by leading doctors, so I feel qualified to offer a diagnosis of Neil.

His inability to follow an argument and what can only be described as his semi-literacy mainly point to a below average IQ. What’s *really* interesting here is that, despite the abuse, he continues to return to SYB.

This suggests that his raving loony conspiracy theories are more an attempt to gain attention than deeply felt convictions. As a mild mannered Lib Dem, he lacked the charm and wit to become popular. Instead he’s hit on being loudly insane as a way of garnering attention for himself; it’s better than being ignored. Our ridicule is what he craves. Thus I suggest we just ignore him, and not reward his bad behaviour.

I believe supernanny had similar ideas, and she obviously knew a thing or two.
on 25 Jul 2009 at 1:20 pm FrizzyPerm

@Neil – following our recent exchanges, I have sent you a rather long post explaining why Occam’s Razor is a valid reason for rejecting your model of the Yugoslavian conflict. Please don’t bury it. It took me quite a long time. And please, if you reply, answer its main conclusion, not some extraneous point.
Thank You
Frizzyperm.
(aka the sad and obsessive Funny Perculiar, who can’t stop posting at A Place To Stand.)

Apologies for a non-SYB type post, but this thread is a bit of a mess already tbh.
on 25 Jul 2009 at 1:48 pm Young One

….Surely if the Comic Book Guy was like someone from the Young Ones, it was Rick who was the self- deluded, preposterous, bollocks-spouting vole’s vulva.
on 25 Jul 2009 at 2:57 pm Lurker - is considering becoming "sqrt(-1)" but knows it's a bit geeky

Oh, Lord help me, I just can’t stop myself reading the comments an twat-chops’ blog. Thankfully, it’s just bourne fruit with this classic piece of hipocrisy…

The philosophical error here is known as “undistributed middle” – to assume that unless every single Brit has good teeth every single one must have bad ones.

Interesting switch of viewpoint, Neil. I for one am pleased to be proved wrong that you’re incapable of changing your mind. (in case you miss the significance, I’ll direct you to the idea that every single LibDem supports genocide and child rape, etc, etc, ad fucking infinitum)
on 25 Jul 2009 at 3:14 pm Mal

Unfortunately, my middle is all too well distributed.

I’ll get my coat.
on 25 Jul 2009 at 3:22 pm Ed aka Kelvin

I just posted the following on Neily’s spittle-flecked-ravings. Let’s see if he censors it:

Neil,

How about you save us from the general disorganisation and poor layout of your main site, and re-cite here, giving dates and a reputable source, the evidence of:

* 3800 Serbs killed at Srebrenica (note spelling)
* Mr Izetbegović’s Nazi links (his Wikipedia page only shows him fighting with Tito, a communist)
* The Dragodan massacre
* Kidnapping of schoolgirls
* Organ harvesting

We (the single entity) await with bated breath.
on 25 Jul 2009 at 7:12 pm Bit Special AKA La Spesh

All I can think about now are my bad teeth (thank you for reminding me, sulk) and does FP REALLY have a frizzy perm? Can we see a pic of it?

Where is our Guest Mental this weekend? I was hoping for at least Catherine Oliver.
Is her reason for refusal: ‘I can’t speak my branes because I don’t have any’?
on 25 Jul 2009 at 7:43 pm alt-f4

Catherine Oliver

New speaker:

really dont mind because they will do a fantastic job.

And twe succesful candidate, whoever he is:

i really dont mind because he will do a brilliant job.

The blind taith in authority is quite touching. Pity she didn’t consider what had become of the previous speaker who must have done a fantastic woderful brilliant and really all-round splendid job….

Doesn’t come over to me as a slef-googler to me though. Might need to send a baiting party after her to guide her in.
on 25 Jul 2009 at 7:44 pm Magician Assisted Suicide

La Spesh, are you related to La Roux?
on 25 Jul 2009 at 9:26 pm Mal

I think there’s something pure, touching and, as previously noted, somewhat Taoist about Catherine Oliver’s posts. In a world where the ignorant proudly proclaim their folly as wisdom such naïveté is to be cherished and not ripped by the cruel fangs of SYB sarcasm. There are surely far more deserving candidates.

In other words let’s have that bitch Joy here for a little tickle with our sarcasm, dramatic irony, metaphor, bathos, puns, parody, litotes and satire!
on 25 Jul 2009 at 9:49 pm Ed aka Kelvin

Let us iterate through the topoi, leaving no mockable element un… mocked! Let our rhetorical flourishes be second to none!

BRING ON JOY!
on 25 Jul 2009 at 9:55 pm Bit Special AKA La Spesh

@Magician – No. According to my so-called best friend I look like Anna Friel’s slightly plainer and fatter big sister. With crap teeth. But apparently La Roux’s mum played June Ackland on The Bill (same friend insists on telling me sleb trivia all the bloody time).

