spEak You're bRanes

Curtain Twitchers and Delusions of Grandeur and Permanently Bewildered and Plain Weird31 Jul 2009 08:51 am

By Alex

Thanks to Ste for finding the artificial sperm discussion. I say ‘discussion’, I imagine it’s some kind of Oulipo project to write a paranoid sapphic version of Brave New World in 500 characters without using punctuation, lower-case letters, intelligence or modesty.

“Scientists claim to have created…; “…the creation of…”; “… have been created…”. So Newton was wrong all along! Who’d have guessed?
Jean Manuforti, London

Sorry Jean, I’m baffled. You might need a few more words.

Dear Scientist:

Please Stop cloning sheep, we have loads of them. Please stop putting fish genes in out tomatoes. Please stop messing with human sperm, we have loads of humans. Please cure Cancer and HIV and Swine Flu.
Thanks,

The human race.
Chicken Little

And how do you expect Scientist to make this cure for Cancer and HIV and Swine Flu? Don’t forget there’s a global shortage of papier-maché and lolly-sticks at the moment.

Having seen some of the women in my town, waddling around in their summer attire I say bring it on. The idea of donating my sperm to any one of them makes me shiver like a Raspberry jelly. Let’s face it, this will be news, as important as the second coming, (pun intended) to lesbians around the world. We, (mankind), seem hell bent on self destruction, and this is just another nail in the coffin. I could see this as being useful only if a comet struck, or disease came making all men sterile.
Worry Wort, Sheffield, United Kingdom

Don’t worry, Wort. There’ll always be a place for your greasy seed. In that grey sock you keep under the bed.

Does it have a microchip? I mean surely we need human microchips now. Oh! maybe it has microwires? Can it be plugged in to a computer? Well at least it’s another grand step in the right direction of continued control.
tiny bin, Arun District, United Kingdom

We’ve gone over this before. You remember when you got ketchup on your shirt, and you said it meant the government was putting shirts in the ketchup, but then the shirt was much too big to fit in the sachet? Well, it’s the same with the spunk on your keyboard.

I am afraid this is not a record.

I developed sperm in a laboratory over forty years ago and I was assured at the time that I was not the first….
Clogged My Pops, Big Town

Astounding! I think your next big research project should aim to find the difference between “developed” and “leaked”.

215 Responses to “Schoolboy Humour”

on 31 Jul 2009 at 9:20 am Throbbe

I leaked sperm in a laboratory about 20 years ago and was assured by Mrs Jones the biology teacher that I wasn’t the first.
on 31 Jul 2009 at 9:51 am Hunter Hillman

Guess what…it’s a NueLiebour conspiracy. Think Two Shags Prescott. Who are his union sponsors?

Exactly…the National Union Of Semen
on 31 Jul 2009 at 10:05 am Philbert

Please cure Cancer and HIV and Swine Flu.

If only we’d thought of that before!

*slaps forehead*
on 31 Jul 2009 at 10:14 am Scientist

Dear Chicken Little,

Sorry, I am meeting the Space Invaders and Pac Man, ridding the world of the Evil Curse of the Vampires, Dubbing Culture Into a Parallel Universe and later on I also have to meet Yabby You & Michael Prophet at the Dub Station.

I also have to win the World Cup.

Busy Day, I’m afraid.

Yours in Dub,

Scientist
on 31 Jul 2009 at 10:29 am Felna

I think Chicken Little is just jealous ‘cos a scientist refused to play with his sperm…
on 31 Jul 2009 at 10:32 am Very Tenables

Clogged My Pops writes:

[blockquote]DEBATE:Should language learning be compulsory in schools?”

Isn’t learning a language because you want to enjoy speaking it fluently different to learning a language to pass an examination?

I briefly attended kindergarten where pupils were learning basic French at seven years old and really enjoying it as distinct from the twelve years old really hating their O Level courses.[/blockquote]

‘I briefly attended kindergarten’ seems to be equivalent to ‘I briefly attended the Sorbonne’.

Perhaps it is where he comes from.
on 31 Jul 2009 at 10:32 am Dr Feelgood

As a totally genuine interent doctor (trust me) I am often asked, “Doctor, where do you get your ideas for curing cancer, HIV, swine flu ‘n’ stuff?”

The answer to this of course may seem strange to the layperson, but in fact I (and all my scientist friends) go to HYS to learn all about how to cure these conditions. Whoever said the phenomenon of ‘crowd-sourcing’ had no merit? Ha ha, the FOOLS!

Now lie back, put your feet in the stirrups and we’ll start your special examination. Yes, yes, my dear, I’ve warmed the speculum (tiptoes to fridge…)
on 31 Jul 2009 at 10:33 am Very Tenables

Stick your blockquotes up your itchy fucking ringpiece.
on 31 Jul 2009 at 10:45 am 3 year old

First faeces, now semen, you lot are like soooooo immature.
on 31 Jul 2009 at 10:56 am Violetta

Microchips? I’ve come to expect something a little less 1970s when reading futuristic dystopian paranoia.
on 31 Jul 2009 at 11:02 am Simon

“kindergarten” = American (and German)
“O Level courses” = English (not British)

I briefly attended kindergarten …. at seven years old

Perhaps “briefly” because you were thrown out as you were too old to attend Nursery.
on 31 Jul 2009 at 11:06 am Simon

Found this in the first page of “Most Recommended”:

Surely to goodness, the fact that you are someone who fires ‘blanks’ is nature’s way of telling you you are not a fit and proper person to be a parent, so why bother trying to have kids?

The Kings New Clothes, Cuffley, United Kingdom

Well done that man. Surely to goodness, the fact that you are someone who has cancer is nature’s way of telling you you are not a fit and proper person live, so why bother?
Roll on eugenics.
on 31 Jul 2009 at 11:08 am Simon

Surely to goodness, the fact that you are someone who fires ‘turdspurts’ at t’interwebs is nature’s way of telling you you are not a fit and proper person, and are ripe to have the piss taken out of.
on 31 Jul 2009 at 11:15 am Expert Scientist

Look, I’m working very hard today on curing all of those things. I’m already part way through the Granuiad crossword (because obviously I’m a subersive liberal type), have drunk coffee and checked my email -five- times.

Maybe if someone was blowing me under the desk I’d be inspired with a cure. No HYS volunteers please.
on 31 Jul 2009 at 11:28 am Bit Special AKA La Spesh

Weewee, willy, bumhole, fanny, poo. But enough about my PhD title.

Badum TSSSH!

Dr Feelgood – speculums are no laughing matter.

Everyone is avoiding the most crucial question of the artificial sperm debate: are they going to make it in a range of flavours or just the usual salt ‘n’ sweetcorn Jif variety (sorry, Cif)?

Look, someone had to.
on 31 Jul 2009 at 11:43 am Bawheid

Frankly, I’m surprised at Chicken Little’s desire for Scientist to cure HIV. How else is the world going to rid itself of gays? Especially now all those fat lesbians are impregnating themselves with artifical sperm. From the future.

You couldn’t make it up.
on 31 Jul 2009 at 12:48 pm Jim Jones

@3 Year Old

Poo! Bum! Willy!
on 31 Jul 2009 at 1:05 pm Clovis Sangrail

But does Tom of Finland have real or artificial sperm?
on 31 Jul 2009 at 2:12 pm -273

Anyone who thinks Newton was wrong is welcome to demonstrate that by jumping off the nearest tall building.
on 31 Jul 2009 at 2:43 pm Clovis Sangrail

I think Jean is confusing Newton with Darwin. Easy mistake to make as they both lived in olden times and did things with test tubes (probably), but only one put his cloak down over a muddy puddle for queen elizabeth. I know these things as I have a PhD in names. Sorry if I confused anyone with any erudite terminology.
on 31 Jul 2009 at 2:44 pm Schroduck

Also from Mr Clogs:

Does DNA make you African?

A bit of my DNA came from here, a bit from there, and a bit from everywhere….

Is it just me, or does he have something of an obsession with telling us the exact location of every single one of his spermatozoa? So far, we’ve learned that there’s a 40 year old “sample” lurking in his old science classroom, and now his house/flat/cell appears to be coated fairly liberally with the stuff. What next?

And when romance has gone what of earth will there be left for us all to do ….

I think he already knows the answer to that one.
on 31 Jul 2009 at 2:51 pm -273

I still think they should leap off a tall building. Alternatively jump in front of a moving bus, that’ll show those momentumists.
on 31 Jul 2009 at 3:05 pm Eskimokate

I think Jean Montufori may be thinking of the law of conservation of energy. Which states that energy can be neither created nor destroyed. But confusing energy with sperm. And Newton with whoever made up the law of conservation of energy.
on 31 Jul 2009 at 3:17 pm My Foot Hurts.