I’ve never watched The Bill.

Yes, having Joy on here would truly be a, erm, well, a joy. Although I sometimes think that live, ‘in-house’ twat-baiting can detract from the original purpose of SYB.
on 25 Jul 2009 at 10:33 pm Bit Special AKA La Spesh

Nah, fuck it! WE WANT JOY! WE WANT JOY!
on 25 Jul 2009 at 11:36 pm Gobbler the Oral Sex Alsatian

WE WANT JOY!
WE WANT JOY!

Woof woof WOOF!
Woof woof WOOF!
on 25 Jul 2009 at 11:52 pm History Crow

Joy tops Topsy, from my point of view. Seems entirely serious, plus has that darkly amusing back story about her father. Cherry brandy!
on 26 Jul 2009 at 12:00 am History Crow

In honour of Rolle’s finest, and the absence of a stray HYSer this weekend, here’s a recent snippet. Bonkers, even by HYS standards

DEBATE: Your memories of the King of PopSENT:30-Jun-2009 11:28
COMMENT:I have no special memories of him because I was over 20 the day he was born so like many others, his passing has no meaning to me personally. I do have memories of him in a black hat with a white mask covering his face, of him girating on the stage, falling off it, injuring himself and I know he was addicted to drugs. I only like and recognize two of his songs and do not like violence in any form, or loud noises. I am of the Nat King Cole generation and the two cannot be compared.

Jackson made some questionable decisions at times, but surely blaming him for ‘violence’ goes a bit far?
on 26 Jul 2009 at 8:13 am alt-f4

According to her public linkedin profile she is a “Writing and Editing Professional” (and open to offers for consultancy) but – notable by its absence – there is no list of publications. In fact, there isn’t even a complete sentance on the entire page. The Bodleian Library has a J. S. Pattinson’s “The symbolism of the Rubáiyát of Omar Khayyám”. But this is clearly not her because a) it sounds like it might be worth reading, and b) was published 17 years before the cunt was born. Nothing there.

But she turns up over on a Swiss-French version of MSE, with her full name and address on the public pages, offering “Editrice et rédactrice en langue anglaise”, which to those who don’t understand Swiss French would appear to be about translation, but to those who do, actually reads, “Experienced plumper. Hourly rates. Will do manual, oral, and doggy-style. No wogs”.
on 26 Jul 2009 at 10:44 am Pirate Pete

Thanks alt-f4 I just snorted coffee over my monitor. I’m just wondering what weird set of circumstances pitched Joy up in Switzerland – I bet theres a tale or two there.

On the subject of La Roux, I saw her at the Forum a couple of weeks ago – her set is a bit like a Yazoo flashback or something… you can now mock my blog you bastards! http://thelondoneer.blogspot.com/2009/07/better-than-danny.html
on 26 Jul 2009 at 4:37 pm Anonymous.Insider

I bet theres a tale or two there.

Ah, there is, there is.

This sad tale starts in a seedy bar in downtown Caracas, some time in autumn 1958. La Pattinson, on a sabbatical round-the-world trip, has found herself down on her luck, and like so many young ex-pats before her has had to resort to “the oldest business”. On that night, there was a shortage of american clients, and Joy had to drop, for once, her self-imposed rule of “no dagos, no coons” – and it was then that she met the imposing figure of a young Henriqué Hitler. Joy was dumbstruck, and fell deeply, and forever, in love with her Venezuelan buck.

And then – disaster struck. When the breathless Joy blurted out her declaratio of love, and explained her beliefs, he replied “you’ll have no gold from me, you nazi whore, you might as well fuck off to Switzerland. I’ll have to get a pox test later”. Unfortunately, Joy’s grasp of spanish was not all it could have been, and she took this to mean “I have nazi gold stashed in Switzerland, I’ll meet you there later”.

and thus Joy has been stuck in Rolle, Switzerland, living out her bitter middle age and beyond in the vain hope that Hitler will finally visit her, and lead her to his stash of Nazi gold.

(the above is a fiction, and no connection is implied to actual persons or events, espeically to the Hitler family of Caracas, who have it bad enough already).
on 27 Jul 2009 at 2:01 am Chris

Ignore the detractors – you and Biased BBC are the best comedy double act since Morecambe and Wise. In fact, as a licence fee payer I think I’ll write to the BBC and suggest they consider giving the pair of you your own show. Question Time for the Big Brother generation…
on 27 Jul 2009 at 1:02 pm Funny Peculiar

The HYS team asked, “Are overweight stars setting a bad example?”

So the self appointed head of Knee Jerk Reactions and Dodgy Reasoning, Prof Pigsty Hill, cuts through the wooly thinking of health professionals and disembowels their ridiculous premise with one flourish of his rapier-like wrangling.

Will you health freaks PLEASE get out of my face!

Michael Jackson was thin as a rake, and how healthy was he?

Pigsty Hill, Slowly Moderated, Long Waiting-in-the-Queue, United Kingdom

Inspired.
on 27 Jul 2009 at 1:04 pm Tegid

What’s going on with the site? I tried to get on it earlier & it was down.

Is this part of a NuLieBore conspiracy to prevent me from expressing my views as a proud Engerlishman even though I’m right and every other librul ‘PC’ idiot just doesn’t realise it!?!?!!!1!1!one!2!

OR, is it an’other attemp’t by th’e BBC to control all the state media to promote i’ts loony immigrunt agenda!1!11!!234″£$£%^!!!!

Well? Which is it?

What’s that you say? Just a problem with the server? Yeah, like THAT ever happens. I don’t know anything about computers but I once stared at one in PC World for 10 minutes, so I KNOW that there could NVERE be anything like that happen!!

Own up Nelson! It’s publish or POLICE time!!!1″!£$%^&**(!!”!!
on 27 Jul 2009 at 2:28 pm Nelson

I’ve been on a stag do on a narrowboat since Friday. Floating around south of Coventry somewhere. Still seem to be alive. Mainly.

Have removed details of real world and email addresses from this thread, I think. If anyone knows of any more, mail me. I can’t be fucked to read them all.

Neil, there are three differences between this blog and yours:
1) Lots of people read it and comment on it, more than I can be arsed to go through.
2) All comments are published instantly and I only moderate them later in extreme cases
3) If personal details are published and I find out, that is an extreme case and I *will* remove them.

So mail me if you see your address here, rather than griping about it in the comments, where I might not see. I *will* remove it once I’m aware of it. Exactly unlike your behaviour on your own blog. You rubbish, weasely little man. No wonder no cunt wants to vote for you.
on 27 Jul 2009 at 3:48 pm Neil Craig

4) I don’t censor stuff if it is answering a point (very rare for visitors from here) or even asking something vaguely real & not being personally insulting (or sometimes even if it is) & not merely repeating something whaich has already been answered.

You, on the other hand have censored my post immediately following Chris’s which failed on none of these.

So Nelson while I am fully willing to accept your self description as a cunt who doesn’t want to vote for me perhaps you might care to apologise for the rest of your post

Particularly since Kelvin has gone on record as saying this great democracy we live in (does he speak that way in real life) depends on him being able to publish porn on other people’s blogs & thus implicitly also here. I don’t intend to take advantage of that offer but intend to point out errors of fact & lunacy.
on 27 Jul 2009 at 3:54 pm Dolly

Who is this “MJ” all you young people are talking about?

I say, what IS that doggie doing?

I’d better go, the fairy cakes need to come out of the oven soon.
on 27 Jul 2009 at 6:06 pm Neil Craig's Mum

Neil, your tea is ready. I’m not telling you again!
on 27 Jul 2009 at 6:17 pm -273

but intend to point out errors of fact & lunacy

Don’t worry, your every post demonstrates both of those characteristics.
on 27 Jul 2009 at 7:33 pm markie126

“No wonder no cunt wants to vote for you.”

To be fair 80 cunts voted for him
on 27 Jul 2009 at 7:51 pm Knife crimer with a free PS3

“To be fair 80 cunts voted for him”
He can obviously manage a better handjob than I’d given him credit for.
on 27 Jul 2009 at 7:57 pm alt-f4

[I] intend to point out errors of fact & lunacy.

Practice what you preach, you pompous self-righteous windbag.

Your decrepit backwater of a blog is such an appaling piece of shit I didn’t even attempt to read it. Anything laid out that badly cannot possibly be worth reading – except for the dedicated pisstaker out to annoy it’s pathetically amateur author by bombarding him with the kind of anti-facts and lunatic presentation your own site promises in it’s pesentation alone.

Your content clearly – CLEARLY – does not attract the kind of volume of traffic that would allow you to afford the services of even a student web developer. The limit of your own effort to develop the site has stopped after learning a few basic html tags, and mastery of the complexiities of a self-installing archive. Something you no doubt boast about to the uninitiated blogless ones.

Erroneously regarding your blog as a publication of merit, you make it clear at first glance that you have never read even a basic introductory text on matters such as typesetting, typeface, page layout, graphic design, or even basic colour coordination. If you put that little effort into your presentation it is safe to assume an equally dire experience awaits the unwary reader between the lonely, crowded-out whitespace that seems, what little there is of it, to want to escape from the wrtten content in terror.

You don’t even need to take my word for it either. Your logfiles, would that you had the gumption to analyse them, will support what I say – most of your visitors leave after looking at the front page and never return.