I bet poor old Newton’s spinning in his grave*, now that his Second Law of Spermodynamics has been so thoroughly discreted.

*at a constant velocity, of course
on 31 Jul 2009 at 3:23 pm Schroduck

In fact, I’m tempted to believe this whole thread is nothing but one long, bowdlerised debate about wanking (like the episode of Seinfeld about masturbation where they never actually what they’re talking about).

There’s people talking about “tampering with the slippery slope”, plenty of “playing with nature”, “nailing the coffin” and the best:

hand over fist on a white elephant

My new favourite euphemism.

(Off-topic, but on reading that thread, I’ve discovered to my horror that my mum (or someone with the same name, address and job) is a HYSer. And someone’s accused her being a childless lesbian feminazi – that’s certainly news to me.)
on 31 Jul 2009 at 3:43 pm -273

[BLOCKQUOTE]No Frankenstein child for me thanks.

Greg[/BLOCKQUOTE]

Quite right, it is hard enough for children these days without them having to deal with pitchfork wielding mobs of peasants as well.
on 31 Jul 2009 at 3:45 pm -273

knobs
on 31 Jul 2009 at 3:56 pm Alex

We, (mankind), seem hell bent on self destruction, and this is just another nail in the coffin.

This is my favourite bit. Worry Wort thinks Mankind can make so much sperm and so many babies we go extinct. Worry Wort doesn’t actually know what sperm is.
on 31 Jul 2009 at 4:01 pm naich

I’ve discovered to my horror that my mum (or someone with the same name, address and job) is a HYSer.

Yipes! That must be worse than seeing your mum in the reader’s wives section of a bongo mag.
on 31 Jul 2009 at 4:08 pm Kelvin

It can’t really be her. A HYSer with a job?
on 31 Jul 2009 at 4:19 pm Bit Special AKA La Spesh

Schroduck is the spawn of Joy Pattinson? I heard it from his own lips (so to speak), so it must be true.
on 31 Jul 2009 at 4:26 pm Schroduck, spawn of Joy Pattinson

OH SHI-

*sets about rabidly removing every chromosome in my body with a carving knife*
on 31 Jul 2009 at 4:26 pm Ugly Newt

I bet poor old Newton’s spinning in his grave*
*at a constant velocity, of course

Spinning can’t have a constant velocity – it’s Simple Harmonic Motion. Like using a pendulum for sperm production.
on 31 Jul 2009 at 4:58 pm Orwell Pedant

@Schroduck
Maybe 1984RTR, in an attempt to get revenge on SYBers, tracked your IP address and used it to find out your mum’s name, address and job and stole her identity in a convoluted plot to sow internal strife in the homes of those who dare post here.
If I’m right…
on 31 Jul 2009 at 5:29 pm Philbert

I bet poor old Newton’s spinning in his grave*
*at a constant velocity, of course

Spinning can’t have a constant velocity – it’s Simple Harmonic Motion. Like using a pendulum for sperm production.

Doesn’t that depend on whether you’re using a polar or Cartesian coordinate system? You could spin at a constant number of radians per second, couldn’t you?

/(possibly incorrect) pedant
on 31 Jul 2009 at 5:46 pm Ugly Newt

Doesn’t that depend on whether you’re using a polar or Cartesian coordinate system?

Hmm, I hadn’t thought of that. I’ve been out-pedanted. If I’m right. Or if you’re right.
on 31 Jul 2009 at 6:15 pm burnel

Ian Cheese suggests folding paper to make aeroplanes, those were his favourite toys.

I’m off to print out my latest report and throw it out of the window (with my new streamlined aerodynamic design).
on 31 Jul 2009 at 7:21 pm My Foot Hurts.

@ Ugly Newt + Philbert

Yes, I was using polar coordinates*.

Anyway, my understanding is that the radial and angular velocities can be derived from the Cartesian velocity and displacement vectors by decomposing the velocity vector into radial and transverse components.

Well, maybe ‘understanding’ is stretching it a bit. But I think the gist is that (quite by accident) I wasn’t wrong**. Phew!

* Or maybe the other one

** If I’m right
on 01 Aug 2009 at 12:32 am Bit Special AKA La Spesh

I want to hear Manly J Panda’s opinion on this topic. As a member of an endangered species – and one that famously finds it hard to reproduce – I want to know what he sees as the repercussions for his kind re: the whole ‘artificial sperm’ thang .
on 01 Aug 2009 at 11:53 am Paranoid Mandroid

You’d think that a topic such as “What was your favourite childhood toy?” would be difficult to turn into the standard HYS political rant…

You can still get all of those toys today

Fazakerleyite, Liverpool

yes but they’ve been ruined by the EU, the human rights act and the PC brigade. Everything was much better in the olden days.

[Laughingattheracists], livinginabritainofhopenotfear
on 01 Aug 2009 at 12:29 pm Bit Special AKA La Spesh

He’s got a point though – my favourite childhood toy was The Crispy NigNog 5000; the real-action flame-thrower that emitted a burst of searing fire at any non-white person in a 2 mile radius, with ejectable spikes on the sides for putting working women in their place. Available in a variety of popular themes, such as Trumpton, Flumps or The Bay City Rollers.

And can you get it now? Can you? No, you cannot! It’s political correctness AND elfin safety gone mad. MAD, I tells ye!
on 01 Aug 2009 at 1:33 pm Simon

@Paranoid Mandroid and, to a lesser extent, Bit Spesh:

I reckon “[Laughingattheracists]” was taking the piss. Look (s)he’s used semi-colons, commas, apostrophes. All without spelling mistakes.
on 01 Aug 2009 at 1:42 pm Schroduck

Nah, if he was taking the piss, he’d live in “An England (NOT Britain) of Fear (NOT Hope)”.

Besides, he also gave us this choice quote:

Is your broadband up to speed?

Do none of the ISPs realise how extreemely frustrating it is when certain kinds of video stream keep freezing?

SUBTLETY.

More disturbingly, he’s been talking to a certain someone…

What’s in a name?

I prefer Combat 18 myself!!

john Adair, blahyourbranes,naughtystep, Christmas Island

Come off it john, they must be at least Combat Late50s by now.

before you know it your middle aged.
on 01 Aug 2009 at 1:45 pm Bit Special AKA La Spesh

@Simon – yes, I got that he was prolly trying to be sarcastic, but I felt like taking the piss nevertheless
on 02 Aug 2009 at 12:40 am Geezah

No, you did not get it. Neither prolly nor defly. Don’t try to backtrack when you’ve been caught out as a sucker. Filarious as I find this site, I realise that a lot of the comments on its target pages are hoaxes posted by all you cheeky people.
on 02 Aug 2009 at 1:12 am Ed aka Kelvin

@Geezah

No, there really is a tsunami of that much stupidity in the world. Think of this site as a punctured, leaking lifebelt that’s slowly deflating around you as you struggle through the icy Atlantic waters away from the sinking Titanic.

Sleep well.
on 02 Aug 2009 at 1:38 am Bit Special AKA La Spesh

Sorry, Geezah, I forgot that you know the workings of my mind far better than I do.

You are right: I didn’t get the irony in that quote. My comment supports that. I really did have The Crispy NigNog 5000 as a girl – mine was the limited edition Professor Yaffle edition. They don’t make ‘em like they used to, eh?

I apologise for backtracking: I realise now that wasting a few mins of a boring day making a joke inspired by a lame quote for my own jollies was actually a reflection of my pathetic naiveté and lack of intelligence.

I am a loser and I’m glad you’ve helped me see the error of my ways. Oh, what a sorry burden it is. Still, at least I’m not as big a loser as, say, someone who rubs their hands together in glee at thinking they can go ‘HA!’ at someone else who they think has not picked up on something utterly meaningless in the first place and who then tries to rub their nose in it on the interwebs…

Sad. Wouldn’t you agree?

Thanks Kelvin, it’s just that sort of thought that keeps my insomnia so fresh and vibrant.
on 02 Aug 2009 at 2:31 am Ed aka Kelvin BUT NOT ACTUALLY KELVIN UNLESS YOU'RE COMIC BOOK GUY

Geezah, I’d like you to meet Neil Craig. I think you two have a lot in common.
on 02 Aug 2009 at 3:02 am Geezah

Ed aka Kelvin I don’t understand your words so I won’t comment on you.

Bit Special AKA La Spesh I will quote you “I am a loser”. Aren’t you exactly the person you mock?