I left you a message in the access_log, btw.
on 27 Jul 2009 at 8:23 pm pigfrottage

Harsh but fair to kick him in his webskills nadgers
on 27 Jul 2009 at 10:02 pm Ed aka Kelvin

I posted this on Neily’s blog (since I am fairly sure he will censor it), in response to his racist remarks about Mr Obama (”half-blood prince”):

I have carefully considered the alternative, which is that Mr Obama was a better candidate than Hillary Clinton (less of a liar), and a better candidate than John McCain (less of an angry, over-privileged nut). Obviously that is ridiculous. Instead, he was elected simply because he was black.
on 27 Jul 2009 at 10:08 pm Ed aka Kelvin

I posted this on the 145-commented (so far) post, again I am sure he will censor it:

So your reply to my asking for dates and reputable sources is to rave about “Islamofascism”?

By the way, “concerned citizen”, the reason I’m asking Neil to cite evidence, is because Neil is asserting something. He who asserts must prove.
on 27 Jul 2009 at 10:17 pm Funny Peculiar

btw… Neil has a wiki page called ‘Neil Craig’ (I’m assuming that counts as public domain, Nelson) You’ll be amazed to learn it is an incoherent shrieking mess of strident block capital outbursts, explaining to the ‘readers’ (yeah right) that people have been adding hideous lies to his page and that details have been censored illegally by unscrupulous wiki-mods.
on 27 Jul 2009 at 11:06 pm Ed aka Kelvin

@fp

Got a URL? It’s apparently not on Wikipedia.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 1:17 am KnifeCrimer

Are we having multiple arguments with Neil, now? Why?

Neil’s arguments on this site include:

# Nelson (and Alex?) works for the BBC.
# Serbians were the (main/only) victims of the Islamofascist-perpetrated Balkan war
# People need a high standard of “homosexual technique” to comment here or work at the BBC
# Man-Made Climate change is a (wicked and divisive) fiction.
# The BBC, by its silence, encourages the murder of 70m Africans.
# SYB censors Neil’s comments
# Anyone who disagrees with NC are Dumb, “Disassociated From Reality” and hypocrites.

FFS, go to http://www.pointlessinternetargumentforums.com for this crap, where no-one will censor anyone. SYB exists for a different kind of crap
on 28 Jul 2009 at 1:37 am Funny Peculiar

errr… is that a URL?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Neil_Craig#The_Massacre
on 28 Jul 2009 at 1:40 am Magician Assisted Suicide

@Kelvin, 10:02: you’re wilfully missing the point.

Obama was elected because he was half-black.

Honestly, you people.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 2:12 am Ed aka Kelvin

@fp

Yes, that’s a URL.

Oh. My. God. I just read the “discussion” page of his user page (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User_talk:Neil_Craig) – it’s got exactly the same proof-by-assertion “everyone but me supports Nazis” ravings as on here and his blog.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 2:13 am Ed aka Kelvin

@Kelvin (01:40 am – I assume you’re really Kelvin)

By saying that, you clearly support Nazis and the genocide of Serbs.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 2:54 am Funny Peculiar

@Knifecrimer… you missed

# Modern Islamic fundamentalism is the direct creation of Nazi Fascism. Cos that one has just sprung up now.

Perhaps we should ignore Neil C from the next thread onwards and let SYB get back on track?? All NC addicts (I’m one) can hang out at his place if they want to pull his plonker

on a narrowboat since Friday. Floating around south of Coventry somewhere. – Nelson

Ahhh… you make it sound like Fellini’s La Dolce Vita, except with more cagoules and tinned spaghetti.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 5:07 am Chris

I support Nazis. But then again, I’m an orthopaedic shoe in 1930s Germany.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 5:53 am Ed aka Kelvin

And they all have hilarious Herr Flik limps.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 7:58 am KnifeCrimer

I support Nazis. But then again, I’m an orthopaedic shoe in 1930s Germany.

Chris; I’ll get your coat.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 8:08 am KnifeCrimer

@Neil:

Start a thread on http://www.pointlessinternetargumentforums.com, then post the link on this thread.

This site is not suitable: it’s generally meant for light relief and a bit of a laugh (hmmmm, sound a bit like a massage parlour).
Your blog is not suitable as you own, run and censor it, or can be suspected as censoring it.
And Neil, stop demanding apologies from everyone who happens to not agree with you on every single minute POV or interpretation or credibility of a source.

Post a link to to pointlessinternetargumentforums, and take it from there.

Simples.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 8:20 am KnifeCrimer

As for the King Of Pop.

If segregation were still official policy in Southern USA, would MJ be recycled as colourless, brown or green plastic.