Ed..etc…GUY I don’t know what this is, but…er…okay.
on 02 Aug 2009 at 3:27 am Ed aka Kelvin BUT NOT ACTUALLY KELVIN UNLESS YOU'RE COMIC BOOK GUY

@Geezah

I can’t believe I’m linking to his website, but… this is Neil Craig “special” spurting: http://a-place-to-stand.blogspot.com/

Just out of curiosity, how did you find “speak you’re Branes”?
on 02 Aug 2009 at 3:28 am Ed aka Kelvin BUT NOT ACTUALLY KELVIN UNLESS YOU'RE COMIC BOOK GUY

Further to that, if you didn’t understand my previous Atlantic-related words, that kind of makes you an iceberg. Ifyergetworrimean.
on 02 Aug 2009 at 6:51 am Chris

Filarious stuff here.
on 02 Aug 2009 at 9:38 am Bit Special AKA La Spesh

@Geezah – erm, no I’m not. Hilarious repetition of lack of irony, though. Bravo.

Sorry, I meant filarious.

@Kelvin – if Jesus existed, he’d be weeping.
To the lifeboats! Women and children first!
on 02 Aug 2009 at 11:54 am Simon

@Schroduck: Nah; he’s taking this piss again.

@Geezah: Lighten up and drop the conspiracy theories. Are yo familiar with the works of Neily C? Do you think “[Laughingattheracists]“ is a nom de guerre for SYB?
on 02 Aug 2009 at 2:34 pm Clovis Sangrail

As the Titanic of sardonic amusement grinds on to the cruel twin icebergs of neil craig and geezah… oh, the filarity. Oh, is that a bit like filariasis? I haven’t had that one yet
on 02 Aug 2009 at 5:33 pm Geezah

Clovis Sangrail, well what a name! You must be a Bond villain? Why would I grind on lettuce? What does that even mean? Is it one of your sexual diversions?
on 02 Aug 2009 at 7:00 pm Clovis Sangrail

No villain, the sleek young Clovis is a hero, as any fule kno. And I’ll keep my sexual diversions to myself
on 02 Aug 2009 at 7:56 pm Simon

Geezah:
I’m sorry, you haven’t a clue.

So I just gave you one (no double entendre intended).
on 02 Aug 2009 at 8:04 pm Simon

2 more clues for you:

Samantha has to nip off to the National Opera where she’s been giving private tuition to the singers. Having seen what she did to the baritone, the director is keen to see what she might to for a tenor.

Samantha is a qualified croupier and often works at an exclusive Soho club where gamblers pay top money to play roulette all day and poker all night.
on 02 Aug 2009 at 10:45 pm Bit Special AKA La Spesh

Both Clovis Sangrails are top dudes. And filarious with it.

PS Icebergs? Lettuce? Was that an attempt at wit? D-.
on 02 Aug 2009 at 10:56 pm Clovis Sangrail

Admittedly, at the moment I feel more like Gabriel Ernest post-metamorphosis. Grrrr…
on 02 Aug 2009 at 11:53 pm Geezah

Look I don’t want to get into an internet arguement about sarcastic lettuce or whatever you’re talking about. Leave me way out of this. Oh yes, in response to Ed aka Kelvin BUT NOT ACTUALLY KELVIN UNLESS YOU’RE COMIC BOOK GUY I found this site by typing “Ed aka Kelvin BUT NOT ACTUALLY KELVIN UNLESS YOU’RE COMIC BOOK GUY is a total loser”!!
on 03 Aug 2009 at 12:00 am Ed aka Kelvin BUT NOT ACTUALLY KELVIN UNLESS YOU'RE COMIC BOOK GUY

Well he certainly showed me. Touche, sir. Touche.

(Rolling eyes)
on 03 Aug 2009 at 12:27 am Geezah

Fizz off.
on 03 Aug 2009 at 12:32 am Pirate Pete

I do find myself feeling slightly discomfited when the members of this fair forum choose to descend into petty name-calling and suchlike.

You see, the main guns of the Cormorant’s Clunge were designed specifically for that purpose, but they are firmly pointed in the direction of Joy of Switzerland, our delightful friend in that seedy comic book store and similar… they are never pointed squarely at our own deck, so to speak.
on 03 Aug 2009 at 1:09 am Simon

To the crew of the Cormorant’s Clunge:
Thread overboard !!
on 03 Aug 2009 at 1:10 am one of the eds (not the one who pretends to be kelvin)

For all those who’ve been caught out as suckers; Geezah is this week’s guest HYSer. He’ll be here all week.

Iceberg lettuces! Ha ha ha!
on 03 Aug 2009 at 1:14 am Clovis Sangrail

@pirate pete – “the main guns of the cormorant’s clunge…” Poetic, very! Cormoront’s clunge should replace ‘cellar door’ as the most euphonious English words.
on 03 Aug 2009 at 1:19 am Ed aka Kelvin BUT NOT ACTUALLY KELVIN UNLESS YOU'RE COMIC BOOK GUY

@Geezah

Fizz off.

Teddy overboard!
on 03 Aug 2009 at 4:07 am Admiral Grovworth, III

Why would I grind on lettuce?

No, my dear sir – you misunderstand. You are the lettuce.

Anyway, I think it is men* upon which you must grind around here – BBC policy. Forrin disabled peedo men, for preference. And sometimes pigs, under certain circumstances. And there’s a dog you might want to watch out for.

*Unless you are one of them girl person types.
on 03 Aug 2009 at 9:48 am Three people who are not quite sure why they are here. One of them has a map but it's upside down. And of the wrong country.

Sorry. We’re lost.
on 03 Aug 2009 at 11:59 am Lettuce

What the hell did I do to deserve that?
on 03 Aug 2009 at 12:44 pm Bit Special AKA Cap'n La Spesh

@Admiral Grov – there’ll be no grinding on ME, thank you very much. Stop it Gobbler, I said no grinding! NO grinding! Bad dog!

PS Geezah is a very disappointing guest twatbasket after the *delights* of 1984RFR and Neil Craig. But I’m on holiday for a second week, so I don’t care, woohoo!
on 03 Aug 2009 at 2:33 pm Lell

I never thought I would say this but “please bring back the blah” the only joy in my working life is lost. Lost I tells ye.
on 03 Aug 2009 at 5:07 pm Mim

What is Geezah actually doing? Is it meant to be comedy or mockery or what? Is he One Of Us pretending to be One Of Them and being deliberately confusingly bad at it? My already questionable sense of reality is crumbling.

Spesh, I hope you were not suggesting that Professor Yaffle was a racist? That would make me very sad.
on 03 Aug 2009 at 5:46 pm Bit Spesh AKA La Spesh

@Mim – I always presumed Professor Yaffle was a filthy Zionist immygrunt…

Those wooden owls, with their spectacles and pedantic ways. Sicken me, so they do.

PS Geezah is similarly confusing me.
on 03 Aug 2009 at 6:14 pm Mim

Now you say that it makes complete sense.

I think Geezah is what happens when the abyss starts looking into us.
on 03 Aug 2009 at 11:24 pm That Bloke in the corner

Personally, I think Geezah is really 1984RTF, trying to play down his middleclass Sainsbury shopperness and attempting to engage in humour. Using his Nome de Plume so we don’t send his long suffering wife txt’s (see I can get down with da kids) at 4.20am. Just thought I would chip in seeing as I have been quiet for a while, and I like La Spesh am on holiday on Thursday, woohoo!!! and shall be gazing out from the Norfolk coastline trying to spot the good ship Cormorants Clunge and hopefully finding a wi-fi hotspot to try and keep up with Geezah and Neilly-however a spot of Joy whilst away would be fantastic.
on 04 Aug 2009 at 1:37 am Pirate Pete

Ah, the Norfolk coast – do you know that the captain of the Cormorant’s Clunge lost his virginity in the fair city of Great Yarmouth, on his first trip to sea? Well, you do now…
on 04 Aug 2009 at 2:25 am Geezah

I don’t have the time to respond all the time! Some of us have hardworking jobs not just students, and we have to work not just write filarious comments which might actually be slander (like calling me racist.)
If any of you actually bothered yourself to go to these websites and listen to the opinions in them you would probably be better off. You can’t even see what’s coming to this country, all you can do is sit there and laugh, when people try and tell you what’s going on.
This is probably what it was like in Poland in 1939…….
on 04 Aug 2009 at 5:32 am Ed aka Kelvin BUT NOT ACTUALLY KELVIN UNLESS YOU'RE COMIC BOOK GUY

We need a formal bingo-card system. From Señor Fucktard here, we have:

* need to be more in touch with the common man
* mutterings about the “coming storm”
* comparisons with 1939
* definitely not a racist
* vague legal threats

By the way, señor: what are your views on people with different skin colour, and on immigrants?
on 04 Aug 2009 at 5:33 am Ed aka Kelvin BUT NOT ACTUALLY KELVIN UNLESS YOU'RE COMIC BOOK GUY

ps: What’s a “hardworking job”? Are you actually Polish?
on 04 Aug 2009 at 6:49 am one of the other eds

He’s got a point though; I myself have several students and no hardworking jobs.