What’s that? “You’re not funny, and that’s for glass, anyway”. Well, fuck you.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 8:26 am Throbbe

Y’see, I want to leave him alone and move on to new examples of stupid. But he’s just so compelling.

am generally opposed to censorship particularly when it involves suppression of my opinions rather than other peoples’ opinions

Priceless.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 8:33 am Mr Poo

Neil has a wiki page … an incoherent shrieking mess of strident block capital outbursts, explaining to the ‘readers’ (yeah right) that people have been adding hideous lies to his page and that details have been censored illegally by unscrupulous wiki-mods.

To be fair (and to his credit), Neil doesn’t appear to have been active on wikipedia since 2004. The shrieking block-caps stuff, although consistent with Neil’s “style”, appear to have been added by an IP editor from Belfast, although as it’s a dynamic IP the range could have been moved to bogtrotter-land since 2004.

This leaves us a few possibilities:

1 – Neil is indeed the person behind the wikipedia user “Neil Craig”, and has tried pushing a reality distortion of what happened in Srebrenica.
2 – Someone else registered “Neil Craig” and has been using it to edit up unpleasant stuff in the hope of painting Neil as a bad guy IRL, and the random shrieking was actually Neil, lashing out in anger.

On balance, I’d go for the second option; Neil is obsessive enough to carry on posting here despite the abuse, he’s certainly obsessive enough to use wikipedia to push his second-rate twaddle.

Yes, I think about this shit too much.

All of that said, the stuff Neil (or the user calling themselves “Neil Craig”) added is most certainly unpleasant enough in itself. What a lugworm’s love-hole.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 8:37 am Mr Poo

Oh, I should add that Neil’s not to difficult to spot on wikipedia, despite editing “anonymously”. For example :

http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Nine_Per_Cent_Growth_Party&action=history
on 28 Jul 2009 at 8:37 am Knight in Shining Armour of Truth and Justice

am generally opposed to censorship particularly when it involves suppression of my opinions rather than other peoples’ opinions

Yes but he didn’t write that, an anon did. They edited it to be “funnier”:

http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=User:Neil_Craig&diff=304632686&oldid=304550940

To be fair, Neil has not edited Wikipedia under that username since 2004. See this:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/Neil_Craig

It’s really a bit sad for people to go off from here and create comedy over there. There’s enough real b*ll*cks on the internet to report on without fabricating it. Neil’s wikipedia page is so old it’s hard to see its relevance.

Go on, now tell me what a sad twat I am. Ting-ting! Hold very tight please.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 8:44 am Knight in Shining Armour of Truth and Justice

It’s really a bit sad to be digging around on Wikipedia for stuff to slag Neil off with – from 2004. Or, indeed, making it up.

go on, now tell me what a twat I am. I can take it. Ting-ting! Hold very tight please.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 9:33 am Nelson

perhaps you might care to apologise for the rest of your post

Neil, I’m sorry I removed your address from this thread. I’m sorry I promised to always remove your address from my site should other people post it. And, even though it’s not my fault, I’m sorry you’re a such an unpleasant, weasely little man. It must be very lonely.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 9:57 am KnifeCrimer

Neil,

I’ve done it for you.
http://www.pointlessinternetargumentforums.com/viewtopic.php?f=20&t=691

Take it there.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 10:03 am KnifeCrimer

I’ve submitted the link to NC’s blog, also.
Can that be an end to it here, please.

Let’s get back to teh stupids, rather than the mentally-ill.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 10:47 am Funny Peculiar

I dooooo like Neil’s reasoning that everyone is a Nazi, from The Lib Dems to Osama Bin Laden, except for the BNP.

That is proper proper 5-star weird shit. I think Neil might have had the kind of breakdown that the RAC can’t help you with.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 11:50 am Neil Craig

Alt-f4 – Thank you for the honesty of saying you “didn’t even attempt to read” my blog before doing your review. If only all complainants here had such high standards.

Ed aka Kelvin I actually agree with you about Obama being better than Clinton (either of them) but that is not high praise. If you think Obama’s colour was irrelevant to his election you are entitled to that view. The fact that 97% of blacks voted for him is thus simply a coincidence.

Knifecrimer – certainly multiple somethings. Since nobody here has actually tried to debate facts since I challenged previously I don’t think it can really be dignified by calling it “argument”. Your listing is fair except for the last point – anyone who disagrees with me on the basis that i am wrong & own a comic shop etc. rather than on pointing out any apparent error in what I said is Dumb. It is not my fault that the set of dummies & the set of people on here disagreeing in any way closely match.

Ed still aka Kelvin, Mr Poo & ors – I must admit to being surprised that my contribution to my user page has not been rewritten since then. The block capitals bit was indeed written by me & as anybody who wants to look, merely aserts that other bits had been rewritten. I think it is reasonable to object to Wiki not only rewriting & censoring articles but doing the same to user’s pages. Far from merely “asserting” anything there what I did was to point out that some of the opinions wiki had atributed to me (eg that the Serbs were the only massacre victims at Srebrenica) were clearly not from me. I suspect even the self described cunts here will recognise that that is true.