I’m hoping to get a job at the BBC and work towards the Islamification of Britain, just as soon as I’ve honed my homosexual technique a little.
on 04 Aug 2009 at 7:08 am Oaf

Some of us have hardworking jobs not just students, and we have to work not just write filarious comments which might actually be slander (like calling me racist.)

Twat.
on 04 Aug 2009 at 8:11 am one of the other eds

Twat.

You mean racist twat.
on 04 Aug 2009 at 8:32 am That Bloke in the corner

I have a hard working job-I just don’t work very hard when I am there, but I am in touch (ooer missus), and can’t see any comparison to Poland in 1939-I don’t see the massed ranks of German tanks bobbing around in barges off Dover, is Mr Geezah in some form of timewarp?. I like to have a giggle at the twatbasketry that I observe though, and I am sure we have all been guilty of twatbasketry at some stage-just not to the proffesional level of Mr Geezah-to be honest I prefer Neilly, more refined.
on 04 Aug 2009 at 8:36 am That Bloke in the corner

@Pirate Pete, thanks for that nugget of information, so I take it that the Norfolk coast is a great place for a shag? I shall mention this to the wife, and if not forthcoming in that department, I shall toddle off to Gt Yarmouth telling the fair maidens of that town that Pirate Pete sent me-cheers Cap’n
on 04 Aug 2009 at 10:03 am Admiral Grovworth, III

This is probably what it was like in Poland in 1939…….

This site is like Poland in ’39? What, awesome? Or fun? Or do you mean that there are suddenly all these people coming in and being cunts at the locals?
on 04 Aug 2009 at 10:12 am Dr Feelgood

This is probably what it was like in Poland in 1939……

Cheetah is referring to is the aggression shown by the war-mongering Poles to the peaceful peoples of the Reich. Nice piano players though.

PS. It’s libel, not slander.
on 04 Aug 2009 at 10:27 am Bit Special AKA La Spesh

It’s a wind-up, it’s gotta be a wind-up.

Please let it be a wind-up?

He’s right though – people sat at their computers making sarky comments on the internet is EXACTLY the same as what happened in Poland in 1939. EXACTLY THE SAME. It was internet pisstakers that allowed the Nazis to do what they did, as any fule kno.

PS It’s kind of flattering to presume we’re all students. Like when a shop assitant wants to see some ID and you think ‘I can’t look THAT young, surely?’.
on 04 Aug 2009 at 10:29 am alt-f4

You can’t even see what’s coming to this country

What country? Not UK?
on 04 Aug 2009 at 10:43 am alt-f4

Found this hardworking job ad today:

31E – INTERNMENT / RESETTLEMENT SPECIALIST
Description

Internment / Resettlement Specialists in the Army are primarily responsible for day-to-day operations in a military confinement/correctional facility or detention/internment facility.

Some of your duties as an Internment / Resettlement Specialist may include:

Assisting with supervision and management of confinement and detention operations
Providing internal or external security to confinement/corrections facilities or detention/internment facilities
Providing custody, control, supervision
Stuffing jews and other wogs into gas ovens
Preparing or reviewing reports and records of prisoners/internees and programs

1939ReturnsForReal
on 04 Aug 2009 at 11:21 am Sniffle

This is very confusing. Piss take? Not? This is what happens when Post-Modern Irony Goes Wrong.
on 04 Aug 2009 at 1:42 pm spungin imgrunt

I’m rarely tempted to contribute to any message board and I’ve never been tempted to use ‘lol’ before.However, thanks to Geezah, I’m going to have to soil myself publicly:

loL!!!!!!!!11111!!!!!

There you go – I’m not proud, but there you go.
on 04 Aug 2009 at 1:45 pm pigfrottage

Like when a shop assitant wants to see some ID and you think ‘I can’t look THAT young, surely?’.

@Bit Special AKA La Spesh AKA Scrappy Doo

You spelt “assistant” wrong. Hate to break it to you… limit yourself to 30 seconds of self admonishment.
on 04 Aug 2009 at 1:49 pm pigfrottage

@alt-f4

Fantastic gem in the job description:

Stuffing jews and other wogs into gas ovens

Actual loud snortage in the office. Credibility ruined. Never mind.
on 04 Aug 2009 at 2:36 pm Bit Special AKA La Spesh

@pigfrottage – what happened to ‘turn the other cheek’ and ‘love thy neighbour’?

Et Tu Brute?

(I’ve had about 3 hours sleep, I will not admonish self… not even if you meant it in an accidentally suggestive manner)

Aaargh, just discovered TYF’s little brother lurks on here! Hello. I am a model (unmarried) sister-in-law, honest. All these comments were written by people pretending to be me. That’s right. Written by other people. Not me. I am as sweet and feminine as the day is lon… oh bollocks, who am I trying to kid?
on 04 Aug 2009 at 3:09 pm spungin imgrunt

I love that post too much. The idea that the greatest minds in the country come home from their hard working jobs everyday to comment on Have Your Mnuh Mnuh Mnuh, while the students and other lay-abouts (who somehow have the power to change things) are laughing away in their ivory towers not willing see the evil that is approaching.

What’s coming Geezah? please tell us what’s coming for this country Geezah. Show us the light so we may change our silly, complacent, trivial little lives.
on 04 Aug 2009 at 3:14 pm pigfrottage

@Bit Special AKA La Spesh

You misunderstand me. I thought you’d want to know, as you are a stickler for exactitude. I’m glad you weren’t harsh with yourself. I was imaginaing you finding out by yourself and slapping yourself with a frying pan a la Vic ‘n’ Bob.

what happened to ‘turn the other cheek’ and ‘love thy neighbour’?

Rubbish American sitcoms?
on 04 Aug 2009 at 3:15 pm pigfrottage

@Bit Special AKA La Spesh

You misunderstand me. I thought you’d want to know, as you are a stickler for exactitude. I’m glad you weren’t harsh with yourself. I was imagining you finding out by yourself and slapping yourself with a frying pan a la Vic ‘n’ Bob.

what happened to ‘turn the other cheek’ and ‘love thy neighbour’?

Rubbish American sitcoms?
on 04 Aug 2009 at 3:17 pm pigfrottage

hair trigger submit button.

“imaginaing” corrected in the second post.

SLAP! [ouch]
on 04 Aug 2009 at 3:34 pm Bit Special AKA La Spesh

What’s that, pigfrottage? Pride comes before a fall?

Frying pan at the ready…

PS I always want to call you Pigsy, but that’s the bloke out of Monkey.
on 04 Aug 2009 at 4:12 pm Oaf

You spelt “assistant” wrong. Hate to break it to you… limit yourself to 30 seconds of self admonishment.

But she spelled* assitant correctly

* spellded, spelt, spelldificated?
on 04 Aug 2009 at 6:03 pm john Adair's Gerbil

“Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.”

That’s what the Bible says and who am I to argue with the ancient equivelant of the Intertuba?
on 04 Aug 2009 at 7:38 pm That Bloke in the corner

Where’s Geezah gone? Oh forgot, must still be scratting at his hard working job.
on 04 Aug 2009 at 7:45 pm That Bloke in the corner
on 04 Aug 2009 at 7:47 pm That Bloke in the corner

Arse that didn’t work.
Wasn’t funny anyway,hand reaching for coat peg as I type.
on 04 Aug 2009 at 8:03 pm Ed aka Kelvin BUT NOT ACTUALLY KELVIN UNLESS YOU'RE COMIC BOOK GUY

Did anyone notice that Cheetah’s posting was at 2:25am, despite him supposedly having a “hardworking job”?
on 04 Aug 2009 at 8:12 pm That Bloke in the Corner

@Ed aka Kelvin BUT NOT ACTUALLY KELVIN UNLESS YOU’RE COMIC BOOK GUY, that would be on his tea break, and I bet he was using the office computer to post his filarious comments-the Rebel
on 05 Aug 2009 at 12:37 am Geezah

Well I have just finished and I am sorry that some of us have to work until late. Perhaps when you get off the dole or the uni sponging you will have that kind of job too. Probably not, though probably some kind of outreach worker for lesbians.

Oaf “Twat”, ooh very adult.

spungin imgrunt “loL!!!!!!!!11111!!!!!” well you can laugh and that’s fine. You’re probably not a real immigrant (good English for a start!!)but that’s fine. You probably are on the dole and that’s fine oh no wait it’s not. Get a job or you are as bad as the rest.

pigfrottage: “Stuffing jews and other wogs into gas ovens” Well this is disgusting. I don’t know the point you are making with this and I don’t want to know. The point is this is disgusting and the fact that it is still here shows me that the website owners are just trying to make ordinary people look like racist idiots, well no surprise there. That’s the usual thing to do to people who only want FACTS out there.You can read the whole thing here where it shows that Sweden has been over taken immigration. WAKE UP before it’s too late.
http://bnp.org.uk/2009/03/what-muslim-immigration-has-done-to-sweden/
on 05 Aug 2009 at 1:34 am Clovis Sangrail

Yep. Wind up. Subtly, nay, intelligently done. Cheers Geezah, you smart old thing! Anyway, I’m off to the swamps, literal not figurative – see you all when I have another tropical disease.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 1:45 am Simon

Geezah,

Tell me a couple of things Geezah:
When you’ve “dealt with the Muslims”, who’s next? As the BNP are “not racist”, will you clean our streets of a different religion, Hindus perhaps? I know the BNP won’t say a word against the Jews (at the moment), and that this has nothing to do with decency towards your fellow man or even with perceived “Zionist” pressure, but rather with to be seen to be aligning yourself against Muslims. A bit of spin, maybe?

More importantly, Geezah, how will you identify Muslims to enforce your “no fly” and deportation policies? Will everyone have to register their beliefs with a BNP government, starting with the people with funny names? Will people be allowed on planes and to remain in the UK if they renounce their religion?
Will a white UK-born Anglo-Saxon/Celt have to register with a BNP government if they become Muslim? Will such people loose jobs if they work in the public sector? Will you try to deport them? Will they go to prison (or re-education camp) if no country will accept the new convert, and the new convert has no desire to leave the country of their birth? And no Geezah, I don’t have personal issues, but to be a Christian and a Muslim or Atheist is MY choice, not yours, and fuck you if you think otherwise; it everyone’s own personal choice.
The day that you or your ilk tell me what I can believe or not is the day I put I put a spike through you head, dig two graves, one of which will be left empty for the police to find. But, of course, I’ve grossly misrepresented your* point-of-view, and this is all just hyperbole.

* It was not always yours, but was given to you for the measly price of your common decency and soul.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 1:59 am Ed aka Kelvin BUT NOT ACTUALLY KELVIN UNLESS YOU'RE COMIC BOOK GUY

I was going to point out what a prize turd “Geezah” is in citing a BNP page as evidence, but I’ve been beaten to it. So tell us, “Geezah” – how DID you find this site? Or are you actually a wind-up as Clovis says?
on 05 Aug 2009 at 2:30 am Simon

I honestly recommend that everyone actually reads the BNP article. If your children read it, they’ll have a tear in their eye, and say “When do we start bombing?”.

Penultimate thing, Geezah: I hope I haven’t made a complete arse of myself by falling for a prank.

Final thing:

uni sponging

If you somehow survive the spike through your meatcase called a head, and you end up in hospital, are you going to call the doctors/surgeons “spongers”? When you take me to court for GBH or whatever, are you going to call your solicitor “a sponger”? Are you going to call the judge “a sponger”. When you drive to work, do you curse the hundreds of engineers that it took to design and build your car designed with “fucking spongers!!”?
Are you going to call “Alcohol” by a different name as it’s Arabic?
on 05 Aug 2009 at 2:34 am Geezah

Why are you so interested how I found this site is it because you can’t believe people want to hear your insane opinion? All I want to do is wake up the viewers here to realise what is happening to my country and how you are all collaborating in its downfall. Good luck and good night.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 2:35 am Simon

I messed up that last paragraph a bit.

When you drive to work, do you curse the hundreds of engineers that it took to design and build your car with “fucking spongers; every one a fucking lefty Arab-lover!!”?
on 05 Aug 2009 at 2:37 am Simon

C’mon Geezah, answer my questions before to toddle off to bed, which is where I should be (not with Geezah!).
on 05 Aug 2009 at 2:37 am Geezah

Simon: Arabs don’t drink alcohol so you have just realised your ignorance in front of everyone. Like I said before good luck and good night when you can’t have your beers.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 2:52 am Simon

Arabs don’t drink alcohol

Bullshit, I know plenty who do, both here and in Morocco. Now Muslims shouldn’t drink alcohol, or indeed take any chemical that affects the brain, but not all Arabs are Muslim, are they.
Christians shouldn’t fornicate, but some do.
The word “alcohol” is arabic, whether you like it or not; check any decent dictionary.
And don’t give me the “try that in Saudi Arabia” line: No-one likes the Saudis, especially other Arabs and Iranians. They regard them as arrogant, rude, and giveing Arabs a bad name.
Now, are you going to answer my main points, or try to digress onto a side issue.

BTW: Have you ever heard of Temperance Bars?
on 05 Aug 2009 at 2:53 am Simon

Oh, my spelling and punctuation is terrible tonight.

C’mon, why sould I hate my neighbours?
on 05 Aug 2009 at 3:08 am Simon

It’s gone 3am, so I’ll assume Geezah gone to bed. He’ll be back tomorrow, inshallah.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 4:05 am Ed aka Kelvin BUT NOT ACTUALLY KELVIN UNLESS YOU'RE COMIC BOOK GUY

Insh’allah, he will die this day. Jesus wills it!
on 05 Aug 2009 at 8:04 am That Bloke in the Corner

Well, that was good. I think Geezah has shown his true colour there (and it is WHITE), could Geezah really be Nick Griffin? He is so interested in the country waking up etc. I for one am awake, and at work, so no sponging there and shall probably be here for the next 12-13hrs, which I would class as fairly hard working as well.I don’t work in a lesbian outreach project either, so under Mr Geezah’s generalisation of the contributors to this site,I am not fitting his demographic. Given this, is this how Mr Geezah would like the country run? Everybody who fits his sweeping general profile is a spongin immugrunt student and posts on SYB is therefore ripe for deportation,no ifs, no buts as the new world order of Geezah and chums decree it? Pirate Pete, any room on the Cormorants Clunge, I want to beat the knock on the door from the bully boys, time to go now before the country wakes up.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 8:09 am Oaf

Oaf “Twat”, ooh very adult.,/blockquote>

Yes…. Very oafish of me.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 8:10 am Oaf

Monkey Trousers!
on 05 Aug 2009 at 8:11 am Oaf

I want to beat the knock on the door from the bully boys, time to go now before the country wakes up.

What time has the country set its alarm clock for?
on 05 Aug 2009 at 8:16 am My Foot Hurts.

“You’re probably not a real immigrant (good English for a start!!)”

So Geezah, does this mean you are a real immigrunt? After all, your grasp of the basic rules of punctuation seems to be somewhat lacking. Maybe it’s because you went straight to a hardworking job (sic) instead of getting an education first?

And no, I’m not on the dole, and never have been. Yes, I was at uni but now I work hard at my extremely well paid job.

Anyway, back on track, if not on thread: if I’ve got your argument right, it’s that you’re not rascist but you think anyone who’s not British should stay/go back to where they came from. Does this sum it up?

Question for you: my grandad was Irish, and when he came over here in the 1940s looking for work, he and his fellow Micks were condemned in the same way immigrants are today. Should he go back to Ireland?

Should I leave, being not of true blood?

What about my kids?

Frankly, from where I’m sitting (and I’m still half-hoping that this is a wind-up), you are a sadly typical example of a racist.

Incidentally, your comment that Simon is showing his ignorance because “Arabs don’t drink alcohol” is the only genuinely (albeit inadvertently) amusing comment you’ve made (Iceberg lettuces – I mean, come on!).
on 05 Aug 2009 at 8:18 am My Foot Hurts.

Gosh, just realised what a long post that was. And not even funny. Sorry, chaps.

Good job I edited out the potentially libellous bits, or it’d have been even longer…
on 05 Aug 2009 at 8:23 am My Foot Hurts.

Bollocks! Can’t believe I spelled ‘racist’ wrong! Cos I haven’t had my coffee yet…
on 05 Aug 2009 at 8:30 am alt-f4

you end up in hospital, are you going to call the doctors/surgeons “spongers”?

On the NHS? Bunch of bloody freeloaders.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 8:53 am alt-f4

@geezah

I am a real immigrant. Although from your perspective I’d be an emigrant. I should thank you really. The money you pay in taxes is what I spent while I was on the dole (for most the eigthies) and which I (ahem) “borrowed” in order to finance the education I needed to emigrate the fuck away from racist ignorant cunts like you.