I am hardly the only one to disapprove of wikipedia censorship & maintenance of things which are known to be untrue.http://article.nationalreview.com/?q=NjU1ZDBhOGExOWRlNzc5ZDcwOTUxZWM3MWU2Mjc5MGE=

The 9% Growth Party wikipedia entry is one I have not even bothered to try & correct. I did at one stage have a thread there under the name “Croatiaphobia” to which I did add, pointing out that the word had never existed in that form before & in due course it was folded into another page apparently written by representatives of the Croatian Nazi government.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 12:00 pm Goldstein

The 9% Growth Party wikipedia entry is one I have not even bothered to try & correct.

Well you’re just that sort of guy, Neil. I admire how easily you shrug off the criticisms of others without feeling the need to write lengthy and boring rebuttals. I think it takes a certain integrity to just shut the fuck up.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 12:11 pm Funny Peculiar

La la la la laaaa. Anyway, more tea, vicar? Isn’t this weather dreadful, my tomatoes aren’t growing at all. Scone? Oh yes, that reminds me… the cake stall at the fete, Mrs Penworthy won’t be able to run it, something’s come up. So if you could mention it at morning service I’d be grateful.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 12:18 pm markie126

I’m a teapot. I’m a teapot.

Please stop talking it is making my ears bleed.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 12:20 pm pigfrottage

This is all very worrying. Can we have a new thread please? Maybe something along the lines of:

http://newsforums.bbc.co.uk/nol/thread.jspa?forumID=6804&edition=1&ttl=20090728121610

Added: Tuesday, 28 July, 2009, 10:18 GMT 11:18 UK

The more the compensation is the more the MoD will prevent soldiers from getting injured. I hope they lose this case and win the war PDQ.

Bob Hart, Perth SCOTLAND

Recommended by 6 people

So we would win the war if we paid out more compensation to injured soldiers (or were forced to by the courts).

Of course, how foolish of me. I forgot that it was the compensation people that were actually injuring our guys. I thought it might be the ones on the other side firing the bullets and planting the roadside bombs. I stand corrected Bob.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 12:25 pm Funny Peculiar

Would anyone like to look at pictures of kittens? They’re very nice. Nothing but kittens. Just kittens. Maybe we could talk about kittens too. If you would like to.

I like tabby kittens personally. Especially when they are put in a shoe or a flower pot.

http://www.cutekittens.info/labels/cute.html
on 28 Jul 2009 at 12:51 pm Dolly

I like tabby kittens personally. Especially when they are put in a shoe or a flower pot.

Oh how lovely dear. They are pretty little things, aren’t they? When my poor Reg was still alive he often used to put tabby kittens in a shoe or flower pot. Then he’d sing his funny little song “mash them in with a crowbar, mash mash mash” and I can tell you it made a jolly awful mess and then the police would come and take him away. Things haven’t really been the same since Reg went.

Would you like a cup of tea now dear?
on 28 Jul 2009 at 12:52 pm Dolly

Oh dear my blockquotes have gone all wrong, silly old me! Maybe Mr Nelson will annihilate me with a laser gun now. Tsk.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 12:56 pm alt-f4

Alt-f4 – Thank you for the honesty of saying you “didn’t even attempt to read” my blog before doing your review.

The only real error in my review is an editorial one in the final line of the first paragraph. I do not need to read your text to conclude that you have put only the minimal amount of effort into its presentation, and indeed, have never claimed to have read anything of yours other than the childishly simplistic drivel you post on here (where the difficult formatting problems are taken care of for you).

My review stands in spite of your wilfull misrepresentation that I was reviewing the content and not the presentation.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 1:03 pm Dolly

The only real error in my review is an editorial one in the final line of the first paragraph.

Well that’s all very well dear but you’re really going to have to look at your spelling and punctuation if you don’t want me to have a little word with your Mother. We can’t tolerate carelessness in a serious BBC discussion blog like this, you know. Oh now, buck up, don’t take on so! Have a biscuit. I won’t really tell your Mother.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 1:04 pm Dolly's evil nemesis

Sorry about my Mum. I’ve killed her again.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 1:08 pm Dolly's evil nemesis

Thank God you didn’t take a biscuit from her though.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 1:47 pm Ire

I miss the blah filter
on 28 Jul 2009 at 2:16 pm KnifeCrimer

I don’t do pointless arguments

Au contraire mon ami folle.
الموت لالكافرة التي N.C!!
on 28 Jul 2009 at 2:45 pm Schroduck

I have commented previously on the ease with which people online claim qualifications to which they are not entitled to make their rubbish seem more credible. It is possible Vladimir PC Al Jihad is doing this.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 2:52 pm Dolly's evil nemesis

It is possible Vladimir PC Al Jihad is doing this.