Good luck with trying to get me to pay back the student loan you financed, tosser.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 8:54 am pigfrottage

Geezah must be a wind up. There can’t be people who are THAT ignorant who come here, can there?

@Bit Special

Accept these imaginary flowers by means of apology. My sense of humour radar was jammed, as well as my spell checker.

_ _
_{ ‘ }_
{ `.!.` }
‘,_/Y\_,’
{_,_}
|
(\| /)
\| //
|//
\\ |/ //
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

_ _
_{ ‘ }_
{ `.!.` }
‘,_/Y\_,’
{_,_}
|
(\| /)
\| //
|//
\\ |/ //
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
on 05 Aug 2009 at 8:55 am pigfrottage

Flowers broke
on 05 Aug 2009 at 8:56 am pigfrottage

http://images.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=http://image55.webshots.com/555/2/66/92/2325266920078687835oykzZd_ph.jpg&imgrefurl=http://home-and-garden.webshots.com/photo/2325266920078687835oykzZd&usg=__LzInwR9HPUk0ZZY3uRDFLyZTOjE=&h=712&w=800&sz=126&hl=en&start=1&tbnid=AxUxOjjrDKwHaM:&tbnh=127&tbnw=143&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dbuch%2Bof%2Bflowers%26gbv%3D2%26hl%3Den
on 05 Aug 2009 at 9:25 am Admiral Grovworth, III

the website owners are just trying to make ordinary people look like racist idiots

Wrong again, old chap. I believe they are trying to make racist idiots look like racist idiots. You racist idiot.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 9:47 am pigfrottage

I defer to the Admiral. If you don’t believe him, click on the “about” link at the top.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 10:01 am TheViolentMajority

Given that I’m only an occasional poster here I doubt anyone will give a shit as to my thoughts but yet I still feel compelled to Have My Say.

I have just come back from holiday to discover to my horror that we are DISCUSSING ISSUES. This fucktard Geezah is obviously thicker than Rik Waller’s colon, so why in the name of Nick Griffen are we trying to persuade him that racism’s bad, m’kay? Why are logical arguments being constructed in response to his laughable dribbling?

Can’t we just call him a cunt and go back to mercillessly, childishly lampooning his ilk?

I’ll start if I may.

Gezzah, you’re a cunt.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 10:29 am Simon

@TheViolentMajority and probably nearly everyone else: I take your point and will return to proper etiquette soon. I’m just genuinely interested in how the meatheads will “deal with the Muslim problem”: I genuinely want to know whether under their reich, there will be a list of acceptable religious thought with consequenses for the wrong choice.
In the meantime, I’ll second TheViolentMajority’s motion with “There coming to get you, woooooooohoooooooo” and “you are a lionesses lady-bits”. Now I’ll get back to making my spike more pointy, so come round and canvas me.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 10:31 am Simon

lioness’s
Arghhhh!
on 05 Aug 2009 at 10:51 am Bit Special AKA La Spesh

Aw, ta Pigsy, most flattering. TYF is eyeing the link suspiciously

Are we all about making racist idiots look like racist idiots? I think they do that well enough themselves. I just love cunt-mocking and twat-baiting.

(Cunt-mocking sounds wrong. Dread to think what a Google images search would bring up…)

Geezah is either a sublime wind-up or a total wanker. I’m going for the former – he’s just too perfectly cunty to be real.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 11:13 am TheViolentMajority

I went cunt-mocking once in the Highlands. Animal rights activists may say it’s cruel, but it’s part of our culture, what?
on 05 Aug 2009 at 11:47 am Ceannair

Okay VM, you’re in trouble now son!

I’m populating a spreadsheet with very boring data (im ny hardworking non lesbian outreach worker job!).

I’m trying to look professional, but have just snorted a laugh the likes of which would scare people!

My boss thinks I’m either a) skiving or b) mentally ill. Quite frankly she’s probably right on both counts but I’d like to keep that from her a bit longer!!

p.s. Geezah may not have had much in the way of credibility but using “WAKE UP” in capitals would have done for any last shred.

Mind how you go.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 11:48 am Set your faces to stunned

@TheViolentMajority

Hear, hear.

I think Geezer smells of tinks and that his mother dresses him funny.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 11:53 am That Bloke in the Corner

@TheViolentMajority makes a very good point, we have descended into arguing with the twatbaskets and baiting them, but it does produce some great threads.And look at old Neilly, he is very nearly coming round to our way of thinking. Could we be starting a revolution on HYS and starting to get the twatbaskets to become semi normal? But I do also agree-it is more fun to call people like geezah an oozing wallabies flange and a plain old cunt-so I will, geezah you are a twat of the highest order and have no right on this earth than a syphilitic Antelopes dangler
on 05 Aug 2009 at 11:56 am pigfrottage

@ Bit Special

indeed. TYF is a lucky bloke.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 12:18 pm Ed aka Kelvin BUT NOT ACTUALLY KELVIN UNLESS YOU'RE COMIC BOOK GUY

People, this is an example of the kind of thinking we’re dealing with; and how to deal with it:

http://sicksenseofinevitability.blogspot.com/2009/08/racist-chronicles-epistemology.html
on 05 Aug 2009 at 12:21 pm Simon

@BitSpecial:

_.-”"”"”‘.
.;__ `\
/ `\ |
;a/ a `’. _ |
,_ |/_ _) /
{(}`\ \,___. \.’
‘–”-.( \_ _ /
.-\_ _.”-…. ;_
_/ ‘–. \
.”\ _/\ , |
/ \_.’ /’./ ;
\__.’ ‘-./ ‘ /
__/ `\ /
.’ “”"–..__\___/
/ |
| , |
\ ‘;_ /
\ \`’-…-’
\ \ | __
\ \ /—–; ‘.
.–\_.-”\ | \
/ |._______|\ \
\_____,__/ ‘.__|

Now that’s creepy.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 12:22 pm Simon

Balls!
on 05 Aug 2009 at 12:29 pm TheViolentMajority

@ That Bloke in the Corner

I suppose the question before us is do we want to be instruments of social change or puerile, sardonic pisstakers.

I know where I stand.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 12:47 pm dirigible

_
| |
-
on 05 Aug 2009 at 12:49 pm dirigible

nope, pre don’t work.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 12:50 pm dirigible

Embedded nbsp’s survive though, so you could use those. s/ / /
on 05 Aug 2009 at 12:58 pm Dr Feelgood

do you know that the captain of the Cormorant’s Clunge lost his virginity in the fair city of Great Yarmouth, on his first trip to sea?

Pirate Pete – last time I looked seals were the only mammals in the water off the Norfolk coast… is poking pinnipeds’ perineums legal, or were you an abused cabin boy?

Oh and BTW, when some racist cunt shouts “WAKE UP”, it should be recalled that one of Nazis’ fave slogans was “Germany Awake”. There yer go.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 1:15 pm Simon

Try again, one last time:

_.-”"”"”‘.
.;__ `\
/ `\ |
;a/ a `’. _ |
,_ |/_ _) /
{(}`\ \,___. \.’
‘–”-.( \_ _ /
.-\_ _.”-…. ;_
_/ ‘–. \
.”\ _/\ , |
/ \_.’ /’./ ;
\__.’ ‘-./ ‘ /
__/ `\ /
.’ “”"–..__\___/
/ |
| , |
\ ‘;_ /
\ \`’-…-’
\ \ | __
\ \ /—–; ‘.
.–\_.-”\ | \
/ |._______|\ \
\_____,__/ ‘.__|
on 05 Aug 2009 at 1:17 pm Ed aka Kelvin BUT NOT ACTUALLY KELVIN UNLESS YOU'RE COMIC BOOK GUY

Simon,

In god’s name, just take a screen grab (using ctrl-alt-prtscr, then paste in MS Paint or similar) and post the URL!
on 05 Aug 2009 at 1:44 pm That Bloke in the Corner

@TheViolentMajority, can we not be both? I like the idea of being a puerile, sardonic pisstaking instrument of social change, but if I have to choose, I shall be siding with the pisstakers-just call me a HYS dialysis machine.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 1:55 pm History Crow

From the following thread

‘Should the movements of freed violent offenders be restricted?’

Naturally, the HYSers are skipping around their pen with glee at this one!

Added: Wednesday, 5 August, 2009, 11:58 GMT 12:58 UK

It beggars belief that we are releasing prisoners due to lack of spaces. I don’t know why we can’t have one big underground prison, and just keep making it bigger as required. There’s plenty of out of the way places for this, like the North Yorkshire moors, etc, etc.