I very much doubt it. He is real to me. And he writes a damn fine letter and has a convincing job title. No, I like to think I’m pretty net-savvy and I’m telling you he’s real.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 2:54 pm Dolly's evil nemesis

I miss the blah filter

Yeah, me too. Sometimes it’s like people are just writing nonsense in here for the sake of it.

Desk.
Velocipede.
Scab.
King.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 3:22 pm Desk Velocipede Scab King

You called?
on 28 Jul 2009 at 3:24 pm Cheb Ghobbi

this government never fails to amaze me, they have double dealt on nearly all of their polices on tax, immigration,education, health care,our armed forces are the best in the world, and yet they have been giving, poor equipment,poor arm er, poor helicopters, poor field transport, and yet this government are in complete denial of the true situation, look at the way they dealt with the members of parliament cheating over our money with expenses, it is time for the British people to speak out Moore

george, lincoln
on 28 Jul 2009 at 3:58 pm Mr Folder

it is time for the British people to speak out Moore

Well roger my henry, I guess it is.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 4:00 pm Mr External Hard Disk Drive

I’ll see your roger and raise you a patrick. Throw in a demi and a michael and we’ll call it quits.

If I’m right.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 4:35 pm Mary Tyler Moore

What about me?
on 28 Jul 2009 at 4:36 pm Bobby Moore

Don’t forget me! I won a bloody World Cup I did.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 4:44 pm Rudy Ray Moore

And what about me you rat soup eating MOTHER FUCKER???
on 28 Jul 2009 at 4:56 pm Mr Other Folder With A Rubber Band Round It

Sorry. Didn’t mean to upset anyone by omitting them. Tsk. What a mooreon.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 4:58 pm KnifeCrimer

Speak Out Moore’s Law states:
“The cost of drivel belched out on t’interwebs will double in copiousness and half in intellect every 18 months”.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 5:00 pm KnifeCrimer

Speak Out Moore’s Law states:

“The drivel belched out on t’interwebs will double in copiousness and half in intellect every 18 months”.

Arse !!!
on 28 Jul 2009 at 5:07 pm Neil Craig's Mum

Your tea’s gone stone cold, Neil. I’m giving it to the dog. Are you happy now, Neil? Are you? ARE YOU?
on 28 Jul 2009 at 5:23 pm Littlejohn's Brane

Is your broadband up to speed?

I have tested my download speed on the BBC site. It is 5.95Mbps. Other test sites say 7.25Mbps, but do not know my precise location. My broadband supplier (BT) say it is up to 6.0Mbps for my phone number, and this will improve to 8.0Mbps in November. I have no complaints as BT’s claim is close to what your (BBC) test shows and fast enough for your I-player streaming. I imagine most of us here would all want faster speeds, but then most people will just type more spelling and grammar mistake.
[tigersimon]

Aw, he thinks he’s people.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 5:54 pm Lurker - is considering becoming "sqrt(-1)" but knows it's a bit geeky

I, for one, am immensely glad that most people’s interweb babblage is limited by the speed at which they can pound their meaty fists on the keyboard.

I’m including myself in that.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 6:03 pm Littlejohn's Brane

Most HYS’ers wouldn’t know what to do with a high speed broadband connection, apart from watch even more streaming whinge porn than they already do.Jacques B, United Kingdom

Streaming whinge porn? Anyone else imagining randy HYS’ers posting webcam feeds of themselves masturbating to Melanie Phillips articles?
on 28 Jul 2009 at 6:06 pm Funny Pedantic Peculiar

…will double in copiousness and half in intellect…

Oi! Did you just chuck this fucking great stone through my bleeding greenhouse window? Didn’t anyone ever tell you, you shouldn’t do things like that?
on 28 Jul 2009 at 7:35 pm knife crimer with a free PS3

What, there’s already a user called KnifeCrimer?

Cock muffins.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 7:43 pm tegid

@ knife crimer with a free PS3

Don’t worry, KnifeCrimer hasn’t got a free PS3.

Well, until he knifecrimes you for it, that is.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 9:16 pm KnifeCrimer

Don’t worry, KnifeCrimer hasn’t got a free PS3.

It’s true. All I’ve got is an ZX-Spectrum.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 9:30 pm tegid

It’s true. All I’ve got is an ZX-Spectrum.

Surely that would be “a” ZX-Spectrum?

Bleedin’ Knifecrimin’ Yoof of today – teach ‘em grammer wiv the cane if theys gettin it rong, thats’ wot I says.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 10:27 pm Mimi

I know how this person feels. When Danny La Rue died, all they did was wheel out white people. Absolute disgrace!
on 28 Jul 2009 at 10:33 pm KnifeCrimer

teach ‘em grammer wiv the cane if theys gettin it rong

Thatll lern me. It’s not my fault, guv’ I didnt go to gramer skool.

@knife crimer with a free PS3:
I’m a reformed character now. Retired the blade, retiring the moniker. All yours.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 10:44 pm Simon

@FrizzyPerm.

Appears “he” has chickened-out. If you read the linked articles, they either say something different to what he inferes, or they are just not, hmm, what’s the word, ah yes, credible. Can we refer him to the other place if he posts off-topic again.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 10:46 pm Simon

infers !!!
on 28 Jul 2009 at 10:50 pm Knife crimer with a free PS3

*sniffles* Aw thanks, that’s sweet

I think I’ll have to go happy stab a policeman to man up a little after that.

Also, I wish this poncy government had thought of giving out Wiis instead to us hard-working knife crimers: the Wii controller is definitely much more suited to stabbing related games.

In fact, I’m pretty sure that such a lack of consideration amounts to violating my human rights. I’m currently putting together a legal case with my lawyers Bastard, Wankpuddle & Twatbasket.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 11:12 pm Gobbler The Oral Sex Alsatian

I’m giving it to the dog.

woof woof woof
slurp slurp slurp
pant pant pant
on 28 Jul 2009 at 11:16 pm Hitler's Penis

Is the main rule to posting on b-bbc coming up with something that would make Hitler think ‘woah, now’?

To be honest, from what I remember from the Old Days, there wasn’t that much that would have had that effect. Cruelty to dogs, perhaps. He was a rather odd man, you know.
on 28 Jul 2009 at 11:36 pm Elliot

Great site!

I hate it when these stupid idiots try to force their opinions on the rest of us. Such a welcome tonic …

E
on 29 Jul 2009 at 12:57 am Artist formerly known as KnifeCrimer

@Funny Pedantic Peculiar

Did you just chuck this fucking great stone through my bleeding greenhouse window?

“Halve”: The shame, the shame. Pot, kettle, etc.
on 29 Jul 2009 at 7:21 am Ed aka Kelvin

On the subject of rationality and logical argument, this comic seems apt: http://sicksenseofinevitability.blogspot.com/2009/07/racist-chronicles-zog.html
on 29 Jul 2009 at 8:50 am Blah Blah

Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah improvement Blah!
on 29 Jul 2009 at 9:04 am Admiral Grovworth, III

I miss the blah filter

If you like the blah filter so much, why don’t you go live there?
on 29 Jul 2009 at 9:17 am Dolly's evil nemesis

If you like the blah filter so much, why don’t you go live there?

I *so* wish I’d written that that it almost hurts.

Ah well, I suppose if I give it five minutes I can probably get away with stealing it anyway.
on 29 Jul 2009 at 9:18 am Dolly's evil nemesis

Is the word bold in bold I wonder, or does it just look bloody silly with angle brackets all over it like a nasty skin complaint?
on 29 Jul 2009 at 9:19 am Dolly's evil nemesis

HOOYAH!!!!!
on 29 Jul 2009 at 10:16 am Chelsea

Methinks a certain person with far too many aliases is very not funny.
on 29 Jul 2009 at 10:30 am pigfrottage

End the madness. New thread please.
on 29 Jul 2009 at 11:29 am Mr Door

Methinks a certain person with far too many aliases is very not funny.

Me too!!
on 29 Jul 2009 at 11:30 am Mrs Antelope

Methinks a certain person with far too many aliases is very not funny.

Indeed!
on 29 Jul 2009 at 1:17 pm 4:42

Methinks a certain person with far too many aliases is very not funny.

Chelsea

I concur.
on 29 Jul 2009 at 1:42 pm Outraged person A

Blah blah blah 9% growth party blah blah only 80 votes blah blah new record low vote blah blah Neil Craig blah blah blah blah aresbiscuit.
on 29 Jul 2009 at 2:15 pm markie126

Is this our Catherine Oliver?

http://www.stwilfrids.com/downloads/BEE%20Newsletters/BEE-February09.pdf

May explain much, methinks.
on 29 Jul 2009 at 2:23 pm Zahara

Is Neil still here? At least he’s stopped calling everyone Norman.
on 29 Jul 2009 at 2:46 pm That Bloke in the Corner

Well having spent the weekend away drowning in a tent I have come back to find the same thread and the same Neil abuse (Neil is human and the abuse must stop-call 080009974732456237 with your cash donations and together we can build a better world for Neil),can we have a new thread as I have another long weekend coming up and I intend to sit on my fat arse and do nothing but peruse the insanity of B-BBC, HYS and this wonderfully puerile site.

"If you love Chelsea so much..
why don't you go live there?"

230 Responses to “Rage in Favour of the Machine”

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spEak You're bRanes

"If you love Chelsea so much.. why don't you go live there?"

230 Responses to “Rage in Favour of the Machine”

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"If you love Chelsea so much..
why don't you go live there?"