This will free up land taken by existing prisons for development or other uses, like new hospitals.

Stuff the human rights and health/safety.

Mark, Leigh, Lancs

Recommended by 13 people
on 05 Aug 2009 at 1:55 pm spungin imgrunt

Oh please don’t let that twatty cuntbag be a wind up. I know it’s too perfect to be true, but if it is it’s my first bite from a real brain squirming racist.

Even if it is a wind up, it’s a great demonstration tool to show some of the curious traits and characteristics of the modern day racist. Please add any observations I’ve missed.

1) Thinks nobody, except himself and people who think like him, work hard: He and his mates are the pillars that hold up this crumbling, broken Britain. (By the way, do you wonder what he works hard at until midnight every night? I looked on the internet, Geezah, and found that you test anal dildos. You work that tester so hard all fucking night, you love it don’t you, you filthy boy? Squeeze on it Geezah! Squeeze!)

2) Thinks people from furrin are stupid and lazy and can’t talk proper. (I know plenty of immigrunts with perfect English. I’ve asked them all to correct the sentence “Geezah secretly wants to be raped by an Arab immigrunt while he is dressed as the Queen” and they all did it very well).

3) Thinks he and his friends are the only people who know the FACTS. He doesn’t think these are open to interpretation or more complicated than they first appear. (This is why he enjoys his job at the dildo factory so much – there’s no debate and no way of interpreting a good hard arse fuck. FACT)

4) Thinks he isn’t a racist, even though he quotes the BNP – formerly National Union of Fascists – website. (Personally I think that this is because we are all have “racist = bad” drilled into us from birth, so the typical racist will think “Me = good; therefore Me not racist” without really working out what racist means and measuring it against their own views. But then I suppose there just isn’t the time to think these things through when there is some long hard dildo testing to be done).

5) Thinks he’s a proper grown-up because he doesn’t use puerile language. However, he does indulge in a childish fantasy that the country is on the brink of collapse and he – with his merry band of right thinking soldiers – will save the day.

I know there’s plenty more to be observed here. Anyone care to share their thoughts?

Also, a direct question to the subject: What do your friends at the BNP think of your homosexuality? I have heard they don’t take kindly to people like us.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 2:16 pm That Bloke in the Corner

@spungin imgrunt, a nice analysis and I did enjoy the anal dildo tester job-lol so much that the office are now wondering if I am working or not (the answer is of course.. not)but can we just sum up Mr Geezah in simple terms so he can understand? Racist=Cunt, therefore(are you following this simple thread) Cunt=Geezah. M’lud there is not a jury in the land that would disagree (unless England [Not Britain] has woken up, and then we really are fucked).
on 05 Aug 2009 at 2:18 pm lesbian

where have all the hardworking outreach workers gone? its enough to make me vote bnp
on 05 Aug 2009 at 2:27 pm That Bloke in the Corner

@lesbian, they have all gone off to become hardworking anal dildo testers
on 05 Aug 2009 at 2:35 pm My Foot Hurts.

“There’s plenty of out of the way places for this, like the North Yorkshire moors”

Typical bloody Lancastrian*. Put it in your own National Park, and leave ours alone!

Oh, I forgot, you don’t have one.

* This is not racism, by the way. It’s tradition. I have nothing against Lancastrians. Some of my best friends have visited Lancashire**.

** Haven’t stayed, of course.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 2:53 pm spungin imgrunt

@That Bloke in the Corner. Thanks! You’re right: cunty as charged. I just hope it doesn’t scare the subject off to his angry dreams of sucking off Prince Philip, followed by another day of working that big hard job.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 2:54 pm alt-f4

Stuff the human rights and health/safety.

When MLK made his definitive “I have a dream” speech, he specifically referred to the freedom “to go to jail together”. It was indicative of his brilliance as a thinker and speaker.

To the likes of Mark Liegh Lancs it would be incomprehensible. “Wee! Like, how can you be free if you is in jail? Stupid.”.
Probably best to just print out the speech on some rough paper, roll it up, and tell the cunt it’s an anal dildo.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 3:11 pm lesbian

@That bloke in the corner

fucking queers
on 05 Aug 2009 at 3:17 pm Mim

Geezah is definitely not real but I shall still point out that I am an alcohol-drinking half-Arab with an alcoholic half-Arab brother and an entirely-Arab uncle who owns an actual Arab distillery. In Arabland.

No one who can write coherent sentences is really thick enough to confuse “Arab” and “Muslim” though. Obviously.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 3:22 pm Outraged anus

That’s just typical of this country. Using cunts to test our anal dildos.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 3:23 pm Tony the Tiger

‘Should the movements of freed violent offenders be restricted?’

Is the BBC suggesting that freed violent offenders shouldn’t be allowed to use public toilets? Or that their release should be subject to the permanent insertion of one of Geezah’s anal dildos.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 3:35 pm ligne

Why are logical arguments being constructed in response to his laughable dribbling?

not sure about anyone else, but personally i’m just killing time until someone invents a way of giving him a vindaloo enema over the internet.

a bit off topic, but does anyone know how one gets one of those “lesbian outreach” jobs? it sounds rather…arousing.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 3:46 pm TheViolentMajority

I had a furious lesbian outreach in front of the laptop last night while the missus was at the gym.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 5:37 pm Throbbe

M’lud there is not a jury in the land that would disagree (unless England [Not Britain] has woken up, and then we really are fucked).

Ever done jury service? It’s a bit bloody scary. Sure, there are a few normal people in the room but the baying of the HYS types drowns them out. I genuinely heard the phrase “You’ve only got to look at him to know he’s guilty”. There was me thinking we were supposed to consider evidence and stuff.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 6:10 pm gareth

sorry to digress, but i think we’ve established Geezah is some kind of cunt.

has any ventured on to the “Are you worried about killer robots?” thread? Some proper gems on there, like this:

“most of our everyday electronic gadgets are mini forms of robots. The television remote control buttons when pressed change what the television does. On a lot of digital recorders now the recording starts based on an encoded part of the signal. At present all ‘robotic devices need some form of power suppy be it batteries or mains power. The scary part will be when they can power themselves full on natural resources 24 hours a day then they do not need their batteries changing etc”

Leslie Jarrett, sLOUGH, United Kingdom

So that’s it. When the telly remote figures out how to generate its own power, we’re all fucked.

http://newsforums.bbc.co.uk/nol/thread.jspa?threadID=11380&edition=1&ttl=20090805180056
on 05 Aug 2009 at 8:28 pm That Bloke in the corner

@gareth, my telly control already knows it’s own mind, evry time I tell it to put National Geographic on, it automatically tunes to Red Hot wives, the good lady does not believe me as it never does it for her.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 8:47 pm Not A Sheep, Ireland, not France

“Would I be sitting here writing this garbage if I were getting the best out of life?

Yes. This is as good as it gets.

L A Odicean, Lower Sidcup

Recommended by 3 people”

Words…cannot…describe…
on 05 Aug 2009 at 8:49 pm Not A Sheep, Scotland, not Britain

“I’m here reading this rubbish.

Then commenting on it.

Time to switch the laptop off.

Pablo, Glasgow

Recommended by 3 people”

I’ve thought of a word to describe these people.

Scrods.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 9:28 pm That Bloke in the corner

“Would I be sitting here writing this garbage if I were getting the best out of life?

Yes. This is as good as it gets.

L A Odicean, Lower Sidcup

Recommended by 3 people”

The FACT, that it is recommended by three people is all the more worrying, mind you L A Odicean is a Gibbons scabby minge, this is one of he/she/it’s better comments.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 10:22 pm Bit Special AKA La Spesh

After having a crap day, the attempted pics of flowers (I presumed) and THIS comment:

That’s just typical of this country. Using cunts to test our anal dildos.

made me bellow with laughter like a loon. Cheers, guys

PS Pigsy, you were right: TYF IS a lucky guy:
http://cellar.org/attachment.php?attachmentid=22584&d=1237841881
on 05 Aug 2009 at 10:37 pm Simon

Arghhhhhhh. BeJesus. That reminds me of that nasty Nancy/Nimp site.
on 05 Aug 2009 at 10:41 pm Bit Special AKA La Spesh

What are you trying to say, Simon? I hope you’re not mocking my looks.
on 06 Aug 2009 at 12:37 am Ed aka Kelvin BUT NOT ACTUALLY KELVIN UNLESS YOU'RE COMIC BOOK GUY

So, Spesh… what part of Tennessee are you from?
on 06 Aug 2009 at 8:14 am Admiral Grovworth, III

The most recommended post is what you’d expect:

Nice one BBC. Let’s divert attention away from Nu LieBa’s catastrophic handling of the economy with killer robots, swine flu, any minor event in Africa, etc, etc…

To answer the question though; yes I’m absolutely terrified of killer robots. Fortunately, I haven’t seen one recently.

Lard Aas, Nu Liebaville, Uzbekistan

Recommended by 132 people

But the next few aren’t so bad:

I am not worried at all. I have fashioned a hat from the finest tin foil, which when worn will protect me from these futuristic beasts!!!

g mitchell, kent

Recommended by 74 people

Don’t you think we’re all being a bit robot-ist here. After all killer robots should be brought into the community and shown love and understanding. They should be encouraged to meet their enemies and helped to embrace a common cause. They should be provided with benefits, local authority housing. Just because they’re likely to rip your head of and use it to play volleyball doesn’t make them bad people. Yes they are killers, but they can’t help liking it.

P C Minority, Left wing liberalist

Killer robots… they come over here..take our soldier’s jobs ….

They’ll be claiming benefits next.

NIMBY!!

Dan Roberts

Recommended by 61 people

As long as they also develop robots to prevent other robots from killing us then there should be nothing to worry about.

Unless they develop robots to kill the robots that killing the killer robots. Then I would worry.

Drivel Drivel, Leeds, United Kingdom

Personally I think it’s far too late to stop the robot uprising. So if I’m gonna be murdered in my sleep by robots I may as well earn it, so I’m getting some robot slaves. It’s Roomba mud-wrestling time!
on 06 Aug 2009 at 10:02 am 442

You can read the whole thing here where it shows that Sweden has been over taken immigration.
Geezah

As long as they don’t use the inside lane – dirty foruns.
on 06 Aug 2009 at 11:08 am Bit Special AKA La Speshi

I, for one, welcome our new Robot Overlords, etc., etc.
on 06 Aug 2009 at 11:24 am spungin imgrunt

Wot no Geezah? I was looking forward to reading his reply this morning. Oh well, plenty more fish in the Say.

“Nice one BBC. Let’s divert attention away from Nu LieBa’s catastrophic handling of the economy with killer robots, swine flu, any minor event in Africa, etc, etc…”

I guess that’s a pretty standard sentiment, but it’s brilliant that they think HYS is important enough to ‘divert attention’ towards or away from anything.

It’s such depressing place. All these self important people gushing their angry passions into nothing. Who do they think is listening to them?

Before I found this site, the wall of ignorance and intolerance on sites like the Guardian or HYS really worried me. But now I can see how unrepresentative those ridiculous people are. Thanks!
on 06 Aug 2009 at 11:41 am millie

It’s such depressing place. All these self important people gushing their angry passions into nothing.

I agree. Far better to hang out in a place where self-important people take the piss out of retards and use rude words
on 06 Aug 2009 at 11:54 am pigfrottage

@millie

Rude words indeed. And bad sandwich ideas.

Today’s: bacon and kiwi fruit.
on 06 Aug 2009 at 12:01 pm 442

I think that would have worked better as a post on your blog. But then again no-one would have ever read it. So it would definitely work better as a post on your blog.
on 06 Aug 2009 at 12:02 pm alt-f4

Far better to hang out in a place where self-important people take the piss out of retards and use rude words

Not just using rude words, if you please, but using them with a thorough balls-out rudeness of attitude as well. As described in the alt.syntax.tactical FAQ.

I have to mention the ast faq because I am cited in it for my own contributions on the techniques of balls-out rudeness. But I’m cited under my former nom de plume.

Methinks, says (s)he adopting a self-important tone more becoming of HYS ignorance, that I am not the only erstwhile Usenet “terrorist” hanging out around here.
on 06 Aug 2009 at 12:04 pm Marx & Sparx

Geezah
When the world blows up or armageddon arrives, as you lot think it will. Will you be joining Nick & his chums in Croatia?
http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2007/jul/22/otherparties.oil

I do hope so for two reasons,
1: You, your Furher & his plastic stormtroopers, will leave the rest of us sane folk alone to get on with our lives.
2: I’d pay good money to see the local branch of HČSP turn up & tell you all to ‘fack off back home you durty immigrunts’. Perhaps they’ll give you your own little camp with the rest of the untermenschen?
on 06 Aug 2009 at 12:23 pm TheViolentMajority

I particularly love the very revealing comment “any minor event in Africa” as if the BBC regularly reports on the Harare cheese rolling chanmpionships or what have you.

Bad sandwich idea: haddock and toothpaste.
on 06 Aug 2009 at 12:39 pm millie

@ pigfrottage
bad “breadless sandwich” idea: yogurt with a dollop of marmalade (my breakfast, currently avoiding wheat)

@ alt-f4

ast faq

fnar
on 06 Aug 2009 at 12:47 pm Simon

Bad topping idea: Custard and gravy.
on 06 Aug 2009 at 1:07 pm England, not UK

At 10:59am on 05 Aug 2009, writingsonthewall wrote:

Who complained about my post @ 13? Did I say something to offend the bankers out there?

GOOD – I show no remorse.

May I be sentenced as a traitor to my Government but a warrior for humanity.

I’m picturing WotW sitting at his computer consumed in such a frenzied rage of commenting on BBC blogs that he is unable to recall what he wrote just minutes earlier, as each webpage becomes a blur in front of him. The original subject matter becomes of little significance, all that matters is the writing of revolutionary slogans to inspire others to rise up and defeat the BBC moderators.

You may laugh at him, but I salute him. Godspeed WotW!!
on 06 Aug 2009 at 1:18 pm spungin imgrunt

@millie I prefer to call it self love – it’s much more touching.

Bad sandwich idea: bread.
on 06 Aug 2009 at 1:48 pm spungin imgrunt

By the way, how do you do those quote marks?
on 06 Aug 2009 at 1:51 pm alt-f4

You may laugh at him, but I salute him. Godspeed WotW!!

I picture him sitting at his PC taking time off from his hardworking job to don a viking helmet, play Wagner on his personal stereo, and make iWar for Humanity on corporate websites while the boss isn’t looking.

Give the man a fucking medal.
on 06 Aug 2009 at 1:54 pm My Foot Hurts.

“By the way, how do you do those quote marks?”

Buggered if I know.
on 06 Aug 2009 at 2:06 pm England, not EU

By the way, how do you do those quote marks?

I’ve no idea.
on 06 Aug 2009 at 2:14 pm My Foot Hurts.

Bloody show off…
on 06 Aug 2009 at 2:14 pm King Emily

Bad sandwich idea: tuna and peanut butter.
on 06 Aug 2009 at 2:17 pm spungin imgrunt

That’s the trouble with spending time around smartarses, I’m always found out sooner or later.
on 06 Aug 2009 at 2:44 pm Ugly Newt

Methinks, says (s)he adopting a self-important tone more
becoming of HYS ignorance, that I am not the only erstwhile Usenet
“terrorist” hanging out around here

Yes, I engage in a little usenet shit-stirring too. I’d love to see a
SYB newsgroup (and then nominate posters like 1984RFR for a kook award),
but this would first require there to be a HYS group.
on 06 Aug 2009 at 3:22 pm My Foot Hurts.

blockquote & like this?/blockquote
on 06 Aug 2009 at 3:23 pm My Foot Hurts.

Obviously bloody not.
on 06 Aug 2009 at 3:46 pm My Foot Hurts.

What about this?
on 06 Aug 2009 at 3:46 pm My Foot Hurts.

Hurray!!!
on 06 Aug 2009 at 4:31 pm Sir Reginald Underbanana

Terrible sandwich idea: Edam and bat’s cervix.
on 06 Aug 2009 at 4:55 pm Scrounging Student

Testing
on 06 Aug 2009 at 4:56 pm Scrounging Student

Ah, good.
You use these .
on 06 Aug 2009 at 4:57 pm Scrounging Student

Bollocks!
The pointy brackets.
on 06 Aug 2009 at 5:38 pm spungin imgrunt

is that right?
on 06 Aug 2009 at 5:39 pm spungin imgrunt

Woo! thanks Scrounging Student Hurts My Foot.
on 06 Aug 2009 at 8:41 pm alt-f4

I’d love to see a
SYB newsgroup [...] but this would first require there to be a HYS group.

In days of olde.

In 21st Century we make blog war.
on 12 Aug 2009 at 3:30 pm Oh Shandy

testing
on 12 Aug 2009 at 3:31 pm Oh Shandy

Testing

Nice

"If you love Terrorists so much..
why don't you go live there?"

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spEak You're bRanes

"If you love Terrorists so much.. why don't you go live there?"

215 Responses to “Schoolboy Humour”

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"If you love Terrorists so much..
why don't you go live there?"